Have you Quit Porn? Do you dislike it? What do you perceive its downside to be?

[carlieplum]

Don't use porn (as distinguished from erotic fiction). I've tried it a few times, but I always find myself feeling too bad for the actresses, wondering how little they get paid and feeling like their lives must be pretty sad. Hard to get too worked up with that on your head.

That being said, I don't think porn watching leads to an interest in BDSM. I doubt the Marquis de Sade owned a DVD player.

Further, a person's kink is a person's kink. Exposure to porn isn't going to change that. Why would exposure to porn lead you into BDSM in particular? Why not group sex or nonconsent or incest? Your logic seems flawed on that.

 

[Miles Long]

What's this porn thing you guys are all talking about?

 

[SigShooter]

Couldn't resist. I've got to chime in....

I apologize for the lengthy response. Long time lurker with few posts but Terabytes of absorbing the vast knowledge from the experienced scholars here on Lit.

I believe childhood circumstances spawned my addiction to porn starting with the women's undergarment pages in the 3 inch thick Sears & JCPenny summer catalogs.

At an early age, I "felt" condemned that it was wrong. And as I navigated through the development stages, I continually found myself "trying to quit and falling off the wagon" time and again.

While still coming to grips with my identity and personality, I gravitated to the BDSM genre of porn and still crave and practice it today. Not to say it was "climbing the ladder, it was just channeled by my own tastes and trying to fill my own needs as a person and understanding who I was and have become.

Now, I do tussle in the relationship with the love of my life, (childhood sweetheart, married 22 Years.) that my desires, frequencies & views of sex are VERY different and distinct from hers. In short, I could summarize our libidos are just not in sync, but through her patience with me, she is learning, tolerating or accommodating my preferences to sex because of our close relationship. In fact, she is the ONLY person, I've ever shared my inner secrets with and I was SHOCKED, ESTATIC and ENAMORED that she still loved me in spite of it.

So...
Have I tried to quit?....Yes!
Do I dislike it?....At times, because porn has somewhat convoluted my perception of a healthy sex life.
What do I perceive it's downside to be? If left unguarded, I know I have put unrealistic expectations upon my spouse because I wanted sex with her (and for her) to be an "earth shattering, multi-orgasmic, thrashing & screaming," experience which I perceived was common for most women...IF AND ONLY IF, it was performed correctly by the partner.

Currently, I'm still growing, changing my perceptions AND learning what my wife desires more than what I want her to experience from our sex life.
Fortunately, I married my soul mate who is willing to learn with me. I hope everyone can find that as well. Happy Hunting!

BTW - If you don't like or disagree with anything I stated...keep it to yourself because I'm strolling proudly back into my lurker mode to continue my learning. SIG

 

[wellnow]

I apologize for the lengthy response. Long time lurker with few posts but Terabytes of absorbing the vast knowledge from the experienced scholars here on Lit.

I believe childhood circumstances spawned my addiction to porn starting with the women's undergarment pages in the 3 inch thick Sears & JCPenny summer catalogs.

At an early age, I "felt" condemned that it was wrong. And as I navigated through the development stages, I continually found myself "trying to quit and falling off the wagon" time and again.

While still coming to grips with my identity and personality, I gravitated to the BDSM genre of porn and still crave and practice it today. Not to say it was "climbing the ladder, it was just channeled by my own tastes and trying to fill my own needs as a person and understanding who I was and have become.

Now, I do tussle in the relationship with the love of my life, (childhood sweetheart, married 22 Years.) that my desires, frequencies & views of sex are VERY different and distinct from hers. In short, I could summarize our libidos are just not in sync, but through her patience with me, she is learning, tolerating or accommodating my preferences to sex because of our close relationship. In fact, she is the ONLY person, I've ever shared my inner secrets with and I was SHOCKED, ESTATIC and ENAMORED that she still loved me in spite of it.

So...
Have I tried to quit?....Yes!
Do I dislike it?....At times, because porn has somewhat convoluted my perception of a healthy sex life.
What do I perceive it's downside to be? If left unguarded, I know I have put unrealistic expectations upon my spouse because I wanted sex with her (and for her) to be an "earth shattering, multi-orgasmic, thrashing & screaming," experience which I perceived was common for most women...IF AND ONLY IF, it was performed correctly by the partner.

Currently, I'm still growing, changing my perceptions AND learning what my wife desires more than what I want her to experience from our sex life.
Fortunately, I married my soul mate who is willing to learn with me. I hope everyone can find that as well. Happy Hunting!

BTW - If you don't like or disagree with anything I stated...keep it to yourself because I'm strolling proudly back into my lurker mode to continue my learning. SIG

Awesome Post, SIG. Congratulations for your understanding wife and your communication.

 

[DarkBee]

I routinely watch porn as being single and very careful, masturbation is my main sexual outlet. I don't think it's desensitizing, though I think a bit too much is unhealthy.

I haven't found myself going up the ladder. There are so few videos that come close to reality that I know it's just for quick titillation, and some of the more advanced stuff gets to the point where it isn't arousing, just shocking.

When I watch porn, I still prefer amateur, simple and as real as possible (for porn).

I agree with you, except for the last sentence: I prefer to watch all kinds of weird fetish lesbian porn; the only downside I can imagine is killing my imagination, I haven't written any stories since I have my own internet connection.

Some things do turn me off though: needles, blood and screaming/crying are not arousing in the slightest. Soft SM is ok, but the hardcore stuff... *shivers*

 

[dollface007]

Don't use porn (as distinguished from erotic fiction). I've tried it a few times, but I always find myself feeling too bad for the actresses, wondering how little they get paid and feeling like their lives must be pretty sad. Hard to get too worked up with that on your head.

That being said, I don't think porn watching leads to an interest in BDSM. I doubt the Marquis de Sade owned a DVD player.

Further, a person's kink is a person's kink. Exposure to porn isn't going to change that. Why would exposure to porn lead you into BDSM in particular? Why not group sex or nonconsent or incest? Your logic seems flawed on that.

ITA. I don't have a problem with porn in theory, and have watched it often in the past, but I started reading up about porn actors/actresses who left the business and how awful, abusive, exploitative, rapey, and unsanitary it was. I know that there are some production companies that are very ethical and pro-feminist, but they are few and far between and I just haven't taken the time or money to figure out which ones I like. I just decided not to watch it anymore without knowing anything about the production company and their working conditions. I'm a bleeding heart...what can I say?

I also don't think porn naturally escalates to an interest in BDSM, but I do get the "escalation" idea. I think it's just more unique to each person. I worry about teenage boys (and girls, for that matter) these days and they ideas they get about sex from almost unlimited porn access.

 

[sunandshadow]

I don't think use of porn and/or erotica necessarily leads to BDSM. I've been exposed to plenty of BDSM erotica but it's never particularly caught my interest; if anything it's less interesting to me now that it's not even new and surprising. I like various kinds of kinky erotics, but that one's just not my cup of tea. I'd also say that I was interested in quite kinky things to begin with, so the ration of kink to romance that I like hasn't really changed, I just have a much broader understanding of what all kinks there are to be interested in.