Help with anal sex

[jenna9090]

My hubby and I tried anal sex once and even though I thought I relaxed enough, it was really painful. He is kinda big and we used a lubed condom and vasaline and we did some relaxation breathing. Even then, it still really hurt. Is there something out there that can numb the sensation of pain, but still let me feel the pleasure side of this? I know this sounds stupid, but I would really, really like to be able to have anal with my man. Any opinions or suggestions or advice, PLEASE!

 

[SweetErika]

Hi Jenna!

Don't worry, you don't sound stupid at all! Generally, the only dumb questions are the ones we don't ask.

Have you both read through the Anal section of The Blank Manual sticky thread already? If not, that'd be my first and top suggestion; there's a lot of great info in there that helped us achieve pain-free anal.

You definitely shouldn't use any numbing products! Pain is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong, and not listening to those signals could lead to serious damage. Proper anal shouldn't hurt, and is largely a matter of trial and error in the sense that you two need to try a bunch of things and figure out what, specifically, works for you. Be patient; it may take many sessions over a period of weeks or months to figure it out.

The keys for us (apart from all of the basics of lots of lube, arousal, warm-up, etc.) are distraction and having me control the speed of penetration. I distract myself by stimulating my clit with our Hitachi Magic Wand - it allows me to not think about the anal action just enough so I don't tense up. Then I control the penetration by backing myself onto his cock in doggy style. If it's uncomfortable, I just stop and wait until I'm relaxed and really aroused before trying again very slowly. It can take a while, but I do relax eventually, and he's able to take over at some point.

You also may want to consider a better lube, like silicone, or even coconut oil. Of course any oil, including petroleum jelly, is not compatible with condoms (though it should be fine if you're just using them for easy clean up, as long as the condom doesn't break and get stuck in you). Some water-based lubes are okay, but they tend to dry out or need reapplication, and the good ones are often almost/just as expensive as silicone (which stays slick forever and never goes bad, so one bottle may last you years). Definitely avoid KY Jelly and any "sensation" lubes. Anyway, good lube is an important part of great anal, so it's worth a small investment.

 

[cryforme1v]

numbing products are a BAD idea.
Like Erika said, pain is ur bodies way of telling you something is wrong.
I suggest no condom and lots and lots and lots of lube.

 

[SweetErika]

I suggest no condom and lots and lots and lots of lube.

If you have plenty of the proper lube, the condom should not be an issue. There are lots of advantages to using condoms for anal, so even though we're fluid-bonded, we always use them.

 

[cryforme1v]

true, its just my experience and opinion that for anal, condoms get in the way and make it a little more difficult. Could also have been the one or 2 times we used a condom that we were doing something wrong or didnt use enough lube.

 

[SweetErika]

true, its just my experience and opinion that for anal, condoms get in the way and make it a little more difficult. Could also have been the one or 2 times we used a condom that we were doing something wrong or didnt use enough lube.

I'm betting it was a lube issue. We've always used condoms for birth control as well, and even then I've noticed i almost always need additional lube that's evenly distributed. Not having quite enough, or leaving any spot bare, can be quite painful, for sure. That may not be such an issue with latex-free/plastic condoms, but I haven't used them enough to compare because they're way too pricey for frequent use.

 

[bambikiller]

My 2 cents

I've never used condoms while useing the back door.
I didn't see the need.

As said lot's of lube.
I always used vasaline or baby oil.

As for a mess, I would always put a figure up there first to see if there was something that I wanted to advoid. At worst I'd get a dirty finger big deal.
If I was doing her dooggy style I'd slip my thumb up there for a little DP first.

If you need help loosing up first.
I'd eat her out and put my figure up her back side then I'd move up to a thin vibe. Lot's of lube.
Flip her over may be do it doggy style with the thumb up the rear both thumb and dick moveing in and out.
Now try and put it in real slow keep adding lube as you go.
Reach a round and stimulate the clit with the hand or vibe, OH more lube and look at that he came already.

Good luck and have fun.

 

[liv21]

Everyone else here has given you good advice, and I have to say I'm pretty much just repeating...

For me, anal always works better after I've been given fair time to get really aroused. Working your way up from a finger is a good idea to try--see how you respond to that. As for me, I hate having a finger in my ass. It's a lot more uncomfortable for me than a hard cock. Vaginal or oral sex should come first (no pun intended). This not only helps you relax, but can make it more pleasurable when you make the move to anal. If you have a small dildo or vibe, those can also be helpful in making the transition from finger to penis.

If penetration is painful, don't try to push through it. Taking ample time to adjust is critical. There are plenty of positions that help with this. I've actually heard girl-on-top is a good way to allow you to control the speed of penetration, depth, and angle, but I've always preferred doggy best. If you feel uncomfortable, try to reach under and stimulate your clitoris while your sphincter adjusts. If it's still painful, try a different angle or position.

Silicone lube seems to work best. Water-based ones can work for a little bit, but quickly dry up and make me feel raw. To be honest, I've never tried vaseline, but the thickness of it would probably make me feel kind of gross.

