Glove Slap '09

[annaswirls]

Don't worry. You only need to critique. You will have 24 hours to do so once the poets finish their poems.

You and others will need to decide, in your opinion, which of the two poems better responds to the theme; which of the poems better incorporates the form chosen with the theme; and which of the poems is a better poem overall. The poem that you consider being better in at least two of those three criteria will be your pick to win.

Do we pm you our choice? Do we include a review or justification or just the title?

Sorry, I am new and late all wrapped up in one.

 

[annaswirls]

p.s. I don't think 45 minutes was long enough to research a form and then write a poem... or maybe I was too concerned with content... I dunno. Count or not. Mine's in.

I don't think 3 hours would have been long enough to research a form and then write a poem.

You both did excellent jobs considering your "constraints"

 

[CharleyH]

Judging Complete and the winner is ....

First, I just want to thank all of you, especially Champagne and Tzara (both winners in my opinion), for participating in this challenge. I am always amazed by the talent of poets, but to be able to meet various criteria and create a poem within limits is truly awesome. Both poems are completely pleasurable, but here's what the judges had to say:

Judge #1 - Kinbaku
Reasons
Bound Pantoum is the better form poem and reads well in that form
Kinbaku is the better in the other two citeria and has a more erotic flow capturing (excuse the dreadful pun!) the essence of the challenge,

Judge #2 - Bound Pantoum
It should be pointed out initially that these poems are from two different points of view within a similar scene. One is written by the “dominant,” as it were, the one who is doing the binding. The other is from the point of view of the “submissive,” the one who is bound. This is an important differentiation and I’ll come back to it.

Of the two forms chosen, the pantoum is pretty clearly the more difficult form, since it is longer and requires more strenuous repetition. However, the pantoum does not require a particular meter, so that makes the form slightly easier in that one respect. The curtal sonnet is actually in violation of the traditional requirement of iambic pentameter, but I believe the poet has done this deliberately.

What’s interesting here is the ways that each poet has chosen to “truncate” both the forms they chose and the rhythm of certain lines. In the pantoum, most of the lines are in quatrameter, but the poet has chosen to give one or two lines the contrast and strength of three feet instead of four: “the barbs dig in deep and I bleed,” “caught tight and bound by desire.” These are good lines in which to break the form; they reflect the decisive surrender of the position, the moment when one realizes that one is truly trapped, or the moment when a crop or cane strikes the body.

The sonnet, too, breaks the traditional meter by using a four-stress line instead of the traditional iambic pentameter. In each case the violation of form has reasoning behind it. Since the poems are erotic and have bondage and power play as the primary topic, truncating rhythm as the poets have done here creates a certain urgency and rhythm, a deliberate lack of smoothness. Of the two pieces, the pantoum does this slightly more specifically; the sonnet uses this truncation as an overall choice in the meter, rather than within specific lines. One might even deduce a certain frustration in the voices here; the sense of being ‘unfinished’ or ‘cut off’ that the truncation of lines and rhythm creates reflects a hunger, perhaps to live out the actual scene if it is a fantasy, or perhaps just the hunger to get time alone with one’s lover.

Both contain some true jewels of phrasing and language use. The pantoum manages some internal rhyme in the echo of “briar” and the end rhymes of “fire, desire” and so on. The use of short, sharp words and abrupt phrases, “caught tight,” “barbs dig in deep” and “the sting comes,” forces the reader to feel the vivid anticipation and eventual sharp pain, the psychological teeth of the submissive’s predicament. One can almost feel a crop or cane coming down in time with the words.

The sonnet also creates a strong atmosphere. Unlike the pantoum, which uses alliteration within sharp sounds like the c in ‘captured’ to create a stressed, short effect, and ends lines sharply, avoiding enjambment for the most part, the sonnet features a great deal of sibillance and a more complex and languorous sentence structure. Both language choice and sound reflect the leisure and power of the dom’s position: “a lazy eight,” “a loop through lips” and so on.

