How could I draw him into conversation?

[littlestar83]

Hi folks!

There is one thing that has been wrecking my brain for over a month now. I've got a huge crush on a guy but the thing is I tend to be very shy at times (sometimes I actually surprise myself), and that guy is just as shy as I am. So, we have known each other for over ten years and now that I've grown up he actually managed to say "hi" (though I did so first, half a year before he did) but that's all. And I definitely know that he likes me, at least he has been staring at me (sometimes only at my tits, I have to say) for over a year now. So the thing is, I'm - hopefully - going to see him again in June and I need to do something at least!

So please, I really need some help!

 

[EJFan]

do you know of anything the two of you have in common... hobbies, jobs, etc.??? if there's something you both enjoy and are familiar with, just go do that and talk about it. don't think of it as a date, per se, just think of it as two people with a common interest.

you'll be more emotionally occupied when you're engaged in something you're familiar with and you won't worry so much about saying or doing the wrong thing... plus you'll both feel a sense of confidence that'll counter your shyness a bit.

 

[rcuhljr]

It's always akward when I start conversations with sex.

 

[emap]

rculhjr usually wise to stay away from sex for first through 20th conversations or so, unless you met at your first date, then let her do it.

Little go with EJfan, he actually said the right thing, amazing huh.

If neither of you actually does anything, it gets a bit harder. Then go for something easy and safe, say ask him if he wants to go see a movie with you, or ask him what a good movie to rent would be. If you go with the movie to rent it's alot easier, because then you can ask him if he wants to come over to yoru palce and watch the movie with you.

Serious here, if he's staring at you and your feeling the sparks, all you have to do is ask him if he wants to do anything with you, he will jump at the chance, though you should keep the sleep with me until your inside his or your place otherwise he'll be getting naked in public.

 

[littlestar83]

Thought about what you said. The things I know we have in common is cigarettes and beer. That's not really a lot to talk about, is it? Moreover if I did ask him to go out with me I think he would actually back away cos he's so god damned shy. He doesn't even say hi when my parents are with me!

 

[silverwhisper]

what about mutual friends?

ed

 

[littlestar83]

there's only one and if I asked him about the guy the whole village would know the next day.

 

[AAkasha]

there's only one and if I asked him about the guy the whole village would know the next day.

How old are you and how old is he? That might have an impact on your approach. Also, do you get a sense that he is shy AND extremely inexperienced with women -- or, you only know that he's shy?

Flirtation is key. Without knowing more about your situation, I'd suggest you first not feel like you have to rush things. If he is staring at you, catch his glance and hold it -- deliberately -- and smile. You said you are shy also, so this is a perfect time to practice.

If you have known him 10 years you probably have mutual friends. Arrange a reason for several of you to get together to go to a pub or something. That way, you are inviting him, but not putting him in a position of fear if he's too shy to "date" at this point.

Akasha

 

[silverwhisper]

littlestar: what about the three of you go see a movie or something? and if your mutual friend can't be trusted to keep his mouth shut, use that fact. really, what does it matter if everybody knows that you're interested? does anybody else's opinion really matter?

ed

 

[littlestar83]

How old are you and how old is he? That might have an impact on your approach. Also, do you get a sense that he is shy AND extremely inexperienced with women -- or, you only know that he's shy?

Well I'm nearly 22 and I guess he's about 15 years older than me. And I think he's shy and inexperienced.

By the way, our only mutual friend is actually over 50 and the next cinema is about 30 minutes from our village. And is the whole village knew I'd be so embarrassed that I wouldn't leave my house for the next few weeks!

 

[Lynxie]

Well I'm nearly 22 and I guess he's about 15 years older than me. And I think he's shy and inexperienced.

By the way, our only mutual friend is actually over 50 and the next cinema is about 30 minutes from our village. And is the whole village knew I'd be so embarrassed that I wouldn't leave my house for the next few weeks!

If you'd be that embarassed if people found out you were interested in this guy, are you really as interested as you think? You're 22 and an adult, so why would it be an embarassment?

You both like beer - could you ask him out for a drink sometime? If your village has a pub, it might be worth a try.

 

[littlestar83]

we actually spend many evenings in the same pub, just not together cos he's always with his friends and I am mostly with my mom (which is very very depressing...)

It's not like it would be embarrassing for me to be with him, but it's a really small village and everybody there has known me for ages and being in love with a man who is that much older actually isn't what they think of as a good thing.

 

[HoldenMcCrank]

Who care what the village thinks

would you rather be unhappy and not embarrassed? What if you two go out and things actually work out and you become a couple what will the village think then. WHO CARES! If you are so worried about what others think then you are doomed. Sorry to sound harsh but it is true! The way I would look at it is this way...... You are doing the Village a good service as you will be providing them something to talk about.

If you want to be Happy you have to start worring about you and you only! Screw the Village!

Good luck. Now go forth and Be Bold!

Holden

 

[oddity83]

Next time your in the pub, offer to buy him a beer if you can beat you at darts, pool fos ball or what ever bar game is in there. Most guys can't pass up beer, or a good game.

 

[littlestar83]

easier said than done... and it's still nearly three weeks until I get the chance to see him again.

 

[emap]

Well first I would say stop worrying about what the village thinks. I mean seriously, who cares? They for the most part couldn't care, it's just something to talk about, that's the problem with small villages, nothing ever really happens so the smallest things are the talk of the town.

Next up is thinking of a way to get him and you alone so you can share your feelings with him, in a bar is a tad public for shy people, though a movie is a pretty perfect place, your bedroom is more fun, but you gotta take these things in turn.

So I think the best thing you can do is to get the mutual friend to ask your love interest to go to the movies with him, something like he needs someone he trusts to go with him just in case or whatever, then you can pop in right before they leave and get invited to, of course you sit next to him the whole trip if possible, sit next to him in the movie, and see if you can get him to pay attention to you and not the movie so you can tell him how you feel. That way you can tell him without having to worry about anyone else hearing you, and he can reply without the same fear. You don't have to be sitting in the chairs watching the movie either, you can offer to go buy drinks and enlist his help in carrying the things back and tell him before you make it back to the seat or on the way to the snack counter.

Of course you can always go bac to the High School method, tell your mutual friend, ask him to ask him, and then report back to you. Or you can write a love letter, drop it in his mailbox or mail it if the mailman can keep a secret on you two trading letters.

Now that I think about it, the letter is probably the best choice, that way you don't have to embarrass your mutual friend, don't have to try and tell him in a bar or movie theater and so forth, you can also tell him now, instead of waitig 3 weeks to maybe tell him and maybe not.