do male doms ever find female subs on here?

[DeepGreenEyes]

i don't mean to generalize about people , but if you are looking for something in real life, and the only place you are looking is an online fantasy site, you should do a little self-examination about that. I've run into so many guys who say they want to be a Dominant or a Master...but they won't go to a dungeon, they won't get education, they won't take a risk. Well I guess I do mean to generalize about people because I think those people are full of shit.

I get your point.

And that is a less-broad brush than the one with which you were previously painting.

 

[NomadLady]

i don't mean to generalize about people , but if you are looking for something in real life, and the only place you are looking is an online fantasy site, you should do a little self-examination about that. I've run into so many guys who say they want to be a Dominant or a Master...but they won't go to a dungeon, they won't get education, they won't take a risk. Well I guess I do mean to generalize about people because I think those people are full of shit.

Very true Cute Brat....if the only place you are practicing BDSM is in your mind then you aren't a Dom....you're a poser. Kinda like people I run into in the biker community....they will spend $20-$30K on a beautiful bike that never gets wet or goes more than 100 miles from home unless it is trailered. That just isn't a "biker"....LOL

 

[where]

i don't mean to generalize about people , but if you are looking for something in real life, and the only place you are looking is an online fantasy site, you should do a little self-examination about that. I've run into so many guys who say they want to be a Dominant or a Master...but they won't go to a dungeon, they won't get education, they won't take a risk. Well I guess I do mean to generalize about people because I think those people are full of shit.

surely it's not about ~wanting~ to be, it's just about ~being~.

and going to a munch, a dungeon or being "trained" doesn't make a person a Dom or indeed a sub. Some people can and do do it privately.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I met a great submissive through here. Things didn't work out as the Grand Forever or anything, but c'est la vie. But she was a female and a submissive and I met her on this site.

CuteBrat- I am not a part of any public group, nor have I ever played publicly, but I defy anyone here to say that I am some kind of wanna-be or less of a Dominant. Those who know me, know this.

 

[Bandit58]

surely it's not about ~wanting~ to be, it's just about ~being~.

and going to a munch, a dungeon or being "trained" doesn't make a person a Dom or indeed a sub. Some people can and do do it privately.

We don't go to munches, parties or dungeons, but He's definitely a Dom and I'm definitely sub There are subtle nuances in our public life (like the padlock on a chain I wear, or the little things I do for Him before I do for myself) but it's mostly a private affair. We don't see the need to parade it "out there".

 

[CuteBrat]

Very true Cute Brat....if the only place you are practicing BDSM is in your mind then you aren't a Dom....you're a poser. Kinda like people I run into in the biker community....they will spend $20-$30K on a beautiful bike that never gets wet or goes more than 100 miles from home unless it is trailered. That just isn't a "biker"....LOL

Yes exactly. I didn't mean to be saying people have to play publicly to be a Dom...but they have to PLAY. In real life, not online.

Although, personally, I would not play with someone who hadn't gotten education at a dungeon to learn what they were doing. I wouldn't trust anyone like that with anything more than sex play because he doesn't know safety, pressure points and the like.

I wouldn't go to a dentist who said he was self-taught, fly an airline with self-taught pilots, or do serious BDSM with a self-taught Dom

 

[FungiUg]

Although, personally, I would not play with someone who hadn't gotten education at a dungeon to learn what they were doing. I wouldn't trust anyone like that with anything more than sex play because he doesn't know safety, pressure points and the like.

That's a bit... limiting.

Where do you think the people in the dungeons learned all that stuff from?

I helped run a bunch of practical play workshops last year, and one of the very first things we covered in each workshop was safety. That was particularly true with bondage, and included pressure points, blood restriction and so on.

Nary a dungeon in sight.

 

[ImWrite]

There are real life dungeons in every major city. There are munches where REAL Doms and subs get together in REAL life. There are websites like Fetlife where you can find people and events near you.

In my opinion, Doms looking for subs just through lit (and subs looking for Doms just through here too) don't have the guts to really take a chance. Its safer to hide behind a computer screen and jack (or jill) off.

You're probably speaking in general. If you're talking to me then you didn't read my OP.

I've been to all those type of real life events. I am on Fetlife (pretty sweet site). I didn't join Lit to even find a sub. But since I see there are BDSM personals it got my attention as a possibility.

 

[where]

.....

 

[Primalex]

Actually I get the same thing..Dom's are always very chatty when it's about sex but the moment I get on a non-sexual topic, they lose interest lol

It isn't much different vice versa.

 

[Cinner]

Well thanks for all the suggestions. I'm not here specifically to find a sub... but that would be nice. I'm here trying to connect with people. Trying to establish friendships. I'm happy for those of you who have made relationships on here. I'm sure it's the exception though. If nothing works out here that's fine I have other avenues to try and get a woman's attention.

I think that having patience and showing yourself as being a multi-dimensional person (and seeing that in the other person too) would help you in your cause to find love here. When you chat with someone via PM or e-mail do you have more to chat about than sex? If not then move on and look for someone else. Good luck to you.

