Don't Make Me Beg...

[mickyp123]

Interesting point.

I often wonder what children from different religions think when they see their friends playing with toy's, a gift from this guy santa, it just seems unfair in a way

 

[CutieMouse]

Thanks for that i suppose every one is different, but a lot of people say that it's a sad feeling, as if its all been written off a kind of "little death"

No... the sad feeling went away a long long looooong time ago. I mourned a bit, and then I got over it.

 

[mickyp123]

No... the sad feeling went away a long long looooong time ago. I mourned a bit, and then I got over it.

as a mom, what is your advice for your children, is it live together first for a few years before tying the knot or not get married

 

[Netzach]

but I don't come alone. I have a kid and a cat. And I'm Jewish and I don't celebrate Christmas. There are a lot of fucking requirements.

Ugh - it will be fine. I'm just feeling pathetic today. Ick. I hate this feeling!

I'm Jewish, I don't celebrate Christmas. I had a cat.
I am not attracted to 100 percent straight men, they've got to be bi, tranny chasers, or some shade of queer.
I prefer men though, for life partners.
I had a fuck friend I wasn't willing to give up, but wasn't going to ride off into the sunset with, so whoever the new person would be he'd have to be OK with that.
And he's got to be a bottom. And into pain. And hot!

I had essentially gotten really into living alone and reconciled to not having "a life partner" when I met M who fit the above criteria. Fucked up my world for the better.

 

[intothewoods]

I often wonder what children from different religions think when they see their friends playing with toy's, a gift from this guy santa, it just seems unfair in a way

Are you just being an ass, or do you actually think this? If it's the former, thanks, hon, I really needed that today.

 

[Netzach]

Uh I got along OK. And if it wasn't for people like us your last minute shopping would never get done, because we man the stores. So "santa" is all us people.

 

[CutieMouse]

as a mom, what is your advice for your children, is it live together first for a few years before tying the knot or not get married

I'll tell the kids to NOT do what I did- get married young. Wait until 30; better yet, wait until closer to 35. I'll also tell them to do at least 6 months of good couples therapy before setting a date, and to sit down with a financial planner to discuss how they both view fiscal manners before entering a legally binding contract (marriage). My other biggie, will be to be safe and cautious, but for the love of God, don't get hung up on sex being a "for marriage only" thing (a contributing factor to my decision to marry young).

I have zero concern over their decisions to live together (or not); they currently live with their father and his girlfriend, they know the two of them aren't married, but they also know the two of them are (apparently) in a solid, committed relationship. I'm looking at a relationship in which I'd be living with someone, and have made it quite clear that it would take moving one hell of a mountain to get me to ever consider marriage again. so the kids would have good grounds to raise hell if we told them to not live together before getting married. LOL

 

[JMohegan]

I actually have never understood the attraction of most Christmas food. To me, it seems like a re-run of Thanksgiving. I like Christmas cookies though.

Our tradition is turkey & stuffing for Thanksgiving, prime rib and mashed potatoes for Christmas.

When I was growing up, a kid in my neighborhood used to trade me latkes for Christmas cookies all the time. When his mom found out how much I loved them, she started making latkes to cheer us up in the wake of childhood catastrophes. Bad weather that lasted all day & prevented us from going outside..... a broken limb that kept one of us from biking or ball games.... the frogs we spent all morning catching that escaped while we argued about rules for the jumping contest. That sort of thing.

To this day, I consider homemade latkes and applesauce to be among the top five comfort foods - even though neither I, nor any of my partners, have ever been able to make them quite like Mrs. G.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Lol i don't think i have ever known you to speak crap Catalina, you should have a wise owl as an Avatar lol

Ooops, you must have missed a lot of my posts!! LOL, thanks, seriously.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thanks for that i suppose every one is different, but a lot of people say that it's a sad feeling, as if its all been written off a kind of "little death"

I think for most people there is a little sadness, but I also think it is less to do with what they have really lost as opposed to what they think they have lost, and more so, the feeling of failure on some level. Once you open your eyes and take off the rose coloured glasses and see the reality of what was, who your partner was perhaps, who you were, you can then begin to move forward and work toward something much more positive and realistic.

