Horny but shy

[sosexy]

Hi all!

I was wondering if you have any tips on getting over fear of rejection. I'm very sexual but when it comes to seducing the men I want, I get scared that they won't like me etc. I would love to get over it! so to speak. I'm 24 years old

should I start drinking? just kidding

I would appreciate advice very much


Pattie

 

[JRaven]

Just smile a lot...

the men will come to you. And think it was all their idea. They're funny that way.

If that doesn't work, try
this story!

Jenny

 

[Weird Harold]

I was wondering if you have any tips on getting over fear of rejection.

When it comes down to digging in your psyche to find the causes and cures of things like shyness or fear of rejection, self-help is seldom the answer.

One possible source of help is to look in your phone book under "Assertiveness Training" -- it's a fairly "big business" that's mostly business oriented, but it does cover overcoming shyness and fear of rejection.

 

[sosexy]

.

I just wish I knew when to go in for the kill, I mean I have friends who've been very assertive with men and all they've gotten was "excuse me would you mind getting your hands off my cock" etc. I'm scared it will happen to me as well.
I'm very assertive in other areas in my life, my job, socially and so on, but when it comes to initiating sex with someone new, i just run and hide

thanks for the story by the way, I liked it a lot, especially the "hold up" part

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: .

I'm very assertive in other areas in my life, my job, socially and so on, but when it comes to initiating sex with someone new, i just run and hide.

It could be that you're trying to force something that jus isn't there, or it could be that you've got a psychological block about being assertive in that part of your life.

The problem is that finding the reasons and solution just isn't something that can be done in this sort of faceless, anonymous venue by amateur psychologists.

What you need is somone who can watch your body language and listen to how you say things as wellas what you say and don't say -- it doesn't have to be a professional, but a professional counselor is easier to find than a close friend who just happens to have a clue about fixing your problem.

 

[Astrum]

Oh come on, you're a woman. You shouldn't have to do the work, the guys are supposed to. Heck, if you want a guy you got me right now .

 

[EJFan]

someone, in another thread, said that dating was a lot like clothes... you just try different things on to see what fits. i like that analogy a lot (sorry i can't remember who to give credit to for it).

there's no easy way to overcome shyness other than to challenge yourself to move away from it a little at a time. it's a lot like dieting or giving up cigarettes or any other lifestyle change... ya just have to have the willpower and determination.

i hope you know that it's OK to be shy though. if YOU'RE comfortable with who you are, that's all that matters really.

but try looking at it as trying on clothes... it takes some of the stress away from it... understand that not everthing fits everyone... no one's at fault, no one's wrong.

 

[Spenser41]

Ok my 2 cents

Everyone has fear of rejection. From the guy who is in the bar and sees a woman that he thinks is very pretty, who goes up and says.. Hi... would you like to dance or may I buy you a drink, there are many times guys hear the words, no thank you.
Women have it a bit eaiser. Most women do not have to ask, or rarely do, they just wait to see if the guy will ask.
I am not saying no woman has been rejected... heck we all have been. And no one likes it. But I will let you in on a secret.
There is nothing more sexy then having a woman show desire for you. There is a thrill and an excitment. But being pawed is not thrilling.. that is creepy and scary. And I can see why women hate it. Because it makes you feel like a piece of meat and not a person. Just someone to use for sex not for being a human body.
Sorry I digress....
Back to what you were saying... If you are attracted to a man, let him know. PLEASE do not do these stupid jr high school games ... but show him you are interested. If a man knows you find him sexy, it will make his day. And there is nothing wrong with a woman being sexually aggressive. But just go slow, be honest, and be you... Yes you may get rejected but, I would think more then not, you will find a willing partner.
I wish you all the best....

 

[gagginforit]

Yeah, what Spenser said.

Everyone has a fear of rejection. It would be weird if you didn't. I don't think it's realistic to try and "get over it". It's always going to be there. I'm a 34 year old guy and I wouldn't even dream of approaching someone I don't know anymore because I'd more than likely get rejected and I'm sick of getting hurt. So I know how you feel.

