how do you find your center?

[EJFan]

i'm going to try to keep this short. i just feel like i'm losing my mind and giving in to a lot of hate... i don't want to be this kind of person.

how do i (or how do you) go about staying centered and positive when i'm surrounded by stress and negativity? it's almost like i need a mantra or something... but i'm an athiest.

more details if anyone needs them.

 

[TamedTiger]

Meditate. It's not about God or religion ... but finding that center.

 

[Bobmi357]

Stress is a powerful factor in one's life. You can only allow the stress to build so much before it begins to tear at you and your health. Its no coincidence that people call it "blowing off steam" or "venting".

What you need to do EJ, is find someway, something you can do that is perfectly acceptable to society and yourself that allows you to blow of steam without landing you in jail.

If one were to sit down and analyze stress, they'd most like conclude it comes from pressure people put on you, pressure from your spouse, pressure about finances, pressure from the job. Personally I think this is a load of hogwash. Yeah its the source of your feelings, but face facts. We are only a miniscule amount of time removed from the days when people used to relieve stress by killing what was annoying them. Despite the many thousands of years that have passed and the invention of "civilization", we're not really any different than our cave dwelling ancestors. The need to beat our chests and assert our dominance by crushing our enemies is still within every one of us. Its just surpressed and hidden under a thin veneer of garnish we call being civilized.

The stress you feel makes you want to lash out destructively, and this is manifesting itself as destructive behavior in your everyday life. What you need to do is find an acceptable channel for it. A few lucky people are able to channel their feelings into creative pursuits, a lot more go for something more physical. For example one way I deal with stress is to find a quiet place and play a computer game. Its a form of controlled, safe violence. But it does help to relieve the need to lash out.

Try taking up kick boxing, or another martial art. Try your hand playing paint ball or lazertag. Join a local football league, just find an outlet, find something, anything. You'll know what it is when you find it, because after your done, you'll be tired and more to the point, relaxed and at peace with the world.

I can't tell you what to do, all I can do is tell you that you need an outlet. Something which will allow you to bleed off that pressure before you explode. We like to think we're above such things, but evolution isn't done with us yet. We're an aggressive species and trying to surpress our aggressive nature only ends up generating ulcers and early heart attacks.

 

[EJFan]

Meditate. It's not about God or religion ... but finding that center.

i'd like to try TM but don't have the ability to go take the course... too much time, distance and money. is there a resource outside of the workshops for TM???

 

[TamedTiger]

Not sure how helpful this website will be, but it explains all the mantras for TM.

http://minet.org/

Other than that, you can try amazon.com for books which would probably show you how to do it more in depth.

 

[77Cobra]

I see on your thread that you are an atheist.Ok,that's Ok by me.Even though I am not an atheist,everyone is free to practice what they want.
But I do believe that you need to believe in something.Something greater than yourself.

 

[SweetErika]

This might be a little unorthodox, but I listen to specific music and put up little reminders of the person I am/want to be everywhere.

I do a fair amount of driving, so I make CDs of songs that remind me of happiness and being positive. A lot of the songs have lyrics with good messages, and some are just ones I like to sing along with or bring back a good memory.

I also write affirmations and put them around the house so I see different messages when I'm in each room. They remind me what I have to be thankful for and what I'm working to be.

I know that sounds a little strange, but it works for me.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Mantras do not belong to the religious alone. I am not religious. I am spiritual, granted, but my mantra has nothing to do with spirituality.


"Stress is Optional".


I live by this. I can choose when to be or when not to be stressed. It's like choosing your battles.

I have been ill from stress in my past... very very ill. My body just bottled the stress and I ended up in emergency. No good. So since then I have decided that stress does not need to be a part of my daily life.


Correction.. excessive stress doesn't need to be. There are normal stresses (money, rent, relationships, etc), that we all have to deal with. But office politics, for example, is NOT something that we HAVE to allow to stress us out. It just isn't. We can choose to deal with them maturely, or choose to let them get the better of us. That's just the way it is.