 

[gigi1968]

For me, I have met a couple on here in real life but they are now just friends nothing permanent in real life.
I met my Master on another site and got to know him and am now 24/7 collared and his in every way. Like anything it just takes time. The funny thing is I learned about BDSM and what it really was on this site through a Dom I met here. He pointed me in the right direction and away I went. Never met him and lost touch with him but will forever will be thankful to him for pointing my life in thr right direction....at least right for me.

 

[mary_aranxia]

For me, I have met a couple on here in real life but they are now just friends nothing permanent in real life.
I met my Master on another site and got to know him and am now 24/7 collared and his in every way. Like anything it just takes time. The funny thing is I learned about BDSM and what it really was on this site through a Dom I met here. He pointed me in the right direction and away I went. Never met him and lost touch with him but will forever will be thankful to him for pointing my life in thr right direction....at least right for me.

If you ever remember his name please tell me.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I'm loving this mental image. I'm gonna borrow it next time I'm having a bad day.

He does paint a picture, doesn't he.
I think I'll borrow it too.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

He does paint a picture, doesn't he.
I think I'll borrow it too.

wah waah waaah.

I want more life sound effects.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Very true Cute Brat....if the only place you are practicing BDSM is in your mind then you aren't a Dom....you're a poser. Kinda like people I run into in the biker community....they will spend $20-$30K on a beautiful bike that never gets wet or goes more than 100 miles from home unless it is trailered. That just isn't a "biker"....LOL

But it is someone who owns and rides a bike.

 

[Allyourbase]

Honestly, if I'd be in this position, I'm not sure I wouldn't try and find someone based on him/her being a sub.

I actually think a good way to find a significant other that loves to sub to you is not to look for a sub, but for a significant other. You'll find out soon enough if that's a direction you'll be able to explore together, and there's loads of people out there who would be into things like this, but know nothing about the labels, the lifestyle or the community.

It's how me and my SO started out, and we've both explored these things together in an intimate, personal way. The process was as much fun as the spot is we now arrived at. Wherever that is specifically or wherever we'll go from here doesn't really matter much.

Or, in other words. Find a nice sweet gal and corrupt her

 

[CarnageSIS]

Honestly, if I'd be in this position, I'm not sure I wouldn't try and find someone based on him/her being a sub.

I actually think a good way to find a significant other that loves to sub to you is not to look for a sub, but for a significant other. You'll find out soon enough if that's a direction you'll be able to explore together, and there's loads of people out there who would be into things like this, but know nothing about the labels, the lifestyle or the community.

It's how me and my SO started out, and we've both explored these things together in an intimate, personal way. The process was as much fun as the spot is we now arrived at. Wherever that is specifically or wherever we'll go from here doesn't really matter much.

Or, in other words. Find a nice sweet gal and corrupt her

I think there are many valid opinions and avenues for finding a submissive. But I don't think you can generalize experience either.

While that route worked for you, someone who did that would also have to be prepared for the fact that they may meet someone who is a great SO but will never satisfy their BDSM needs.

Heck, some guys would just be happy with a SO that they could share one of their fetishes with.

There is a sub guy I have known for years who has a SO he has been with for years, but she cannot dominate him. So instead he cheats on her, quietly, online to get what he needs. I have another sub who has gotten himself into this same situation recently.

Just something to keep in mind, like most things in life what works for one person may not work for all people.

 

[Allyourbase]

I think there are many valid opinions and avenues for finding a submissive. But I don't think you can generalize experience either.

While that route worked for you, someone who did that would also have to be prepared for the fact that they may meet someone who is a great SO but will never satisfy their BDSM needs.

Heck, some guys would just be happy with a SO that they could share one of their fetishes with.

There is a sub guy I have known for years who has a SO he has been with for years, but she cannot dominate him. So instead he cheats on her, quietly, online to get what he needs. I have another sub who has gotten himself into this same situation recently.

Just something to keep in mind, like most things in life what works for one person may not work for all people.

Very true, and if what i said comes across as generalizing, didn't mean to Tried to keep it close to what I actually know. Of course, there are many options.

I assumed, from the OP, that trying to find a SO sub by looking for a sub has not worked that well. You might, then, try the opposite. Which, obviously, might or might not work also.

If BDSM or religion or political views, or whatever, are important to you, you'd want to find a SO that has the same interests. And I'd say that if you meet someone who'd qualify as a great SO but doesn't share such a thing, while you know from the start that this is something you really want, you have a choice right there.

Of course it's way different when you already are in a relationship and start discovering your kinks or fetishes, while your SO has no interest at all and didn't sign up for that in the first place. (And I know some ppl dealing with that too, indeed.) Those can be very difficult and painful situations.

 

[ImWrite]

I don't really look for subs anymore. It just doesn't work out.

 

[ImOnIt]

I don't really look for subs anymore. It just doesn't work out.

The problem is apathy.