How to Stop People From...........

[Batman4ever71]

Hello Again Everyone,

My fiancee and I are expecting in February and there is a pet peeve (sp?) that myself and my fiancee share and I thought I'd ask for some suggestions.

It seems that no matter where we go, people we don't even know want to touch my fiancee's tummy. If people were to ask before placing their hands on my fiancee, I'm sure we wouldn't mind so much. My question is this; How do we get people to back off and first ask permission before touching my fiancee? We don't want to be rude and abrupt and if people were to ask first, it wouldn't be such a problem for us. We certainly don't want to offend anyone, but the "personal space" rule seems to apply everywhere in society, except when in relation to a pregnant woman. Any suggestions? We welcome the advice.

Sincerely,
Batman

 

[karndav]

for some reason you are right, people are definitetly are attracted to a pregant tummy. I always kept my hands resting on my stomache and when I saw hands coming towards me that I didn't want on me I just kinda stepped back and out of reach kinda subltly. Also my hands being placed on my stomache kinda left no room for others to rub it. and if all else fails you just have to be assertvie and say something like, "ya know I really am not feeling to good right now would you mind not rubbing my belly?"

 

[Quinn71]

Pregnant women are the ultimate icon of our race. The ability to bare and bring forth another life is the ultimate turn-on at least as I speak from the point of view of heterosexual males like myself. Pregnant women are absolutely beautiful and the glow they carry instantly attracts attention.

As for touching without permission that is just plain rude. You could try telling them its fake LOL

But seriously....congrats on the new arrival, hoping all goes well

 

[Shale]

How do we get people to back off and first ask permission before touching my fiancee? We don't want to be rude and abrupt and if people were to ask first, it wouldn't be such a problem for us. We certainly don't want to offend anyone, but the "personal space" rule seems to apply everywhere in society, except when in relation to a pregnant woman.

You are too polite. You would not be rude to tell them to "back off asshole," but I understand your predicament in not wanting to do that.

However, any stranger who attempts to touch you without your permission is not only rude, but could be considered to be assaulting you. The stepping back is a nice subtle message, and if someone persists, you have an obligation to educate them about their social transgression.

A polite "please don't touch me," is forthright and should tend to embarrass the transgressor if s/he has any social grace at all. That then would be a learning experience and perhaps prevent them from assaulting others in future.

 

[Momma of Fire]

First off congratulations and I hope everything goes well.

Second, I never really got to have that issue but I have heard many many women talk about it. One of my friends had a t-shirt made that said $20 dollars to rub the belly. She actually had 2 people pay her for it lol. People just love to "feel the baby".

And last but not least, this will not end at birth. With my first child we took him everywhere and poeple always wanted to come up and touch him. I even had one lady stick her fingure in his mouth and ask if he was teething. Well I snapped at that and just told the women off.

I currently have a 3month old who was born 3 months early and has a few health conditions. We are at the doctors office quite a bit now and I absolutly do not allow people to touch him. I will pull him out of reach and tell them that it was inapropriate and explain he is at high risk for illness.

On a different note if you or your girl have any questions on parenting or like situations feel free to PM me.

 

[LadyG]

Congrats and all, but seriously, you had to come to a board, to ask a How to Question on this?

A simple, "Please don't" is pretty much all that's required.

 

[Shale]

Congrats and all, but seriously, you had to come to a board, to ask a How to Question on this?

A simple, "Please don't" is pretty much all that's required.

Rough morning?

 

[LadyG]

Not at all.

Like I said, I don't understand how 2 people that are going to be parents, have to come to a board to ask how to get people to stop touching one of them.

 

[Lynxie]

Apparently this is a problem that all pregnant women face. One of my best friends is due in less than 3 weeks, and she said as soon as she started showing people started touching. She said it's rather disconcerting.

It's hard to tell someone "don't touch" when they come up to you, usually beaming with happiness and well-wishes and questions about the baby. My friend says she usually tries to be polite about it and backs out of the situation before a scene is made. She also said that cradling her tummy seems to give the hint to people that it's her space.