You could be the type of women who waits to be approached, and you no doubt would be. But I think it's wonderful to see an attitude like yours in a woman. Here in New Zealand (or the Land of the Lonely Single Blokes, as I call it) all I see from women is the attitude "I just sit back and let them come to me and shoot down the ones I don't like." I think women who aren't afraid to make the first move are so awesome, coz here's someone who's gutsy and feisty, and also someone who's not so up herself she thinks it's up to the other person to approach HER.

So if you see someone you like just go for it. Remember even if he says no you're still going to make his day!

If you're talking about making the first move in bed... let me tell you nothing, NOTHING is more sexy than a horny, sexually assertive women.

 

[ReadyOne]

Give the guy permission.

Make sure he knows that his next move will be welcomed, not rejected.

It might be enough to literally tell him so. Do it during conversation between just the two of you, and well before the first kiss.

It could be just an off hand remark about how you prefer waking up with a warm body beside you, or that you've been missing a physical relationship.

Or when you're kissing, tell him how much you've missed a man's touch like his, that he's made you all wet, a hard dick is good to find, find your G-spot and he can do anything.

Start opening you cloths when you're ready to move on. Make your breasts accessible (pull your blouse out and unbutton it, or roll up your top. Unbutton/unzip your pants. Get it started coming off and let him finish it. If you pants go down to your knees and seem to stay there for a bit, then finish taking them off yourself.

If he reacts to you "pawing him" then he just haven't had enough foreplay yet. Go slow until you get a good reaction from him.

It's entirely possible I wouldn't be married to my SO if she hadn't have tongued me at the start of our very first kiss. I spent 5 hours after that with her, trying to get her to move into the bedroom, based on the "promise" from the first kiss.

I gave up to go home when she finally pulled me down the hall by the hand as I was heading to the front door.

The tongue got the 5 hour investment, and the tug on my hand stopped me from leaving and writing her off as a tease. Fortunately, she wasn't really one, just a girl who was afraid I'd leave as soon as we'd fucked and who (ironically) wanted me to stay as long as she could keep me.

 

[sosexy]

.

When I was in America I got approached by men and I loved it, here in Europe(where I live) men are a bit different. Everyone always goes out in groups of several people, guys and girls, and the guys never do anything, well they might flirt, and that's it. So it's really up to us girls to do all the work, and I don't mind doing it, I'm very grateful for your advice. I think you're right about a lot of foreplay, I think men needs foreplay (visual especially) as much as women do.
The thing is I have a hard time reading the signals men send out.
Where I live guys are so friendly and that's all they are, my friends get rejected by guys all the time saying "I just want to be friends"
I live in a super friendly country, just no sex.

 

[thrity]

Chinese girls

here in China, the girls are used to being approached, they seldom offer to ask the guys out even they have the feeling to the guys.
anyway, the girls like to send out some signals, such like asking some unimportant questions to the guys, or hiting the guys with their boobs accidently.

 

[H0wl]

Remember the the guys are probably feeling just as uncertain as you are

I was lucky enough to meet someone who was pretty clear about what she wanted. I admit there was a half second of panic when she moved in for our first kiss. She doesn't remember making the first move, she says it was a mutual thing, so evidently I covered it up well enough that she didn't notice

Honestly most guys don't require a lot of seduction. Most of what you need to do is give them permission and then direct their attentions where you want them. The guys probably already want nothing more than to peel you out of your clothes and make love to you...they just don't know whether you want the same thing and how far they can go without ticking you off.

 

[sosexy]

Yeah, I know one guy who I think is interested in me, he shows all the signs, (well the ones I can read) But every time we are alone, he gets nervous and leaves. I was thinking about maybe showing him that I want him, but how can I if he runs away?

