Getting into the swing of things?

[UEMcGill]

I've had several friends, tell me they have talked; mfm, mfmf, fmf, over with their S/O. Mostly during heated passion, and they agree, but later get cold feet. Should one press the issue, and try to make things happen?

 

[Bobmi357]

What someone says in the throes of passion shouldn't really be taken seriously. If on the other hand, you've had that conversation over a cup of coffee at the kitchen table, then take it seriously.

Major topics like that should be brought up in the light of day and not during heated passion. And until that happens, I would not really take any of it as anything other than "dirty pillow talk" for the moment.

If she brings it up again, away from the passion, then you have an opening to pursue it.

 

[the_untouched]

s/o ??
i don't think you're able to push it if one get's cold feet on having a threesome or so... i have learned in my 18 a half years that you shouldn't plan anything in advance with women because they get cold feet all the time... if they mention something grab them by the hand at the moment they say it and go for it... but most of the time even then they get cold feet but if you really are aiming for a threesome you could try inviting them and do some drugs with them... this helps a lot... i think alcohol can even have the same effect if you wanna stay legal... though i gotta say i hate alc...

 

[CelticFrog]

Avoid every single one of the_untouched's suggestions.
ALL OF THEM.

They are not only unsafe and unrealistic, but have potential to ruin many otherwise secure relationships. Not to mention bring out rape and abuse allegations.

I will not get cold feet. My husband and I have talked a little about a MFF threesome. And with a lot more talking and planning and making sure we both understand what will be involved, we will likely go through with it. It'll just take a while to get to that point.

I agree with Bobmi. If it can't be brought up at the breakfast table (after the kids have left for school, mind you!), then the issue should not be forced.

Ang

 

[the_untouched]

They are not only unsafe and unrealistic, but have potential to ruin many otherwise secure relationships. Not to mention bring out rape and abuse allegations.

what exactly do you mean by that?
i didn't say he should force anybody to do something he/she doesn't want
and i never said he should give anybody drugs without them knowing it... but i know that alcohol can bring people to for example do a threesome...

 

[CelticFrog]

I expect others will come on here being able to give a much better explanation than I, but to enlighten you on the basics:

#1: Alcohol is a drug. Administering it, even knowingly, causes reactions in people that normally wouldn't occur were they sober.

#2: If someone does something when they're drunk, and they would not have done it when sober, sexual abuse allegations can and will arise.

#3: By using alcohol (or any other drug, even taken willingly or via peer pressure) to loosen someone's inhibitions, you are purposefully drugging them in order to have your way with them, like it or not. That, like it or not, is rape. And is forcing them to do something, contrary to your most recent post.

Ang

 

[sheath]

but if you really are aiming for a threesome you could try inviting them and do some drugs with them... this helps a lot... i think alcohol can even have the same effect if you wanna stay legal... though i gotta say i hate alc...

Okay. I went on a personal little rampage when I read this. I think I'm calmer now, though I am still queasy with fury.

See, this is a very personal point for me. Introducing drugs into sex to 'persuade' someone is NOT okay. Ever. If two people take drugs with full consent, fully understanding the consequences, that's one thing. But inviting someone to do drugs just to keep them from getting 'cold feet' and getting what you want is dead wrong.

And if you do administer those drugs, even if she/he takes them of their own free will? Those drugs have a tendency to remove all vestiges of free will they have. That means if sexual acts happen after they are under the influence of the drugs, it IS rape.

Maybe you are going to think, in your eighteen years of infinite wisdom, that I am being judgmental. Or that I'm calling foul for something that you might think is all fun and games. The truth is, this is pretty damn personal. Almost two years ago, I was given drugs at a party. I don't remember anything from that point. And I thank God for that every single day, because with those drugs in my system, I did things I would never have done otherwise. Never. And in the light of day when the drugs wore off? I realized what had happened. The drugs took away all my control, all my choices, all my ability to make decisions for myself. In short, it was called rape.

You might think that it's okay to introduce drugs into sex. You might think that it won't hurt anyone at all, that it just loosens inhibitions and gets rid of 'cold feet'. The truth is, when you introduce drugs into the mix, things get very dangerous very fast, for everyone involved.

So...please. Think before you throw advice out there that could damage someone's life forever.

S.

 

[Sybarist]

Not to mention your whole generalization of women being totally off base!!

Maybe you should take another 18 years and get a clue?? I shudder to think of the women in your life and your opinion of them...

I agree that for the most part, words spoken in the bedroom should be taken as tools for the fantasy. The whole idea of sharing your partner may be incredibly arousing and something that gets you off every time. However, in real life you may have jealousy issues that would destroy your relationship if it ever happened.

If you can bring the fantasy out of the bedroom and still be okay with it, then pursuing it further may be possible. I, for one, would not push it incessantly..

Syb.