Do 18-24 year olds have sex any more

[MelissaBaby]

It's not cheaper today. Both text and talk are unlimited - it's the mobile data which is metered now.

And calling uses more data than texting, hence it is, in a real sense, more expensive.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Probably a mistake wading in here, but Jason Pargin, under his David Wong pseudonym, wrote an article for Cracked back in 2012 called "6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You A Better Person" that is worth reading for anyone wondering why they're having difficulties attracting a date. He's writing as a man for a mostly male audience interested in figuring out their relationship woes, but it's worth reading if you're a woman, just to get a handle on how an awful lot of men approach reality, and why they do so the way that they do.

If you don't want to read the whole thing, then just focus on point 4: "What you produce does not have to make money, but it has to benefit people." This is where he talks about "nice guys" and the problems they face, why it seems they never get anywhere. As he puts it, "Don't say that you're a nice guy -- that's the bare minimum. Pretty girls have guys being nice to them 36 times a day. [. . .] Does that break your heart? OK, so now what? [. . .] It's up to you, but don't complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. [. . .] Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick."

Basically, people want partners who are interesting, not just kind, who have passions about doing things beyond just existing. You can be the nicest, kindest person in the world, but there's someone else out there who is just as nice and who knows how to play the guitar, or is practicing creative writing, or works in animal welfare, or is studying to become a surgeon. There isn't any trick to getting into someone else's pants (unless you're a sociopath). You can't make someone interested in you, but you can make yourself into someone more interesting, and that should the point.

This article is probably good advice for someone out there. The person who has the same problems that this writer had earlier in their life. It also falls into the trap of implying that anyone who is struggling with dating must be lazy, unfocused or boring in the other aspects of their life. That just isn't always the case. I play the guitar, or at least the bass and at least I did when I was eighteen. I sucked, but I also know people who very much didn't suck who were also not particularly successful with dating.

The bit of the article that stood out to me was this:

Because that's the step that gets skipped -- it's always "How can I get a job?" and not "How can I become the type of person employers want?" It's "How can I get pretty girls to like me?" instead of "How can I become the type of person that pretty girls like?" See, because that second one could very well require giving up many of your favorite hobbies and paying more attention to your appearance, and God knows what else. You might even have to changeyour personality.

Again, it's assuming that people aren't already doing some variation of this. If you are 18-24 and maybe going to university or having your first real job then you are constantly exposed to new experiences. Nearly everything I did at university could be plotted on a graph with x - how much I actually enjoy it and y - how likely there are to be girls there. Playing table football with the lads - no girls, great fun. Going to a French Society even - no interest at all but likely to be girls (and in fairness also good cheese). Learning a new language at evening classes - Interesting and some possibly some chance of female students. Everything becomes a calculation. And it helps a hell of a lot if on that graph the things you like and are good at are also the things that make you the type of person that pretty girls like. And for the three years of university I gave up video games more or less completely because I realized it wasn't the best way to make use of the university experience. But, alas...

Is it possible to change your personality? Well, everyone matures. I kind of did when I completely changed careers and countries in my late twenties. I got sick of staring at a computer screen for eight hours a day and went and did something completely different that involved actually working with and communicating with other people. Shortly after that I met my wife, so it did have a fairly direct effect, but it also meant substantially damaging my career potential in a way that I've never quite recovered from. Worth it for love, as it turned out, but not something I could necessarily recommend to other people.

 

[Britva415]

And calling uses more data than texting, hence it is, in a real sense, more expensive.

Maybe to the service provider, but not to the subscriber, though.

Unlimited voice, unlimited texts, limited internet data, is what I was talking about. Kind of a standard mobile plan in 2025.

I did see what you said about low-income people buying cheap non-smart phones and buying minutes as they go, but I'm not sure that this accounts for the phenomenon we're talking about. I don't think it's enough people to set the trend.

 

[MrHereWriting]

Amateurs....

 

[madelinemasoch]

As an 18-24 year old, the answer to the question is actually yes, we do have sex.

Not sure how or why the “bad boy” trope and “what women want” discourse started on a thread with a question more about ages than gender.

Women are human beings and human beings can surprise you.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Maybe to the service provider, but not to the subscriber, though.

Unlimited voice, unlimited texts, limited internet data, is what I was talking about. Kind of a standard mobile plan in 2025.

I did see what you said about low-income people buying cheap non-smart phones and buying minutes as they go, but I'm not sure that this accounts for the phenomenon we're talking about. I don't think it's enough people to set the trend.