I do meditate, as well. It's not meditation in a religious sense, but rather just a focus on my breathing.. clearing my mind, and calming. I'm a big tea drinker, and I find that a good cuppa makes me happy.

Just learn to let stuff roll off of you.

 

[wicked woman]

I rely on the fact that there are really so few things in life that I have control over....but I'm one of them. Every morning when I awake I can decide to be positive or negative...glass half full or half empty. It's my choice. Most times it's easy to be positive but others it's more difficult. But it does make a difference.

As a simple example if I'm not feeling well I can moan and groan over feeling crappy or if someone asks how I am I can say 'fine...great' and smile. The interesting thing is that unless I'm really ill...when I do the first...I feel 'down', not my usual perky self...if I do the second...often enough, I actually start to forget that I'm not feeling so well, I start smiling more, I laugh and enjoy life...in other words it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Not complex I kow...no magic...but it works for me.

 

[Cathleen]

This is a good topic EJ, it can be hard for me at times, when I lose that place inside that grounds me sometimes I don't even notice for a while.

I try each day to be aware of what is going on within me - sort of a 'check up' if you will. I take time, as much as possible, to think of my life - spiritual, emotional and physical parts. When one is off kilter they all suffer.

I like some of the yoga methods of centering yourself. I did it for a while then stopped when some health troubles arrived - which probably was the worst time to stop. I do some of the movements when I'm feeling things slip. It does help to bring me back to center. There are so many breathing techniques with the movements that you have to concentrate on your body, how it is reacting, feeling and moving. I get a peacefulness doing it and that helps so much. It seems to radiate that calm through my whole life.

I have to be mindful and aware of how I am living, it is so easy for me to get off track and so uncomfortable. Being aware is my first step, then I have to use some of the tools I've learned to bring me back - sometimes it is a physical act, other times more emotional. I have used writing as a method of uncovering what it is that is has been spinning off my axis as well as something spirtual - just finding that connection is helpful.

Nature helps me a lot to feel a connection to life, on a very basic level - but the connection isn't basic, it is grounding.

Good stuff to ponder here, thanks.

edit: I forgot to mention, my pets! They sure help me remember life doesn't need to be really complicated all the time! I have a cat that plays fetch, one that stares at some stop only she sees...... that kind of thing. They really have a nice life! lol

 

[EJFan]

If one were to sit down and analyze stress, they'd most like conclude it comes from pressure people put on you, pressure from your spouse, pressure about finances, pressure from the job. Personally I think this is a load of hogwash. Yeah its the source of your feelings, but face facts. We are only a miniscule amount of time removed from the days when people used to relieve stress by killing what was annoying them. Despite the many thousands of years that have passed and the invention of "civilization", we're not really any different than our cave dwelling ancestors. The need to beat our chests and assert our dominance by crushing our enemies is still within every one of us. Its just surpressed and hidden under a thin veneer of garnish we call being civilized.

you always provide so much GOOD insight bobmi... and creatively written as always. i appreciate your advice. the computer game may not be the best option because i spend all day on this thing as it is. lol. but i like the idea of a physical outlet. i lift weights daily but maybe football or something would be a good option. THANKS.

 

[EJFan]

Not sure how helpful this website will be, but it explains all the mantras for TM.

http://minet.org/

Other than that, you can try amazon.com for books which would probably show you how to do it more in depth.

thanks TT... i have the site up now and i'll give it a good look. it seems to be very comprehensive.

 

[EJFan]

I see on your thread that you are an atheist.Ok,that's Ok by me.Even though I am not an atheist,everyone is free to practice what they want.
But I do believe that you need to believe in something.Something greater than yourself.

i respect that point of view. my personal belief is that everyone needs SOMETHING to lean on to get through life... i just don't feel it's necessary to be a supreme being, higher power, deity or whatever you'd like to call it. you make a valid point but it doesn't fit my life. i study taoism as a philosophy but not from the religious angle (which wasn't its original intention anyway). it's just too new to me to really have my hands aruond it and employ it in my life as a personal philosophy.

