dont know what to do any more

[exotic_yellow_rose66]

ended it

i stoped the tread

 

[Vixandra]

Hard situation to answer, Exotic.
Personally- I'd meet him about half way between your places in a very public area, probably with your best friend with you. Better safe then sorry, you know?

This is a hard situation- it sounds like he's using you as someone to jack off to, not a real person. Yeah, that sounds harsh, but what he's doing is wrong. If he won't meet you part way in at least a friendship then he isn't worth the time of day.
Yeah, I'm rather harsh, I know, but that's how I see it.

Ask him to meet you part way like I said (that way you're as close to your home as he is to his) on neutural territory and see what happenes.
I wish you the best of luck but be careful!

 

[watergirl]

you.

Well... what comes to mind is you - what do you need, and what are you getting out of this long distance 'relationship?'

Do you spend a lot of your free time at home on the computer with him? Do you go out with your girl friends and go to dinner or a movie or shoe shopping, do you have hobbies and fun of your own? Hiking, fishing, swimming, reading - just browsing the library or the bookstore? Are you looking for a man to be a part of your life and welcome you into his - do you want to meet his friends and see how he treats them, do you want to know if he is nice to waitresses or waiters and if he tips well -

I know that online/phone things can be very fulfilling - but only to a certain point. After a while, you're in love with the person you imagine on the other end of that phone. What if he has the worst b.o. ever? What if he's grown a handlebar mustache and thinks it's the height of fashion? What if he chews with his mouth open, or thinks all Mexicans should be run out of the country?? There are so many quirks and predjudices a person could have that might turn you off completely to him, but you'll never find those out unless you spend some serious in person face to face time with him.

I think you could do better than a long distance guy who hasn't made the effort to come and meet you, at least half way. Good luck!

 

[sheath]

this is my first time ,,,, so forgive me if i am in the wrong place to post this question.

i have a very close and dear friend<well specail friend>
we have known each other for 4 almost 5 years now, it started out just as a chatt friend on the computer but over the years i became divorced and so has he, and we exchanged cell phone numbers and talk alot on the phone when he aint to busy working. we both know alot about each other and over the years we became more sexual with each other.telling the other person what we would like to do to each other, but the thing is we havent ever met.and i know i fell in love with him , its not like we havent seen each other we have pics and seen each other on cam.we tell each other what is going on in .
he is a single father raising his son, that i spoil rotton. but when i ask him about a serouise relationship he tells me he dont want that type of relationship, about three years ago he was seeing a lady and came right out and told her that his specail friend got him more sexualy exited then what she did .
we only live about 5 hours away from each other and we havent seen each other, i drove almost there once and chicken out and came back home.and he keeps telling me we will met .
what should i do? and how should i do it?,

First of all, welcome to Lit.

Okay...it's been four years. Five years. You have been talking with him on the phone, webcam, internet, exchanging pics...all that. Five years? It's time to meet this man. Period.

He says he doesn't want a serious relationship...well, there are going to be those who don't agree with me, of course, but this is already a serious relationship, whether he likes that or not. He's sharing the little bits of his life with you. There are feelings there that can't be denied. No, maybe it's not exclusive, and no, maybe it's not consummated by even a visit in person...but it IS a relationship.

The way it sounds to me, and this might seem harsh...but babe, you are a sure thing. You are that voice when he needs it, the sexual play when he wants it, the safe friend who will spoil his kid, the woman who will make a little noise about a relationship but back off when he says no and not push the issue. It's been five years. It's time for a little push and shove, don't you think?

If he doesn't feel the same way you do, it's time to back off this man and date other people. You can't sit around waiting for HIM to come around. If he loses you because he's dragging his feet, it is HIS loss. But do not put all your energies into him when he doesn't want to reciprocate. He's had more than enough time and opportunity to make his feelings known.

My advice? Push the issue. It's high time you did that. Make it very clear what the relationship is from your angle, ask what he is willing to do, get answers, and then make some tough choices. It might mean you have to relegate him to a 'casual friendship' and then move on...and if that is the case, be prepared to do that. You can't make him feel anything other than what he feels.

And who knows...perhaps the sudden sting of your absence will wake him up to what he has right in front of him.

S.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

If it was me, I'd start putting some of that energy that is going to him into a different online friend -- or even reallife! First though, why not try some other online guy who, like you, wants to get to know someone, then actually meet someday.

