how to make friends past 30

[milmayes]

I'm a 30 guy who is currently going to school full time to be a policy analyst. Every week I work 40 plus hours at my third shift job. That job has me working every Wed-Sun nights. At home is my wife a full time student herself and our 3 kids.

With very little spending money, almost no free time, and 4 individual guilt trips at home, how do I make real friends with people I'll see maybe 1 time a month outside of school. I work the majority of the time alone so work isn't an option for making friends.

 

[NippleMuncher]

You kind of answer your own question. With that much work, home responsibilities, school, etc., there is little time for anything else. The most you can hope to do is start breaking some time free and pursuing your own interests/hobbies. You don't necessarily need money for this, sometimes you can find like minded individuals and live vicariously through them.

 

[Sidney_1]

. . . . .

 

[NomadLady]

Are you wanting/just looking for platonic friendships or friends with benefits?

 

[Primalex]

Are you wanting just looking for platonic friendships or friends with benefits?

Goddamn, not everyone just thinks about sex. If you need to get laid, do it, but leave the rest alone.

 

[NomadLady]

Goddamn, not everyone just thinks about sex. If you need to get laid, do it, but leave the rest alone.

Nobody finds this place unless they are thinking about sex....grow up Primalex.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Goddamn, not everyone just thinks about sex. If you need to get laid, do it, but leave the rest alone.

Dude! What's your problem? That was a valid question to someone posting on a sex forum. If this place were for basket weaving, then I'd agree with you, but it's not, so take your snotty ass attitude somewhere else because it's not welcomed here. Don't be bringing pissing matches from other areas of the forum in here.

 

[mynameisben]

This is soooo simple! Here's my two step plan:

1. Make friends with 30 different people..
2. Then, make one more friend.

It's guaranteed to work.

 

[qrayze]

This is soooo simple! Here's my two step plan:

1. Make friends with 30 different people..
2. Then, make one more friend.

It's guaranteed to work.

.LOL.

 

[milmayes]

clarification

I'm trying to find a way to get to know the kind of people who will actually respond with more than one word answers to how are you doing? Or gasp, actually send me a text or phone call once in awhile. The people I seem to find just don't do that.

I am not looking for a friends with benefits situation. I probably should have made that clear given where I'm posting. So I don't blame you for asking.

 

[dollface007]

I know a lot of guys in their 30s who make friends through intramural sports like softball, basketball and soccer. It's a once a week thing with maybe an occasional practice. I say start with a hobby or cause that you can volunteer for and go from their. Also, is there a parents' group at your kid's school? Maybe you can help coach one of the sports teams. If you meet other guys with kids, you kill 2 birds with one stone because you can make friend time family time too.

Also, you can't tell me that you have nothing to talk about with your fellow graduate students. Maybe hang out in the department a little more often. I am a graduate student and I've learned far more from talking to my fellow grad students than from any of my professors. If you are not socializing with the other students in your department, you are missing a huge part of your education, as well as some necessary networking opportunities.

Of course, this is all predicated on the idea that you are willing to MAKE time to make friends. Also, once you do make friends, you actually have to make time to hang out with them to keep the friendship going. I also work a full time job while in school, so I have an idea of what your schedule is like. I have accepted the fact that, if I want to have a social life, it's just going to take me longer to finish my dissertation. I am a happier person now that I've made this adjustment.

 

[phillyinjun]

I'm trying to find a way to get to know the kind of people who will actually respond with more than one word answers to how are you doing? Or gasp, actually send me a text or phone call once in awhile. The people I seem to find just don't do that.

I am not looking for a friends with benefits situation. I probably should have made that clear given where I'm posting. So I don't blame you for asking.

What are your interests? I would start there. Goes with the earlier suggestion of sports and such.

For some odd reason, the only example I have has to do with communism (Oh, I know why, just got done watching Formosa Betrayed). Find your local communist hangout and find someone who is friendly as well as communist.

 

[phillyinjun]

Of course, this is all predicated on the idea that you are willing to MAKE time to make friends. Also, once you do make friends, you actually have to make time to hang out with them to keep the friendship going. I also work a full time job while in school, so I have an idea of what your schedule is like. I have accepted the fact that, if I want to have a social life, it's just going to take me longer to finish my dissertation. I am a happier person now that I've made this adjustment.

Yup. Good point about figuring out the costs and doing what is best.

 

[Island_Barbarian]

Nobody finds this place unless they are thinking about sex....grow up Primalex.

Here here!! (I hate it when people I meet on here never want to talk about sex...I want to scream.)

Making real friends at any age in life is difficult. Don't try too hard is my only advice. Nothing like someone "too eager" to be your friend to turn one off.

 

[TypicalDeviant]

I'll second/third/fourth those who've suggested casual sports leagues or starting a group hobby. I know some people in their 60s who made TONS of new friends by joining a kayaking club. While that's more time-intensive that you can handle, the principle still holds true.

 

[Dribble]

Guilt trips?

 

[_Virginia_]

I've heard a lot of good things about meetup.com and some friendships being formed through their activities. It's geographically and interest based - as far as I know it is not a sexual thing. I live in a pretty rural area and there aren't many meetup groups, but if you're near a major city they offer a lot of groups and activities.