Catalina

 

[callinectes]

I had/have mixed emotions about my divorce. On the one hand I feel a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I worried greatly about the impact it would have on my daughter.... but i also knew I didn't want her growing up thinking our unhealthy marriage was normal. I wanted her to know it's okay to get out if it's a bad situation.

What I struggle with is the fact that my husband is a good man, he never beat me, never cheated, didn't spend the mortgage money at strip bars, etc. (I'd almost feel better if he had) He did however, attempt, and succeed in some cases, to cut me off from friends and family and make me feel guilty if did anything to better myself. I think at his core he is a weak and fearful man and by making my world as small as his he felt more in control. (BTW, this was in no way a D/s marriage). Now that I am not there to be his mommy, he has been fired from a job he used to be brilliant in, let his health deteriorate to the point that he is in real trouble, and is on the verge of financial ruin.

The really fucked up part is *I* feel guilty for his life getting out of control. I was the only thing keeping it together. But I was utterly miserable and lost. As I said in another thread, sometimes I think it would feel better to be miserable than to feel guilty.

As a funny aside..I have a *very* religious Aunt. In her view, divorce is one of the absolute worst things a person can do. After filing my divorce she pulled me aside and whispered in my ear "Thank God you finally came to your senses. I wondered how much longer you could live that way." It does make me smile when I think of that.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

The really fucked up part is *I* feel guilty for his life getting out of control. I was the only thing keeping it together.

You're right - that is fucked up. He's an adult, responsible for his own decisions and actions - and their consequences.

But I was utterly miserable and lost. As I said in another thread, sometimes I think it would feel better to be miserable than to feel guilty.

And better yet to feel neither, especially when neither is earned. Accept the fact that you could not "save" him from himself, because he would not be saved, and move on. I know that sounds harsh and uncaring, but it really isn't. It's surviving, so that you can live.

 

[DivineThing]

(cheap ploy to get your attention)

I really need cheering up today. Signed separation papers recently.

What if I never get married again? I know I could meet a nice guy to settle down with...again...but that didn't work out so well the first time. I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

So...Pllllllease? Help me out of this funk! Tell me a joke or something. Anything.

Pictures of hot gay men fucking always welcome, for example.

Are you familiar with *THIS* thread?

 

[callinectes]

You're right - that is fucked up. He's an adult, responsible for his own decisions and actions - and their consequences.
And better yet to feel neither, especially when neither is earned. Accept the fact that you could not "save" him from himself, because he would not be saved, and move on. I know that sounds harsh and uncaring, but it really isn't. It's surviving, so that you can live.

You are right. Believe it or not I am doing much better than I was a few months ago. When I got a 2 AM phone call a few days ago I didn't even consider rescuing him as I have in the past. Sad to say it, but that's progress. LOL Once upon a time I was strong and didn't crap from anyone. I'm slowly working my way back to that point.

 

[Shankara20]

Are you familiar with *THIS* thread?

tsssst
tsssst
tsssst

I say, such material



*sounds of Shank running off and selecting "subscribe"*

 

[FurryFury]

I'm sorry you are suffering. We often, I believe morn our own vision of a person and/or relationship at such a time. Then we also spend time kicking ourselves over what we should have done or did do that we think brought this about or contributed in some way. Most of that is wasted energy but it's hard not to do it.

I say marriage is a construct created for men by men. You should perhaps see about celebrating your freedom with some friends? It's a great excuse for a girl's night out anyway.

*HUG*

 

[catalina_francisco]

I had/have mixed emotions about my divorce. On the one hand I feel a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I worried greatly about the impact it would have on my daughter.... but i also knew I didn't want her growing up thinking our unhealthy marriage was normal. I wanted her to know it's okay to get out if it's a bad situation.

