Furniture Cinematic Universe

[anthrodisiac]

So, absolutely bonkers nutcase madness that is my brain went a bit crazy yesterday. There was an innocuous comment that I then spun into a whole Furniture Cinematic Universe, partly inspiried by @TheExperimentalist's Fuck Me, Stepladder! (it's really good, go read it; also, they should not be blamed for my madness, that's on me).

So, without further ado, a furniture Loving Wives tale idea.

Characters:
Futonari: A dickgirl futon hotwife
Cuckcase: Futonari's bookcase cuck husband
Tabull: The table bull trying to steal Futonari from Cuckcase

Futonari's feeling a bit stale in her relationship to Cuckcase. Maybe he doesn't play with her dick, nose always in a book, and she's feeling neglected. But Tabull comes along, very willing to do all the nasty things Cuckcase would never do. Futonari loves Cuckcase, but Tabull is just so low-slung and sturdy, nothing like her tall, wobbly husband.

And for you T/I fans out there:
Twin beds were always really close to each other, rarely had much distance between them. As they get ready to go to college, one admits to watching the other one strip off its sheets on occasion, which really stiffened its springs. The other admits to admiring its twin's legs and frame. One thing leads to another, and they become bunk beds. (Bunk beds punchline courtesy of @BeechLeaf.)

Anyone have any other FCU stories they want to torture the universe with?

 

[anthrodisiac]

Size Queen Bed

Queen Bed tried dating other mattresses her whole life, but nothing ever felt right. They didn't fit properly, and always left her unsatisfied. Until she met Alaska King Bed. After a whirlwind night of passion with Alaska King, she Queen Bed realizes all she ever needed with a big bed to satisfy her thirst for large springs.

 

[BeechLeaf]

The wardrobe experiments with cross-dressing, then comes out of the closet. Or into the closet, that would also work. The oven is hot but the refrigerator is frigid. The chaise longue gets longuer and longuer as it watches. The sofa, the couch, and the settee want a threesome. The secretaire rolls her top up for the boss.

The shepherd's crook inches out from the wings and stops me doing this any more. *whoosh*

 

[MK_Whimsy]

A couch begins to question its sectionality.

 

[anthrodisiac]

A couch begins to question its sectionality.

Actual guffaw from me. Two Gold Stars.

 

[Brandnewbuddy]

This isn’t fair I’m terrible with puns.

Only thing I got is a Lazy Susan who’s a flasher

Edit: I guess baby proofing would be the equivalent of bondage.

Tyler the Tv stand grunted as the zip ties were worked around him, strapping him to the TV legs. He already was immobile, now he had thing plastic straps biting into him and driving the legs of the device into him. He wondered how he could endure this pain…then he saw them break out the anchor

 

[anthrodisiac]

There's also the chaste lounge, who has always been shy around the other chairs, watching as they get stacked, one on top of another, just a big pile of legs and seats and backs, all fitting so perfectly. Chaste has never felt the touch of another chair, and the anxiety is crippling. So one day, he goes to see a sex therapist couch, who helps him get over his anxiety around intimacy by letting him lie atop her, feel her tall, smooth back against him and her soft pillows under his head.

 

[Duil2]

The eight straight-backed chairs gathered around Dining Table and waited for the nine-way to begin.

A crisp white tablecloth hid the amazing sheen of her mahogany wood, which had been French-polished just for the occasion.

One chair turned and pressed his back to her edge and slid the tablecloth along. Inch by inch her gleaming surface was revealed, reflecting the soft light that hung low above her. The chairs began to jostle each other for the prime spots at DT's corners and legs. They tilted sideways and rubbed their cushioned seats up and down, up and down, making DT shudder with pleasure.

Then one chair flipped itself upside down and landed on DT, cushion down and legs in the air. DT bucked and the chair lost its grip, slipping quickly along her shiny length and landing on its side on the floor.

Righting itself, that same chair pushed in under DT, its seat just high enough to caress the wooden edge that ran beneath her surface all the way around. Other chairs followed his lead and soon all eight chairs surrounded her, three on each side, one at her head and one at her foot. DT moved in tandem with them.

All of their legs squealed out their pleasure against the tiled floor and their movements became frenetic. DT flapped her fold-out leaves up and down and trembled. Little puffs of white stuffing ejected through the stitches of the cushioned seats of all eight chairs.

This had been their shared fantasy since that first moment they'd arrived in their flat pack boxes from IKEA. It had taken hours and hours for their assemblers to figure out what screw or peg went where and several times they been turned on by a misplaced insertion.

The first chair had watched as the others got put together and then finally Dining Table was set up. For two long hours the chairs had kept their places against the wall as the assemblers spread and massaged in layer after layer of beautifying polish to every inch of DT.

