How many of you like being called degrading or kinky names?

[Lotus_Kitty]

It’s been so eye opening to me reading this whole thread. I want to understand what gives people joy even if it’s not my jam.

I hope it’s ok to ask here if I’ve understood correctly. I get these may not all be right for everyone. Let me know please if something sounds just way off for everyone. In no particular order, reasons people like degrading names (or actions).

1. The taboo, ‘transgressive’, and forbidden are hot.

2. Makes you feel super sexy and desirable (and you don’t find it degrading)

3. You like feeling like an object (cherished toy, source of pleasure, no need to be responsible, free of decision burden, dehumanization is thrillingly taboo, those are some reasons?)

4. Deepens your feeling of submission. (I get loving subspace!)

5. You *like* the emotional pain it causes the same way some people like actual physical pain. (Masochism playing a part?)

6. You like pleasing your D even if you don’t enjoy the names.

7. It needs to be with a trusted loving partner so you feel safe, they do it because you like it (not ok from everyone, not ok all the time, but with them it is special)

8. …or you prefer it from casual partners because what they think or do doesn’t bother you as much as if your main partner did it (so it’s safer? More fun? When casual)

9. …or you are in 24/7 D/s and degradation reinforces that full time dynamic in a way you like

10. You enjoy the mental aspect of degradation. Physical plus mental is way better than just physical. (That isn’t specific to degradation only but it came up)

11. You are reclaiming words used to hurt. You make them your sources of joy and that takes away their power to hurt.

Did I miss any?

Some of that is liking actual degradation.
Some is using traditionally degrading words but not for degradation.

If I ever write a degradation story to stretch as a writer, I want to be a good ally, make it enjoyable for folks in this thread, and not write dumb ignorant stuff.

That’s why am I asking if I got it right.

I’m not into degradation at all myself. Can’t stand slut, whore, cunt, as they’ve been used to punish women specifically for liking sex in a way men aren’t punished. I can’t mentally separate that use from the loving/fun uses. I am ok with bitch because I feel women took it back somewhat and repurposed it to mean assertive powerful woman. Yet I know it’s also used to demean. (I’m not a gay man but I couldn’t say faggot or sissy convincingly even to someone who wants it, for similar reasons.)

I could willingly call a partner some of those names for their pleasure. Don’t think I could do it if they wanted emotional pain for masochism even though I think I could give masochists physical pain. I’ve been hurt worst by emotional pain so it hurts me to give it. If I did do it, and was convincing, *I* would need a lot of aftercare even if the sub loved it.

Not yucking your yum! Never that! I am happy your jam makes you happy. I’m just here to learn from you all.

Hope that was ok to post and not derailing or intruding. Don’t want to do that.

 

[Playwithmee]

It’s been so eye opening to me reading this whole thread. I want to understand what gives people joy even if it’s not my jam.

I hope it’s ok to ask here if I’ve understood correctly. I get these may not all be right for everyone. Let me know please if something sounds just way off for everyone. In no particular order, reasons people like degrading names (or actions).

1. The taboo, ‘transgressive’, and forbidden are hot.

2. Makes you feel super sexy and desirable (and you don’t find it degrading)

3. You like feeling like an object (cherished toy, source of pleasure, no need to be responsible, free of decision burden, dehumanization is thrillingly taboo, those are some reasons?)

4. Deepens your feeling of submission. (I get loving subspace!)

5. You *like* the emotional pain it causes the same way some people like actual physical pain. (Masochism playing a part?)

6. You like pleasing your D even if you don’t enjoy the names.

7. It needs to be with a trusted loving partner so you feel safe, they do it because you like it (not ok from everyone, not ok all the time, but with them it is special)

8. …or you prefer it from casual partners because what they think or do doesn’t bother you as much as if your main partner did it (so it’s safer? More fun? When casual)

9. …or you are in 24/7 D/s and degradation reinforces that full time dynamic in a way you like

10. You enjoy the mental aspect of degradation. Physical plus mental is way better than just physical. (That isn’t specific to degradation only but it came up)

11. You are reclaiming words used to hurt. You make them your sources of joy and that takes away their power to hurt.

Did I miss any?