As for condoms, my only advice would be make sure to use A LOT of lube--on him and you. We've tried lubricated condoms without much extra lube and they've just gotten caught up before he was able to enter fully...and then they broke. Now that kind of hurts.

As others have said, don't use any kind of numbing/tingling/sensation creams or lubes. There are a bunch of nerve endings in the anus, and you don't want to be messing with their signals.

 

[VelvetSin]

Everyone else here has given you good advice, and I have to say I'm pretty much just repeating...

For me, anal always works better after I've been given fair time to get really aroused. Working your way up from a finger is a good idea to try--see how you respond to that. As for me, I hate having a finger in my ass. It's a lot more uncomfortable for me than a hard cock. Vaginal or oral sex should come first (no pun intended). This not only helps you relax, but can make it more pleasurable when you make the move to anal. If you have a small dildo or vibe, those can also be helpful in making the transition from finger to penis.

If penetration is painful, don't try to push through it. Taking ample time to adjust is critical. There are plenty of positions that help with this. I've actually heard girl-on-top is a good way to allow you to control the speed of penetration, depth, and angle, but I've always preferred doggy best. If you feel uncomfortable, try to reach under and stimulate your clitoris while your sphincter adjusts. If it's still painful, try a different angle or position.

Silicone lube seems to work best. Water-based ones can work for a little bit, but quickly dry up and make me feel raw. To be honest, I've never tried vaseline, but the thickness of it would probably make me feel kind of gross.

As for condoms, my only advice would be make sure to use A LOT of lube--on him and you. We've tried lubricated condoms without much extra lube and they've just gotten caught up before he was able to enter fully...and then they broke. Now that kind of hurts.

As others have said, don't use any kind of numbing/tingling/sensation creams or lubes. There are a bunch of nerve endings in the anus, and you don't want to be messing with their signals.

All of this. I'm another one that dislikes much finger foreplay. It tends to make me sore before anything even happens. Some external massage mixed in with whatever other foreplay is all I want. Lube is also optional IMO, and I prefer without, except for the natural. He warms up with a short round of PIV, and that's all the lube that's needed. And here's another vote for no condoms. And as others said, when it hurts, pause and adjust to his size. You will if you call it early enough, it just takes a bit of time. But if you wait to let him know you need a pause until it's excruciating, you may not. In other words, go slow and let him know what you're feeling.

As others said, you need to be really aroused, but for me, not too much. It will hurt every time if I orgasm before backdoor action. I have no idea why, but it works best and is the most pleasurable if playtime has me almost there, but not quite. Going that route, a little additional stimulation during the act results in the most intense orgasms.

Mister has always had a fondness for wakeup sex, maybe that would work? As in, if he can't sleep, or if he wakes up in the middle of the night for no reason, he'll wake me up for sex. I would think it would make me mad, but I'm always more than willing. The first time he went for anal, it was during a round of wakeup sex once he was sure I was awake enough from foreplay to know what was going on. Highly relaxed, highly aroused (he'll play to wake me up, which usually starts a sexy dream, which is foreplay in my head), and when he does that now, not much more warmup than that is needed.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Lots of great advice already- and quite a bit of confliction ( as always) concerning lubes and techniques. Obviously women react differently, and the challenge for you is figuring out how to do this without getting hurt or frustrated.

Lube is essential for the VAST majority of folks. Vaseline is usually too sticky. Some massage oils work super if your not using condoms. The wife & I prefer I-D Glide ( we both enjoy anal play) but have used others that were o.k. ( astroglide gel wasn't bad, either).
For my wife, anal play comes ONLY after she's fully aroused , preferrably several orgasms into it. She likes clitoral stimulation during the anal play, also. Doggy style has never been a great position for us- ususally spooning works best, sometimes almost a missionary position works good, too.

My suggestion? Some alone time with some quality lube, maybe some toys and some latex or nitrile gloves. Get to know yourself. I explored myself anally many years ago- hell, that's how I was able to successfully introduce my wife to it later. You can't expect to enjoy four fingers the first time out; but you may after a couple tries Have fun

 

[Luna_Bella]

I know how you feel and there is no stupid question.... In my experience the first few times were total failures It was painful, Gave me cold sweat and even made me feel nauseous it was so uncomfortable. but we used all the great advice on here and we are getting better at it.

Like the other suggested you need to get really aroused for you to even try and attempt it, I second Erika with the silicone lube, it might seem a lot more expensive (our brand costs avout 16$ for 2 oz) But you only need a few drops to keep everything lubed up for a long time, it does not drips or dries up it is virtually mess free. our 2 oz bottle has lasted more than a year now!!

I like the spooning position to begin with and don't be suprised if you decide to change position and have to re-adjust its not because one position is ok that another one will work. take your time and learn what works for you....

 

[jenna9090]

Thanks!

Thank you everybody that replied. I will not try condums again and maybe go out and by some high-quality lube. Anything that will help. I will try again using these suggestions and advice. Thank you again!!