friends with benefits

[boston_bbw]

Once you have/are a friend with benefits is there any way of going back to being just friends without it being weird?

 

[Bert Notorius]

Rarely when that type of situation winds down do both people have the same expectations. One usually is less happy that fwb didn't turn into something more. Or one starts getting their benefits elsewhere. Once you see someone naked that image is permanetly burned into your retinas. I guess you could try being friends with burnt retinas...

 

[Moxon4]

It's possible, but both parties would have to have the same thinking about it, and the same feelings about it

 

[sunandshadow]

I would say usually before they became friends with benefits one person was probably more sexually interested in the other. But I am platonic friends now with a guy I used to be bfwb with. The main difference is we have no modesty about seeing each other naked. It might be bad if one of the people found a new lover and the other didn't though.

 

[dirtylittleslut]

When I had this type of relationship I made sure to always be upfront in the beginning. I made sure that we were both on the same page with the same rules to play by.
In my case, it was if either of us had a boyfriend/girlfriend, we were not together.
When we were not sleeping together, we were still friends..because we were able to have sex without emotions. A lot of people can not do that..so you need to make sure that anyone you do have "benefits" with is able to.
But, since it is a friend to begin with..you should know before hand if he/she is that way. If there is any doubts in the beginning, then they are not a good choice and won't end well.

 

[e-monster]

Once you have/are a friend with benefits is there any way of going back to being just friends without it being weird?

It has worked for me when each of us observed "up front" rules about our expectations and feelings. However, if your gut feeling is against it, its probably a good idea to follow that instinct.

 

[Lovernotkiller]

hmm

Only thing i can think of is a long term process of going out the the person, then breaking up, then becoming friends, or finding a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Hard to get out of that situation and still be friends though, good luck

-Joe

 

[SesameStreet]

No, it won't work.

 

[bareman]

i disagree...

No, it won't work.

...but I will say it doesn't work OFTEN. I am still friends with a former FWB, however not as close as we once were. We just don't talk as frequently, but the sexual undertones don't get in the way when we do. We both still genuinely care about one another and what's happening in each other's lives, and I think it's very cool. Refreshing even. I attended her wedding 2 yrs ago. I think I'll pick up the phone...

 

[SouthernDom]

Once you have/are a friend with benefits is there any way of going back to being just friends without it being weird?

No....not in my experiences.

Once you cross that line there's no going back.

When two people have shared intimacy the dynamics between the two are forever changed and someone usually has some baggage about how it did or did'nt turn out in the end.

 

[BlueEyeVA]

In my experiences yes it is possible, just as long as both people understand that it is just for sex. But that must be made clear otherwise there is that chance of one or the other getting more emotionally attatched through it.

 

[kromen]

It took me over ten years to be friends again with someone who use to kick it with sexually. The green-eyed monster reared it's ugly head and what brought us together as friends disinegrated. The only reason it took ten years was because we lost touch, grew up, and found each other again on a whim. We are great friends again, but neither of us really speak of those times between us. Chances are we may get together again are slim, but if it happened I think we will be mature enough to handle the situation.

 

[Cathleen]

I'd think it would take a lot of work and honest communication. With a shift in the relationship, depending on the wants of both, the balance will be uneven for a while I'd think. Time and open communication will be needed in large supply.

 

[MisterEdMe]

This is so hard to put into the right words. Even with a good bit of experience on this, I still ask the same question myself at times.

Any good friendship requires unconditional acceptance of the good and bad of each other. And clear, unblemished communication. I tend to have more women as a good friend because I can open up more. Over the years, I have slept with a few women I considered a good friend. Each time it was wonderful, at first. Then the intimacy went to a whole new level. I personally have never known it to go back to the way it was. It did survive for a while, but eventually we drifted apart. And each time I was terribly depressed over it. I missed the friendship the most. The sex part was fantastic each and every time. One long friendship of 7 yrs led to a true love, then a wonderful relationship of love, trust, and the greatest sex I ever had from any woman. This part of our relationship lasted for 2 yrs. We allowed 'outside forces' to interfere. I wish, to this very day, I had not listened to unsolicited advice from friends and relatives. I should have followed my heart. This wonderful lady and I poised a threat to those surrounding us because the two of us together knew things that could destroy the lives of others. And we never thought of harming others. Not once. It just wasn't in us to do so. Eventually, we parted ways to avoid the constant drama around us and make everyone else happy. I regret doing that to this day. Though we are far different people than we once were, and we can't go back, I would do anything for her if she asked. And she would in kind. We sacrificed our love to please our families.