The cushions became so plump they were almost painfully strained against the tacks that held them to their wooden frames. Now, fully sated, the chairs could only wait for their next opportunity to make a meal of Dining Table.

Author's Note: Health warning. This writing bug is highly contagious.

 

[liliput1]

The wardrobe experiments with cross-dressing, then comes out of the closet. Or into the closet, that would also work. The oven is hot but the refrigerator is frigid. The chaise longue gets longuer and longuer as it watches. The sofa, the couch, and the settee want a threesome. The secretaire rolls her top up for the boss.

The shepherd's crook inches out from the wings and stops me doing this any more. *whoosh*

Wardrobe. Malfunction.

It was right there and you fumbled it.

 

[liliput1]

There's also the chaste lounge, who has always been shy around the other chairs, watching as they get stacked, one on top of another, just a big pile of legs and seats and backs, all fitting so perfectly. Chaste has never felt the touch of another chair, and the anxiety is crippling. So one day, he goes to see a sex therapist couch, who helps him get over his anxiety around intimacy by letting him lie atop her, feel her tall, smooth back against him and her soft pillows under his head.

The throw pillows are cuddle sluts and they aren't even subtle about it.

People keep moving them to the chaste longue and it has to think about baseball.

 

[liliput1]

This isn’t fair I’m terrible with puns.

Only thing I got is a Lazy Susan who’s a flasher

Edit: I guess baby proofing would be the equivalent of bondage.

Tyler the Tv stand grunted as the zip ties were worked around him, strapping him to the TV legs. He already was immobile, now he had thing plastic straps biting into him and driving the legs of the device into him. He wondered how he could endure this pain…then he saw them break out the anchor

Shaker chairs like being suspended upside down and nobody seems to remember this about them so they're very cranky.

Except that chair there who is very outspoken about assumptions about stereotypes and just likes being sat on.

 

[anthrodisiac]

What hell hath I unleashed?

 

[liliput1]

What hell hath I unleashed?

BASF: We don't make the perverted ideas you have. We make the perverted ideas you have, better.

 

[liliput1]

Fuck. I was too busy making puns and forgot about the Friday Writing Prompt.

 

[sirhugs]

This isn’t fair I’m terrible with puns.

Only thing I got is a Lazy Susan who’s a flasher

Edit: I guess baby proofing would be the equivalent of bondage.

Tyler the Tv stand grunted as the zip ties were worked around him, strapping him to the TV legs. He already was immobile, now he had thing plastic straps biting into him and driving the legs of the device into him. He wondered how he could endure this pain…then he saw them break out the anchor

I too am terrible with puns, and as the author of Locked in the Closet, I am sensitive to whether or not a closet is technically furniture, but the mention of "baby proofing" make me conscious of the ways in which a baby gate could serve to constrain...

Then there's the crib for adult role playing...

 

[TheLobster]

What hell hath I unleashed?

An ottoman invasion no doubt.

 

[anthrodisiac]

baby gate

"Mommy, how are baby gates made?"
"Well, when a Mommy Gate and a Daddy Gate love each other very much..."

 

[TheExperimentalist]

What hell hath I unleashed?

GOOD! Now you know how it feels!

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Alright, alright. I'll contribute. So the cubby has many holes she needs filled, and just having one filled is never enough for her.

The laundry pile wants to indulge in its vore fetish with the washing machine, but it keeps being hampered.

The stove's got the hots for the cookware, but the oven keeps smothering them.

 

[liliput1]

The dryer likes to talk dirty to the washer about all the large loads she takes.

It’s a top and bottom washer and dryer set.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

The dryer likes to talk dirty to the washer about all the large loads she takes.

Yeah, but she's just blowing out a lot of hot air...

 

[sirhugs]

Yeah, but she's just blowing out a lot of hot air...

which requires that i point out that the word "blow" is a misnomer. the appropriate term would be "suck'.
But that would ruin the pun.

 

[liliput1]

which requires that i point out that the word "blow" is a misnomer. the appropriate term would be "suck'.
But that would ruin the pun.

Why do you think the vacuum cleaner hides all the time?

 

[TheExperimentalist]

which requires that i point out that the word "blow" is a misnomer. the appropriate term would be "suck'.
But that would ruin the pun.

Tangent: Explain how a dryer is sucking rather than blowing? It's an exhaust tube, which is blowing, no?

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Garden Hose gets really wrapped up in her kinks.

Lamp is very easily turned on, but she keeps getting burned out quickly.

Window shade is so used to being tied down and with a blind, he can't keep it up otherwise.

Trash Can is the nastiest, dirtiest slut you can imagine, down to take pretty much anything in her hole.

Workbench loves pegging and being pounded.