 

[SweetErika]

Apparently this is a problem that all pregnant women face. One of my best friends is due in less than 3 weeks, and she said as soon as she started showing people started touching. She said it's rather disconcerting.

It's hard to tell someone "don't touch" when they come up to you, usually beaming with happiness and well-wishes and questions about the baby. My friend says she usually tries to be polite about it and backs out of the situation before a scene is made. She also said that cradling her tummy seems to give the hint to people that it's her space.

Well said. I don't like strangers touching me at all, but I can imagine having a tough time telling well-meaning people to back off (especially other women...men, not so much). When the time comes, I'll likely just put up with it and try to remember how excited I am...sort of, 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.'

 

[Batman4ever71]

Not at all.

Like I said, I don't understand how 2 people that are going to be parents, have to come to a board to ask how to get people to stop touching one of them.

No offense intended, but we have some ideas, as this is not the first child we have had. Since we are rather new to Lit, we decided to ask if any other people had any better ideas than we do to not offend people while at the same time getting them to give the necessary space we require. Seeing as this is a global forum, we thought "What better way to find new and perhaps more innovative ideas than we already possess". I can certainly see how this topic might fall under the category of "common sense" to some, however we are honestly searching out feedback from others that have dealt with this particular problem. I DO thank you for your opinion though.

Thank you for the posts so far. There have been several ideas posted that we hadn't thought of. We are going to a play today and are planning to implement several of them. Thank you again so much. Please keep them coming.

Sincerely,
Batman

 

[eudaemonia]

If it were me, I'd grab the well-meaning body-space intruder by the wrist and say, "I'd rather you didn't ... " while pushing their hand away.

BTW, I think that touching w/o asking is incredibly rude but maybe I'm just old-fashioned. I do go ballistic when people, even those I know casually, come up behind me to "tuck in" the label on a shirt or dress. "Don't friggin' touch me w/o axing first!"

 

[Off]

It would bother me more if she weren't pregnant...

 

[honeybunnybaby]

Didn't you know that a pregnant belly is public property?

I've only had one baby, but I DO remember that. At first it's kinda cute that everyone wants to touch the belly, and being my first, it was amusing that people wanted to share that with me. But as my belly got bigger, the rubbing started and that was just plain WRONG!! Can you imagine walking up to a guy with a beer gut and rubbing that??? You just wouldn't do it! I found that as long as I had my own hands on my tummy, people tended to look admiringly at my belly without actually touching. I mean, close friends and family were welcome to touch, especially once the kicking started, but strangers? NO WAY!! If either you or your fiancee grab the belly and back away slowly from the offending hands, hopefully this will deter all unwelcome attention!

I hope everything goes smoothly for the rest of the pregnancy and you can keep that blossoming belly to yourselves!

 

[Ezzy]

If it were me, I'd grab the well-meaning body-space intruder by the wrist and say, "I'd rather you didn't ... " while pushing their hand away.

BTW, I think that touching w/o asking is incredibly rude but maybe I'm just old-fashioned. I do go ballistic when people, even those I know casually, come up behind me to "tuck in" the label on a shirt or dress. "Don't friggin' touch me w/o axing first!"

So you would grab them by the wrist, but you would ask them first? Or is it only when others are doing the grabbing that it is rude and when you are doing it, it is polite?

I am not sure what to say or do in this situation Batman, but carrying a walking stick and smacking them when the get too close sure sounds good to me, or maybe some pepper spray or mace would work just as well?

You might think about a few T-shirts that say, "If you touch this lump, we will defend ourself!" or "If you touch me, I will bite you!" may help.

 

[Shale]

I am not sure what to say or do in this situation Batman, but carrying a walking stick and smacking them when the get too close sure sounds good to me, or maybe some pepper spray or mace would work just as well?

Hey, come to Florida and buy a gun.

We have a new law here that says if you even think your life is in danger on a public street you can blow the perceived offender away.

 

[eudaemonia]

Or is it only when others are doing the grabbing that it is rude and when you are doing it, it is polite?

That's an inaccurate analysis. My grabbing someone's wrist to prevent being touched without asking is a causal response. It would be a defensive act, not an offensive one.