How to finish bucket list fantasies before I die?

[monkeyman057]

1. Relationships go both ways. Sounds like she wants something you're not giving and you want something she's not giving.

2. No matter how you feel about each other, if you can't provide for each others needs then there will be discord and unhappiness if you don't have another acceptable outlet from which to fill them.

3. You articulated your problems quite well in your original post. It sounds like you feel like your relationship is on the line - if that's the case then you've got nothing to lose by sharing these thoughts with her.

4. It doesn't matter how painful ending a relationship is right now - I promise it will be more painful in 5 or 10 years when you both realize that you're just not a good fit for each other.

It sounds to me like she doesn't really 'get' you, nor you her. Either fix that or find someone that does. I would think the hippie chicks that you referenced in your opening post would be your best bet, though they are certainly not the only archetype that can appreciate an artistic mind. There are plenty of women in the world that can not only appreciate you but be able to communicate with you and give you what you need and want both in and out of the bedroom. They're out there. I promise.

From what I'm reading it just doesn't sound like you two are a good fit. I'm sure there's a lot more to the story but that's my first impression. Speaking from experience, it sucks really bad when you commit to someone thats compatible on the surface but is a poor emotional and spiritual fit. Either take steps to fix that, or move on.

Sorry if that's pessemistic. I don't think you're doomed to end the relationship, but I think it's going to take some work and commitment from both of you if you really want to see it last. It's been my experience that most people don't have the stomach for that.

 

[heavyhitter01]

Jesus Christ.

TALK TO HER.

If you can sit here and write out that long and thoughtful letter, you can surely print it out and hand it to her. You can then see what her reaction is and go from there.

It sounds like you haven't even given her the opportunity to deal with any of your fantasies, wants, etc. Why haven't you done that?

At worst, she will kick you out -- which might be just fine, because it sounds like you're looking for an excuse to head for the door already. Or she might (gasp!) offer to fulfill some of those bucket list fantasies, and then, boom! You've got the relationship AND the fantastic sex. Good times!

It sounds like either way, you have nothing to lose. So what's the problem with telling her these things?

 

[imemkay]

Heavyhitter01 is right, you should at least talk about this before you go jumping off that cliff you mentioned. I think you eluded to knowing you needed to do so, so try it.

It's true, HH is very wise!

 

[mrtomthumb]

Enlighten us, then.

ETA: That's one of the things I love about Lit. Any time women aren't sure about stuff like relationships, communication, how their own bodies work, or what they like in bed, they can rest assured that some "helpful" dude will come along to do some mansplaining.

oh sorry..

I was unaware I was talking about you until you just told me.



I sadly am not the mansplainer I once was...

otherwise I might be able to get you back on track.



p.s. that was a smile emoticon...seeeee !!!!

 

[pfflyerhot]

To the OP: I felt increasingly sad reading your (very articulate and expressive) post.

Same here. We're I in your shoes, op, I would talk to her, fill her in, don't assume her reaction (hard, I know)... Talk about it, she might like it, who knows?
And, listen to Monkeyman057... his insight is sensible.