How to make my wife orgasm?

[EmilyMiller]

Please disregard all of the, ‘there is worse to come,’ doomsayers. Your wife has opened up to you about something intensely personal, and then it’s gotten too much and she’s clammed shut.

She’s not betrayed you. She’s probably been trying to spare your feelings. Maybe it wasn’t the most healthy thing to do, but we all have things we struggle to talk about. We all make poor decisions sometimes.

Don’t feel that this is something you can fix with better technique. Outside of porn, orgasms are not about technique, or size, or anything like that.

I do think that talking more - however difficult - will be part of the solution. There could be some underlying issue with her, or between the two of you, or something else. Couple’s counselling sounds like it might be a good idea if you can both agree.

So treat this as serious, and something to be addressed, but not necessarily as a cancer at the heart of the marriage. There could be many other things going on.

Whatever you do, don’t think you can fix this with delay creams or extra cunnilingus. It sounds like an emotional issue not a physical one. It’s a very male thing to think, ‘If I do X then problem Y goes away.’ I don’t think it sounds like that is going to work.

We’re not slot machines. You don’t insert a quarter and get an orgasm. Try to work with her on how she feels and what might be problematic for her. Tell her you love her and have no expectations beyond just talking. Tell her she is safe and you care about her.

Good luck!

 

[Donald1961]

Well if her first name is Barbara,,you can't,,she has used too many toys ,,over stimulation

 

[Crystal_Dust]

as Emily said, talk to your wife. Listen to the uncomfortable truths. And be open to frighting ideas like couples counseling.

It’s the year of our lord 2025.
Talk to your wife.

 

[LeeKee]

Mine does the same to get off. Usually a thick realistic dildo watching porn as i lick her

Id like to do this with what I intend to get for my wife for Christmas

 

[CumInMyWifemmf]

Id like to do this with what I intend to get for my wife for Christmas

i’m hoping she enjoys it as my wife does. I’ll be doing this tonight.

 

[VerbalAbuse]

Paying the wife for sex

 

[Raybies93]

Paying the wife for sex

What do u mean? She plays the whore to your John?

 

[average_red]

I have absolutely no business giving advice on this, but my go to move was the old tickle and pickle. Finger bang her until she gets where she needs to be and slam in while she is sensitive.

 

[Squirting28]

Recently, as in like 3 months ago, my wife let me in on the devastating news that she has been faking her orgasms with me for the entirety of our marriage. I was heartbroken by this, as I thought we had something good going.

To make matters worse, I probed into her past and she admitted that her previous partner didn’t have any issues “getting her there.” I’ve tried so hard to get to articulate the why here, but she basically refuses to elaborate and only shuts down when the topic is presented.

I’ve tried a lot of things, oral, etc, but she tends to prefer penetration which from what I understand is unusual. I also know she watches porn, I’ve seen her history before (she either doesnt try to hide it or she’s bad at it.)

Has anyone been in a similar scenario? For additional information, we are both mid 30s and have been married for about ten years.

I’m a 30 year old woman. Take her from behind. Pull her hair back, spank her ass, and ram your cock deep in her pussy from the back she will orgasm hardddd. Take it out and stick ur fingers in her pussy from the back and finger fuck her in and out fast while holding her hair back, rub ur cock against her pussy and ass. Tell her how hot she is. Then push it in deep and hard and fill her pussy deep with cum.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I’m a 30 year old woman.

This doesn’t sound like awfully good advice in the circumstances, I’m afraid. Said as one thirty something to another.

 

[flameinsidesoul]

Recently, as in like 3 months ago, my wife let me in on the devastating news that she has been faking her orgasms with me for the entirety of our marriage. I was heartbroken by this, as I thought we had something good going.

To make matters worse, I probed into her past and she admitted that her previous partner didn’t have any issues “getting her there.” I’ve tried so hard to get to articulate the why here, but she basically refuses to elaborate and only shuts down when the topic is presented.

I’ve tried a lot of things, oral, etc, but she tends to prefer penetration which from what I understand is unusual. I also know she watches porn, I’ve seen her history before (she either doesnt try to hide it or she’s bad at it.)

Has anyone been in a similar scenario? For additional information, we are both mid 30s and have been married for about ten years.

It's clear you're carrying something heavy, and the weight of it is made worse not by the act itself, but by the silence that surrounds it.

Let me offer a few thoughts, not as advice, but as perspective:

1. Her faking wasn't about you….it was about her survival.
Women learn to fake orgasms for many reasons: pressure to perform, fear of disappointing, shame about their own needs, or simply not knowing how to ask for what they want. It's rarely a commentary on their partner's skill and almost always a reflection of their own internal struggle.

2. The comparison to her ex hurts, but it's also information.
It tells you she is capable of orgasm with a partner. That means the potential is there. The question isn't "why can't I do it"…it's "what's blocking her from letting go with you?"

3. Her shutting down is the real issue.
More than the faking, more than the past the fact that she won't talk about it is what's starving your intimacy. And that's not about sex. That's about trust.

4. You mentioned she prefers penetration and watches porn.
That's actually very common. Many women enjoy penetration deeply and porn can be a way of accessing desire privately, without the pressure of performance. It doesn't mean she doesn't want you. It may mean she's still figuring out how to want with you.

Here's what I'd gently suggest:

Stop trying to "fix" the orgasm. For now.

Instead, create space for her to feel safe without expectation. Tell her something like:

"I'm not asking you to perform or prove anything. I just miss feeling close to you. If you ever want to talk about what you need—or even just sit with me in silence…I'm here. No pressure…,No judgment."

You can't demand someone's desire. But you can invite it…,patiently, gently, over time.

You're not wrong for wanting this. she's not wrong for struggling. You're just two people, ten years in, trying to find each other again.

Be kind to yourself in the process

 

[Boat1]

It's clear you're carrying something heavy, and the weight of it is made worse not by the act itself, but by the silence that surrounds it.

Let me offer a few thoughts, not as advice, but as perspective:

1. Her faking wasn't about you….it was about her survival.
Women learn to fake orgasms for many reasons: pressure to perform, fear of disappointing, shame about their own needs, or simply not knowing how to ask for what they want. It's rarely a commentary on their partner's skill and almost always a reflection of their own internal struggle.

2. The comparison to her ex hurts, but it's also information.
It tells you she is capable of orgasm with a partner. That means the potential is there. The question isn't "why can't I do it"…it's "what's blocking her from letting go with you?"

3. Her shutting down is the real issue.
More than the faking, more than the past the fact that she won't talk about it is what's starving your intimacy. And that's not about sex. That's about trust.

4. You mentioned she prefers penetration and watches porn.
That's actually very common. Many women enjoy penetration deeply and porn can be a way of accessing desire privately, without the pressure of performance. It doesn't mean she doesn't want you. It may mean she's still figuring out how to want with you.

Here's what I'd gently suggest:

Stop trying to "fix" the orgasm. For now.

Instead, create space for her to feel safe without expectation. Tell her something like:

"I'm not asking you to perform or prove anything. I just miss feeling close to you. If you ever want to talk about what you need—or even just sit with me in silence…I'm here. No pressure…,No judgment."

You can't demand someone's desire. But you can invite it…,patiently, gently, over time.

You're not wrong for wanting this. she's not wrong for struggling. You're just two people, ten years in, trying to find each other again.

Be kind to yourself in the process

^^^ Post of the year! ^^^^