The nice thing about meetup, is, they have scheduled activities - it sounds like you don't have a lot of free time but IMO, it's important to have some time to yourself to do things socially with like-minded people. You could try to fit in a few group activities and if friendships formed, great! If not, you'll still probably have a good time when you participated in the group. I'm 38 and I know that making new friends isn't the easiest thing to do....good luck.

 

[Adrraiya]

I'm a 30 guy who is currently going to school full time to be a policy analyst. Every week I work 40 plus hours at my third shift job. That job has me working every Wed-Sun nights. At home is my wife a full time student herself and our 3 kids.

With very little spending money, almost no free time, and 4 individual guilt trips at home, how do I make real friends with people I'll see maybe 1 time a month outside of school. I work the majority of the time alone so work isn't an option for making friends.

I have very... so incredibly very little money also... never seems to be any "for spending"... never eat out or anything for that reason.... where do I meet people & make friends? ...... volunteering...

In my case, I am involved in animal rescue... when I was more physically able bodied I was often the one doing the actual rescue..... in more recent times, because my physical abilities are limited, I typically short-term foster.... it keeps me involved even though on a very minimal level

My point is this... find something you enjoy.... then volunteer.... if you have 3 kids maybe consider something they are interested in & volunteer.... sometimes that even works in exchange for paid lessons & such...

an example, my niece is an aspiring ballerina... my sister can not afford lessons but she volunteers her time for the dance studio as a teacher's helper & to work on costumes... she gets lessons in exchange for volunteering... in addition, she has a social outlet meeting with parents of other kids in dance

another of her daughters is involved in soccer... her dad has volunteered to teach & coach community league soccer from the time this child was in kindergarten... thru his volunteer coaching, their family has developed friendships with many other families and now have created a baby-sitting network with each other so that couples get kid-free time


You have some other good ideas as well... things like sports and college classmates

You might even find out if the company you work for has a softball league or something along those lines



If you have time available away from the house & are interested in something like music or poetry... look for local open-mic nights... you can display your talents (for free) and meet others who have similar interests

 

[Adrraiya]

Goddamn, not everyone just thinks about sex. If you need to get laid, do it, but leave the rest alone.

I am sorry... but I simply have to say something to this....

from my point of view it seemed like she was simply trying to clarify his question.... it didn't seem to me like she was hitting on him or looking for attention... and damn sure not trying to edge in for getting laid


Why do you feel the need to attack her for seeking some clarity

Perhaps she needed to clarify before she answered with something like:
Well, you are here, on Lit... so why not PM some of the ladies & see if someone will respond to your sexual interests.... (or whatever advise she might have given this man if he were looking for sexual interaction).....

I think you owe her an appology

 

[BertrandRussell]

I'll add to the list of people who are recommending sports. Not only will it allow you to meet people, but it will increase your energy when you are working those long shifts alone.
Also, at 30-ish, you are at the age when exercise can make such a difference in your health in the decades to come. The kids will need a healthy father to look after them as they are growing up.

 

[aspiringDOM]

My wife and I have the same problem. At the end of the day, it's a matter of making time. If don't have it, then there's no chance of making friends other than saying hi to people while at work or school. The suggestions given are right on though if you make the time. I'd suggesting trying to figure out how to multi-task. If you get your children involved in other things, you'll be around parents doing the same thing and making friends with them. You get to spend time with your spouse, your children, and make friends that way. Once you've got more free time, you can look more into individual things like the adult sports and such.

 

[fuckmeat]

I'm trying to find a way to get to know the kind of people who will actually respond with more than one word answers to how are you doing? Or gasp, actually send me a text or phone call once in awhile. The people I seem to find just don't do that.

I am not looking for a friends with benefits situation. I probably should have made that clear given where I'm posting. So I don't blame you for asking.

I know guys who would die for each other who are nevertheless basically incapable of regular communication like this. Hetero men just don't seem to connect much outside of actual meets or say more than 'fine, you?' when asked how the last month of their life has been. What you may perceive as a lack of regard for you may just be seen as superfluous chit-chat to many guys. Many guys I know will debate heatedly about sport or politics or whatever for hours at a time but ask them anything vaguely personal and they're suddenly incapable of polysyllables. I know I'm generalising here but it's a thought worth considering.

 

[Felix_Jones]

I know guys who would die for each other who are nevertheless basically incapable of regular communication like this. Hetero men just don't seem to connect much outside of actual meets or say more than 'fine, you?' when asked how the last month of their life has been. What you may perceive as a lack of regard for you may just be seen as superfluous chit-chat to many guys. Many guys I know will debate heatedly about sport or politics or whatever for hours at a time but ask them anything vaguely personal and they're suddenly incapable of polysyllables. I know I'm generalising here but it's a thought worth considering.

Hhhmmm. Yup.

 

[Cattypuss]

Guilt trips?

Um, yeah- those were the two words in the OP that leapt out at me, too.

 

[Felix_Jones]

There's a poem I can't quite seem to find that encapsulates the OPs dilemma. I don't remember the exact wording but the gist was between a close family, an active career, and friends...of those three you can choose two.