Use of metaphor in both pieces is skilful and reflective of the topic. In the pantoum, the phrases “twisted strands of wire” and “the barbs dig in deep” reflect in both sound and metaphor a certain sacrificial quality; one cannot help but get a hint of a crucifix here, a sub bound to a cross, a painful predicament that hints at a crown of thorns. Within the sonnet, one strong and obvious metaphor is the phrase “pliable as hemp.” Of the two pieces, the pantoum is more strongly metaphorical; one wonders if the barbs are something physical or possibly the verbal taunting or sharp words that often accompany a D/s scene. The sonnet is appropriately narrative; it is almost an intellectual reporting of the scene, an internal monologue, as opposed to the pantoum’s more descriptive style. Again, a more restrained tone (as it were) is appropriate for a dom’s voice, so this manipulation of language and structure is harmonious with the manipulation of both rope and submissive within the actual scene.

The two pieces contrast nicely in terms of their approach to what will happen next, and how much is implied by the act of binding someone. While the sonnet creates a photograph of a moment, it is unclear where the scene will go from there; there is a finished quality to the piece. The pantoum takes the subject of bondage and extrapolates a great deal more in the scene: pain, surrender, the dynamics of need and power, the interaction that takes place once the binding has been completed. To the sub, the relationship and aspects of dependency and interaction are essential; to the dom, the scene becomes one more aesthetically defined, more of a restrained and impersonal arrangement of objects.

It is obviously significant that one poem is written from the point of view of a submissive and one from a dominant’s view, particularly if we are judging them in terms of their use of form as reflective of the subject. In this, they have both chosen excellent forms for supporting the contrasting points of view. The pantoum contains the repetition, the begging and a certain suspense and neediness that reflects the submissive’s stance in the scene. By contrast, the dom’s poem is smoother, far more controlled and less urgent. He does not even put himself into the scene until line 9; one gets an image of the dom standing back to admire the esthetics of his work, patiently building suspense in his submissive. There’s a casual, leisurely quality to the scene, which reflects accurately the control over impulsivity that a dom must have.

The pantoum has far less control and more urgency; the shortened lines give the impression of need and hunger, which is reinforced by the language. In fact the choice of the pantoum form is particularly appropriate to the scene; a submissive bound may be reduced to a sort of repetitive, begging litany of phrases that reflect the progressive loss of control and heightening of arousal.

CONCLUSION
I must say that in terms of how the poets chose their forms in reflection of their respective points of view, it might have been even more appropriate for the dom to have gone along with the traditional iambic pentameter for his piece; this would have communicated even more accurately the control necessary for someone in his position and the way a dom must give the impression of distance and mastery over both himself and his sub. While it can be argued that a four-stress line communicates urgency, it is not usually to a dom’s benefit to communicate any sort of uncontrolled hunger or hurried quality.

IN THIS ALONE do I feel that the poems differ in quality: if the question is how much the piece reflects the point of view of a sub and a dom in a bondage scene, then I’d have to say the sub’s poem does a better job of communicating how it is to be a sub in that context. It might be asserted that of the two authors, the sub seems to either have a more vivid imagination or more actual experience.

Judge #3 - Kinbaku


WINNER by split decision is KINBAKU by Tzara

 

[eagleyez]

The poems are good.

I just have more of a leaning towards vacumming the house, or feeding the birds, perhaps.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Physics was my favorite class, you know. I just never understood why.

Physics allows up to compute the wavefunction of a thread and then find commutation relations between the thread and a particular posting.

I like both poems.

 

[Tzara]

That was fun. Kind of. If you like writing poems under deliriously tight deadlines while under the influence of stress hormones.

Actually it was kind of fun.

Thanks to Charley for setting this up, to the esteemed and lovely judges, and most of all to my learned and gracious opponent (or partner), Ms. Champagne.

Peace out, y'all.

 

[champagne1982]

Congratulations, Maitre d'Rapier, Gilbert. I'd say more but I seem to be all tied up at the moment.

