Desultory and Impulsive

[y=mx+b]

I wish it were

As we would be
That much closer
To being together

Again.

 

[y=mx+b]

New page.

New photo.

Wish i had something to say
To say something
That spoke to you.

 

[y=mx+b]

So...

After all these years of not bothering with ever so much as even visiting Instagram
I caved and created an account

Now... before I get to why I am posting get this post I must comment on the stupidest goddamn social media movement ever fucking thought of in the whole entirety of the whole fucking goddamn Internet

That movement being #freethenipple or whateverthefuck seemingly --from my understanding anyway-- brought about by the rules and regulations and whatnots established by aforementioned website and it's daddybastard Facebook.

Now... I have no issue with the movement in terms of how it touts itself as being. That being the freedom to go braless or shirtless if one so choose. Yes I say this as a guy that's really into naked chicks. But I also say this because I genuinely believe that if it's hot as fuck out and a woman wants to sit in the park reading or knitting or watching their dog piss on trees or a combination thereof in addition to whatever it is that you women do in public parks and environments... fine. No double-standard here.

The issue I have with the movement so far as a protest or whatever against Instagram, Facebook. Etal... is that it's nothing more than a bunch of pissy-ass Kardashianians all in a thither because the most popular social photo networking sites... golly-fucking-gee... has a fucking rules.

If only there were other similar websites on the Internet were they could go and express them so free of such oppression

Jesus fuckmylifeohwaityoualreadydid.


Anyway I got an account with 8 or so pics on it that you've already seen so don't feel as though you are missing out.

I got it listed as private and clearly say in a more or less kind of way... here be my more adult photos. In short... partial male nudity. You have been warned.

In spite of this... I've been getting a few Facebook friends requesting to be my Instagram friend. As in guys I used to work with have gone to high-school with Who are neither gay nor bi or all that artistically inclined to appreciate my work and I'm kind of at an impass

Do I ignore their request
Or do I say fuck it, friend them knowing they probably just saw my name and went "oh hey! Here's another number to add to my felt sense of popularity count!"?

 

[y=mx+b]

Was standing in line at IKEA

...you know, the one by the MoA?

Anyway I was standing there without so much a thought in my head
When out of nowhere... I got one.

I wonder if anyone here has read my thread. Or at least seen it.

Correct or not I concluded no one there has and it kinda made me feel good in this weird sort of sense

Good in that I'm glad to be able to go to IKEA and not be bothered. Not that any of this bullshit is worth your time to be all like "Holy FUCK! That overblown freak fuck guy shops at IKEA! Is that his wife? Really? I kinda pictured he'd be married to this Morticia Addams broad into self mutilation and rat rods. Fuck... she's so... so... normal. Wait... he's the freak. Maybe she's got his cock caged or something. Why is he at IKEA? Why is he in Minnesota? I wonder if my mom would mind if I step out of line for a second so he can carve his initials across my chest with his knife? He's always got his knife on him doesn't he? Wait... what if... what if my MOM follows his thread? Omg no! He's not as muscular as I imagined. I mean he is... but I was thinking more 'daddy' muscular and bulky. Did I just see mom glance over? I better not have. God I hate her some times..."

Or anything like that


But more in the sense of "God there's a lot of people in the world. And not one here gives a fuck about me in anyway at the moment and I kinda like it.

 

[y=mx+b]

Sorry if this is tmi
But my hands are simply too rough
To masturbate like that for that long.

From here-on-out; if I'm not done within 5 minutes, I'm still done for the day.

 

[LizzieEr]

New photo.

Wish i had something to say
To say something
That spoke to you.

Maybe its your camera, maybe its your eye... at the end of the day, paired with your words, your thread is like no other. And that makes it special.
Making it simple (per rant in a previous post), I like this picture a lot.

 

[jezzilee]

Lotion. There are even some with manly scents. Just do it a lot, you will be amazed and probably be able to masturbate for hours on end.

 

[y=mx+b]

Somewhere.

Somewhere
There is nothing
Where you can't be
And I can sit with nothing
Without having to feel it
Or share it

Because it isn't there

And I am alone
Without feeling as though I am
And there is no sense of falling

Just a calmness

A calmness
Like when I am with you



A warm body of water



Isolated

Between somewhere
And
Somewhere else

Places full of static noise
And obligation
And family



Somewhere
I am there

Alone

With you
Swimming naked

Safe
In the darkness

Between
The stars of my heart.

 

[y=mx+b]

Dear women

Stop using wallpaper.

Unless they are a woman themselves, do NOT listen to what your favorite homosexual home interior decorator says. They don't love you and are only capable of seeing what's FABULOUS! one week at a time.

