Have you lost weight lately?

[george51]

Never talk to a woman about her weight. Never!

I learned that one years ago, the hard way.

I am a male after all... Sometimes not too clever.

 

[human_male]

I learned that one years ago, the hard way.

I am a male after all... Sometimes not too clever.

How are we supposed to know these things unless someone tells us?

 

[cowslinger64]

Why don't you spend your time and effort flirting with a thin NON MARRIED woman?

 

[silverwhisper]

human male, do you just not have any female friends? there's a common thread in the discussions you start: they frequently revolve around not having the faintest fucking clue how to talk with women in whom you're interested.

for the love of pete:

1. befriend a woman to whom you aren't attracted.
2. keep it that way.
3. learn.

ed

 

[asianbaby3]

yea don't say "have you lost weight" that makes the girl feel like "oh so he thought i was fat before"

just tell her she looks amazing. that's should be sufficient.

 

[satindesire]

I'm beginning to see why

That was uncalled for.

Maybe you should try losing a bit of weight - she might be more into you then.

Honestly ladies, is this kind of attitude truly necessary? Truly?

How are we supposed to know these things unless someone tells us?

Don't take their nastiness personally. Some people are just mean spirited and hateful and don't have a single drop of patience, understanding or compassion in their entire bodies.

 

[curiousirish]

In my opinion I could never hear 'have you lost weight?' and not feel good! But it's not the same for everyone obviously

 

[BBW_Goddess_Anna]

What I find funny is all the women saying "don't mention weight", etc. I am a large woman & I would not be offended or care if someone made a comment like that to me. Even if they were a stranger, I do not mind. I would not be offended, nor would I think it was strange.
Why is it a person cannot receive a compliment & just take it for that! Why are people so caught up in being PC or socially correct? Just say "hey you look great like you have lost weight or something" & she says "thank you" and smiles & appreciates the compliment. Be honest people, or just say nothing at all.

 

[satindesire]

What I find funny is all the women saying "don't mention weight", etc. I am a large woman & I would not be offended or care if someone made a comment like that to me. Even if they were a stranger, I do not mind. I would not be offended, nor would I think it was strange.
Why is it a person cannot receive a compliment & just take it for that! Why are people so caught up in being PC or socially correct? Just say "hey you look great like you have lost weight or something" & she says "thank you" and smiles & appreciates the compliment. Be honest people, or just say nothing at all.

Well, not all women feel the same way you do about a topic. I personally wouldn't care either, but there was a point in my life where I WOULD HAVE cared, and it would have been offensive. It's not about being PC, it's about being sensitive to whatever emotions the weight topic might be brought up in that person.

So, I can see both sides of the story.

Really, the easiest and safest thing to do in his case would be to err on the side of caution.

 

[BBW_Goddess_Anna]

Well, not all women feel the same way you do about a topic. I personally wouldn't care either, but there was a point in my life where I WOULD HAVE cared, and it would have been offensive. It's not about being PC, it's about being sensitive to whatever emotions the weight topic might be brought up in that person.

So, I can see both sides of the story.

Really, the easiest and safest thing to do in his case would be to err on the side of caution.

Very true. Shame honesty can't work in practice though, isn't it?

 

[crazyboy2006]

Ooooooooooooh yeah, just leaving weight comments out completely is probably best... and that goes for anybody, even guys.

 

[satindesire]

Very true. Shame honesty can't work in practice though, isn't it?

Yeah, for sure. It's a shame that we teach our kids things like "honesty is the best policy" but us grown-ups just can't manage that.

 

[IsabellaKing]

Honestly ladies, is this kind of attitude truly necessary? Truly?

Don't take their nastiness personally. Some people are just mean spirited and hateful and don't have a single drop of patience, understanding or compassion in their entire bodies.

My comment wasn't meant to be nasty.

If I'd have thought that the OP was totally serious, I would never have made a comment, but nobody seriously asks for advice on how to flirt with a married woman...surely?

 

[satindesire]

My comment wasn't meant to be nasty.

If I'd have thought that the OP was totally serious, I would never have made a comment, but nobody seriously asks for advice on how to flirt with a married woman...surely?

I already knew this because I'm friends with the OP, so obviously that's going to color my responses...but he's not the type to try and "get into her pants". Trust me, he's a genuinely nice guy, who just wants to do a little bit of completely harmless flirting.

Married or not, there's nothing wrong with gentle flirtation, when there's no sexual intent behind it.

Many people here have suggested that he make a concentrated effort to flirt with and socialize with many different women in order to become socially confident and comfortable around them. He's a little shy. He needs the practice. He doesn't mean any harm by it.

 

[IsabellaKing]

I already knew this because I'm friends with the OP, so obviously that's going to color my responses...but he's not the type to try and "get into her pants". Trust me, he's a genuinely nice guy, who just wants to do a little bit of completely harmless flirting.

Married or not, there's nothing wrong with gentle flirtation, when there's no sexual intent behind it.

Many people here have suggested that he make a concentrated effort to flirt with and socialize with many different women in order to become socially confident and comfortable around them. He's a little shy. He needs the practice. He doesn't mean any harm by it.

