Hello everyone

[Sasysusy]

Hello everyone.

I am a 40 year old that have only been with 1 man. We are high school sweet heart's. We have 2 daughters and they have finally left the nest. Me and my husband went on a vacation to kind of celebrate our new beginning alone and kind of feel young again. He bought a topic of experiencing new things and he mentioned he wanted a 3 some with another girl like bring her in our relationship. I told him if we bring a girl I want a guy. He didn’t like that idea of the guy. I tried to post this question on Reddit to get feedbacks but Reddit block me. Someone recommended me this site and here I am

 

[RustyRedheadSpitfire]

I suspect you’ll find a wider range of opinions here than you did on Reddit.

As for your question, I don’t think this is really about finding another woman or another man. It’s about fairness and communication.

Your husband proposed a fantasy that benefits him, and when you suggested an equivalent fantasy that benefits you, his enthusiasm disappeared. That’s worth talking about before anyone invites a third person into the marriage.

After twenty-plus years together, it’s perfectly reasonable to want to explore new experiences. It’s also perfectly reasonable to decide that monogamy still suits you best. Neither choice is inherently more enlightened than the other.

What worries me is when one partner says, “I’d like to do this, but only if the rules guarantee that I’m the only one who gets to enjoy it.” That usually points to insecurity rather than adventure.

My advice would be to forget about finding another person for the moment and spend an evening discussing expectations, jealousy, boundaries, and what each of you is actually hoping to gain. You may discover that what you’re really looking for isn’t another body in the room but a renewed sense of novelty and excitement with each other.

And if you do eventually decide to involve someone else, make sure the arrangement is built on enthusiastic agreement, not reluctant compromise. Nothing good comes from one spouse merely tolerating an experience for the sake of the other.

Just an opinion from someone who believes adults should make informed choices and be honest about them.

 

[MissileMike]

I suspect you’ll find a wider range of opinions here than you did on Reddit.

As for your question, I don’t think this is really about finding another woman or another man. It’s about fairness and communication.

Your husband proposed a fantasy that benefits him, and when you suggested an equivalent fantasy that benefits you, his enthusiasm disappeared. That’s worth talking about before anyone invites a third person into the marriage.

After twenty-plus years together, it’s perfectly reasonable to want to explore new experiences. It’s also perfectly reasonable to decide that monogamy still suits you best. Neither choice is inherently more enlightened than the other.

What worries me is when one partner says, “I’d like to do this, but only if the rules guarantee that I’m the only one who gets to enjoy it.” That usually points to insecurity rather than adventure.

My advice would be to forget about finding another person for the moment and spend an evening discussing expectations, jealousy, boundaries, and what each of you is actually hoping to gain. You may discover that what you’re really looking for isn’t another body in the room but a renewed sense of novelty and excitement with each other.

And if you do eventually decide to involve someone else, make sure the arrangement is built on enthusiastic agreement, not reluctant compromise. Nothing good comes from one spouse merely tolerating an experience for the sake of the other.

Just an opinion from someone who believes adults should make informed choices and be honest about them.

I concur

 

[Sasysusy]

I suspect you’ll find a wider range of opinions here than you did on Reddit.

As for your question, I don’t think this is really about finding another woman or another man. It’s about fairness and communication.

Your husband proposed a fantasy that benefits him, and when you suggested an equivalent fantasy that benefits you, his enthusiasm disappeared. That’s worth talking about before anyone invites a third person into the marriage.

After twenty-plus years together, it’s perfectly reasonable to want to explore new experiences. It’s also perfectly reasonable to decide that monogamy still suits you best. Neither choice is inherently more enlightened than the other.

What worries me is when one partner says, “I’d like to do this, but only if the rules guarantee that I’m the only one who gets to enjoy it.” That usually points to insecurity rather than adventure.

My advice would be to forget about finding another person for the moment and spend an evening discussing expectations, jealousy, boundaries, and what each of you is actually hoping to gain. You may discover that what you’re really looking for isn’t another body in the room but a renewed sense of novelty and excitement with each other.

And if you do eventually decide to involve someone else, make sure the arrangement is built on enthusiastic agreement, not reluctant compromise. Nothing good comes from one spouse merely tolerating an experience for the sake of the other.

