Found out something about my wife

[ljiowa]

I was on my wife's computer (yes, I was snooping) and I found a semi-steamy conversation with a longtime friend of hers, dating from mid-March...essentially, she was feeling her friend out as to whether she could love a woman (her) and still be in love with her husband (me). It confirmed what I suspected, actually....but still damn painful to read.

The friend was kinda flirty, but (thank God) redirected her back to working on our relationship.

I also found in her email inbox (dated today) that she's searching for jobs in the area where this friend lives (about 300 miles away).

Granted, my hands aren't clean in the flirting department (after all, I'm here on Lit) ... but I'm not looking for jobs in an area way far away. I'm just numb.

Any advice? I truly don't know what to do.

 

[pleaz_me]

((((((((((ljiowa)))))))))) I'm so sorry to hear that hon

Talk to her about it... ask her out-right what's going on... let her know that you want to open the lines of communication on this... yes, she'll be pissed off that you looked through her computer, but you obviously had a gut feeling that you needed to.

I hope everything works out for you

 

[TwilightEmbrace]

I've been in a similar place that your in now. Nothing about it feels good. Go with your instinct. If your like me, you might as well get it all out in the open rather than stew about it. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best.

*hugs*

 

[Diamond_Girl]

{{{{{{{{ljiowa}}}}}}}}

I'd confront your wife on this. It won't be pretty - she'll be hurt and pissed that you snooped through her computer. It's sweet that her friend is advocating for your marriage, though.

It's very sad that your wife is obviously looking to leave you. Talking it out can clear the air one way or the other. Either it'll give her the opening to be upfront with you about her intentions, or it'll open the door for the two of you to have some serious heart-to-heart talks. This is going to be a rough patch for you, but my sense is, at the end of it, you're going to be happier.

Best of luck to you, hon. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk, vent or whatever.

*DG*

 

[Guttergoddess]

It sounds to me like your wife is confused. She may feel like things have become humdrum around home, and is just looking for some spice. She feels that it's safe with this longtime friend of hers. I say talk to your wife. While she may be "looking for jobs" it may just be a fantasy for her to get away for a bit.

 

[done_got_old]

The snooping issue - why were you snooping and what did you expect to find? When you snoop you must be prepared for what you find. If I were your wife, all trust would be down the sink. If the tables were turned, how would you feel? What would be your reaction to your wife?

 

[skittles_lm]

The snooping issue - why were you snooping and what did you expect to find? When you snoop you must be prepared for what you find. If I were your wife, all trust would be down the sink. If the tables were turned, how would you feel? What would be your reaction to your wife?

This is true. Looking for a new job elsewhere doesn't mean accepting one and moving.

But snooping thru her personal stuff... well, good luck trying to get out of that one and to your issues. You shouldn't snoop. How would she feel if she could read all your posts and PMs here?

 

[Recidiva]

Admit you snooped. Admit your hands are not clean.

Forgive her in the way you'd like to be forgiven, if that's what she wants.

Let her go if she wants to go.

Stay friends.

 

[littleone77]

This is true. Looking for a new job elsewhere doesn't mean accepting one and moving.

But snooping thru her personal stuff... well, good luck trying to get out of that one and to your issues. You shouldn't snoop. How would she feel if she could read all your posts and PMs here?

Going along with what Skittles said you should never do or say something if you know its going to hurt the one you love. Silly yes but I've gotten to the point when I do certain things I ask myself "Would he be upset or hurt by this?"

One way or the other you are going to find your answer. Hopefully you are both ready and able to face it.

{{{{{hugs}}}}

 

[HottieMama]

Seriously, snooping sucks. My GF has snooped on me and it royally blows. No matter if you found something or not, you still violated your wife and her right to privacy.

 

[SecretLove69]

First off {{{{LJ}}}} sorry hon. Finding out - NO MATTER HOW - you found out tears you up.

Now for the rest of ya throwing rocks at this guy......
ummmm ok - my husband has snooped on me and has told me that. He flat out asks me why I delete all my conversations in ICQ or YAHOO - sooo I know he snoops BUT - and here's the important part - I am smart enough not to leave my dirty laundry laying out for him to find. He, BTW, has 5 seperate email addresses that I know of - so he's doing something too. Neither of us has the proof but we have the suspicions.

Now, maybe little wifey hasn't the nerve to say something to him outright and left things where he could find them or she's just not being careful. Either way - this isn't entirely in his lap as far as blame.

He owned up to his snooping and I dunno - but I think he will confront her and try to work things out. Besides if I found out my husband had been playing for the other team I'm not so sure I would want to work things out. Whatever - to each his/her own - but let's not jump this guy's shit for finding out something that was so easily accessed.

Bottom line - you want to cheat - at least have the common sense to cover your tracks or take the heat for getting caught and try to fix the situation or cut and run.

No matter what happens LJ it's gonna be a long row to hoe and I'm here for ya if you need a chat.

 

[ljiowa]

Thanks, everyone, for your feedback. I didn't post this to argue details, or to defend myself...I wanted some honest opinions, and I got them. Each one so far has a kernel of truth that I needed to hear.

Neither one of us are happy right now; we both know something is missing, and has been for...well, years, now. And we're both wondering whether it can be repaired. I guess that's the question that really needs to be answered.

Time for some real soul-searching - about both my behavior and hers, and what that means going forward.

 

[MsTexas]

Thanks, everyone, for your feedback. I didn't post this to argue details, or to defend myself...I wanted some honest opinions, and I got them. Each one so far has a kernel of truth that I needed to hear.

Neither one of us are happy right now; we both know something is missing, and has been for...well, years, now. And we're both wondering whether it can be repaired. I guess that's the question that really needs to be answered.

Time for some real soul-searching - about both my behavior and hers, and what that means going forward.

I'm gonna refrain from too much comment, since most of it has already been said here and I dont want to sound repetitive.

I will add however, been there done that, if you need to talk, I'm only a pm away.

~hugs~

 

[Xelebes]

This is prolly not fake, so that's hurtin' man.