 

[EJFan]

This might be a little unorthodox, but I listen to specific music and put up little reminders of the person I am/want to be everywhere.

I do a fair amount of driving, so I make CDs of songs that remind me of happiness and being positive. A lot of the songs have lyrics with good messages, and some are just ones I like to sing along with or bring back a good memory.

I also write affirmations and put them around the house so I see different messages when I'm in each room. They remind me what I have to be thankful for and what I'm working to be.

I know that sounds a little strange, but it works for me.

SE... you have a great idea there. i don't think it's so unorthodox really. besides, if it works, who cares whether someone thinks it's strange, right?

 

[EJFan]

Mantras do not belong to the religious alone. I am not religious. I am spiritual, granted, but my mantra has nothing to do with spirituality.


"Stress is Optional".


I live by this. I can choose when to be or when not to be stressed. It's like choosing your battles.

I have been ill from stress in my past... very very ill. My body just bottled the stress and I ended up in emergency. No good. So since then I have decided that stress does not need to be a part of my daily life.


Correction.. excessive stress doesn't need to be. There are normal stresses (money, rent, relationships, etc), that we all have to deal with. But office politics, for example, is NOT something that we HAVE to allow to stress us out. It just isn't. We can choose to deal with them maturely, or choose to let them get the better of us. That's just the way it is.

I do meditate, as well. It's not meditation in a religious sense, but rather just a focus on my breathing.. clearing my mind, and calming. I'm a big tea drinker, and I find that a good cuppa makes me happy.

Just learn to let stuff roll off of you.

i'm sorry to hear about your stress induced medical problem but glad that you're well again.

i agree that excessive stress is unhealthy and i do try to avoid it. i guess my problem is that i was raised by a control freak (who was raised bya control freak) and as much as i try to put that aside i just can't seem to close it down. i see these people try to control things and THAT stresses me... it's as though if i ignore the problem they have (and i inherited) i'm letting them get away with hurting me and others. however, if i confront them about it i'm perpetuating the problem. how does one get out of that?

i guess this is kind of a deeper definition of my issue. thanks for helping me identify it!

 

[EJFan]

I rely on the fact that there are really so few things in life that I have control over....but I'm one of them. Every morning when I awake I can decide to be positive or negative...glass half full or half empty. It's my choice. Most times it's easy to be positive but others it's more difficult. But it does make a difference.

As a simple example if I'm not feeling well I can moan and groan over feeling crappy or if someone asks how I am I can say 'fine...great' and smile. The interesting thing is that unless I'm really ill...when I do the first...I feel 'down', not my usual perky self...if I do the second...often enough, I actually start to forget that I'm not feeling so well, I start smiling more, I laugh and enjoy life...in other words it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Not complex I kow...no magic...but it works for me.

kind of like "mood follows appearance" i guess. smile and you'll be happy. that makes sense.

 

[EJFan]

This is a good topic EJ, it can be hard for me at times, when I lose that place inside that grounds me sometimes I don't even notice for a while.

I forgot to mention, my pets! They sure help me remember life doesn't need to be really complicated all the time! I have a cat that plays fetch, one that stares at some stop only she sees...... that kind of thing. They really have a nice life! lol

thanks for the tips and complimenting the thread. i have a dog that keeps me entertained so i know what you're saying about pets' impact. you're right... they got it made. sometimes i wish i could have that look on my face... the one my dog gets when i give him an empty paper towel tube. that's really what i'm striving for.

 

[Cathleen]

EJ, you mentioned Taoism. I keep Benjamin Hoff's The Tao of Pooh nearby. I like the thoughts very much, it is about simplicity, we need not run around like Eeyore, Piglet, Rabbit and Owl, Pooh 'just is', it works for him. He is the 'uncarved block', he disregarded the things that get in our way - life became simple.

I keep thinking of the question he asked of Pooh, "What is your favorite day?" and Pooh answers "Today". Pooh doesn't even know he 'gets it', he just is it.

