How To: Defuse a Sticky Question?

[BlueATHeart]

So sure this question is REALLY high schooliish but it's a valid question and I never dated cause I didn't want to deal with s*!t like this.

How does a guy respond to a question like:

Do you think my friends hot?
Do you think I'm fat?
etc.

Because lets face it no matter what I anwser she won't be happy. For example I had a friend the other day ask me out of the blue "do you think my friends hot?". Now Thankfully I'm 19 and she's 16 so I didn't have to worry about any possible relasionship effects (just for the record we are ONLY friends. I am NOT a pedophile) but even so how does one deal with a situation like this? How do I anwser the question without:
A: avoiding it/changing the subject
B: Hurting the other persons feelings
or C: outright lying (cause I'm a REALLY bad lier(sp?))

Thanks in advance for any suggestions....
-Blue

 

[LadyJeanne]

The hot question:

If the girl in question is underage: I don't really look at young girls that way.
If she's legal and the person asking the question is a friend: I don't see why you can't give our opinion.
If she's legal and the persona asking is a girlfriend: She may be attractive, but YOU are hawt....and then give her a HOT kiss.

The fat question:

No, I don't think you are fat. You are beautiful.

 

[SweetErika]

So sure this question is REALLY high schooliish but it's a valid question and I never dated cause I didn't want to deal with s*!t like this.

Go with the responses LJ suggested.

I just wanted to comment that these are usually questions, and a popular tactic, employed by women who aren't mature and/or have poor self-esteem. If you don't want to deal with it, hang around and date more mature ladies who know better than to play these silly games.

If you do encounter similar questions in a woman you date, consider whether you're telling her how you feel enough (sometimes women fish when partners are uncommunicative), and work on bolstering her self-esteem if it's a time when she's feeling kind of down on herself.

But, by and large, the more mature women will have figured out these trick questions and fishing expeditions don't serve a purpose, and will only ask them if they're truly seeking your honest opinion. I ask my hubby how things look all the time ("not so good" makes me just as happy as, "great" because I'm looking for honesty), and ask about who he's attracted to occasionally with genuine interest about his tastes; however, he KNOWS they aren't trick questions/fishing expeditions, and I'm seeking, and won't be offended by, his candor.

 

[silverwhisper]

erika, don't judge harshly: the girl in question is 16. :>

ed

 

[Cathleen]

Blue, while the questions posed might seem 'high school' the underlining issue, in my opinion, is how to respond to touchy or sensitive questions and/or requests.

Last week a woman asked me for something, I was totally caught off guard, totally. If I had given myself five or ten seconds (literally) I might have been able to handle it better and in the manner I've used before. Instead I lied. I will be able to correct the issue later this week and I am glad for that.

So, when I'm asked to do something and am unsure I generally will say "You know you're catching me off guard I will have to get back to you", and "I need to look at my calendar" helps me too. It allows me to check in with my thoughts and feelings and make a decision. It's hard to make decisions without pausing I think.

When asked things similar to what you've said (bear in mind I'm over 40 and generally am not asked those types of questions, well, the fat thing never dies), I try to be tactful and honest. Maybe you could say something like "That kind of makes me uncomfortable, I keep those things to myself, you know?" Maybe you could say something to diffuse the question and make it something that won't be asked again... ''You know what, I think everyone is hawt" and give a wink or something.

The fat one -- LadyJ is right. Sorry if I didn't get the vernacular right for your crowd, I'm too far out of the loop.

 

[SweetErika]

erika, don't judge harshly: the girl in question is 16. :>

ed

Precisely my point, Ed. Not judging, just letting the OP know it's the maturity level of his friends, not all women, who do this. I'm trying to give the poor fellow hope!

 

[Carnevil9]

You are never obligated to answer the question that is asked. You can refuse to answer at all, you can answer a different question of your own choosing, or you can answer the question that she is REALLY asking but is afraid to say out loud......Carney

 

[rydia57]

Hey,


If she's just sixteen, her self esteem is a little low and she's looking for a morale boost. The do you think my friend is hot, or do you think I'm fat, she's just fishing for questions she already knows the answer to

IMHO, don't answer either question, tell her she knows the answer and you think she looks fine. You're still with her and she's still your gf so it's truth.

 

[EJFan]

i know i'm in the minority on this so i wouldn't grant it much gravity...

if i have a rapport with the person (if it's my SO and i know it'll be taken as intended) i respond to those questions in the most obnoxious way possible. am i hot? shit no... i wouldn't fuck you with a stolen dick. things like that.

here's my rationale. i don't mind, and i totally understand, a person needing to have their soul fed in these ways. when a person makes a habit of it and i'm becoming their soul source of self-image i'm doing them no good by being permissive. the caveat here, however, is that i should NEVER put that person in a situation where they'd NEED to ask... i have to proactively exhibit my true feelings. besides, when you respond in the way i suggest above, no one's going to believe you anyway. they know the truth before they ask the question.

keep in mind that i'm terminally single and have had little success with LTR's so this is clearly not good advice. i just never did well with what you accurately describe as high school-ish.

 

[Eilan]

According to my husband, all of this info is in The Handbook. I've never seen The Handbook. Is it a man thing?

 

[Carnevil9]

Q: Does this skirt make my ass look fat?

A: No, of course not. It's all the donuts and popsicles that make your ass look fat.

 

[hugefella]

Personally I difuse this type of questioning by doing like EJfan and either answer the question with another or making a joke. I know it pisses my wife off and because she is pissed off at my response she no longer focuses on the original question that I refused to answer.