If this is your case, then try to make the friendship work. Perhaps time will be kind to you both.

On a seperate note. I have one woman in my life I have ALLWAYS been best friends with. She was the only one who encouraged me to stick w/the fore mentioned woman. This woman and I have allways been there for each other through the good times and the bad. We have never had sex. And I truly love her. Oh yes, we have played with the idea of sleeping together many times. But were afraid it would ruin the perfect friendship we have. We've know each other since age 6 (35yrs now). Cried on the other's shoulder and shared the other's laughs. And, strangely, we are total opposites. Her unconditional acceptance of who I am completes me. And I am truly blessed to be considered her best friend.

lol.

 

[Hooper_X]

My closest female friend is a "former" FWB. I suspect that our friendship has never been compromised because we never had any serious romantic interest in each other.

 

[M-Y-Erotica]

I think a lot of it has to do with what sex means to you. In theory, I can certainly imagine the idea of friends with benefits. It would be a case where you feel pretty much the same about each other with and without benefits. If it is possible for you to have sex with someone and still just feel friendly towards them, then I can imagine you leaving the benefits behind and still feel friendly. The question is, can you and she have sex without the emotions changing? That's the personal question that only the two of you know the answer to.

For a lot of people, the answer is simply no. Physical intimacy changes their emotional intimacy and they simply can't keep them apart. Once you cross the line for such a person the only way to go back is usually with a lot of time and separation. However, there do seem to be people in the world who can have sex simply for a nice time with a nice person and leave it at that. If the two of you are truly that way, then you've got a shot.

To answer this question think back to your previous sexual experiences. Have you ever had sex with someone and not had it change how you felt about them?

You can also compare it to other intimate acts other than sex. If I and a friend were to go see a concert together, well, that's not very emotionally intimate to me, so we could still be friends even if we discover we hate each other's music and never attend a concert again. Now think of something that is not sex but emotionally powerful. Could you tell your friend about that time 5 years ago when you acted horribly that you've always been ashamed of and kept hidden away? Could you take your friend to see your senile grandmother in the nursing home? Could you tell your friend about your greatest dreams that you are afraid will never come true? Can you do all these intimate acts and not have your feelings change towards them? Now compare this to how you think of sex. Is sex just as emotionally intimate? If so, then FWB is going to be dangerous for you.

Good luck.

 

[Fennel]

Good grief.

I think the only appropriate answers are "it depends" and "try it."

I've had serious relationships that have disappeared entirely and I've had "just for fucking" relationships yield friendships. Sure, it is weird making the transition, but since when is "weird" a reason to run for the hills? I tend to believe that dealing with moderate discomfort is normal for ANY relationship and that someone you want to call "friend" -- with its related challenges and rewards -- is worth that.

Note that I said moderate discomfort. Stalking, rage, out-of-control jealousy and the like are not moderate.

 

[tasimum]

No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No

DON'T do this to people it is mean and horrible. It always ends with someone getting hurt so guys or girls if you are looking go to a club or a pro don't hurt someone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[WestVaCouple]

Difficult

Very difficult to do. Nearly impossible, as the sex is always there.

 

[VampireD]

agree

tasimum
Virgin Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: I live in Tasmania, Australia
Posts: 7


No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No

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DON'T do this to people it is mean and horrible. It always ends with someone getting hurt so guys or girls if you are looking go to a club or a pro don't hurt someone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this person maybe a virgin, but I think they are right, in the end someone is bound to get hurt, or maybe to attached...and one moves on, bada boom bada bing...feelings get involved..bad idea..

 

[webber1998]

I've never had friends with benefits work out. Usually one doesn't want ONLY to be a friend and in the end, someone got hurt.

I think it is possible though. I've known a few people in my time that have managed to remain friends after sleeping together. But on the outside, looking at them, it didn't seem to be the same.

 

[ickle_stace]

I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping with someone i didn't care about, so i'd rather sleep with a friend

I slept with a guy who I thought was gonna be something long term, but after a while he realised he didn't want a relationship, and we're friends, we don't talk as much as we used to, mainly because we have our own lives with other friends, but we're still friends

 

[Ms_Logic]

Well, from personal experience..it can work if and only if their is an understanding between the two. IMO, the lines of communication have got to be open always, if it's a friendship that is actually important to you.

As long as both of the people involved know their place in the others life, then their should be no problem.

If you know your place, and his/her place in the situation, then you have control, IMO.