The philosphy of Taoism is so simple, to the point that being human sometimes is the biggest obstacle to 'getting it'.

 

[Bobmi357]

A lot of people mention meditation, which might help you. I've tried it a few times in the past and all I can say regarding it was it seemed a nice way to take a nap.

 

[Cathleen]

A lot of people mention meditation, which might help you. I've tried it a few times in the past and all I can say regarding it was it seemed a nice way to take a nap.

Then in my opinion you are doing it right!!

 

[crazybbwgirl]

There's nothing worse than being surrounded by negative people. Its hard not to let that attititude attach itself to you. I too doubt the existance of a superior being. But I meditate, do yoga, or even just some simple stretches and breathing exercises will help. I'm very routine driven and I find I am happiest when I stick to my routine.

I think realizing there's something amiss is the most important step. Try everything - find things that help you feel centered. I do know knitting is supposed to be very good. I like to color. I even found a coloring book of mandalas - which are circular designs that are supposed to help you center yourself.

There is so much out there - the search itself will be interesting and full of useful insights.

 

[SweetErika]

There's nothing worse than being surrounded by negative people. Its hard not to let that attititude attach itself to you. I too doubt the existance of a superior being. But I meditate, do yoga, or even just some simple stretches and breathing exercises will help. I'm very routine driven and I find I am happiest when I stick to my routine.

I think realizing there's something amiss is the most important step. Try everything - find things that help you feel centered. I do know knitting is supposed to be very good. I like to color. I even found a coloring book of mandalas - which are circular designs that are supposed to help you center yourself.

There is so much out there - the search itself will be interesting and full of useful insights.

Isn't that the truth? Letting go of people who drag you down instead of lifting you up can be hard, but life is so much better without them.

I'm taking some fantastic ideas and reminders from this thread too, EJfan...thanks for starting it!

 

[Cathleen]

Isn't that the truth? Letting go of people who drag you down instead of lifting you up can be hard, but life is so much better without them.

I'm taking some fantastic ideas and reminders from this thread too, EJfan...thanks for starting it!

I agree Erika, and crazybbw you have some wonderful ideas. One thing I remember doing was a collage of things that nurture me ~ I cut words or pictures out of magazines, newspapers.... whatever is around and then made a collage. I have it inside a cabinet door and the other day I looked at it and realized there are so many more things to add to it. I may have to do another, I love art therapy, it works well for me.

 

[SweetErika]

I agree Erika, and crazybbw you have some wonderful ideas. One thing I remember doing was a collage of things that nurture me ~ I cut words or pictures out of magazines, newspapers.... whatever is around and then made a collage. I have it inside a cabinet door and the other day I looked at it and realized there are so many more things to add to it. I may have to do another, I love art therapy, it works well for me.

Cate, I'm not sure if you've heard of it or not, but there's something very similar called Treasure Mapping, and it's just a step further than your collage. The idea is that the concepts on your collage/map will manifest themselves in your life. I've done it several times, and it's pretty powerful, cathartic, and just plain fun. Check out these links:
http://www.creatavision.com/treasure_mapping.htm
http://www.alligatorqueen.com/treasuremap.pdf
http://www.teamchrysalis.com/AC/V3/AC36_Treasure_Map.htm
http://www.cedarfire.com/article50-treasuremap.shtml

 

[Cathleen]

Cate, I'm not sure if you've heard of it or not, but there's something very similar called Treasure Mapping, and it's just a step further than your collage. The idea is that the concepts on your collage/map will manifest themselves in your life. I've done it several times, and it's pretty powerful, cathartic, and just plain fun. Check out these links:
http://www.creatavision.com/treasure_mapping.htm
http://www.alligatorqueen.com/treasuremap.pdf
http://www.teamchrysalis.com/AC/V3/AC36_Treasure_Map.htm
http://www.cedarfire.com/article50-treasuremap.shtml

Erika, thank you!!! I love it ~ I had never heard it called Treasure Mapping. I think Christmas day I will share this with my niece, she is 13 and I know she'll respond to this activity. Thank you so, so much!