To get a mobile plan you need a credit card. People who don't have a credit card buy data by the batch. One phone call can equal hundreds of texts. As soon as it's used up, they buy another batch.So it definitely costs them more to make calls.

Once people get in the habit of texting rather than calling, they continue doing so. It spreads like a virus, as their friends, who may have subscription plans, text back.

I'm sure there is much more to it than that, but I think we ought to at least recognize that people make rational decisions based on their circumstances, rather than thinking, "Kids just be weird these days."

 

[Britva415]

I think we ought to at least recognize that people make rational decisions based on their circumstances, rather than thinking, "Kids just be weird these days."

True - especially since I don't think it's just the kids.

 

[FrancesScott]

rather than thinking, "Kids just be weird these days."

This is a great summary of much of this thread…

 

[stickygirl]

This article is probably good advice for someone out there. The person who has the same problems that this writer had earlier in their life. It also falls into the trap of implying that anyone who is struggling with dating must be lazy, unfocused or boring in the other aspects of their life. That just isn't always the case. I play the guitar, or at least the bass and at least I did when I was eighteen. I sucked, but I also know people who very much didn't suck who were also not particularly successful with dating.

The bit of the article that stood out to me was this:

Again, it's assuming that people aren't already doing some variation of this. If you are 18-24 and maybe going to university or having your first real job then you are constantly exposed to new experiences. Nearly everything I did at university could be plotted on a graph with x - how much I actually enjoy it and y - how likely there are to be girls there. Playing table football with the lads - no girls, great fun. Going to a French Society even - no interest at all but likely to be girls (and in fairness also good cheese). Learning a new language at evening classes - Interesting and some possibly some chance of female students. Everything becomes a calculation. And it helps a hell of a lot if on that graph the things you like and are good at are also the things that make you the type of person that pretty girls like. And for the three years of university I gave up video games more or less completely because I realized it wasn't the best way to make use of the university experience. But, alas...

Is it possible to change your personality? Well, everyone matures. I kind of did when I completely changed careers and countries in my late twenties. I got sick of staring at a computer screen for eight hours a day and went and did something completely different that involved actually working with and communicating with other people. Shortly after that I met my wife, so it did have a fairly direct effect, but it also meant substantially damaging my career potential in a way that I've never quite recovered from. Worth it for love, as it turned out, but not something I could necessarily recommend to other people.

Wow! I’d forgotten how calculating guys can be: not exactly stalking but defo checking out the bushes. There’s no need to change - just have genuine interests other than drawing bar charts of likely target areas.
Maybe I missed the irony here?

 

[stickygirl]

This is a great summary of much of this thread…

Hurray for kids being weird- baffling adults is their job!

 

[old_prof]

Hurray for kids being weird- baffling adults is their job!

I always thought each generation did a good job of seeing a different, brighter future than the previous one. This generation is not doing that -- I don't blame them, I blame us (speaking as a boomer). We screwed things up so badly. My father, who grew up through the depression and WWII, feels the same way about this generation. It is unlike anything he has seen in that way.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

To get a mobile plan you need a credit card. People who don't have a credit card buy data by the batch. One phone call can equal hundreds of texts. As soon as it's used up, they buy another batch.So it definitely costs them more to make calls.

Once people get in the habit of texting rather than calling, they continue doing so. It spreads like a virus, as their friends, who may have subscription plans, text back.

I'm sure there is much more to it than that, but I think we ought to at least recognize that people make rational decisions based on their circumstances, rather than thinking, "Kids just be weird these days."

If your theory were true then poor people would exhibit different behaviors than rich people.
I see no evidence that that is the case.
The majority of my friends in HS and College were on some variation of unlimited plans that their parents were paying for. They all still predominantly texted. It's not a socioeconomic issue.
It's simply quicker and more convenient to text. Phone calls largely replaced letters for the same reason. Nothing weird about it.

Also, Mint Mobile and other discount services don't require a credit card.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Wow! I’d forgotten how calculating guys can be: not exactly stalking but defo checking out the bushes. There’s no need to change - just have genuine interests other than drawing bar charts of likely target areas.
Maybe I missed the irony here?

But if you are getting not a whiff of romantic interest then there clearly is a need to change. And women tend to really want men who are 'naturally attractive in looks, personality and interests' rather than faking one or more of the above and are not really that keen on 'I'm really into video games but I'm trying out salsa dancing tonight because I actually want to be in the presence of a woman for once' or 'I'm trying to expand my social circle because literally none of the X single women who are in it are currently attracted to me' That's cynical, but once you acknowledge a need for change, because year-on-year, nothing is happening naturally, then you do, in fact, need to calculate how big a change it is going to be necessary.