I know it's pretty and there's all sorts of pretty patterns and the possibility are endless and by-and-large it's much easier to cover "unsightly" walls than sanding down joint compound, priming, and painting. But guess what? You are then fucking stuck with it. In 10 years that pretty pattern is outdated and sooner than later seams start showing. And then the shit's gotta come down. Sure you can just wallpaper over it but I hate to break it to you. It doesn't work. It doesn't

So fucking stop it.

Have the thought. Picture just how lovely the room would look. Then let it go.

 

[jezzilee]

Stop using wallpaper.

Unless they are a woman themselves, do NOT listen to what your favorite homosexual home interior decorator says. They don't love you and are only capable of seeing what's FABULOUS! one week at a time.

I know it's pretty and there's all sorts of pretty patterns and the possibility are endless and by-and-large it's much easier to cover "unsightly" walls than sanding down joint compound, priming, and painting. But guess what? You are then fucking stuck with it. In 10 years that pretty pattern is outdated and sooner than later seams start showing. And then the shit's gotta come down. Sure you can just wallpaper over it but I hate to break it to you. It doesn't work. It doesn't

So fucking stop it.

Have the thought. Picture just how lovely the room would look. Then let it go.

As a person that does property preservation for a living, I agree with this post. Also... do NOT put a lazy susan in the corner cabinet of your kitchen unless you plan on cleaning it every other day... the gunk I find under and behind and yes on the plastic turny thing in even the cleanest of houses does my head in.

One more thing. NO CARPET! Hardwood floors.

Just sayin'.

 

[y=mx+b]

That's another thing I need to rip out of this place!

Fucking carpet.

 

[jezzilee]

That's another thing I need to rip out of this place!

Fucking carpet.

I knew I liked you...

 

[y=mx+b]

I knew I liked you...

Gimme time. I'll fuck-up at some point.

 

[jezzilee]

Gimme time. I'll fuck-up at some point.

Nah, that is my job!

On a serious note. Sometimes I read your words and wonder, is he serious? Is he looking for reactions? Is he posting from an asylum somewhere ( ) Is he full of shit? Is he bearing his soul? I don't know you from Adam. I don't pretend to know the person behind the words. I don't subscribe to threads. I did this one. As others have said, your words have an affect. Effect? I hate those two words, and yes, I know their rules. But I digress, I do that a lot.

 

[y=mx+b]

Nah, that is my job!

On a serious note. Sometimes I read your words and wonder, is he serious? Is he looking for reactions? Is he posting from an asylum somewhere ( ) Is he full of shit? Is he bearing his soul? I don't know you from Adam. I don't pretend to know the person behind the words. I don't subscribe to threads. I did this one. As others have said, your words have an affect. Effect? I hate those two words, and yes, I know their rules. But I digress, I do that a lot.

I thought long and hard as to whether or not I wanted to reply to the questions and ponderings of this post. And if I did, how do I go about doing it? And when I get to doing it, how do I go about staying on topic?

I'll do what I can to be as straight forward as possible.

Admittedly? Sometimes I read my words and I think--did I write that? Not so much about my rants because I know I wrote all that dumb-ass embarrassing shit. But rather I think that about some of the prose/poetry shit that I write. I mean, what I know of myself it doesn't make any sense that I should be able to. But I am and it's one of those things about me that I do not like.

Why so? You ask?
Because I am serious. Straight-up deadfuckingserious.
Not only that whatever it is that I am writing is happening inside my head
And I hate it so fucking much because it's all so fucking real that I love it.

Am I looking for a reaction? No. Not really. Acknowledgement one way or the other is nice. But even then...

I don't know. I mean... I'm not looking to piss people off, or make anyone feel sorry for me, or have fall in love with me, or simply want to fuck me. Shit... I'm not even looking to turn anyone on. Not anymore anyway.

Am I posting from an asylum?

Sometimes I think it would be best if I were. Yes some of all of this is catharsis in real-time. A lot of it isn't.

I do struggle with emotions
I do struggle with depression and isolation and hurting those that have come to care about me
I am on medication
I did have to participate in an intensive outpatient therapy program
I do on occasion feel compelled to harm myself
I have felt my wife place her hand on center of my back when she thought I was sleeping out of concern
I have blown out my shoulder lifting more than I should more often than I should

Am I full of shit? Sometimes I wish I were. Sometimes I wish I wasn't.

Am I bearing my soul? Yes.

 

[y=mx+b]

This.

 

[jezzilee]

I hope you know I meant no offense in my post. Most was tongue in cheek. I am sure you could probably discern the portions in which i am being cheeky and where I am being serious.

