...Get the courage to get back out there...

[dragonflymama]

HI, I'm new here...I'll try to be brief with my intro. I'm 36, separated, finding my way as a newly (almost) single person again. I've been separated - which means no sex - for 6 months. I am in a place now where I am open to seeing if I can attract some attention again.

I don't know EXACTLY what I'm after...some days, I think I just want to get laid. Sorry to be so blunt...other days, I don't want someone just for sex, I want someone to really show an interest in ME. Most days, I want both. And not necessarily from the same person. I don't think I could have something GENUINE and REAL with someone who is willing to have sex with me without knowing me.

Here's the other thing...I was with my soon to be ex (STBX) for 16 years. We have 3 kids...so my body isn't a 20-something body anymore...Additionally, my STBX is also the only person I've ever been with....so, you can imagine...I'm a little rusty when it comes to putting myself out there. And then the kicker is I'm no cover model...I'm probably what some would call curvy/plus size. I've lost weight, and am still losing, however, my body isn't what it used to be. But after being with the same man for 16 years, I am TERRIFIED to get out there and face rejection...but I have needs!!!

SO, that brings me to the question...finally (is anyone still here, reading?). As a newly separated person, how do I go about finding someone "safe" who might be ok with just NSA fun, who won't judge my body and will enjoy the hell out of it? I guess I am looking for some validation that women like me, with bodies like mine, are still desirable. This is really the first time I've been so blunt and honest about who and where I am...

 

[heljosef]

... hi, you are still very young, other people on your age still live with their parents . Women on your age are very interesting to me as they know what they want and have experience of life . Ok, they don't look as 20 years
old but they make better sex than them.

Just let your self free and open minded. Surely you 'll be approached by men; if you think your curves would be an issue try gym.

6 months without sex? I know women, of your age, being without sex for 6 years and not having any problem with that ... Your libido works just fine and this is healthy and good.

 

[infinity706]

First thing, forget about your figure. The most popular woman I've ever met weighs over 300 pounds. She fucked over 30 guys in the past 6 months and could have had a lot more if she chose to.

Seriously, confidence and personality will win you a lot more points than a pair of DDs in the long run. Besides, chances are, there are plenty of people out there that think you're super hot just the way you are.

 

[swtrthnhoney]

I completely understand your situation (long term relationship, felt less than adequate in physical appearance department, lost weight, no kids, not much sex in the relationship and definitely none since the awareness of the relationship problem).

The first thing is - don't change your physical appearance for someone else, do it for you, only if you want it. If you do it for you it will mean more to you than if you do it for someone else. If you are happy with your physical attributes, then don't change them. Buy some new outfits, have a spa day, get a new look, buy a new bra (the right bra works wonders).

I think the most important thing is to be confident in who you are. Right now, you are learning and growing and becoming more of you and less of who you were for the relationship. Don't rush it, some things take time and the end result is worth it.

"I don't know EXACTLY what I'm after...some days, I think I just want to get laid. Sorry to be so blunt...other days, I don't want someone just for sex, I want someone to really show an interest in ME. Most days, I want both."
I could have written this paragraph. There are moments when I don't ever want to be around another man again, then there are many other moments when I really want their company in the worst way. I assume you have similar feelings. I figure that it is a process of purging that I have to go through in order to be a healthier me.

Who would want you? Most men - once you gain your confidence and your sense of self. Don't belittle who you are or what you are worth just because of this relationship. You are unique and special, a one-of-a-kind creation.

I don't have all the answers...Spread your wings and learn to fly, you will enjoy it. The rest will happen when it is supposed to happen. Make the most of it.

 

[twister947]

Your situation is not unique. Many of us, male and female, have walked that path, freighted with insecurities and middle aged bodies. The partner(s) you seek is out there, dipping his toe in the pool, just like you are. Jump in!

 

[beautylvr]

I completely get it...but differently...

I know what it feels like. I just spent the last two years in a couple of rather emotionally abusive relationships and some life-things that have really affected any sense of confidence I've had in myself. It's not quite the same thing, but it's still the sense that it's time to start over. Mind you...I'm a male...realizing, let alone admitting to abusive relationships seems like something that we don't do. Or maybe we do, and I just don't hear much about it.

Regardless, it's all it is, a start, with endless possibilities. Good luck to you.

 

[Bottomlover]

First thing, forget about your figure. The most popular woman I've ever met weighs over 300 pounds. She fucked over 30 guys in the past 6 months and could have had a lot more if she chose to.

Seriously, confidence and personality will win you a lot more points than a pair of DDs in the long run. Besides, chances are, there are plenty of people out there that think you're super hot just the way you are.

+1 on this.

Get involved in something you are passionate about. If you're not passionate about anything, explore and find it. The key is to get involved and be happy. Compatible friends and lovers will appear.

 

[dragonflymama]

Thank you all so much for your kindness! I hear everything you're saying, and I believe it to be true. I am more than halfway "there" and I know I will look back at this time and laugh at myself...cuz I know I am a catch. I know the right man is out there and I know we will find each other!

In the meantime, I have the freedom to have some fun...I just need to figure out how to go about that SAFELY because I have my kids to consider now, too.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

HI, I'm new here...I'll try to be brief with my intro. I'm 36, separated, finding my way as a newly (almost) single person again. I've been separated - which means no sex - for 6 months. I am in a place now where I am open to seeing if I can attract some attention again.

I don't know EXACTLY what I'm after...some days, I think I just want to get laid. Sorry to be so blunt...other days, I don't want someone just for sex, I want someone to really show an interest in ME. Most days, I want both. And not necessarily from the same person. I don't think I could have something GENUINE and REAL with someone who is willing to have sex with me without knowing me.

Here's the other thing...I was with my soon to be ex (STBX) for 16 years. We have 3 kids...so my body isn't a 20-something body anymore...Additionally, my STBX is also the only person I've ever been with....so, you can imagine...I'm a little rusty when it comes to putting myself out there. And then the kicker is I'm no cover model...I'm probably what some would call curvy/plus size. I've lost weight, and am still losing, however, my body isn't what it used to be. But after being with the same man for 16 years, I am TERRIFIED to get out there and face rejection...but I have needs!!!

SO, that brings me to the question...finally (is anyone still here, reading?). As a newly separated person, how do I go about finding someone "safe" who might be ok with just NSA fun, who won't judge my body and will enjoy the hell out of it? I guess I am looking for some validation that women like me, with bodies like mine, are still desirable. This is really the first time I've been so blunt and honest about who and where I am...

If you are concerned that your body doesn't look like a super model, go to the super market, or Wal-Mart, or any other store where women tend to not dress up, and take a look at what the average woman looks like; you’re going to find there are no super models. You are just as desirable as any other woman; all you need is confidence in yourself.

As far as sex, it hasn’t changed much in the last 16 years; tab A still goes in slot B, and you will be just as excited the first time with a new man as you were when you had sex the first time with your husband.

Don't worry about rejection, we all get rejected at one time or the other. If you get rejected, it doesn't mean that no one likes you, it just means that one person doesn't like you. Just have confidence in yourself and enjoy your freedom.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

Thank you all so much for your kindness! I hear everything you're saying, and I believe it to be true. I am more than halfway "there" and I know I will look back at this time and laugh at myself...cuz I know I am a catch. I know the right man is out there and I know we will find each other!

In the meantime, I have the freedom to have some fun...I just need to figure out how to go about that SAFELY because I have my kids to consider now, too.

Good point. If you have kids, role-play all you want online, but be careful who you meet in person.