Give Me a Little Time: Reflecting on my little Journey

[average_red]

Aftercare isn't just a snuggle or comforting words afterwards. Even if you play with a person just once, it is reasonable and responsible to say, "I'd like to check in with you in the next day or two. Please feel comfortable to reach out if you need to" Friendship and play is a wonderful combination, even if you're keeping things casual

So full honesty, I want to try these things, but don't have any real experience or anyone who is into this lifestyle. Obviously, I would like to take care of anyone I played with, but given the length of aftercare, I take it that it will be a lot harder to find playmates to try it out with than I had hoped? It almost seems like women would want significantly more investment than with regular sex.... Basically I guess I am asking how long do subs typically want to know doms before they try a session? And I guess that I am asking if there are subs that are more open to new partners?

Edit: it has been brought to my attention that I am highjacking this thread, but I am still curious about the viability of actually finding willing subs. If anyone would like to answer these questions, please send me a PM.

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

Really good point about aftercare being ongoing. I think it’s over looked at times

I've had a couple of instances of follow up aftercare has been needed but not offered. It leaves me fragile and feeling broken. Aftercare can never be underrated

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

So full honesty, I want to try these things, but don't have any real experience or anyone who is into this lifestyle. Obviously, I would like to take care of anyone I played with, but given the length of aftercare, I take it that it will be a lot harder to find playmates to try it out with than I had hoped? It almost seems like women would want significantly more investment than with regular sex.... Basically I guess I am asking how long do subs typically want to know doms before they try a session? And I guess that I am asking if there are subs that are more open to new partners?

Okay, not to speak on behalf of @Littlewolf8258 in her own thread, but I don't think this is the right place to look for a sub.
As for your first question, there is no typical response

 

[Littlewolf8258]

Okay, not to speak on behalf of @Littlewolf8258 in her own thread, but I don't think this is the right place to look for a sub.
As for your first question, there is no typical response

You’re fine @MissMaidenMinx

@average_red I think it’s great that you’re asking questions and trying to learn. Part of the reason I started this thread is because I’m very new to D/s and one of the ways I process is through writing about my experiences with my Daddy. While this isn’t the place to find a sub, I’m happy for it to be a place for discussion and people with genuine questions and curiosity to share their thoughts.

That being said, my best advice is to learn as much as you can about a potential play partner before trying anything. So so much trust goes into this type of dynamic, from both sides of the /. Because each person is different, their needs will be different too. The only real way to know what someone is open to is to talk to them.

One thing I’ve come to realize about this type of dynamic is that the people who are genuine and serious about it don’t take shortcuts. If all you’re looking for is someone to play with, I’m sure you can find that. However, if you’re looking to truly experience a D/s dynamic fully, you’ll probably find that a lot of time will need to be invested before any play happens.

 

[average_red]

@average_red I think it’s great that you’re asking questions and trying to learn. Part of the reason I started this thread is because I’m very new to D/s and one of the ways I process is through writing about my experiences with my Daddy. While this isn’t the place to find a sub, I’m happy for it to be a place for discussion and people with genuine questions and curiosity to share their thoughts.


One thing I’ve come to realize about this type of dynamic is that the people who are genuine and serious about it don’t take shortcuts. If all you’re looking for is someone to play with, I’m sure you can find that. However, if you’re looking to truly experience a D/s dynamic fully, you’ll probably find that a lot of time will need to be invested before any play happens.

I'm sorry that it came across like I was trying to find a sub here, that was not my intention. I do agree with you that for the full experience I would need a deeper relationship, I was more trying to get a feel from someone who seemed more experienced about what kind of time tables and investment to expect when I actually start looking for subs/playmates. I would be happy to delete my comments if you would like.

 

[Littlewolf8258]

I'm sorry that it came across like I was trying to find a sub here, that was not my intention. I do agree with you that for the full experience I would need a deeper relationship, I was more trying to get a feel from someone who seemed more experienced about what kind of time tables and investment to expect when I actually start looking for subs/playmates. I would be happy to delete my comments if you would like.

I appreciate your questions and there’s no need to delete anything.

I can only speak to my own experiences as far as timing and investment, but I’m happy to share those thoughts. As a new sub, I believe the biggest challenge I faced was not rushing into the arms of every “dom” who showed the slightest interest. In the beginning I was so excited about exploring this aspect of myself, but I didn’t have the knowledge to do so safely or responsibly.

The results were a couple of bad experiences that made me really take a step back and wonder if this was even for me. What I realized was that I needed to focus on learning everything I could about myself as a sub on my own before I could adequately communicate to any potential Dom what my wants, needs, limits and expectations were.

If you’re considering finding a sub either for play or a more involved dynamic, the best thing you can do is define those things like timing and investment for yourself. What time are you willing to spend? What is your expectation of intimacy? What are your strengths and weaknesses within the dominant role? What are you limits? Your non-negotiables? Once you can answer those questions about yourself, it’s much easier to find someone who aligns with you, regardless of what your actually looking for.