 

[Trystan]

He's probably just nervous for the same reason you are -- he's shy, but wants more. I mean, hell, a couple years ago if I was alone with a twenty-something chick I dug, I was a little nervous too (well, until after we'd done anything together, and broken down that wall).

Give it a go. Don't just grab his crotch in public or suddenly leap on top of him, or something -- but life's too short to be afraid. You want him, you think he wants you (and if he's a guy anywhere near your age of 24, the odds are good he does) -- go for it. Flirt a little bit, have a drink or two (both of ya) to help relax, and then just lean over and give him a kiss.

If things progress, great, everyone wins, and you can post some pics on here for the rest of us. If things don't progress, or he blushes real red and freaks out -- just apologize, explain that you misread a few signs, blame it on the booze, and trust me, his feelings aren't gonna be hurt or something. If he freaks when you first try something, the odds are good -- again, I've BEEN a 24 year old guy, I know these things -- he'll go home, think it over, and then maybe he'll make the next move.

There's no point in being 24 and frustrated. No point in it at all! Give it a shot!

 

[HoldenMcCrank]

Go forth and Be Bold

Next time you are with the guy you want and he starts to "run away" Grab a hold of his hand and say, " I really want you to stay" or "We never get a chance to talk alone" . Just say something that makes it clear that you want to spend time with just him. You may have to be blunt like, " I want to spend some time with you alone."

Just remeber if you don't take the chance you know he wont but some other girl might.

Good luck
Holden

 

[H0wl]

Yeah, I know one guy who I think is interested in me, he shows all the signs, (well the ones I can read) But every time we are alone, he gets nervous and leaves. I was thinking about maybe showing him that I want him, but how can I if he runs away?

Next time you're alone w/ him just tell him that you like him, you think he's interesting and sexy and you hope he feels the same way.

 

[browncow]

No guy can turn down a girl that either plays videogames, watches porn or football.

Seriously, dont go in for the kill. Just act interested and when you really just want to get fucked all you need to do is dress the part for that night. You can also just strike up random sex convos.

Every single one of those has worked on me.

Oh, no single guy I know of would say "excuse me would you mind getting your hands off my cock".... wow...I wish I even had the chance to say that recently.

 

[jlust]

Oh, no single guy I know of would say "excuse me would you mind getting your hands off my cock".... wow...I wish I even had the chance to say that recently.

yea, damn women always treating us like we're peices of meat or something i mean we have feelings too

 

[Guest]

Remember the the guys are probably feeling just as uncertain as you are

Speaking from the shy guy perspective here, he is right. We are just as nervous and uncertain. I know for me that I fear rejection too, not one of those guys that will ask 20 girls out to get one to say yes.

So just give the guy some solid signs that you are interested, not just flirting. I'm having to overcome this very thing right now with a girl I have been seeing for a few weeks, how to let her know that I want to take things to the next level without putting her off.

Good luck!

 

[xDonkeyxPunchx]

Hi all!

I was wondering if you have any tips on getting over fear of rejection. I'm very sexual but when it comes to seducing the men I want, I get scared that they won't like me etc. I would love to get over it! so to speak. I'm 24 years old

should I start drinking? just kidding

I would appreciate advice very much


Pattie

im learning a lot about getting over the fear of rejection and such, but not sexually, im talking about the market place. and the one thing that i was taught that is the best advice i have been given is to practice, practice as if you already have the traits you wish to develope pretty soon it will become second nature and you will no longer have to think about it, you will just do it. Stand in front of the mirror and say the things you would like to say, do the things yo uwould like to do, pretty soon it will become second hand nature and you will be able to approach men from an all new perspective

 

[sosexy]

Your advice is so great! I'm feeling more confident already.
Infact I have a date soon, and I'm gonna try your tips on him.
The other guy I like, (a lot!) I think he sees me as a sister, I mean in the beginning he saw me as a woman, but since I was a dork and rejected him he's not interested anymore. It bugs me, cause now I like him.