How do I become a Satanist?

[p_p_man]

They're not listed in Yellow Pages...

They're not in any classifieds I've seen...

Nobody's approached me promising me all I desire if I'd just join...

I've had no visitations...

They're not sending out any spam that I know of...

So do they want recruits or not? I'm here...I'm waiting...I'm willing.

Where are you?

 

[Ambrosious]

Just call 1-800-BEELZEBUB and one of our friendly demons will get back to you soon! No obligation. No salesman will call.

 

[Pyper]

Hrm, well, there is a very nice Satanist working at my school cafeteria. I'll hook you up with him.

 

[riff]

It's easy!

I read Anton LaVey's Satanic Bible about 4 years ago. (He is the founder of the Church of Satan here in the US).

I was disappointed. All it was was just hedonism. Far cry from what I imagined evil to be.

So my answer, I guess, is that if there is anything for which you are delaying gratification, or wanting to do but not doing because of some stupid reason, just go and do it and you will be practicing Satanism.

Oh! Keep in mind that even good Satanists appreciate the value of moderation. If this compromises your Satanisticness, just shave your head, wear a goatee, dress in black, act distracted and detached and stick your tongue out a lot. You'll feel better.

 

[pabloback]

i look and dress like that anyway , does that mean i am a satanist???????
or just a fun loving demon

 

[Blackbich]

Ambro...

You are too f'n funny!!

pablo,

cute

 

[riff]

Surely, you jest!

i look and dress like that anyway , does that mean i am a satanist???????
or just a fun loving demon

Don't be silly. You're just trendy.

 

[p_p_man]

Re: It's easy!

Oh! Keep in mind that even good Satanists appreciate the value of moderation

That's OK, I've got that covered - take a look at my signature!

OK Let's go for it.

Thanks everyone....

 

[Ezzy]

For God's sake...

DON’T DO IT.

He has enough trouble these days, as it is, please be considerate and don’t add to his burdens.




EZ

 

[Morden]

<laughs>

"Bah satanism is boring! you want to have some real fun I can show you a trick or two."

 

[SunnyGirl]

*looking at Morden*

and it's a trend????

*consulting the book*

 

[Morden]

So are most religions only half taken to by the lumbering idiocy of the majority.
Wizards First Rule People are stupid

 

[SunnyGirl]

Morden, are you not classified as "people"?

 

[p_p_man]

OK...I've got that...

...wizards's first rule people are...hey hang on a minute I want to be a satanist not a mamby, pamby, wishy, washy excuse of a male witch...

your gave me wrong advice there Morden...just watch your back when I find the true way...

 

[Morden]

Hey According the master storysmith Terry Goodkind thats the rule. An yes a person is not usualy stupid, just a group of people.

 

[Mensa]

Re: It's easy!

good Satanists

Isn't that an oxymoron??

 

[Ally C]

Depends which sort of 'Satan' you believe in or want to believe in. If being a satanist has any parallels with being a Christian, then I guess you could find out where the nearest satanic church is (if there are such places!) and then go once and stop attending after that. Don't forget to not repent on your death-bed. Going by some of the threads on religion, then joining just about any faith might well provide a solution of sorts ...

 

[p_p_man]

That's what I'm trying to do...

Depends which sort of 'Satan' you believe in or want to believe in. If being a satanist has any parallels with being a Christian, then I guess you could find out where the nearest satanic church is (if there are such places!) and then go once and stop attending after that. Don't forget to not repent on your death-bed. Going by some of the threads on religion, then joining just about any faith might well provide a solution of sorts ...

The Satanic Churches aren't advertising themselves and other Satanists aren't coming forward to lead me into the dark... and telling me to join a non-evil church is very dangerous advice indeed...

When my conversion happens I will remember this mockery. First Morden, now Ally C, the names are duly noted...

For Satan's Sake! How do they get recruits?...

 

[Ally C]

Why not start your own church? You could assume the role of Satan, seeing that he seems so elusive.

 

[p_p_man]

Ssshhhh!!...

he might be listening...

 

[Ally C]

Sounds like some serious "self-denial" going on there. What happened to the "moderation", oh dark one?

 

[PL~Shadow Lover]

OMG too funny!

Have you tried AskJeeves.com? They might be able to help you...remember the commercial? Where the little kid asked "what is the meaning of life?", if it can tell you that it can surely tell you how to join!

And Morden's right, individual people aren't stupid, masses of people are. I think it's exponential, with each person added to the group the dumber the crowd gets.

 

[p_p_man]

yeah that figures...

...so when the opposition was talking to the 5000, they were really just a bunch of dummies who didn't know what was going on and were probably only there for the handout anyway.

Yeah sounds good...

Wouldn't happen to us though (you listening to this oh master) we demand a sign and sealed contract before we start giving people anything...

Thanks for the Ask Jeeves tip...you're protected...

 

[Cheyenne]

Re: Ssshhhh!!...

he might be listening...

I hope he is.

 

[p_p_man]

Yes but...

I hope he is.

...I want to start off on the right foot...

**leaves thread mumbling incantations**