How to discover who your friends are, a tutorial.

[Ms_Lilith]

Get injured. I mean, really. Get injured in such a way that it makes you have to stay in bed, on your back, for a month, and you'll know who your real friends are.

Funny how few of them there are.

Funny how the ones you thought loved you seem to disappear.














Sorry, I'm a bit bitter right now.



Now, how do I deal with it?

 

[midwestyankee]

That's funny. I thought that the best way to find out the identities of your true friends was to see who would stick around if you lost your job, had marital problems, or lost all your money.

Adversity does have a way of separating the foam from the beer, doesn't it?

 

[Ms_Lilith]

That's funny. I thought that the best way to find out the identities of your true friends was to see who would stick around if you lost your job, had marital problems, or lost all your money.

Adversity does have a way of separating the foam from the beer, doesn't it?

This particular injury could make me lose my job., which would make me lose my money.

It seems I have 4 friends, when I thought I had many more.

(don't get me wrong, I'm massively grateful for those I have... I guess I just expected too much from those I thought I had)

 

[midwestyankee]

This particular injury could make me lose my job., which would make me lose my money.

It seems I have 4 friends, when I thought I had many more.

(don't get me wrong, I'm massively grateful for those I have... I guess I just expected too much from those I thought I had)

If it helps at all, what I discovered is that the friends who remain through adversity are worth any ten of the others combined.

 

[SXCRgirl]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this Vix. Also, I'm sorry that you're not feeling well!

As far as finding out who your friends are, that's a toughie since I'm also going through that. I don't know how to deal with it either. All I know is that, I have to just move on and learn from my experience. Looking back, there were signs and I just refuse to acknowledge them. I always prescribed to the adage that no one is perfect.

Hang in there. Be grateful that you do have friends that you can count on. Acknowledge your feelings and then move on. It's not worth wasting your emotions on people that don't care about you.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

you're right, both of you.

The friends that I have.. they are.. I couldn't live without them. They've been in my life for years.

The friends that have failed to be there.. some are people I loved dearly, and that's what makes it sad. Others are people I'd clicked with, and expected too much of, I suppose.

Apparently it DOESN"T cross people's minds when they hear their friend is ill, injured, hospitalized, etc, to call and see if they're alright, or to send a get-well card. Y'see, as it's my nature to make the call and send the card, I kinda figured other people might think similarly. I was wrong.

My work hasn't even sent a card. If one of the full-timers gets sick for TWO DAYS, there's a card. I've been gone almost 3 weeks, and nothing.






*sigh*

Sorry.

 

[SXCRgirl]

Don't be sorry. It's how you feel and you are entitled.

Sometimes, we expect our friends to be like us ... since birds of the same feather flock together. But I have learned over and over again that we can't expect people to be like us. It's hurt me to realize that sometimes, I love too much.

Maybe it would be best to lower your expectations so that you're not disappointed. Do the best that you can and let nature take its course.

I've had to do that with a lot of my friends that I cared so deeply about because they ended up hurting me anyway. With lowered expectations, we were able to salvage our friendship and got to a place where it was mutually satisfying.

MWY was right. I have about ... 4 GOOD friends and anything more than that was too much.

 

[bobsgirl]

Get injured. I mean, really. Get injured in such a way that it makes you have to stay in bed, on your back, for a month, and you'll know who your real friends are.

Funny how few of them there are.

Funny how the ones you thought loved you seem to disappear.














Sorry, I'm a bit bitter right now.



Now, how do I deal with it?

Vix, is this the back injury you posted about a while back? I'm so sorry to hear you are still hurting. Back pain is the very devil to deal with.

Try to keep your spirits up. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Re: Re: How to discover who your friends are, a tutorial.

Vix, is this the back injury you posted about a while back? I'm so sorry to hear you are still hurting. Back pain is the very devil to deal with.

Try to keep your spirits up. Hope you feel better soon.

Yes, it is the same injury. It led to 3 weeks of bedrest, at least. I have a CT scan tomorrow, and then will probably be off work until the end of June, again, at least. They think I have a slipped disk in my spine, which is putting pressure on nerves (which is causing pain and numbness in my legs).

I spent two hours crying last night, out of stress, frustration, and just.. a feeling of absolute boredom/desolation. My man has been wonderful, and I really... he's gone way WAY above my expectations, and I'm very thankful for that.. it's just.. *shrug*.. I'm lonely, when he's at work. I spend 5 days a week alone, in bed, watching stupid movies, reading, playing video games, and doing logic puzzles. I walk as much as I can, I am getting some very meagre excercise, but I can't sit for more than 10 minutes, and I can't do stairs, both of which are required to do my job... so... *shrug*

(I should mention that we don't have a very disabled-friendly building where I work.. my HOME is more wheelchair friendly than my work is).

*grumble*

 

[assister49]

Many people don't have four good friends. But most of us have a lot of aquaintenances who really don't know what to say or do when people are hurting. Good relationships with people is truly a blessing.