Some of that is liking actual degradation.
Some is using traditionally degrading words but not for degradation.

If I ever write a degradation story to stretch as a writer, I want to be a good ally, make it enjoyable for folks in this thread, and not write dumb ignorant stuff.

That’s why am I asking if I got it right.

I’m not into degradation at all myself. Can’t stand slut, whore, cunt, as they’ve been used to punish women specifically for liking sex in a way men aren’t punished. I can’t mentally separate that use from the loving/fun uses. I am ok with bitch because I feel women took it back somewhat and repurposed it to mean assertive powerful woman. Yet I know it’s also used to demean. (I’m not a gay man but I couldn’t say faggot or sissy convincingly even to someone who wants it, for similar reasons.)

I could willingly call a partner some of those names for their pleasure. Don’t think I could do it if they wanted emotional pain for masochism even though I think I could give masochists physical pain. I’ve been hurt worst by emotional pain so it hurts me to give it. If I did do it, and was convincing, *I* would need a lot of aftercare even if the sub loved it.

Not yucking your yum! Never that! I am happy your jam makes you happy. I’m just here to learn from you all.

Hope that was ok to post and not derailing or intruding. Don’t want to do that.

1thru 4 for me as a male. I’m a switch, so for my sub side.

 

[cascadiabound]

It’s been so eye opening to me reading this whole thread. I want to understand what gives people joy even if it’s not my jam.

I hope it’s ok to ask here if I’ve understood correctly. I get these may not all be right for everyone. Let me know please if something sounds just way off for everyone. In no particular order, reasons people like degrading names (or actions).

1. The taboo, ‘transgressive’, and forbidden are hot.

For me - I think part of why I like it/turns me on is the transgression nature of it. And also because it trips on all the contradictions between my brain and my submissive needs/desires.

If someone called me a cunt/whore/cocksucker/slut etc. in any context outside of an intimate consenting relationship, I would find it completely unacceptable and my feelings about that person would be imprinted on me in a negative way and I would want them to feel the consequences of their unacceptable words in whatever way I could.

The contradiction of the way it makes me feel in a sexually submissive setting is a huge part of why it seems to deepen my submission, pulls me into that subby headspace with all the feels, quivers, tremors, physical arousal. The fact that my physical response to degrading talk is undeniable is kind of a mind fuck. And then serves as an amplifier of the entire experience. So utterly transgressive. Yes.

2. Makes you feel super sexy and desirable (and you don’t find it degrading)

I'm less sure about this point. However, if I didn't feel confident in his desire for me and that he finds me beautiful etc, it would not be okay to be called names etc. Also - I would not be able to tolerate being called ugly, worthless, or other things like that. I'm sure that would pull me right out of my submissive headspace and I would walk away and never turn back.

3. You like feeling like an object (cherished toy, source of pleasure, no need to be responsible, free of decision burden, dehumanization is thrillingly taboo, those are some reasons?)

Being objectified for him/for his pleasure is part of what gets me off at least sometimes. I couldn't tolerate it as a 24/7 condition. But there is something very freeing about just giving in to whatever he wants - relinquishing responsibility for what happens next. Being his fuck toy. Being required to submit to his pleasure, his desire to inflict pain, giving him control over what kind of pleasure/pain I get to experience. And having him use all kinds of nasty words as he orders me/tells me/directs me... and yes, having to repeat back to him those same nasty words. It is humiliating on some level. But it is also another way of confirming his domination and my willing compliance. Idk - it sometimes feels like he's peeling me layer by layer like an onion, revealing me to myself and to him. The physical exposure, the emotional and physical vulnerability, the depth to which he is able to reveal my submission and the levels to which I crave and need it. I think the words he uses to pull me into submission to him creates this tension of being so naughty, so different from my public presentation that it provides new openings into the depths of my submissiveness. The revelations that expose my depravity, things I didn't think I wanted, but turns out I do, seem to come out in all these verbalizations. He says it, describes who I am in my submission, and to have to admit it out loud in response- it is a mind fuck. It exposes truths. Evolves and deepens submission in ways that surprise.