For whatever reason, it does sound like this guy really doesn't want to meet, and doesn't want rl with you. Is he the only guy you are 'seeing'? You got to fix that. Online can be intense. Use what you know -- just find some backup. Like others have said, it doesn't sound like this is going where you want it to.

 

[Tooch McGroin]

5 years? You are his free online whore and nothing more. If it was five weeks or even five months -- maybe you could manipulate him into a meeting or a real relationship. But not after a half decade of this. There are no tricks that can turn this around.

Time for you to move on.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Re: you.

What if he's grown a handlebar mustache and thinks it's the height of fashion?

Bite your tongue, woman.

 

[heavynole]

Re: Re: you.

Bite your tongue, woman.

LOL

 

[footman9876]

this is my first time ,,,, so forgive me if i am in the wrong place to post this question.

i have a very close and dear friend<well specail friend>
we have known each other for 4 almost 5 years now, it started out just as a chatt friend on the computer but over the years i became divorced and so has he, and we exchanged cell phone numbers and talk alot on the phone when he aint to busy working. we both know alot about each other and over the years we became more sexual with each other.telling the other person what we would like to do to each other, but the thing is we havent ever met.and i know i fell in love with him , its not like we havent seen each other we have pics and seen each other on cam.we tell each other what is going on in .
he is a single father raising his son, that i spoil rotton. but when i ask him about a serouise relationship he tells me he dont want that type of relationship, about three years ago he was seeing a lady and came right out and told her that his specail friend got him more sexualy exited then what she did .
we only live about 5 hours away from each other and we havent seen each other, i drove almost there once and chicken out and came back home.and he keeps telling me we will met .
what should i do? and how should i do it?,

This thing may as well have been written in a foreign language. I can't understand what the heck you are saying because of the poor grammar and punctuation that you use.

What do you mean when you say he is a single father raising his son who you spoil rotten? I thought you have never seen the guy yet you manage to spoil his son? Huh?

 

[sheath]

Re: Re: dont know what to do any more

What do you mean when you say he is a single father raising his son who you spoil rotten? I thought you have never seen the guy yet you manage to spoil his son? Huh?

United States Postal Service. UPS. FedEx. They all work wonders for spoiling children with gifts and surprises.

S.

 

[watergirl]

Re: Re: you.

Bite your tongue, woman.

Now now! I say this because my boyfriend DOES have quite the beard & mustache, and he tells me he wants to grow a handlebar one, get the wax...

I'm hoping the onset of DC summer & humidity get him to shave - i don't nag on subjects like this - it's his face afterall..

 

[rosco rathbone]

Re: Re: Re: you.

Now now! I say this because my boyfriend DOES have quite the beard & mustache, and he tells me he wants to grow a handlebar one, get the wax...

I'm hoping the onset of DC summer & humidity get him to shave - i don't nag on subjects like this - it's his face afterall..

My fu manchu was a major thorn in the side of my ex, did I mention EX girlfriend....

Now that we are ex, I'm clean-shaven....funny how shit works.

 

[watergirl]

oops

I seem to have started a minor hijack here... oops...

Exotic Yellow Rose -good luck & sorry for the hijack!

 

[SexyChele]

Okay, I'm going to be the one who disagrees with Sheath. (It had to happen sometime, ya know? )

A relationship is where both people are working towards the same goal, in my opinion. You may know this guy. He may know you. But if you are seeking a serious relationship and he isn't, then there is no true relationship.

And this line really stuck out at me:

"about three years ago he was seeing a lady and came right out and told her that his specail friend got him more sexualy exited then what she did ."

I mean - say what? He actually said that? And you actually belived him? Or are you yanking our chain here?

You live 5 hours away, have been chatting for 5 years, and not once has he committed to actually meeting you? Hon, you and he ain't never gonna meet. I'm willing to bet he's got a regular honey and you're his "bit o' fun" on the side. My advice? Tell it's been fun while it lasted, but you need what he is unwilling (or unable) to give. Wish him well. And move on.

And I would do this today.

 

[sheath]

Okay, I'm going to be the one who disagrees with Sheath. (It had to happen sometime, ya know? )

*gasp*

I do agree that she should move on. Clear the air and lay it all out on the table, so that she doesn't have any of those 'what if' regrets later...like 'what if' I had given him one last, final, very clear opportunity...then, once she has taken care of her own peace of mind? Walk away and don't look back.

I'm thinking he's got a steady thing, too...and that she's just a pleasant distraction.

S.