What draws me to this thread is the brutal honesty. I am actually kind of jealous that you are able to share so much. I hide every feeling that is not a positive one. Smile through the tears so to speak. I love spreading positivity. Everyone who knows me offline? They either call me Tee or smiley. I think I am afraid to let the darkness out because on the rare occasions I give it voice it is all consuming and exhausts me.

 

[y=mx+b]

Not offended at all.

Fuck. I hide most of much of everything in my everyday life myself.

Truth be told? Very few... fuck I can't think of one person in my immediate everyday life that knows I write... let alone write the shit you people get to read.

And i kinda like it like that.

Sometimes I really don't because... because i dont know why.

Whatever. I don't want to think about it.

 

[y=mx+b]

She felt like pornography against my skin.

 

[LizzieEr]

Somewhere
There is nothing
Where you can't be
And I can sit with nothing
Without having to feel it
Or share it

Because it isn't there

And I am alone
Without feeling as though I am
And there is no sense of falling

Just a calmness

A calmness
Like when I am with you



A warm body of water



Isolated

Between somewhere
And
Somewhere else

Places full of static noise
And obligation
And family



Somewhere
I am there

Alone

With you
Swimming naked

Safe
In the darkness

Between
The stars of my heart.

I had such a moment two days ago. I have nothing to say about it and that was wonderful...
Much like this post.

 

[TheOlderGuy]

I had such a moment two days ago. I have nothing to say about it and that was wonderful...
Much like this post.

So glad the someone took your breath away.

 

[y=mx+b]

I will be bathing by candlelight.

Because I am masculine enough
To get away with it.

 

[jezzilee]

I will be bathing by candlelight.

Because I am masculine enough
To get away with it.

Will there be bubbles?

 

[y=mx+b]

Why wouldn't there be?

They actually kinda got out of hand. Had to shut the jets down

 

[Interested_Girl]

Good call!




I say that as if I were familiar with the poem
And up until a quick google and skimming of a wiki page I hadn't been.

And while I am being honest... I cannot be credited with the pairing of Neruda with the image.
This all was something I found on Facebook while surfing some of the pages I like.

I am a fraud people.
A liar.

Not one of you should fancy me.
And for all your own sakes
I hope that you do not.

And while I am on the subject of "you" and "people"
I wish to discuss an observation I made quite some time ago inside my head
Which only came to light not to long ago.

I mean not to out anyone in particular as having become anyone I've come to know anything about. Because I haven't. But I will gladly imply that I did only to serve as proof that I know what I am talking about. Which by now, you all should have caught on because the observation I made recently long ago up until now is that a huge majority of you people that have given me somewhat of a notion that I might be an individual worth any effort to fancy--are incredibly intelligent.

Like absurdly intelligent
And in the event that my observation is erroneous in nature --to which there always stands a chance-- and the bulk of you are dumb as fuck--you all are impossibly well read dumb fuckers.

Why this strikes me so fascinating
Has been a revisited topic of discussion I used to have with my therapist

You see... I am by-and-large not particularly intelligent and not remotely well read. A fact I have been continually (inadvertently and unintentionally) reminded of all throughout my life. A fact that has been well documented in the form of grade-point-averages, professional growth, and a bunch of other shit I fail to rise above the below-average benchmark.

And yet here is you all are talkted at me. Making me feel as if I am more than I really am. And being rather successful at it too.

Up until I find myself in a situation reminding me that I am not.


This is where I wish to explain to those of you that come to feel spurned time to time (perhaps everytime) because I do not reply to your post. Fact of the matter is... I don't fucking know how.

It fucking BLOWS to feel as though you have not been heard... that you've been ignored. And right now I am feeling compelled to single out one particular individual that has been orbiting me for sometime now and not been given so much the time of day. Wife of Bath... I see you. The things you've posted cut me the fuck open. As one that is not well read, the excerts I am pretty sure you pull directly out of what I imagine to be a card catalog of everything you have ever read and no doubt will retain and just as easily reference again clear as fucking day on your 98th birthday--are deeply appreciatedo

Which reminds me of another interesting little --strikingly painful-- fact about myself. It is a serious struggle to remember anything that I have written myself. Even the pretty good shit.

And I think that's what makes it all so fucked up painfully difficult. Being told that you are good but unable to understand how or why because you can't fucking recall anything you have ever done. It's fucking bullshit.



This is where I tell you I should have just went back to bed to let this all keep me awake instead of the veiled regret of having posted it.

All well.

Here's to an hour or so of hating myself until I fall back asleep. Awesome.

Educate ones self on greatness.