 

[sheath]

If it helps at all, what I discovered is that the friends who remain through adversity are worth any ten of the others combined.

That is absolutely true.

The truest of friends are the ones that can see you through anything. At all. Without even a flinch in their devotion. To have four of those...you are quite lucky, indeed.

As for the rest? Well. Just be glad that you know the difference now. And keep on sending those cards and calling with get-well wishes when someone needs it, because that proves the goodness in you, and maybe it will rub off on them one day?

I hope you feel better soon, vixenshe.

S.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

That is absolutely true.

The truest of friends are the ones that can see you through anything. At all. Without even a flinch in their devotion. To have four of those...you are quite lucky, indeed.

As for the rest? Well. Just be glad that you know the difference now. And keep on sending those cards and calling with get-well wishes when someone needs it, because that proves the goodness in you, and maybe it will rub off on them one day?

I hope you feel better soon, vixenshe.

S.

Thanks, Sheath.

I know I'm lucky. My best friend made the 4-hour trip here and back just to visit me for two days, to take care of me. She's called me every day to make sure I'm alright, and I know that if I had a relapse and got worse, she'd come over here, at the peril of her job, to help. I know it. That's why she's my best friend. We've been friends for 19 years now. We're 22. Really, you don't get much better than that. And I appreciate her.. words can't explain how much.

But she's not here. Only one of the 4 is here, and that's my sweetie. And when he's at work, I have HOURS and hours just to contemplate being lonely. I try not to. I rented a huge amount of movies to keep busy, and he bought me a book of logic puzzles, and I've been reading my new books and stuff, just doing what I can to keep occupied.

But my brain wanders.



*sigh*

 

[sheath]

But she's not here. Only one of the 4 is here, and that's my sweetie. And when he's at work, I have HOURS and hours just to contemplate being lonely. I try not to. I rented a huge amount of movies to keep busy, and he bought me a book of logic puzzles, and I've been reading my new books and stuff, just doing what I can to keep occupied.

But my brain wanders.



*sigh*

I understand that. Though I'm certainly not confined to a bed like you are, I know how it feels to realize 'hey, I'm lonely' and not have a soul in the world you can call at that moment in time, nobody to talk with, and nothing you have to actually DO seems appealing in the least.

I don't know what to tell you there. I usually write, and that helps keep my mind from wandering. Sometimes I call a friend anyway and just say, "hey...I need to hear a friendly voice to know I'm not ALONE in this godforsaken universe, because it really seems like I am."

There is only so much reading a person can do, and only so much television watching. What helps me sometimes is crochet, or quilting...it somehow makes time melt away. Have you tried it?

Also...have you thought about deepening an already growing friendship? Perhaps moving an IM friendship to the telephone? Contacting someone on lit, or some other board, and saying, "hey, I wanted to get to know you better, now I have a chance to do that, what do you think? Wanna?"

I guess the only other thing I can say is...it's okay to be lonely. But just remember...it WILL end.



S.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Also...have you thought about deepening an already growing friendship? Perhaps moving an IM friendship to the telephone? Contacting someone on lit, or some other board, and saying, "hey, I wanted to get to know you better, now I have a chance to do that, what do you think? Wanna?"

I guess the only other thing I can say is...it's okay to be lonely. But just remember...it WILL end.



S.

I'm in the process of doing that, already. But I don't want to seem pushy and forceful by calling him all the time. Y'know? I mean, he's got a spouse, and she and I have talked, and it's just a friendship, but I don't want to make either of them question that status, y'know?

And to be rather blunt and honest.. Lit hasnt been forthcoming with the friends, in the last number of months.

 

[sheath]

I'm in the process of doing that, already. But I don't want to seem pushy and forceful by calling him all the time. Y'know? I mean, he's got a spouse, and she and I have talked, and it's just a friendship, but I don't want to make either of them question that status, y'know?

And to be rather blunt and honest.. Lit hasnt been forthcoming with the friends, in the last number of months.

That makes sense, about not wanting to make waves in a friendship. I guess all you can really do is ask if it's okay to call, and then make sure you keep asking. Trust him to be honest with you.

Lit can be great on the friends end of the deal. The most important people in my life are people I met here, who then became more than just internet pals. But it does take time...

*sigh*

I wish I could make it easier for you.

S.

 

[Ezzy]

After the scan if they give you a choise of going under the knife or a chiro and exersise, TAKE THE CHIRO.

A good chiro can have your disk poped back in and you back on your feet in a couple of days, still with some pain but on the mend.

The surgery option is anothe 4 - 6 weeks on your bed.

This was how it was for me, 15 years ago, I can only tell you how it was.

 

[RegisteredTroll]

oh for fuck sake

yet another poor vixenshe pity party

die already

 

[Ms_Lilith]

After the scan if they give you a choise of going under the knife or a chiro and exersise, TAKE THE CHIRO.

