how do i get him to like it again?..

[rthnck]

we actually had a talk last night about this..and he said even though he doesnt like it he would do it just to please me and make me happy..and im fine with that i guess

I'm a huge proponent of compromise in sexual differences between partners. I think that it's important to at least make the attempt to satisfy your partners needs and fantasies. If after giving it a real chance, it just doesn't work for one of you then the activity should probably be dropped. I love anal and my SO gave it the college try but it really doesn't work for her. But once or twice a year she gives it another go just for me and she enthusiastically does it (or fakes it well enough that I don't know the difference ). I'd love for it to be more frequent but I recognize that it's a compromise for something that doesn't work in our relationship. That's what makes a relationship work.

its just i dont like knowing now everytime i ask him for it i know hes not going to like it or be into it

Personally this would be a deal killer for me. If my partner didn't like to give me oral and I knew she was doing it simply for my pleasure, my enjoyment plummets. In that case it would have to be one of those special occassion things. Oral on my birthday or something like that. I couldn't deal with the fact that my partner was trying to stop from throwing up while she pleasured me on a frequent basis.

Erika is right (as she so often is) and I hate adding my own 2 cents after she has chimed in as my best points are often already eloquently and informatively stated in her posts. There has to be more to the story and you shouldn't have to settle for something that's important to you. More communication is necessary here. I'll be the first to admit that foreplay can be tedious for me at times. But I have learned that giving my SO and nice massage as a prelude definitely makes it better for her and she returns the favor so it's a win-win.

Going through life with an unsatisfying sexual relationship is a major frustration and only leads to problems. It's like water leaking into the foundation of a relationship slowly eroding it until cracks develop and eventually it crumbles. Find a way to stop the leak now. Settling is not the way to go.

 

[midwicket]

You've had a lot of good common sense advice. Hope it works out for you...From what you've told us in your posts, I suspect, rather than him being gay, he is in fact immature - which is a possibility in a guy.

Anyhows good luck ..

 

[baybuh]

im sorry i feel as if i should of posted this in my original..when we started dating i was 15..and he was..18..we are around 3 1/2 to 4 years apart..which really didnt make that much of a difference to me because i believe i am more mature than 20..and he is as you guys stated immature so it kind of evened out..and i should also mention that about a year after we were together we did move in together..so we have been living together for around 5 years now..so we know each other inside and out..i do appreciate what everyone is saying and all the advice you are giving..but i do not feel that we have grown apart..and i definately would not want to take a break from him..i love him..and i know we would both be deeply depressed without each other..and no he isnt gay..i do like what gregor said about alternating who would be the leader..so again thank you to all..for taking the time to read my post and put your opinoins in..

 

[Pegger_Man]

I really can't understand the guy at all. I find I really get carried away doing anything to my wife that she enjoys and the more she responds to it the more I want to do it to her. It becomes impossible to distinguish if my pleasure comes from doing the thing or from her reaction. I guess this is just part of being in love with someone. I just can't think of anything I wouldn't be prepared to do to her if she asked.

From my perspective I can only believe he is incredibly selfish. For him to effectively say he will finger you but only under sufferance is just incredibly insensitive and I'm sure, unless you can be similarly selfish, you will have difficulty in enjoying it with this thought in the back of your mind.

I guess he could have developed a big hygiene hang-up for which he would need therapy. However, in that case it would manifest itself in other ways and you would know about it.

If you want this to be the love of your life you need to get it sorted. Acceping his current position is not going to work in my view.

 

[e-trance action]

I think the previous posters have given you some good possibilities, but I think there may be one more to consider. is it possible he has some resentment toward you about something?

I'm not saying you did something wrong or that it has anything to do with sex, but if there is something bothering him and he is too immature to talk about it with you, it may be turning him off. My best friend goes through that with his wife on occasion and it's amazing how once they've cleared the air, he's too busy to go out for a night anywhere for a week or two

So check with him and see if anything is bothering him and if there is something, the two of you can decide how you want to resolve it.

 

[In Anticipation]

No-one has speculated here that he is involved with another woman? Sounds to me that he is getting it elsewhere, or it's a possibility at least. He's certainly likely to be interested, as such a young age in a six year relationship.

 

[lilly85]

...................

 

[lltking]

Getting him to like it again

Samantha you are young learning about yourself, men and relationships. Get ready for the journey your about to take. I don't know your boyfriend, but something is wrong. I suggest you chill with the way you've been trying to find out what the problem is.You need to be smart about this and start paying more attention to what's going on around you and him. allow yourself to tune in to your intuition and listen to what your gut feelings are telling you. Theres something not right about the way he's caring on and you need to find out what's going on.

 

[Duvet_Thief]

@lilly85: I had a gf like that once... very catholic... we'd have sex and then she'd go and confess to the priest :/
Very peculiar for the relationship, because it was clear while she wanted to have sex it was also making her miserable...

As for the rest of the thread, I totally agree that something really sounds wrong, and his offer of having sex with you just to make you happy sounds pretty unsatisfactory to me.
If he doesn't actually want to have sex, why be bf+gf? Why not just be good friends?