Dear Marquis

[stirbird]

Some time ago I started a thread on a popular MySpace BDSM group called "Ask The Master".

This is cool, Marquis! I will enjoy reading it.

 

[Netzach]

From Geoff's link - here you go.

I've seen the list. My slave used the list as his marriage was falling apart.

There's a large gulf between "I think it's ok if you like to put on panties once in a while and it sexually fulfills you, maybe the two of you could compromise" and dealing with a *submissive* or a *dominant* client.

"Oh, you need to be owned and controlled and made to feel helpless more often than not and Mrs. Pervert has no interest whatsoever in controlling you and finds it repulsive. Come to think of it, I'm not so sure you're not totally fucked up...let's examine you to see what trauma could have made you so weird."


Agreed though, on the very basic human urge to do everything you can so at least you can say you did everything you could.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Evening Netzach,

Many of the counsellors, attorneys, financial consultants, etc. listed in the Kink Aware Professionals list live in BDSM/Leather/Alternative lifestyle relationships. They don't just "know about" kink, they live it. I know of many, and have even met a few personally though I have not used their professional services.

People like Dr. Charles Moser, Guy Baldwin, Dr. Gloria Brame, etc...

I can't speak to the experience of your slave, it doesn't sound like it was a very positive one, but I have spoken or corresponded with folks who have had very positive experiences with their therapists and or counsellors. Like any other human relationship, a good working relationship with a counsellor may take some trial and error and patience to find a good match.

It's a tool and an option to be explored. What happens if it is used can be as much dumb luck as good counsel! *grins*

 

[Shankara20]

I've seen the list. My slave used the list as his marriage was falling apart.

There's a large gulf between "I think it's ok if you like to put on panties once in a while and it sexually fulfills you, maybe the two of you could compromise" and dealing with a *submissive* or a *dominant* client.

"Oh, you need to be owned and controlled and made to feel helpless more often than not and Mrs. Pervert has no interest whatsoever in controlling you and finds it repulsive. Come to think of it, I'm not so sure you're not totally fucked up...let's examine you to see what trauma could have made you so weird."


Agreed though, on the very basic human urge to do everything you can so at least you can say you did everything you could.

I am stepping into this conversation without reading posts leading up to this post, so if I am way off base forgive me and just ignore this.

I worked with a therapist while living in San Francisco who was in the BDSM community and there was never a discussion about my sexual preferences - or my undie preference for that matter.

Now that I am back in Kansas I have resisted developing a relationship with a therapist because I have no intention of spending my money training them that my sexuality is not a problem, it is not a pathology regardless of what terms I uses or how the DSM IV-R defines those words.

Come to think of it, now that I have fully embraced my sexuality I am much healthier and don't really need their help - so there! (sorry, got a little carried away there)

 

[Netzach]

Evening Netzach,

Many of the counsellors, attorneys, financial consultants, etc. listed in the Kink Aware Professionals list live in BDSM/Leather/Alternative lifestyle relationships. They don't just "know about" kink, they live it. I know of many, and have even met a few personally though I have not used their professional services.

People like Dr. Charles Moser, Guy Baldwin, Dr. Gloria Brame, etc...

I can't speak to the experience of your slave, it doesn't sound like it was a very positive one, but I have spoken or corresponded with folks who have had very positive experiences with their therapists and or counsellors. Like any other human relationship, a good working relationship with a counsellor may take some trial and error and patience to find a good match.

It's a tool and an option to be explored. What happens if it is used can be as much dumb luck as good counsel! *grins*

Geoff, I'm not saying "oh the list sucks" I'm just saying that everyone on it is kink-sympathetic and not hostile to kink as the minimum for inclusion- not everyone on it is going to "grok" D/s - nor should they have to -- but the difference is night and day at times and it's an unfortunately small handful of people we're talking about.

In my city I think there's one person on the list who *really* gets it and there are reasons I might not go to him (#1 has to do with insurance)

Finding a shrink who's not hostile is hard, finding a shrink who understands it fully is harder and finding one of the above you like for other reasons also is even harder than finding a good sub.

Add to the mix that perhaps there really isn't anything *wrong* with you besides being stuck in a relationship where there's complete sexual incompatibility (usually an indicator of larger global incompatibility) Again, not every two people are a good idea together if you just apply therapy and communication.

 

[Netzach]

I worked with a therapist while living in San Francisco who was in the BDSM community and there was never a discussion about my sexual preferences - or my undie preference for that matter.

Now that I am back in Kansas I have resisted developing a relationship with a therapist because I have no intention of spending my money training them that my sexuality is not a problem, it is not a pathology regardless of what terms I uses or how the DSM IV-R defines those words.

Come to think of it, now that I have fully embraced my sexuality I am much healthier and don't really need their help - so there! (sorry, got a little carried away there)

In my slave's case it was therapy with his now ex so I think the subjects came up regardless.

I'm also very gun shy about therapy. I've done cognitive, up to the point where I was told I must be very angry. "Well, yeah, but not like you think" I decided and that was that.

I'd actually like to see someone at times, but when people talk about your profession in terms of "harm reduction" and "rehabilitation" you know you're off on an educational foot. Meh.

Curtailing the hijack and bringing it back to useful - the therapy community still has a long way to go. Proceed carefully and thicken your skin if you go that route.

 

[myinnerslut]

im jumping in on the end of this so forgive me

as some of you know, im bipolar and have been seeing a therapist for years becuase of it. we have gotten close and i wouldnt consider changing her for just this reason, but the one time i brought up the topic of BDSM (not that i was involved, but just the topic) she said "that whips and chains thing isnt healthy". that was that. i never brought it up again. how frustrating.

 

[Marquis]

The only therapist I ever really connected with, I told about my BDSM proclivities and she didn't seem to think it was a big deal.

 

[myinnerslut]

The only therapist I ever really connected with, I told about my BDSM proclivities and she didn't seem to think it was a big deal.

im envious. i wish i could share that with her, but in this case it just cannot happen.

 

[Netzach]

im jumping in on the end of this so forgive me

as some of you know, im bipolar and have been seeing a therapist for years becuase of it. we have gotten close and i wouldnt consider changing her for just this reason, but the one time i brought up the topic of BDSM (not that i was involved, but just the topic) she said "that whips and chains thing isnt healthy". that was that. i never brought it up again. how frustrating.

Super frustrating, you find someone really helpful and good and then you have to be in the closet to get the benefit.

 

[_prudence_]

Haven't read it yet, but will.

Just had to say I never had you down as a "Lawrence".

 

[FurryFury]

Now that I've had and taken the time to read through it, I must say something.

That's a great thread you have there!

I enjoyed it.

Fury

 

[Marquis]

Now that I've had and taken the time to read through it, I must say something.

That's a great thread you have there!

I enjoyed it.

Fury

Thanks Fury!