A good chiro can have your disk poped back in and you back on your feet in a couple of days, still with some pain but on the mend.

The surgery option is anothe 4 - 6 weeks on your bed.

This was how it was for me, 15 years ago, I can only tell you how it was.

I would only take surgery as a last-resort. Trust me, I don't want to go under the knife.

 

[Debbie]

I hope you get better. But sometimes it pays to appreciate what you do have.

Be thankful you can move, see and hear.

A friend has terminal bone cancer. She can longer, see, hear properly or move. Yet she still keeps cheerful most days.

As for your friends. Did you call them and say hey could you drop by? Maybe they were busy or didn't want to disturb you.

*shrug*

 

[kinky shy girl]

Get injured. I mean, really. Get injured in such a way that it makes you have to stay in bed, on your back, for a month, and you'll know who your real friends are.

Funny how few of them there are.

Funny how the ones you thought loved you seem to disappear.

*nods* Yep, been there...how do you deal with it? well, think of it this way...at least now you know who is a genuine friend and who is a casual acquaintance.

Hope your CT turns out alright. Best wishes.

 

[knight88]

Friends

Vixie, count your blessings that you have 4 good, tried and true friends, I think that few of us truly have that many friends when the chips are down, hang in there girl you are young and will heal more quickly than you think.. Prayers for you

 

[Mskey]

Vix~

I'm so sorry to hear that you're still having problems with your back. I'd hoped by now things would be better and you'd have been back up and at'em already.

Unfortunatley I do totally understand what you mean. I have maybe 3 honest to god, stand by you through thick and thin, friends. People that I know would be there for me no matter what. I didn't get hurt like you did, but I went through a really awful patch in my life and alot of the people I'd thought would be there to bolster me up suddenly disappeared. I knew that some of them were " fair weather friends", but I was really taken aback by how some people I had been there for, supported, and trusted turned their backs on me so quickly.
And work....please! I was actually out 7 months with a high risk pregnancy here recently and although I'd worked for this company for over 6 years I never got so much as a card or call from my supervisors. The only good thing was it helped make my choice to not return that much easier.

If you want someone to chat with, I keep odd hours, but I'd be happy to bend a cyber ear for you whenever I can.

 

[Missingmeds]

I have only one question Vixenshe.

Have you called the ones that disappeared and told them that you are bored, lonely, etc. and that you would very much enjoy their company?

I think that most people don't know what to do in such a case as yours. Plus being on bedrest, I would worry about you getting up to answer the door all day long. So it could be that they don't want to stress or strain you and don't know what to do.

 

[watergirl]

*hugs*

I'm sorry, hon.

That is hard.

Do you have any relatives or people who would like to get letters from you?? Grammas or something? Little cousins who would like stories written just for them?

Um. I'm just trying to brain storm about the boredom... I guess bedrest means no car trips? Is there any way you could treat yourself to a weekend somewhere with a hot tub? I'm sorry you're hurting, sweetie. Sometimes I just want to cry, too, because it seems like it goes from bad to worse and it just won't get better.

I won't be home much lately, or I'd offer to be a chat buddy - I'm working out of town so checking the lit boards is intermittent - pm me if you want to sometime, I'd be happy to talk to you!

Did you see curious2c's thread with pics up in Alaska??? They're gorgeous -
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=252230

Is there anything else I can do??? Let me know if there is something - I hope things get better, babe.

wg

 

[Ms_Lilith]

You guys are wonderful, and I'm getting tearful over here. THank you.

To answer a few questions, yes, I've asked for people's time, phone calls, emails, letters, etc. I've asked friends to come over.

And they didn't.

I've written all of my grandparents (they're all alive), I've written my mom, dad, brother, best friend, and a couple of the other true blues, who are internet friends.

watergirl, I've been in the car since the injury, but just to doctor's appointments, and I'm usually crying by the time I get there. I have to go in the car tomorrow, and I'm dreading it, as today was a bit of a relapse day. Tomorrow is also my CT scan.

As to the hot-tub, we have a spa-soaker tub here, in one of our bathrooms, with like, 8 jets in it... but getting into and out of the bath is massively painful, and I've only done it on specific doctor's orders.

I'm able to walk now, so that's a HUGE plus, and it also means I can stop taking the aspirins, (which I was on cus blood clots run in the family).

I just finished watching "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar".. my absolute favourite movie. It always cheers me up.

I've also decided that, IF I decide to go back to work (a friend in the company has informed me there's a LOT of backstabbing going on there while I'm not present to defend myself or my position), I'm going to spend the day before at a spa. Get a facial, mani, pedi, and seaweed wrap. I just came into some money from my grandparents, for graduating, and I figure, I'll bloody-well deserve it by then.

If I DON"T go back to that job, I have EI to cover me for a while, so I can spend that time on interviews, trying to find a good job.

Staying at that job has, for months, felt like I was selling my soul to the devil, so maybe this is God's way of telling me to get the hell out.