Sorry for being long winded, but I hope this helps and that you’ll keep asking questions and participating in as many threads as possible. That’s a great way to figure things out

 

[Littlewolf8258]

TW: reference to sexual/religious trauma and abuse. Mods, if this post violates any rules please let me know and I’ll remove it.




I know this may or may not resonate with anyone else, but it’s something I’m struggling with right now and I need to talk it out.

I grew up in a very religious, very strict, environment. My parents used the belt and wooden spoons every other day it seems like; with 5 of us kids, someone was constantly failing to meet expectations. Purity and sexual repression were major themes in the church we were a part of.

Though I didn’t know it until much later on when we were all adults, 3 of my siblings also experienced sexual abuse at some point during their childhood, in addition to my own experience.

In at least 2 of those cases, the “church leadership” was made aware and the abuser was protected. It’s an all too familiar story, in which the victim is blamed, shamed, and manipulated into staying silent.

The amount of shame I still carry over 20 years later is crushing at times. There are times I feel as though I’m still silencing myself. There are times I feel as though having sexual desire makes me unworthy or unclean somehow. Logically I know that is very untrue, but there is a part of me that was damaged at an early age that never wants to believe in logic.

Anyway, thank you for reading, if you did. I hope this doesn’t offend or upset anyone, as that is not my intention. I simply needed to get some things out.

 

[Sexy_Singer]

TW: reference to sexual/religious trauma and abuse. Mods, if this post violates any rules please let me know and I’ll remove it.




I know this may or may not resonate with anyone else, but it’s something I’m struggling with right now and I need to talk it out.

I grew up in a very religious, very strict, environment. My parents used the belt and wooden spoons every other day it seems like; with 5 of us kids, someone was constantly failing to meet expectations. Purity and sexual repression were major themes in the church we were a part of.

Though I didn’t know it until much later on when we were all adults, 3 of my siblings also experienced sexual abuse at some point during their childhood, in addition to my own experience.

In at least 2 of those cases, the “church leadership” was made aware and the abuser was protected. It’s an all too familiar story, in which the victim is blamed, shamed, and manipulated into staying silent.

The amount of shame I still carry over 20 years later is crushing at times. There are times I feel as though I’m still silencing myself. There are times I feel as though having sexual desire makes me unworthy or unclean somehow. Logically I know that is very untrue, but there is a part of me that was damaged at an early age that never wants to believe in logic.

Anyway, thank you for reading, if you did. I hope this doesn’t offend or upset anyone, as that is not my intention. I simply needed to get some things out.

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

TW: reference to sexual/religious trauma and abuse. Mods, if this post violates any rules please let me know and I’ll remove it.




I know this may or may not resonate with anyone else, but it’s something I’m struggling with right now and I need to talk it out.

I grew up in a very religious, very strict, environment. My parents used the belt and wooden spoons every other day it seems like; with 5 of us kids, someone was constantly failing to meet expectations. Purity and sexual repression were major themes in the church we were a part of.

Though I didn’t know it until much later on when we were all adults, 3 of my siblings also experienced sexual abuse at some point during their childhood, in addition to my own experience.

In at least 2 of those cases, the “church leadership” was made aware and the abuser was protected. It’s an all too familiar story, in which the victim is blamed, shamed, and manipulated into staying silent.

The amount of shame I still carry over 20 years later is crushing at times. There are times I feel as though I’m still silencing myself. There are times I feel as though having sexual desire makes me unworthy or unclean somehow. Logically I know that is very untrue, but there is a part of me that was damaged at an early age that never wants to believe in logic.

Anyway, thank you for reading, if you did. I hope this doesn’t offend or upset anyone, as that is not my intention. I simply needed to get some things out.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. Mega hugs!

Logic and emotion are two very different beasts and it's hard for them to be upfront and present in the mind at the same time. While I wasn't part of a church going family, I too was sexually abused. It's still hard to convince myself that it's not my fault. I still feel dirty and broken.

If you've not already sought therapy, please do. It hurts but it helps.

More mega hugs

 

[sarahjx]

idk wot 2 say really just yea im sooo sorry big hugs

 

[Littlewolf8258]

Daddy tasked me with posting but it’s hard to find the words right now.

Something so simple shouldn’t be this hard for me. I’m obviously not short on words in my other posts.

I guess maybe I’m still struggling with some mental blocks.

 

[Tallcajun]

Did he say what subject to post about?
Just general conversation? Or to continue with your original subject matter?

Either way, maybe throw out a question to the group?

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

Daddy tasked me with posting but it’s hard to find the words right now.

Something so simple shouldn’t be this hard for me. I’m obviously not short on words in my other posts.

I guess maybe I’m still struggling with some mental blocks.

Sometimes writing is hard. I was set a specific writing task months ago and I have tried time and time again and I get nowhere.

 

[Littlewolf8258]

Sometimes the need to be little/submit happens at the most inconvenient times

 

[Littlewolf8258]

Sometimes the need to be little/submit happens at the most inconvenient times

The wait was well worth it to experience tonight. I love that Daddy challenges me with the things I tell him I’m interested in. Sometimes it’s not what I expect but I always learn something about myself and about our dynamic. And sometimes, like tonight, it’s so much more than I could have expected