4. Deepens your feeling of submission. (I get loving subspace!)

Yes. Definitely this.

5. You *like* the emotional pain it causes the same way some people like actual physical pain. (Masochism playing a part?)

I am more of a masochist than I am able to readily admit. I think I especially like the contradiction and the mind fuck of it. I think especially if he is playing with other mind fuck/control elements.

6. You like pleasing your D even if you don’t enjoy the names.

For me the name calling seems to reinforce in me the fact that I AM pleasing him.

7. It needs to be with a trusted loving partner so you feel safe, they do it because you like it (not ok from everyone, not ok all the time, but with them it is special)

Absofuckinglutely.

10. You enjoy the mental aspect of degradation. Physical plus mental is way better than just physical. (That isn’t specific to degradation only but it came up)

Both together is weirdly delicious. And using such taboo words does have this quality of humiliation/degradation/contradiction that my subby brains loves, even though my intellectual self cannot explain it, is offended by it. The mind fuck is addictive though.
Part of the mental aspect that is deeply effective for me is when he whispers nasty degrading things in my ear in public. When he tells me that he loves showing off his personal whore as we walk into a restaurant or party together. When he leans over and asks me something naughty/nasty/taboo and I wonder if he was overheard and I feel my face flush and my pussy spasms and my tummy flutters and I start falling into subspace right there. I become so maleable and compliant as he calls me his subby slut etc. My brain melts and I will pretty much do whatever he wants.

11. You are reclaiming words used to hurt. You make them your sources of joy and that takes away their power to hurt.

Did I miss any?

Some of that is liking actual degradation.
Some is using traditionally degrading words but not for degradation.

It's so weird. I don't *think* I like degradation, but my pussy definitely does. Another layer of these degrading words that is powerful for me is having them written on my body. Wearing such words under my clothes. It is a claiming of powerful taboo words into a loving/control dynamic, but also feeling elements of the degradation and getting off on being less than/only/objectified. It's definitely in the continuum of objectification toys- collar, leash, bondage, pet cages, CMnf, human furniture etc. The words flow into all these other things that I have such mixed intellectual responses to, and yet must admit that they are all things I want/need/crave and serve to heighten my sexual experience, deepen my submission and wrap me further into his control.

If I ever write a degradation story to stretch as a writer, I want to be a good ally, make it enjoyable for folks in this thread, and not write dumb ignorant stuff.

That’s why am I asking if I got it right.

Obviously I can only speak for myself, but maybe my thoughts are helpful to you as a writer? Or to others who are trying to figure this stuff out.

Also...there is something humiliating about the physical reaction I have to being called taboo names. My body responds. My pussy gushes, my nipples harden, I become more sexually needy/willing etc. It's like a hard wired connection where my body betrays my intellectual feminist self and reveals me to be incontrovertably a subby slut and so much more. Back to the onion metaphor.

 

[Cruelsmile5]

I absolutely love it. I find it especially arousing when I'm told to repeat it back sometimes too.

The delightful part of this from the Dominant perspective is when she repeats it back, it’s an acceptance, an affirmation of what she has surrendered to the Dom. Obviously these words have humiliating connotations-if shes quiet while he uses them, it allows her to pretend it is more him, that it’s not true, that she still has her pride, her dignity.........but when she has to parrot them back, to say these things about herself, he’s not simply fucking her body, he’s fucking her mind.