BTW, my reason for choosing the pantoum formula as my answer to the challenge was because those repetitious lines remind me of the methodical layering that a skilled dominant would exhibit as the ropes wrap the submissive, eventually ending the art with an intricate knot to tie end and beginning together.

Thanks to the judges and our dear Mrs. Hynde. x 12 x 4.

 

[CharleyH]

That was fun. Kind of. If you like writing poems under deliriously tight deadlines while under the influence of stress hormones.

I have to admit that I was going to give you an hour, (which is what Champagne probably expected from past challenges) but Lauren said to me ... "Oh, those two write form like they drink water." I shortened the length of time on the challenge for that reason alone. I was also going to challenge you to write an obscure Chinese form, but then I saw that thread about BDSM poetry and thought, shit, Champagne and Tzara can write a fabulous BDSM poem. The both of you proved me right!

AnnaSwirls: I didn't say much about judging because I just felt that judges should give what they want or what time they had. You did a great job. You judged! That's hard enough.

 

[champagne1982]

No.

Ten thousand posts?!? Fuck....

I just had a thought about this post. If Your Cock didn't have so much to say, you wouldn't have to post as many replies.

 

[Homburg]

I just had a thought about this post. If Your Cock didn't have so much to say, you wouldn't have to post as many replies.

That thread will be the purple-headed albatross hung round my neck for as long as I post here.

 

[Mistress_Belladonna]

So...

... which one won?


In my humble op, I liked them both, but prefer the second.

 

[annaswirls]

in response to previous post:

First, I just want to thank all of you, especially Champagne and Tzara (both winners in my opinion), for participating in this challenge. I am always amazed by the talent of poets, but to be able to meet various criteria and create a poem within limits is truly awesome. Both poems are completely pleasurable, but here's what the judges had to say:

Judge #1 - Kinbaku
Reasons
Bound Pantoum is the better form poem and reads well in that form
Kinbaku is the better in the other two citeria and has a more erotic flow capturing (excuse the dreadful pun!) the essence of the challenge,

Judge #2 - Bound Pantoum
It should be pointed out initially that these poems are from two different points of view within a similar scene. One is written by the “dominant,” as it were, the one who is doing the binding. The other is from the point of view of the “submissive,” the one who is bound. This is an important differentiation and I’ll come back to it.

Of the two forms chosen, the pantoum is pretty clearly the more difficult form, since it is longer and requires more strenuous repetition. However, the pantoum does not require a particular meter, so that makes the form slightly easier in that one respect. The curtal sonnet is actually in violation of the traditional requirement of iambic pentameter, but I believe the poet has done this deliberately.

What’s interesting here is the ways that each poet has chosen to “truncate” both the forms they chose and the rhythm of certain lines. In the pantoum, most of the lines are in quatrameter, but the poet has chosen to give one or two lines the contrast and strength of three feet instead of four: “the barbs dig in deep and I bleed,” “caught tight and bound by desire.” These are good lines in which to break the form; they reflect the decisive surrender of the position, the moment when one realizes that one is truly trapped, or the moment when a crop or cane strikes the body.

The sonnet, too, breaks the traditional meter by using a four-stress line instead of the traditional iambic pentameter. In each case the violation of form has reasoning behind it. Since the poems are erotic and have bondage and power play as the primary topic, truncating rhythm as the poets have done here creates a certain urgency and rhythm, a deliberate lack of smoothness. Of the two pieces, the pantoum does this slightly more specifically; the sonnet uses this truncation as an overall choice in the meter, rather than within specific lines. One might even deduce a certain frustration in the voices here; the sense of being ‘unfinished’ or ‘cut off’ that the truncation of lines and rhythm creates reflects a hunger, perhaps to live out the actual scene if it is a fantasy, or perhaps just the hunger to get time alone with one’s lover.