What I struggle with is the fact that my husband is a good man, he never beat me, never cheated, didn't spend the mortgage money at strip bars, etc. (I'd almost feel better if he had) He did however, attempt, and succeed in some cases, to cut me off from friends and family and make me feel guilty if did anything to better myself. I think at his core he is a weak and fearful man and by making my world as small as his he felt more in control. (BTW, this was in no way a D/s marriage). Now that I am not there to be his mommy, he has been fired from a job he used to be brilliant in, let his health deteriorate to the point that he is in real trouble, and is on the verge of financial ruin.

The really fucked up part is *I* feel guilty for his life getting out of control. I was the only thing keeping it together. But I was utterly miserable and lost. As I said in another thread, sometimes I think it would feel better to be miserable than to feel guilty.

As a funny aside..I have a *very* religious Aunt. In her view, divorce is one of the absolute worst things a person can do. After filing my divorce she pulled me aside and whispered in my ear "Thank God you finally came to your senses. I wondered how much longer you could live that way." It does make me smile when I think of that.

Don't feel guilty...and yes, it will take time to stop feeling that way. You are not responsible for another's life, only they are. My ex was also a great person before alcoholism became his Master. He was the one who nominated we divorce, but it was an act to impress his mother who was on holiday with us at the time and he never dreamed I would accept his offer as in the past, he had used the threat over and over and I usually tried to do anything to make him change his mind...that day I just thought 'ok, this is never going to stop, he is not going to AA anymore, he has been told by doctors he has to quit or die, I am not doing anyone any favours by buying into his theatrics'.


We divorced, he stopped seeing the kids gradually in the first few months which then became years between any contact, he did all he could to avoid paying maintenance for the children and owes thousands, he lost his job because he became unreliable, he upped the drinking and told everyone I would not let him see his children (even though I used to call and beg him to drop in or come to dinner for their sakes), he developed diabetes and chronic kidney and liver function problems and was in and out of hospital, he aged about 30 years, and he set out to run his life into the ground as far as possible to get people to feel sorry for him when he told them the story he made up about how I had kicked him out and abused him so...last we heard of him (despite my contacting his family at regular intervals to see if he will contact his now adult children and let him know what everyone is doing and where we all are) was about 6 years ago just after my daughter had her child. He dropped in to her place unexpectedly, gave her a little bit of money, told her in no-way did he want to be referred to as grandad or any such name, and left again and hasn't been seen or heard from since.

I spent more time than I should have feeling sorry for him, wondering if I could have saved him, before I realised you just can't save someone who doesn't want to save themselves and is more comfortable creating chaos in his life than getting on with it and living it. Let's face it, he had nothing holding him back, no children to raise, a job, money in the bank which he had secretly saved before leaving, a car, a caravan, a boat, and still felt he was the one with all the burden while I was left with no money, no job, 2 children to raise, bills to pay which he was supposed to have paid in previous months but had pocketed or drank the money, and my own ill health to deal with and I ended up raising my children, putting myself through high school and university, paying a mortgage, and getting a good job I worked hard at. It is about choices and character..you can't make him someone he is not.

Catalina

 

[the_pet]

hope you're feeling better....


pet

 

[JupitersGirl]

<snip>

Edited to add a funny conversation for you:

him- I had a dream about you last night.
me- Really? What?
him- I don't think I can tell you that.
me- Why?
him- It'll ruin my reputation as an upstanding Christian man.
me- Sweetheart? You're Jewish.
him- Shit. Ummm... If I tell you, you'll figure out I'm not some amazing guy from the planet Krypton, and won't want me anymore...
me- Yeah, instead I'll find out you're not only an irreverent asshole, but have a kinky streak a mile wide and deeper than the darkest ocean. Given that I want that in my life, could you please at least give me an outline of the damned dream, for educational purposes?
him- Baby, have I mentioned yet how much I like you?