Just an opinion from someone who believes adults should make informed choices and be honest about them.

Thank you for the advise

 

[Mrtenant]

Hello everyone.

I am a 40 year old that have only been with 1 man. We are high school sweet heart's. We have 2 daughters and they have finally left the nest. Me and my husband went on a vacation to kind of celebrate our new beginning alone and kind of feel young again. He bought a topic of experiencing new things and he mentioned he wanted a 3 some with another girl like bring her in our relationship. I told him if we bring a girl I want a guy. He didn’t like that idea of the guy. I tried to post this question on Reddit to get feedbacks but Reddit block me. Someone recommended me this site and here I am

Welcome to Lit! Keep working it. A long marriage (in some ways, like a long friendship) is worth the effort so long as you can keep its continuance as your goal no matter what you do. Some good people here with good advice, and some not so good. You'll see all kinds.

You'll disagree, for sure. Maybe even fight about it. Do not be a doormat. Get what you need. Take care of each other. Talk to other people who have gone through it.

 

[MrDickie]

Hello everyone.

I am a 40 year old that have only been with 1 man. We are high school sweet heart's. We have 2 daughters and they have finally left the nest. Me and my husband went on a vacation to kind of celebrate our new beginning alone and kind of feel young again. He bought a topic of experiencing new things and he mentioned he wanted a 3 some with another girl like bring her in our relationship. I told him if we bring a girl I want a guy. He didn’t like that idea of the guy. I tried to post this question on Reddit to get feedbacks but Reddit block me. Someone recommended me this site and here I am

As Rusty pointed out, it has to be a win-win situation.
If your fantasy is that your man fucks another lady/man/whatever and you just watch it's OK.
But if your fantasy is that only you fuck around, that's also OK.
Bottom line is that you have to discuss it and concur on the terms of your adventures.
I another words if you both want to a 3some, but you MMF and him FFM it's either both or none.
Unless one of you (don't know who ) wants to enjoy fresh cum from your pussy after it has been filled with thick white cream... Then it's OK

 

[MaxwellSmart86]

Hello everyone.

I am a 40 year old that have only been with 1 man. We are high school sweet heart's. We have 2 daughters and they have finally left the nest. Me and my husband went on a vacation to kind of celebrate our new beginning alone and kind of feel young again. He bought a topic of experiencing new things and he mentioned he wanted a 3 some with another girl like bring her in our relationship. I told him if we bring a girl I want a guy. He didn’t like that idea of the guy. I tried to post this question on Reddit to get feedbacks but Reddit block me. Someone recommended me this site and here I am

My wife and I are in a similar situation, only our boys are in middle and elementary school. We are both 44 and up until about 3 years ago had only been with each other (like you, we were high school sweethearts). About 3 years ago my wife suggested an ethical non-monogamous marriage. Since then, she has had a threesome with a married couple that she knows. I have had no such luck in finding anyone, but then again, I don't go out to bars/clubs or other usual social scenes. I've had a few online chats but after about a week or two I get ghosted.

We're currently trying to find another couple to play with but it isn't easy. I have trust issues as it is and with the world being as crazy as it is, those issues are a little more heightened.

As others have said, it's about fairness and communication. It wouldn't be right if your husband has his fantasy fulfilled but then denies yours.

 

[ProphetOfDesire]

It seems like all husbands are the same... they are only focused on their own satisfaction, completely ignoring the needs and desires of their partner.

You're meeting the wrong husbands. For some of us, meeting the needs and desires of our partner is equally satisfying as meeting our own.

In fact, I'd suggest that meeting the needs and desires of my partner is a requirement for me to feel satisfied. I want to make sure that when she finally leaves my arms the next morning, she doesn't want to. Her legs still shake as she struggles to stand, her body still tingles from every place my fingers, lips, and tongue touched her body, her mind is still floating on the heavenly cloud of orgasmic pleasure she experienced, and her lips won't stop smiling at the feeling of my desire leaking out of her depths for days afterwards, reminding her of what she desperately wants to feel again soon.

Selfishness doesn't give me the satisfaction of watching her look at me like THAT.