Finding the right partner

[HisArpy]

Take time and date your partners. Get to know them well before engaging in risky behavior. There are plenty of abusers in the vanilla world too.

This is probably the best post in this thread. You should start carefully, find someone you can stay with, and then open their eyes to what you need. In the end it will either be a compromise between both of you or you will keep looking.

It's not about sex. Or any of the other kinky things we need. It's about finding that relationship and developing a life together from there. And you can't rush into it or force one to grow.

 

[Miles Long]

I think I nailed it.


Humbly, of course.

You did nail it. I had forgotten about that thread, but reading it all over again, now that was truly a gift.

 

[cascadiabound]

You did nail it. I had forgotten about that thread, but reading it all over again, now that was truly a gift.

Indeed yes. LMAO

 

[cookiecat]

This thread is a year old.

Finding old threads is a gift in itself.

 

[cookiecat]

I think I nailed it.


Humbly, of course.

I quite liked this:

To enjoy and be enthusiastic about submission, that seems as if it would be much more liberating than claiming that submission is a gift to be doled out and withheld.

 

[removed9556]

 

[SimonDoom]

Mr Daily did indeed nail it, but because he was focused on answering the question posed by someone who sees herself as submissive he understandably focused on their position. From the position of a Dominant, the idea of submission being a 'gift' is equally diminishing, placing us in the role of permanent supplicant. Submission is no more a gift than love, and the potential compulsion (not external, but internal, yet externally catalysed) of both is at once terrifying and its greatest attraction for a certain type of Dominant and submissive.

I read this comment several times and I'm still thinking it over. It's an important, and, I think, valid point. My takeaway is that the D/s relationship is no more susceptible to one-size-fits-all descriptions than love. For my part, I enjoy the element of consensual power exchange in D/s. I'm less interested in "compelling" something from a woman. But I'm sure it's very different for others. There's an element in every relationship, in D/s and in love, that wells up from someplace deep where things are wild and irrational. It defies easy description. It can't be reduced to or fully explained as a "gift" or as an "exchange." It can be selfish, in a way. I think it can be that way for both the dominant and the submissive.

This is part of why BDSM is such an interesting subject to write stories about.

 

[Taramafor]

Have you considered the possibility that you're more concerned with finding the "right" partner instead of meeting someone that is incompatible who can become "right" over time as you get to know them?

I know how you feel but I also know I spent a long time worrying about that myself. You don't magically find the "right" partner. You make each other right together, even if it doesn't seem possible at the time. No one's going to care enough to look after your needs until you meet and look after their interests too. Even if you are into the same things. That's just how it is.

Just got to find someone that doesn't judge and considers other viewpoints and perceptions and can think "outside the box" if a subject is important enough to you. After that the rest tends to fall into place.

 

[GaleaFiguro]

You are right to be concerned.

Some men simply do not are about the suffering of women and what begins as a game could turn violent in the extreme.

I have dedicated a good part of my life removing such men from the Gene Pool.

It's one thing to pretend it's real...and quite another making it real.

I am about as real as a person can get.

Predominant

Ooooh. I like how you spend your spare time. I worked as a vet assistant, did a lot of neutering/spays. Need help?

 

[mrspank30]

When it's all said and done there needs to be an emotional physical sexual and mental chemistry. Weaved in with those various needs and desires there also has to be an underlying respect. Fetishes can be explored fantasies shared and raw sexuality enjoyed if in the end you know you can trust your partner with those deepest darkest desires and secrets