Good god!

Would it totally piss you off if we started referring to him as McDreamy?

Whew! <fans self>

 

[CutieMouse]

Good god!

Would it totally piss you off if we started referring to him as McDreamy?

Whew! <fans self>

I kinda like him...



(BTW- I did eventually get a brief outline of the dream, and I was right, he is a wicked wicked man.)

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I was right, he is a wicked wicked man.)

Perfect!

 

[callinectes]

I kinda like him...



(BTW- I did eventually get a brief outline of the dream, and I was right, he is a wicked wicked man.)

Ah, this is obviously some strange use of the word kinda that I wasn't previously aware of.

..he sounds wonderful. The wit alone would be enough to catch my attention.

 

[callinectes]

Thank you Catalina. I appreciate your taking the time to post this.

Don't feel guilty...and yes, it will take time to stop feeling that way. You are not responsible for another's life, only they are. My ex was also a great person before alcoholism became his Master. He was the one who nominated we divorce, but it was an act to impress his mother who was on holiday with us at the time and he never dreamed I would accept his offer as in the past, he had used the threat over and over and I usually tried to do anything to make him change his mind...that day I just thought 'ok, this is never going to stop, he is not going to AA anymore, he has been told by doctors he has to quit or die, I am not doing anyone any favours by buying into his theatrics'.


We divorced, he stopped seeing the kids gradually in the first few months which then became years between any contact, he did all he could to avoid paying maintenance for the children and owes thousands, he lost his job because he became unreliable, he upped the drinking and told everyone I would not let him see his children (even though I used to call and beg him to drop in or come to dinner for their sakes), he developed diabetes and chronic kidney and liver function problems and was in and out of hospital, he aged about 30 years, and he set out to run his life into the ground as far as possible to get people to feel sorry for him when he told them the story he made up about how I had kicked him out and abused him so...last we heard of him (despite my contacting his family at regular intervals to see if he will contact his now adult children and let him know what everyone is doing and where we all are) was about 6 years ago just after my daughter had her child. He dropped in to her place unexpectedly, gave her a little bit of money, told her in no-way did he want to be referred to as grandad or any such name, and left again and hasn't been seen or heard from since.

I spent more time than I should have feeling sorry for him, wondering if I could have saved him, before I realised you just can't save someone who doesn't want to save themselves and is more comfortable creating chaos in his life than getting on with it and living it. Let's face it, he had nothing holding him back, no children to raise, a job, money in the bank which he had secretly saved before leaving, a car, a caravan, a boat, and still felt he was the one with all the burden while I was left with no money, no job, 2 children to raise, bills to pay which he was supposed to have paid in previous months but had pocketed or drank the money, and my own ill health to deal with and I ended up raising my children, putting myself through high school and university, paying a mortgage, and getting a good job I worked hard at. It is about choices and character..you can't make him someone he is not.

Catalina

 

[callinectes]

Our tradition is turkey & stuffing for Thanksgiving, prime rib and mashed potatoes for Christmas.

We do the traditional turkey and dressing for Thanksgiving, Christmas ends up being all kinds of crazy things. My favorite Christmas dinners are those of my teen years when we lived in Texas and had tamales from the hole-in-the wall taqueria. Nothing like Tex-Mex for Christmas Dinner.

 

[JMohegan]

We do the traditional turkey and dressing for Thanksgiving, Christmas ends up being all kinds of crazy things. My favorite Christmas dinners are those of my teen years when we lived in Texas and had tamales from the hole-in-the wall taqueria. Nothing like Tex-Mex for Christmas Dinner.

Ohhh, that's awesome!

Unfortunately, my family isn't exactly flexible when it comes to holiday traditions. I am imagining my mother's face if one of us suggested altering her Yuletide menu.... and it's *not* a pretty sight!