Without wishing to sound nasty (and I hope he sees the funny side of us talking about him) someone who isn't confident around women is probably gonna end up getting his face slapped if he tries flirting.

I'm not sure it can be taught - I also think it always comes with some kind of sexual intent.

 

[satindesire]

Without wishing to sound nasty (and I hope he sees the funny side of us talking about him) someone who isn't confident around women is probably gonna end up getting his face slapped if he tries flirting.

I'm not sure it can be taught - I also think it always comes with some kind of sexual intent.

Flirting is learned, not a skill you're born with. Trust me, I used to be so painfully shy that I'd throw up from anxiety whenever I was in public situations.

Now I'm comfortable flirting and talking with both genders, because I practiced.

 

[IsabellaKing]

Flirting is learned, not a skill you're born with. Trust me, I used to be so painfully shy that I'd throw up from anxiety whenever I was in public situations.

Now I'm comfortable flirting and talking with both genders, because I practiced.

Sounds like you're the perfect girl to teach him, then.

 

[satindesire]

Sounds like you're the perfect girl to teach him, then.

Well, thank you!

 

[crazyboy2006]

Flirting is learned, not a skill you're born with. Trust me, I used to be so painfully shy that I'd throw up from anxiety whenever I was in public situations.

Now I'm comfortable flirting and talking with both genders, because I practiced.

I disagree with you. You're attractive... all you have to do is go out there. It's different for people who aren't as good-looking... especially for men, where personality, humor, and confidence is the most important step of the process.

And I don't think you were struck with too bad of a case of social anxiety, though I can't judge from a few simple posts alone. Take me, for example, who cannot stay at a formal banquet for more than 30 minutes because I feel like everybody is watching every move I make. Zoloft and Xanax didn't do shit for it, either...

 

[dollface007]

I lost 20+ lbs over the last year or so, and I have been pretty uncomfortable when people say, "Wow, you lost a lot of weight! You look great!" I really do recognize that it is a compliment and meant in a positive way, but it just makes me uncomfortable, especially if it's not a one-on-one conversation. If I was comfortable with how I looked before, I wouldn't have done the work to lose the weight! If I had my way, I would rather people just left off the first part and said, "You look great!"

 

[PenguinEsquire]

Would it be considered rude to say that to a woman, who is only an acquaintance? I'm looking for a way to break the ice and flirt with her a bit. Would she take that as a compliment or be offended?

She has actually lost weight I think.

And she's married if that makes any difference.

Many thanks.

Jayne Cobb (avatar) would just blurt it out.... and then wonder what went wrong.

I believe you are getting sound advice here and would be wise to heed it. But I am just another clueless male, what do I know.

Will

 

[LaRocha]

So, have you flirted with your married woman yet? How'd it go? I'm also curious why you chose a married one as opposed to a single lady.

I think I understand why a guy would talk about weight specifically. We assume any lady is trying to lose weight, so we're giving her some positive reinforcement in her quest. Asking any guy if he's been working out gives him a bone, I can't imagine a dude being bummed that some chick implied he looked like a buffer, slimmer version of his former self. Ladies operate differently though. Mine is about to pop this baby out and I try not to say anything about anything.

 

[Firefly69]

I personally wouldn't have a problem with someone asking me if I lost weight and telling me I looked great. In fact, I was more annoyed when no one even mentioned it!

I worked and sweated and took off 60 lbs and no one had the balls to even acknowledge it. I realize that weight can be a tricky thing to bring up. You can insult someone very easily --even thinner people- a friend of mine finds it very rude to be told she needs to eat more-- and shes trying to put on weight. I almost told the lady who said that to her that she needs to eat less. She was rude to say that.

Yes, it was my own personal accomplishment and I felt good for it-- but I still wanted other people to say they noticed. I worked hard for it! Well, I guess some family members mentioned it. But that was about it. I did find though- once I brought up the topic of my efforts-- then people would say something. I always took it positive as it was meant to be.

But never once in my life, have I ever been offended by someone mentioning that I look like I lost weight. And the times I've asked people that-- they haven't been offended either. I wouldn't recommend asking someone who is trying to gain weight if they've lost though!

 

[Firebrain]

Tell her she smells good. You can't go wrong with that (well, unless she's just mucked out a horse).

Wow, you smell good today. What's that perfume you're wearing?

You can also tell women that they have a nice voice when on the phone. Oh, how teenage boys used to make me blush and giggle with that one...sigh...(now "nice tits" seems way too acceptable).

 

[satindesire]

I disagree with you. You're attractive... all you have to do is go out there. It's different for people who aren't as good-looking... especially for men, where personality, humor, and confidence is the most important step of the process.

Yes, it is easier for attractive or "pretty" people. But I've seen pictures of the OP, and he is attractive.

And I don't think you were struck with too bad of a case of social anxiety, though I can't judge from a few simple posts alone.

The way I am today is nothing like the way I was, and no, you CAN'T judge from a few posts alone. I was so painfully shy that my mother was forced to pull me from public school and home school me just because I was too shy to deal with people in school. That's just a fraction of the problems I was going through due to my social anxiety.