How do you make the leap??

[Blue]

One day I joined this site.

Not exactly a Batman-level origin story.

 

[Eva_Starry]

I married a dom. I really knew nothing of this world until him. It fit right into my needs and desires so for a very long time it was like puzzle pieces fitting together.

Sigh.

Moving forward. I do not know yet.

 

[Dreamliner]

I'm really surprised that a lot of us started in our 20s. The reason being, in my early 20s I had to fight tooth and nail in my local community to be taken seriously because they were dead set that someone that young couldn't know what they wanted. I appreciated the concern, and I knew it was coming from a good place though. I'm curious if this was a common experience or if it was an anomaly.

I did not start in a community, rather it was discussions my partner at the time and I were having, these talks lead to much more. I would use library resources (back then), and hunted through second hand book shops for appropriate reading material, I found Pauline Revage's book The Story of O this way.

 

[islandjoe2]

Well, I had been active here on Lit for quite some time before "made the leap".

Honestly, before that I didn't know that people here engaged in actual relationships; to that point I had just assumed that people were hooking up for a while, getting what they needed for short periods of time, and then moving on.

It wasn't until I found myself in a relationship here myself did I realize any different. I don't recall it being anything I pursued, per se, it just kind of developed from a friendship through common interests to more and kept building until it became a D/l relationship.

I don't think, had there not been trust and complete openness from the beginning, that it would have taken the path it did. I felt free to tell her (eventually) things I was interested in, and vice versa and once we had found some common ground in those things..... it just was the natural progression.

I've wondered how people can chase those types of relationships. I don't judge anybody for their desires, but I also don't understand how one could post a personal seeking such things. It feels to me (personal preference, no judgements) that it should be something that develops organically, not forced.

Either way.

 

[Farawyn]

Made the leap in my head, always.

My first BF was very dominant, although we didn’t call it that. He was older.
(I was of age, no worries!) In life, we had a good relationship and friendship. In bed he was very bossy. Which is what I called it.

Other BFs were nice guys that were never like that first BF. I chalked it up to him being my first.

Then I married and didn’t have any of that. Then no sex at all. That’s when I started coming to Lit. Reading the stories in BDSM. Coming to this board and asking questions.

Went through some fake Lit Doms... which is code for, I’m married and I will fantasize about choke fucking you from 9-5, then it’s home to wifey.
Puh-Leeze.

Then I met Necro and that was it. We’ve been together in the flesh for a year, and he just moved out here to be closer to me.

I don’t want to do the kink scene. I have no need to.

 

[clistenovena]

My first BF was very dominant, although we didn’t call it that. He was older.
(I was of age, no worries!) In life, we had a good relationship and friendship. In bed he was very bossy. Which is what I called it.

I called it controlling. The names used when it was still mostly an unknown.

I never forgot how it made me feel, though, that first time with that first BF. Sought it after, for sure. My husband and I aren't on the same exact page with it all, but enough words come together to create our story together.

Then I met Necro and that was it. We’ve been together in the flesh for a year, and he just moved out here to be closer to me.

Aww! How wonderful for you both.

 

[Farawyn]

I called it controlling. The names used when it was still mostly an unknown.

I never forgot how it made me feel, though, that first time with that first BF. Sought it after, for sure. My husband and I aren't on the same exact page with it all, but enough words come together to create our story together.



Aww! How wonderful for you both.

Nova, I’m glad you and hubs can work it out. My ex was vanilla, and looking back, had some submissive tendencies. Like foot worship.
Which, as a nurse, hey... I was fine with someone rubbing my feet.
I could have worked with all of it, but we didn’t have the communication. Without that, the love left.

I will never be with anyone again that I don’t talk to about sex first. Ex and I didn’t do that. Nor did I with any of my BFs. My first BF I just happpednd to luck out with.
Communication is key.

Of course, I’m much older than I was, then. I also don’t see myself without Necro. So, I’m pretty happy. Finally.

 

[Farawyn]

This is what happened for me. Several months ago, I met someone on here that described himself as dominant. I'm pretty sure I laughed and told him I wasn't the girl for him because I wasn't submissive. We started talking every day and learning everything about one another and before I knew it, he became part of every action and inaction I took. He didn't ask for it, push for it, or demand it. It just was. It can be the most rewarding and the most difficult thing I have done at the same time, and I'm still not entirely sure that I'm submissive. I do know that I'm his.

What do you think submissive is?
To you, I mean.

 

[islandjoe2]

This is what happened for me. Several months ago, I met someone on here that described himself as dominant. I'm pretty sure I laughed and told him I wasn't the girl for him because I wasn't submissive. We started talking every day and learning everything about one another and before I knew it, he became part of every action and inaction I took. He didn't ask for it, push for it, or demand it. It just was. It can be the most rewarding and the most difficult thing I have done at the same time, and I'm still not entirely sure that I'm submissive. I do know that I'm his.