 

[roxanne1971]

Personally, I love it. The more degrading the better, especially when I need to be reminded or put back into my place.

Agreed.

 

[Noor]

I Don’t like it at all.

 

[RachelWalsh]

I like it. Especially if a dominant man is in the lead

 

[Playwithmee]

I like it in private sex play, but agree that in public setting it has no place.

 

[EoghanDubhara]

Depends on the name? I tend to like being called good girl, sweetheart, and sweetie, but I also like being called fuck hole, fuck doll, and cock warmer.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

It’s been so eye opening to me reading this whole thread. I want to understand what gives people joy even if it’s not my jam.

I hope it’s ok to ask here if I’ve understood correctly. I get these may not all be right for everyone. Let me know please if something sounds just way off for everyone. In no particular order, reasons people like degrading names (or actions).

1. The taboo, ‘transgressive’, and forbidden are hot.

2. Makes you feel super sexy and desirable (and you don’t find it degrading)

3. You like feeling like an object (cherished toy, source of pleasure, no need to be responsible, free of decision burden, dehumanization is thrillingly taboo, those are some reasons?)

4. Deepens your feeling of submission. (I get loving subspace!)

5. You *like* the emotional pain it causes the same way some people like actual physical pain. (Masochism playing a part?)

6. You like pleasing your D even if you don’t enjoy the names.

7. It needs to be with a trusted loving partner so you feel safe, they do it because you like it (not ok from everyone, not ok all the time, but with them it is special)

8. …or you prefer it from casual partners because what they think or do doesn’t bother you as much as if your main partner did it (so it’s safer? More fun? When casual)

9. …or you are in 24/7 D/s and degradation reinforces that full time dynamic in a way you like

10. You enjoy the mental aspect of degradation. Physical plus mental is way better than just physical. (That isn’t specific to degradation only but it came up)

11. You are reclaiming words used to hurt. You make them your sources of joy and that takes away their power to hurt.

Did I miss any?

Some of that is liking actual degradation.
Some is using traditionally degrading words but not for degradation.

If I ever write a degradation story to stretch as a writer, I want to be a good ally, make it enjoyable for folks in this thread, and not write dumb ignorant stuff.

That’s why am I asking if I got it right.

I’m not into degradation at all myself. Can’t stand slut, whore, cunt, as they’ve been used to punish women specifically for liking sex in a way men aren’t punished. I can’t mentally separate that use from the loving/fun uses. I am ok with bitch because I feel women took it back somewhat and repurposed it to mean assertive powerful woman. Yet I know it’s also used to demean. (I’m not a gay man but I couldn’t say faggot or sissy convincingly even to someone who wants it, for similar reasons.)

I could willingly call a partner some of those names for their pleasure. Don’t think I could do it if they wanted emotional pain for masochism even though I think I could give masochists physical pain. I’ve been hurt worst by emotional pain so it hurts me to give it. If I did do it, and was convincing, *I* would need a lot of aftercare even if the sub loved it.

Not yucking your yum! Never that! I am happy your jam makes you happy. I’m just here to learn from you all.

Hope that was ok to post and not derailing or intruding. Don’t want to do that.

I love this break down.
And @cascadiabound ‘s responses are very good too. It’s definitely a tricky space, but one that is very rich with erotism and pleasure.

I’m a fan of the word “slut” and it’s derivatives as it seems to have the desired effect on most subs irrespective of where they fit in terms of other bdsm areas, such as impact play for example.

It also works in a more vanilla sexual situation. To your point about “bitch” being taken back by women I think the same might be said about the word slut too. The other reasons for liking the word is it sounds wonderful, it has that rounded sensual sound to it and mostly it’s completely detached from anything personal either physical or mental.

I have a much harder time with the use of personal traits being used in a derogatory way like calling somebody fat or implying they’re not smart.