At this point, you might object that the problem with such calculation that is that women like to be 'courted' by men who think they are special in some way. Well, guess what? Most lonely men actually want exactly the same thing. I spent most of my twenties desperate to find someone, anyone, who thought I was worth bothering with. For example, as I recall, the specific French society example was very much a case of 'Well, I'm going to be screwed if anyone actually wants to talk about France, but, hey, maybe my soulmate is called Colette and is going to be charmed by my attempts at conversation in C-Grade GCSE French...hmmm...it doesn't seem likely but then just putting myself in the presence of loud music and large amounts of alcohol hasn't worked any of the previous ten weekends, so let's give it a shot.'

I don't like going out and socializing. Now that I'm married, I almost never do it. I never really liked it that much when I was young. I don't actually want or need a large social circle. But there is a damned if you do, damned if you don't aspect to it. Stay home and you'll be mocked for expecting the woman to come knocking on your door. Go out and you'll be mocked for being predatory. No, no, say the women, we want you to 'naturally' be all the things and be in all the places we are. But that never was 'naturally' me.

 

[Sexysally1234]

As an 18-24 year old, the answer to the question is actually yes, we do have sex.

Not sure how or why the “bad boy” trope and “what women want” discourse started on a thread with a question more about ages than gender.

Women are human beings and human beings can surprise you.

yes of course we do

 

[Bigbobnc]

yes of course we do

Mmmmmmm

 

[old_prof]

yes of course we do

I am sure it still happens and this oldster is happy about that.

I teach college and the studentsI see are much less active than my generation was, at least from what I see. And don't underestimate how much we professors know about the students.

But I came of age in the sweet spot after the pill and before Aids (I was in my second marriage when I first knew what Aids was). And I think it was a much more optimistic time. (Although we were terrified of WWIII ending it all, if we just avoided that, life would be good.)

I have always looked askance at the "Kids were different in my day" mindset. But I do feel like I have seen a real difference in this generation. I think both Covid and smartphones have had an impact on their socialization. Maybe I am finally just getting that old.

 

[EmilyMiller]

New Yorker article I ran into today, (here) claiming that the current 18-24 year old cohort is having far less sex than earlier generations. Not sure how many youngsters like that are on here. Does this ring true to you?

It’s a handful of years ago now, but I had a wider variety of sexual experiences between 18 and 24 (well maybe more 19 - 25) than at any other point in my life.

 

[old_prof]

It’s a handful of years ago now, but I had a wider variety of sexual experiences between 18 and 24 (well maybe more 19 - 25) than at any other point in my life.

I think many of us did, regardless of generation. That is kind of the time of life for that. Of course, I got married twice in those years. Still happily married to the second one, all these decades later.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I think many of us did, regardless of generation. That is kind of the time of life for that. Of course, I got married twice in those years. Still happily married to the second one, all these decades later.

COVID clearly compromised those a few years younger than me, maybe that’s the issue. And it had a well-documented impact on mental health, which is ongoing. [please not this is not a retrospective whine about restrictions, too many people died even with the restrictions we had in place]

 

[Kelliezgirl]

It's odd how we have people simultaneously bemoaning "hook up culture" and asking if those youngsters have sex anymore.

 

[FrancesScott]

It's odd how we have people simultaneously bemoaning "hook up culture" and asking if those youngsters have sex anymore.

Sex is only ever wrong when it’s other people you are complaining about. And it’s seems many suppress their memories of being younger.

 

[TiberiusPrime]

I'm in my 60s right now and before lockdown, I was having a lot of sex with ladies in their lower 20s. (My wife and I have an open marriage.) The odd thing was is that they chased after me. I certainly never complained about it.

 

[HBuff]

Look, I walk between my home and the office and constantly run into young couples or groups of young folks who double date. Some of them enjoyed a chat with me. I remember talking about a malt shop I really enjoyed going to with my steady date during my wayback younger years. Maybe they're having less sex than thirty years ago as stats show, but many of them are still doing just fine.

I don't think I was much different back in the last century. I was actually shier and unassuming compared to a lot of current young men. Can't say I have lost faith in humanity. I also live in Canada where views about sex between youths aren't the same as in USA. Where I come from, "youngster" is usually said of teenagers, not of people in their 20s. I have a nephew who married at 24 and he's now a father of two. My younger niece is now 24 and she's been living with her boyfriend for 4-5 years, so she clearly has sex on the regular. Most of my relatives' grown children have girlfriends/boyfriends by the time they're 20 and often before. No, they don't look all that different from my own generation.