Both contain some true jewels of phrasing and language use. The pantoum manages some internal rhyme in the echo of “briar” and the end rhymes of “fire, desire” and so on. The use of short, sharp words and abrupt phrases, “caught tight,” “barbs dig in deep” and “the sting comes,” forces the reader to feel the vivid anticipation and eventual sharp pain, the psychological teeth of the submissive’s predicament. One can almost feel a crop or cane coming down in time with the words.

The sonnet also creates a strong atmosphere. Unlike the pantoum, which uses alliteration within sharp sounds like the c in ‘captured’ to create a stressed, short effect, and ends lines sharply, avoiding enjambment for the most part, the sonnet features a great deal of sibillance and a more complex and languorous sentence structure. Both language choice and sound reflect the leisure and power of the dom’s position: “a lazy eight,” “a loop through lips” and so on.

Use of metaphor in both pieces is skilful and reflective of the topic. In the pantoum, the phrases “twisted strands of wire” and “the barbs dig in deep” reflect in both sound and metaphor a certain sacrificial quality; one cannot help but get a hint of a crucifix here, a sub bound to a cross, a painful predicament that hints at a crown of thorns. Within the sonnet, one strong and obvious metaphor is the phrase “pliable as hemp.” Of the two pieces, the pantoum is more strongly metaphorical; one wonders if the barbs are something physical or possibly the verbal taunting or sharp words that often accompany a D/s scene. The sonnet is appropriately narrative; it is almost an intellectual reporting of the scene, an internal monologue, as opposed to the pantoum’s more descriptive style. Again, a more restrained tone (as it were) is appropriate for a dom’s voice, so this manipulation of language and structure is harmonious with the manipulation of both rope and submissive within the actual scene.

The two pieces contrast nicely in terms of their approach to what will happen next, and how much is implied by the act of binding someone. While the sonnet creates a photograph of a moment, it is unclear where the scene will go from there; there is a finished quality to the piece. The pantoum takes the subject of bondage and extrapolates a great deal more in the scene: pain, surrender, the dynamics of need and power, the interaction that takes place once the binding has been completed. To the sub, the relationship and aspects of dependency and interaction are essential; to the dom, the scene becomes one more aesthetically defined, more of a restrained and impersonal arrangement of objects.

It is obviously significant that one poem is written from the point of view of a submissive and one from a dominant’s view, particularly if we are judging them in terms of their use of form as reflective of the subject. In this, they have both chosen excellent forms for supporting the contrasting points of view. The pantoum contains the repetition, the begging and a certain suspense and neediness that reflects the submissive’s stance in the scene. By contrast, the dom’s poem is smoother, far more controlled and less urgent. He does not even put himself into the scene until line 9; one gets an image of the dom standing back to admire the esthetics of his work, patiently building suspense in his submissive. There’s a casual, leisurely quality to the scene, which reflects accurately the control over impulsivity that a dom must have.

The pantoum has far less control and more urgency; the shortened lines give the impression of need and hunger, which is reinforced by the language. In fact the choice of the pantoum form is particularly appropriate to the scene; a submissive bound may be reduced to a sort of repetitive, begging litany of phrases that reflect the progressive loss of control and heightening of arousal.

CONCLUSION
I must say that in terms of how the poets chose their forms in reflection of their respective points of view, it might have been even more appropriate for the dom to have gone along with the traditional iambic pentameter for his piece; this would have communicated even more accurately the control necessary for someone in his position and the way a dom must give the impression of distance and mastery over both himself and his sub. While it can be argued that a four-stress line communicates urgency, it is not usually to a dom’s benefit to communicate any sort of uncontrolled hunger or hurried quality.

IN THIS ALONE do I feel that the poems differ in quality: if the question is how much the piece reflects the point of view of a sub and a dom in a bondage scene, then I’d have to say the sub’s poem does a better job of communicating how it is to be a sub in that context. It might be asserted that of the two authors, the sub seems to either have a more vivid imagination or more actual experience.

Judge #3 - Kinbaku


WINNER by split decision is KINBAKU by Tzara