I know this is still a big turn on for some but when I engage with submissive women that are looking for dominant talk I always encourage them to consider these types of limits in the same way that they should consider physical limits. Nothing negative about her body nothing negative about the mind. There are some women that still crave that kind of talk which I make no judgement on, its the same as men enjoying SPH but I know I can’t do it, so in that way I guess it’s just become part of my own limits.

 

[cascadiabound]

I have a much harder time with the use of personal traits being used in a derogatory way like calling somebody fat or implying they’re not smart.

I know this is still a big turn on for some but when I engage with submissive women that are looking for dominant talk I always encourage them to consider these types of limits in the same way that they should consider physical limits. Nothing negative about her body nothing negative about the mind. There are some women that still crave that kind of talk which I make no judgement on, its the same as men enjoying SPH but I know I can’t do it, so in that way I guess it’s just become part of my own limits.

I appreciate you creating a clear distinction between taboo name calling (slut etc) vs derogatory language vis a vis personal traits of mind or body. It is a good idea to have a discussion about this in the context of hard/soft limits. Bolded bits are especially apropos.
Just like you, such derogatory language is a hard limit for me.
I also agree with your comments about the word "slut".
"Cunt" is another complicated and taboo word. I find it more than acceptable for him to refer to my genitals using the word "cunt", but I would be offended and find it unacceptable to be called a "cunt".
Brains are so weird.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Cunt" is another complicated and taboo word. I find it more than acceptable for him to refer to my genitals using the word "cunt", but I would be offended and find it unacceptable to be called a "cunt".

I know it’s such an interesting word, and also very locale specific in terms of its level of tabooness (I know made up word) I love using it in the heat of the moment to describe her pussy, and I’ve met some women that in the scene enjoy being called it “you’re such a sexy cunt” as it’s fills their humiliation quota.

However, I cringe when I hear it in general day to day. Also the contrast between British/Australian etc versus North American is interesting. I always call bullshit on anybody (usually men) from the former that try and make out when in the USA that they didn’t know and it’s an ok word where they’re from. Bullshit! , it’s just not at the same level.

Brains are so weird.

I know right, that’s what makes people so fascinating.

 

[ChasBozwell30]

Submission is fascinating, there's something about the taboo aspect, but for me I think it's best described as a sort of trigger.

If i experience something that makes me submissive; being pegged, collared, spat in my face, called a faggot etc, all of these things are deliriously hot triggers. They put me in a happy state. A calm- nothing matters, i don't have anything to worry or think about- state of mind. It is wonderfully freeing. A dirty fantasy, to be shared and happily explored.

Anticipation is also the hottest thing in the world. There's nothing in the world like surrendering all control to someone and letting them do what they want to you. That moment of kneeling or lying there, not knowing what is coming next... that building anticipation (which puts you in such a purely submissive state) is simply electric...!

 

[Cruelsmile5]

I appreciate you creating a clear distinction between taboo name calling (slut etc) vs derogatory language vis a vis personal traits of mind or body. It is a good idea to have a discussion about this in the context of hard/soft limits. Bolded bits are especially apropos.
Just like you, such derogatory language is a hard limit for me.
I also agree with your comments about the word "slut".
"Cunt" is another complicated and taboo word. I find it more than acceptable for him to refer to my genitals using the word "cunt", but I would be offended and find it unacceptable to be called a "cunt".
Brains are so weird.

Excellent point about one of the words that always treads the line between sexy and derogatory. And depending on the individual, it can be both in the same session. Good clear communication is essential in all relationships, but healthy bdsm relationships simply exist without it. Thanks for sharing your POV.

 

[Spoogecup]

I do like being addressed as "Cocksucker" not as an insult, but as an accurate description of what I truly am. I am a Cocksucker.

My feelings exactly ! The only time I get called that is when I'm in the proximity of one of the few guys who've used me before or the guy I've been sucking regularly for 5 years now... They've all looked down at me while on my knees with their cock in my mouth, so why shouldn't they call me "cocksucker".