domince does not cum naturally

[voir]

My wife has always got off being submissive, but I've never been much of a dominant type so there's been a bit of a conflict there. Lately, I've been trying a bit more - holding her head down when I cum during a blowjob, grabbing her neck when I take her from behind, for example. I'm not reallly interested in suffering or humiliation, but this is really turning her on.

Anyone have suggestions on other things to try? Would especially love to hear from women who have a similar taste.

 

[subwannabe]

Does your wife visit this site? If so she could pick out a few stories for you to read. Otherwise I would ask her for some suggestions and try expanding on those suggestions with your own ideas. Of course we can help but everyone is so different I would just get the info from her to find out the kinds of things she is wanting. Good luck.

 

[audiodiva]

Some thoughts

This is the dynamic my husband I also have. It sounds like you are off to a good start and it is great that you are pushing yourself to meet her needs.

Some other suggestions:
Hair pulling, or just wrapping your hand in her hair and moving/controlling her movements - even a little bit will have a big effect

Hand against her collar bone/upper chest/throat - again, just have to hold her down, not choke her

Whispering into her ear something along the lines of "you really like being a little slut don't you?" or "look at how wet you are - just can't help yourself can you?" - personally whisper/groan/growl anything in my ear and I am putty, so YMMV

Anal sex, with lots of naughty talk and ass slapping or, as you mentioned, oral with a fair amount of control

Definitely agree with previous poster who suggested she share some stories with you, but let her know you need her to focus on those that are not her "ultimate hard core fantasy" but have good, realistic for you portions.

I think there is definitely a happy medium to be reached where she infers control and dominance and you don't have to feel like you are humiliating or degrading her.

Good Luck & Have fun exploring

 

[voir]

Thanks to you both for your replies.

She has checked out a story or two here in the past. She doesn't know I've been on here for a while now, though, so I have to play it quiet on that. For that matter, she's never been comfortable talking much about what turns her on even, so this 'submissive' streak is a relatively new thing for me.

She's outwardly conservative about sex - would not approve of me talking to others, for example, even if she were with me. Catholic upbringing and all that.

We had experimented a bit with anal sex a long time ago - I love to give and receive I think she might be hinting she's willing to try it again in this context, so I'm excited about that idea.

I agree about the "ultimate hard core fantasy" - not completely comfortable as the controlling one in the situation, so something at the level of a rape fantasy would probably be too much for me to be comfortable with anyway.

 

[Little Bird]

Unfortunately, I havn't been able to try anything like this yet, but like you I really dislike the idea of getting violent or humiliating and given it quite some thought.

If you're wife really wants agression and being treated roughly, this probably won't work for her, but it probably won't hurt to give a try.

I think what it all is really about is that one person gives up all control and the other partner is completely in charge. When I see other people explaining why they like being submissive, this seems to pop up all the time. But I think the stereotypical angry dom who abuses and humiliates the sub really doesn't have to be the way to do this.
Instead what I think sound really fascinating and erotic is to pull this off based on disappointment and restraint. The first step is that as the dominant partner, you plan and decide absolutely everything, without telling the submissive partner anything in advance. When you give a command, she has to comply without asking for the reason. After all, she wants to give away control (I assume) and she trusts you to not let her come to harm. Instead of forcing her into submission, kindly ask her to trust you and do her best to comply with your commands. Because you will be happy if she shows her trust of you, and proud when she improves in her ability to restrain herself. So instead of trying to avoid your anger, she will by trying to gain your approval.

Now imagine a situation like this. Tell her to lie on the bed with the yes closed and her hands over her head, and keeping them that way. Then have her lie there for some time and do all kinds of things to arouse her. She will want to peek what you're doing and her arms will become stiff, so at some point it will become harder and harder to comply. She won't be able to keep it up forever, but you can. If she peeks, tell her that she was given a command not do it. If she keeps peeking, ask her if she wants a blindfold, since she does not yet have the ability to restrain herself enough. Or if her arms get tired, offer her to bind them to the headboard. You're not punishing her for disobeying, but instead offer her assistance so she can do the things you're asking of her. Before you start, tell her that when she needs something, or thinks she can't do something, she is ordered to tell you. After all, you are responsible for her and you can only keep her safe if she tells you when something is wrong. If she doesn't, she is sabotaging what you're trying to do. I guess the point is that instead of forcing her into painful and humiliating things, she would be humiliating herself by having to admit weakness and the inability to do what you want of her, which also would disappoint your expectations of what you thought she could (while the point is to get her to the point where she has to give up).
For bonus points, tell her that it's okay when she fails a simple task and that she may do better the next time you try. I think this is making the failure even more embarrasing.

However, even though there's probably a very low risk of physical injury, I'd still be cautious. Matters of trust, shame, and disappointment are not to be taken too lightly within a relationship. It might be a good idea to check with what some people with more actual experiance have to say about it.

 

[unregistered]

 

[dirtybelle]

I think you are off to a good start.

 

[voir]

Thanks to your suggestions I had quite a busy weekend!

Once I was able to take everyone's help into account I was able to approach the m/s relationship from the standpoint of control, trust and desire, and it worked out better than I expected. Not only did we both take to it much quicker than I expected, my new slave is so enthusiastic she even initiated a couple of things I would not have brought up (or at lest not off the bat).

I put boundaries around the context in which she must acknowledge that she is now my slave, such as when we are alone in the bedroom, but she was so thankful to be my slave she spoke to me as Master outside of that, whenever she could. I was expecting to pace things a bit there, but am very satisfied with my new slave. In fact, I think I've been hard for four days straight now - can't stop thinking about having my slave now that I do. Wasn't expecting that, or how much more sex I'm having than before.

You all have been very helpful. I'm thinking I may start a new thread following the education of my slave - if there is interest - but will likely do so under a thread title without such a glaring typo