People like to be able to define everything. The unknown is scary and we'd rather not confront it. But sometimes we run into situations that don't fit into our well defined understandings of what something is or isnt. It can be confusing and disorienting and pleasing and wonderful all at the same time.

With respect to being a submissive I think it can vary from person to person. What you are comfortable with, enjoy and are willing to do are all yours to own and not fitting the traditional definition doesn't mean you're less of a sub, it just means you're still finding your way.

Enjoy it, learn from it, and let it be your own experience.

 

[Farawyn]

What would he do? What would he like? What would please him? What would he expect of me? What can I do to cheer him up? What makes him happy? What makes him sad? How can I make his life easier? What does he dislike?

Questions like that run through my head all day with every thing that I do, every choice that I make. I've never felt so out of control of anything in my life as I've felt since I met him. He doesn't ask anything of me, yet he has all of me. I don't just think of my own wants and needs, I think of his. I think that's the most beautiful kind of relationship...and submission.

I've never seen myself as submissive before because I had never met him. If this ends, I highly doubt that I will feel like this with someone else. My submission belongs to him.

I may not be making any sense. And I may be wrong, who knows. This is the first time I've ever felt like this.

You’re not wrong. There is no wrong.

To me, what you’ve described is love.

I remember there was a guy who used to post here who was very presumptuous with me and some of the other women because we are submissive. Once, after I shot down a public advance, he said “Wait, I thought you are submissive!!!”
I said, “I am, but not to you!”

That brings me to the women here who will call any man Sir.
Maybe because I don’t call ANY man Sir, unless I’m joking... but that is not my thing. I am submissive sexually. I choose to submit to the one I’m with, who I love.
Yet, they aren’t wrong, either. It’s just another way.

I had a hard time admitting that I was submissive. Once I actually in the flesh experienced it, I no longer had a problem.
I’m always curious about how submissive women think. Sorry, guys who are subs. I’m also curious about women Donmes.
How did we get here? What makes us different extremes? Are they that different? Where does the power shift begin and end?

 

[PrisonerOfDoubt]

It wasn't a leap because I had been in the scene for years before I found literotica. I'm just here to read pervy stories and for the excellent exchange of ideas. That said, it was pretty intimidating to attend my first munch. I was dragged there by my room mate who was convinced that I was a "closeted kinkster." (She was right.) After the initial anxiety, I couldn't imagine not spending time with such a lovely open-minded group of new friends and it became easy.

It isn't safe for some people to be openly kinky though. In some communities they would be absolutely and perhaps even violently shunned for it. So I guess I couldn't fault anyone for choosing not to make "the leap" and for keeping it online.

 

[Farawyn]

It wasn't a leap because I had been in the scene for years before I found literotica. I'm just here to read pervy stories and for the excellent exchange of ideas. That said, it was pretty intimidating to attend my first munch. I was dragged there by my room mate who was convinced that I was a "closeted kinkster." (She was right.) After the initial anxiety, I couldn't imagine not spending time with such a lovely open-minded group of new friends and it became easy.

It isn't safe for some people to be openly kinky though. In some communities they would be absolutely and perhaps even violently shunned for it. So I guess I couldn't fault anyone for choosing not to make "the leap" and for keeping it online.

Friends of ours here were exposed. A journalist, or spy, whatever they actually were, filmed their club and publicized their scenes.
She hasn’t been here since.
It’s not always safe.

As far as I know, she wasn’t exposed through Lit.

 

[Ed27R]

Mine felt more like a stumble than a leap. I cringe at the thought of my early attempts/experiences as a Dom in this world. I had so much to learn and I was just very lucky to meet people who were also on the same journey. And, then one day it just kind of clicked, this is a part of me and this is what I need and want. After that - things kind of fell into place and I felt like I had it more under my command. I still have things to experience and learn - I assume we all do - but it is less awkward learning than before.

 

[PrisonerOfDoubt]

Friends of ours here were exposed. A journalist, or spy, whatever they actually were, filmed their club and publicized their scenes.
She hasn’t been here since.
It’s not always safe.

As far as I know, she wasn’t exposed through Lit.

That's terrible.

 

[Angedesoleil]

That's terrible.

Yeah it is. I was actually talking to someone recently who joked thst if he told everyone he knew my name, and they told everyone they knew I'd still not get found out. 3 minutes later he could never make that joke again, never. Empirically proven wrong. ( luckily not in a dangerous way) but I think we both started singing "it's a small world" in our heads. Luckily neither of us is very interested in seeing yourself or the other known about so, safe as safe can be.

 

[Apple_of_Eden]

This is what happened for me. Several months ago, I met someone on here that described himself as dominant. I'm pretty sure I laughed and told him I wasn't the girl for him because I wasn't submissive. We started talking every day and learning everything about one another and before I knew it, he became part of every action and inaction I took. He didn't ask for it, push for it, or demand it. It just was. It can be the most rewarding and the most difficult thing I have done at the same time, and I'm still not entirely sure that I'm submissive. I do know that I'm his.

