How do you get them to Relax

[sirmed]

My Gf has a beautiful set of enhanced breast, before she got them she said she had no self confidence and wanted them , to fill out clothes and look better.. Now she has them and she dresses them down and covered up.. sounds like the self confidence needs a boost but I dont know how to approch that subject... Dont want her showing the world but a bit more showy might be nice.... any Ideas??

 

[jeepman6]

Sounds like the breasts weren't the cause of the "self confidence" problem. My advise would be to be supportive of her and let her know just how beautiful you think she really is and how much you love her.

 

[sirmed]

I dont know about you but the main thing I have found with a lot of women is the seft asteim thing. Most have a very low thought and men are constantly trying to keep it up..... . pun and all..Ha.

 

[CelticFrog]

I don't know about you, but...

It seems to me by your second post on this thread, and I may be way off here, but you don't seem to be very supportive of her. Rather, IMHO, you seem to be generalizing women, period. Many of us do have self esteem issues. A lot of times that is because our significant others, whether previous or current, expect us to become supermodel weight with huge tits. Many a woman has had a boyfriend who left her after she gained a little weight, becoming Rubenesque, because he no longer considered her "eye candy".
I am by no means a small woman. I do not have surgically enhanced anything, nor do I believe I need it. However, I have in the past and occasionally still have problems with feeling 'fat', 'ugly', and undesirable because of the way society overglorifies protruding hipbones.
If your girlfriend does not want to "show off" her new rack, let her dress them down. That is her prerogative. You asking her to change the way she dresses could very easily be taken as an affront.

Most have a very low thought and men are constantly trying to keep it up

This particular sentence REALLY irritated me... could be because I'm mildly ill already... still.
"Men" that HAVE to "constantly TRY" to keep either a woman's self esteem OR their own penis "up" are either not doing a very good job as a supportive significant other or have other more serious issues on their hands. If you have to try to "keep it up" for her and can do so without her just fine, jokingly or no (and I sincerely hope you are making an unfunny joke), you are definitely not with the right woman, or she's not with the right man.
Self esteem and self confidence are issues that can rarely be resolved with a new set of boobs. They are also issues that rarely can be resolved overnight. It is important for anyone wanting to aid such a person to be VERY supportive and never hesitate to tell them how much they are loved and believed attractive. It took two and a half years of marriage plus the whole time before that for me to realize my husband really does like ALL of me, not just the parts underneath the layer of fat. I constantly told myself he would love me more if I lost weight, if I flattened my stomach, etc. Finally I came to realize that there is no way in HELL he could love me any more than he already does. That in itself took therapy, drugs, and therapy for him too (other stuff at work THERE), not to mention communication classes. But now I know that. And there's no changing it. If he wouldn't have stood beside me, never judging me, never complaining about how I carried myself even if he rightfully could have, I NEVER would have come to terms with myself as a person.
My advice to you is to sincerely look at yourself and the way you treat your girlfriend. I can't tell just from two short posts, and in all reality you may be a completely different person than how you've just come across to me. However, the look in the mirror needs to take place and you need to consider everything you've ever told her about her appearance or person, good or bad. How have YOU affected her self esteem? Positively or negatively?
Ang

 

[sheath]

Re: I don't know about you, but...

However, the look in the mirror needs to take place and you need to consider everything you've ever told her about her appearance or person, good or bad. How have YOU affected her self esteem? Positively or negatively?
Ang

Hear, hear! You just get better and better, Ang.

I agree with the statement that self-esteem cannot be boosted by simply boosting your bustline. It takes much more than that. The kicker is, self-esteem built on something physical, or built on what others tell you, is the kind of band-aid approach. A new set of knockers might make a woman feel great for a while, but they are just covering up the real problem inside.

As her boyfriend, what you say to her means a great deal. It probably means more than you think. But here's the thing: It doesn't mean jack shit if SHE doesn't have the basic faith in herself to believe those wonderful things.

Does she feel pretty at all? Can she find something about herself that is absolutely awesome, like eyes that remind her of the ocean or skin that is smooth as cream or a smile that is absolutely, completely perfect? If she cannot find anything about herself that SHE likes, nothing you say will make much of a dent in the long run.

You can help her by being specific. Don't just say, "Baby, you're beautiful". WHAT makes her that way? If the sky that day just happens to look exactly like her eyes, tell her. When you run your hand over her body, find the softest spot there and whisper to her how good it feels. When she does something right, praise her. Remind her that she's smart, funny, and gorgeous. And keep reminding, over and over. Eventually she might begin to think that maybe...just maybe...she IS smart, funny and gorgeous.

But the underlying problem is something that no one but her can fix, and for that, she needs counseling. Maybe the surgeon who did her boob job can give her a referral. After all, he/she SHOULD have given her a psychiatric evaluation before doing any work on her body, but of course, that's just my personal opinion.

S.

 

[CelticFrog]

Re: Re: I don't know about you, but...

As her boyfriend, what you say to her means a great deal. It probably means more than you think. But here's the thing: It doesn't mean jack shit if SHE doesn't have the basic faith in herself to believe those wonderful things.

Oh yeah -- something someone told me once and I meant to post in previous message... and I know I'll get it wrong, but the message is still incredibly clear:

"It takes a thousand 'Atta Boys' to outweigh one tiny 'your butt looks fat in those jeans' comment."

This holds true for anything, be it a not-quite-caught-in-time grimace at an outfit, a seemingly joking comment about having gained weight or needing to lose it, namecalling or labeling as simple as jerk/loser/stupid/retarded/idiot/slob/etc.

It's amazing what struggles people go through in their own psyche when they have issues with depression, anxiety, and self esteem. I wish I could explain properly the PHYSICAL transformation of the brain when a person experiences this kind of mood disorder. Same thing with PTSD, my big research project lately. I am constantly boggled at how something that seems to be "just in your head" is really that, but more than anyone believed previously.

I digress. Pay attention to how you word things, how you joke, and most importantly, how you compliment.

Ang

 

[Stiffy Says...]

Listen to the Frog

Inside his green skin, there is wisdom...

 

[CelticFrog]

WOW...

I am a male? lol...

Just kidding, stiffy... but for all intents and purposes I am a female with all the right plumbing involved in being said gender.

I myself have never had a problem with being too small up top, but I HAVE had a problem with self confidence, still do but I'm working on it.

I know from much experience and much therapy all that I have expressed. Take what you need, leave the rest.

Ang

 

[Chuckwrox]

Now, I'm really concerned about Sirmed's original question, here. I think that in order to be helpful, though, I'm going to need to see a couple of pics of your gf's enhanced breasts.

 

[whoops]

I find that most people with a low self esteem have/had someone in their lives that does/did the following:
. points out his/her flaws
. does not ask for opinions/feelings -- even in things that may not be that large in importance
. never defers to the other in an encouraging way ("Sure, let's do that!" and not "whatever you want.")
. never tries to do what the other likes to do - balance interests/hobbies

IMO: Those that like to shoot others down, probably have an even lower self esteem, and therefore need to bring others down below them to feel good.

Not that you are the cause, but before you say something, make sure it cannot be interprited as anything but a positive statement.

 

[SexyChele]

I dont know about you but the main thing I have found with a lot of women is the seft asteim thing. Most have a very low thought and men are constantly trying to keep it up..... . pun and all..Ha.

Okay, I've read this post 5 times already. Does anyone truly understand just what the hell he is saying here? It makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever....