how do you leae you SO

[bean-73]

how do you leave you SO

i have come to a cross roads

after 10 years together i think it is time that we part nothing bad on either part, it just feeld like the whole thing has run its course.

so how do i go about expressing this in the best terms.

i dont want to hurt her and be nasty but i will need to be consise and to the point

any ideas??

 

[fgarvb1]

I could be wrong on this, However, I feel that she is not going to take it well no matter how it is said.

On the other hand, She might agree and think it is a good ideal.

I have had to much cold medicine to think correctly.

 

[SweetErika]

Without knowing much, I'd say ask her how she thinks the relationship is going in order to give her the chance to get out first and save face. Hopefully this isn't out of the blue and she'll agree it's time to split, but if she doesn't tell her how you've been feeling and that while you love her and have had a wonderful 10 years, you don't feel continuing as anything but friends will allow either of you to be your best selves (or something like that). The point is not to blame or make it worse than it's going to be. She may blame herself, so you might want to have some reasons why it's not working for you that don't involve anything she's done on hand.

Make sure you do it during the day time, and plan to spend some time with her if she gets upset. Be her friend, and tell her how much it's hurting you too. Cry with her even...this has to be a loss for both of you. Then, give it some time to settle before moving out, etc.

 

[sailorswife22]

I am in the process of leaving my s/o, and my only advice to you is to be honest. It is going to hurt her no matter how it is handelled, but if you are open-hearted and honest about why you feel you two should part then it should go a little better. My husband, although brokenhearted, agrees that a divorce will be better for me in the long run and because of that he is letting me to on my terms and hopefully our divorce will go as smoothly as divorces can go.

 

[dollface007]

Am I the only one who read the subject of this thread and thought, "Slip out the back, Jack...."?

 

[Lust Engine]

Without knowing much, I'd say ask her how she thinks the relationship is going in order to give her the chance to get out first and save face.

Is there ANY way to save face over this? Either way, the parties have agreed to split; with any luck amicably. I don't think there's any saving face here. It's just an unfortunate incident within the relationship. There's no winning or losing here- it just is.

Both sides will and should mourn the outcome.

 

[SweetErika]

Is there ANY way to save face over this? Either way, the parties have agreed to split; with any luck amicably. I don't think there's any saving face here. It's just an unfortunate incident within the relationship. There's no winning or losing here- it just is.

Both sides will and should mourn the outcome.

For me, the blow would seem a little less harsh if it was a mutual decision to break it off. I'd feel better about the whole thing, and would probably be more willing and able to have a friendship after. Of course I'd mourn the loss and be upset, but it might be a little easier if it seemed like we made the decision that it wasn't working together.

 

[Lust Engine]

For me, the blow would seem a little less harsh if it was a mutual decision to break it off. I'd feel better about the whole thing, and would probably be more willing and able to have a friendship after. Of course I'd mourn the loss and be upset, but it might be a little easier if it seemed like we made the decision that it wasn't working together.

Ideally that would be the case but what about the person that breaches the subject first? Even both parties feel the same way about the realtionship, isn't the one who admits it first still seems like the initiator? Or what if one person still wants to carry on the relationship?

I've been on both sides of that and it still didn't help in saving any face. And friendship afterwards?? Much easier said than done. Sometimes the scars can be pretty deep especially if one is much more commited than the other.

 

[Bobmi357]

Unless both parties do the impossible. That is, blurt out they want to split up simultaneously, someone is going to feel let down and someone is going to feel guilty.

I don't think there really is any way to soften the blow unless you're lucky enough to have a partner that feels the same way and just hasn't found a way to voice it yet.

 

[English Lady]

I don't hink there really is anyway to do it and have no negative feelings/emotions floating about. You just have to be honest but not nasty, keep the other persons emotions in mind as much as you can, and just go for it. You need to express what you're feeling before things turn really sour and resentment sets in.

 

[cymbline]

She has to know on some level, as your habbits/actions have changed (I'm assuming). As stated above, talk to her. Communicate with her. Use lots of “I” statements. She might surprise you in her response.

 

[ReadyOne]

I ended up waiting about a year for my partner to finally bring up the subject (after I'd decided there was no future for us). Even then it was scarry, though all I had to do was agree with her observations and suggestion that we seperate.

 

[wicked woman]

Not being nasty is easy...be tactful and considerate of her. Not hurting her is likely impossible. When I got divorced, it hurt like hell....and that was when I initiated the topic, we both agreed it was best, there was no third party involved, and we handled it amicably. Regardless, it still hurts to mourn the loss and move forward.

Good luck.