When I first read this post, I smiled to myself and said, "He's in her gray matter. She may not know it, but he's there." I thought it was a lovely and well written post. The summary you used, "he became part of every action and inaction I took," is spot on.

Then I read this one:

What would he do? What would he like? What would please him? What would he expect of me? What can I do to cheer him up? What makes him happy? What makes him sad? How can I make his life easier? What does he dislike?

Questions like that run through my head all day with every thing that I do, every choice that I make. I've never felt so out of control of anything in my life as I've felt since I met him. He doesn't ask anything of me, yet he has all of me. I don't just think of my own wants and needs, I think of his. I think that's the most beautiful kind of relationship...and submission.

I've never seen myself as submissive before because I had never met him. If this ends, I highly doubt that I will feel like this with someone else. My submission belongs to him.

I may not be making any sense. And I may be wrong, who knows. This is the first time I've ever felt like this.

...and I realized this was the winning post. It read like poetry.

You've made perfect sense. I hope you continue to be extremely happy in your relationship.
p.s. It sounds very much like a D/s relationship...even if you decide your not "submissive".

 

[Apple_of_Eden]

BUMP!!!
I'd hate to think I killed this thread.
Someone really needs to post after me.

 

[HotXBuns]

BUMP!!!
I'd hate to think I killed this thread.
Someone really needs to post after me.

True, this thread is too good to fade away, so I'll bite.

For me, there was no real leap, but that's not to say there couldn't be. By that I mean that I've been aware of my kinks for as long as I can remember, and being blessed (or cursed) with an unreal amount of self-confidence (or arrogance), I just naturally assumed that my way was the right way. So girlfriends I'd not even got to having sex with suddenly found themselves up-ended over my knee getting their bottom spanked...(oh, If I knew then what I know now!).

As I have got older, like so many here, things have slowed down, and what was once a regular occurrence is now occasional at best. I have even adapted to broaden horizons and to keep kink a going concern.

I say "not to say there couldn't be" because I have still not given up hope of opening up my sphere of contacts in this world from one to many - it's just the opportunity hasn't arisen yet. It's not a pressing need, but it remains an area of potential interest.

 

[oralaccents]

I'm just curious how you guys have made the leap from exploring, fantasizing, masturbating over, reading about, posting gifs on lit to participating in it?

The leap might be into an online relationship or into real time, hand-on kink or D/s. But what gave you the push to pursue it in a more real way?

My introduction to BDSM was in real life. My neighborhood bar happened to be the hangout for players in the bdsm scene. I got to know some people that way and went from there.

The internet came afterwards for me.

 

[Eli_Dreams]

I'm just curious how you guys have made the leap from exploring, fantasizing, masturbating over, reading about, posting gifs on lit to participating in it?

There was no push, I just slowly gravitated towards it alongside a long time partner. Tried one thing - both loved it. Tried another - at least one of us was not too excited for a repeat. Rinse, repeat every now and then for a few years. This way we figured out that both of us are switches, but in different roles we like different things.

Who and how suggested new things? I guess we both did and still do. If you buy a new toy and bring it into your bedroom, either you will use it or it will be eventually used on you, there is no way around it. Does not matter whether it is a cane or a butt plug - if you bring it in and leave it out on the bed, there is not much to talk about.

Are there things that I still do only in my fantasy world? Of cause there are, hence my username. Will I EVER get to actually try them out? Who knows. Maybe. But I know myself - as soon as that happens I will come up with something else to dream about. To me the world in my head is no less important than the real one, I don't have a goal to kill it off.

 

[Stevew0073]

I didn’t have to make a leap it has always been a part of me. I think if you are willing to explore it with someone you have to be open and communication is the key.

 

[CandiCame]

I can't really go into it because it would violate Lit's rules, but I actually did it backwards. I found out through IRL experience and then started writing/reading/etc online.

 

[Threadbare42]

It's nice and kind of inspirational reading people's stories on here. Myself I'm in the position where I'd like to make the "leap" eventually but I don't really know where to begin (open to any guidance or advice by the way).

I was the innocent kid at school, growing up in quiet, secluded area, with no obvious route into anything kinky, and I still feel out of place here to be honest. Perhaps one day I'll have more of a story to tell.

 

[CandiCame]

It's nice and kind of inspirational reading people's stories on here. Myself I'm in the position where I'd like to make the "leap" eventually but I don't really know where to begin (open to any guidance or advice by the way).

I was the innocent kid at school, growing up in quiet, secluded area, with no obvious route into anything kinky, and I still feel out of place here to be honest. Perhaps one day I'll have more of a story to tell.

I don't know what your kink is because lord there's a lot of them, so the only advice I can give is to find a partner that you trust- not just with sex but with like... life. If you have a ride-or-die lover they're very often open to whatever you're into, and it all starts with a good conversation. Communication is important.

 

[RubyThursday]

Need the nudge

Still haven't leaped, but feel I'm on the precipice, awaiting the right nudge.