Dumb Things People Say

[Dillinger]

Variations of this have appeared on the board here over the years, but what the hell, here's another:

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." -- Louisiana native Britney Spearks on some of the advantages fame has to offer.

 

[Dillinger]

"I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our 52 states." -- Raquel Welch on geography.

 

[Dillinger]

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey on feeding the children.

 

[riff]

The Quayle Quote File Hall of Fame

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/15/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92, The New Yorker, 10/10/88, p.102)

This election is about who's going to be the next President of the United States!
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/2/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is `to be prepared'.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican Forum, 3/23/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92) Also reported by Reuters, 5/2/90

Let me just tell you how thrilling it really is, and how, what a challenge it is, because in 1988 the question is whether we're going forward to tomorrow or whether we're going to go past to the -- to the back!
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 8/17/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle winning friends while speaking to the United Negro College Fund, 5/9/89 This gem has been added to Bartlett's `Familiar Quotations'. (reported in Esquire, 8/92) (reported in the NY Times, 12/9/92)

Take a breath, Al... Inhale.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle politely cutting off Senator Al Gore during the VP Debate in Atlanta, 10/13/92. Gov. Zell Miller of Georgia said that Dan Quayle reminded him of one of his grandkids when they've had too much sugar.

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, US News and World Report (10/10/88)

Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, Hawaii, 4/25/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the 20th anniversary celebration of the moon landing, 7/20/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

The loss of life will be irreplaceable.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after the San Francisco earthquake, 10/19/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Bobby Knight told me this: ``There is nothing that a good defense cannot beat a better offense.'' In other words a good offense wins.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, in a speech to the City Club of Chicago, comparing the offensive capabilities of the Warsaw Pact with the defensive system of NATO, 9/8/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

 

[Dillinger]

Those are great. You can't beat Quayle for stupidity.

 

[Dillinger]

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

 

[Guest]

 

[riff]

"You teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
-- President Dubya at Townsend Elementary School, touting his education reform plans, Feb. 21, 2001

 

[Dillinger]

That works, LL... *lol*

 

[Dillinger]

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers We are the president." -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

 

[perks]

I love you more than all the other women I fuck.

 

[Carl East]

What about just personal things like me this morning:

Getting up from the couch, I was asked, "Where are you going?"

Me: "To poot something in my mouth!"

response: "POOT!?!"

Get this in your mouth, we have some nice apples over here. lol

Carl

 

[*bratcat*]

From my daughter while in the car with the rest of the family...

 

[Dillinger]

Re: From my daughter while in the car with the rest of the family...

Mom, Did you know that Michael and Janet Jackson are brother and sister?

They are?

 

[Guest]

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[TWB]

Re: From my daughter while in the car with the rest of the family...

Mom, Did you know that Michael and Janet Jackson are brother and sister?

Actually, someone recently suggested that they are the same person.

Have you ever seen them at the same place and time?? Hmmm?

 

[riff]

That day I called into work and said "Well, I fucked up. I thought it was Friday night and I have been out drinking all night and I just realized it is Tuesday morning and I should be at work."

No... that's not dumb. That's just plain stupid!

Why, god, didn't I just say- "I'm sick. I can't come in. Get a sub."

hahahahahahaha

 

[Wiggles]

My ex, while looking at the cover of the Rolling stones issue featuring Dee Dee Ramone (shortly after his death), "Who's that ugly chick?"

 

[Dillinger]

Re: Re: From my daughter while in the car with the rest of the family...

Actually, someone recently suggested that they are the same person.

Have you ever seen them at the same place and time?? Hmmm?

Does that mean that Justin Timberlake from N'Sync is now dating Michael Jackson? Makes sense to me.

 

[perks]

groom in the middle of his wedding service, going down to his mum and slurring "Mum I'm suuuuuuuure gonna miss you"

 

[Mona Lisa]

Re: Re: From my daughter while in the car with the rest of the family...

Michael and Janet are two different people. Michael and LaToya are in fact the same person.

 

[JerseyBoy]

"I care"

 

[BigDawg69]

Number 1 stupidest thing ever uttered:

Did you cum to?

 

[perks]

wha? I'm sorry. I won't ever say that again.