Humorous Poetry

[Angeline]

working out with Jasper

oh fuzzy-faced, contented cat
preferring cushions to the mat;
rotund, we both need exercise
I touch my toes - you roll your eyes;
you stretch, I jog till oh so hot;
I sweat - you scratch an awkward spot.

determined to burn calories
I twist and lunge, bend at the knees;
you flick your tail and preen a whisker,
lick a paw and deign to risk a
little shake, and then you drop
down cushionwards just as I flop
exhausted, wondering if I'm thinner;
you eye your empty bowl - where's dinner?

Wonderful!

 

[Ashesh9]

working out with Jasper

oh fuzzy-faced, contented cat
preferring cushions to the mat;
rotund, we both need exercise
I touch my toes - you roll your eyes;
you stretch, I jog till oh so hot;
I sweat - you scratch an awkward spot.

determined to burn calories
I twist and lunge, bend at the knees;
you flick your tail and preen a whisker,
lick a paw and deign to risk a
little shake, and then you drop
down cushionwards just as I flop
exhausted, wondering if I'm thinner;
you eye your empty bowl - where's dinner?

That was heart warmin'

 

[UnderYourSpell]

working out with Jasper

oh fuzzy-faced, contented cat
preferring cushions to the mat;
rotund, we both need exercise
I touch my toes - you roll your eyes;
you stretch, I jog till oh so hot;
I sweat - you scratch an awkward spot.

determined to burn calories
I twist and lunge, bend at the knees;
you flick your tail and preen a whisker,
lick a paw and deign to risk a
little shake, and then you drop
down cushionwards just as I flop
exhausted, wondering if I'm thinner;
you eye your empty bowl - where's dinner?

Awwwwwwww love it

 

[butters]

Wonderful!

That was heart warmin'

Awwwwwwww love it

thanks he was the most soppy, dog-like silly cat, ever! i actually think he suffered some brain damage as a kitten: jasper and taki were stray litter-kits the husband brought home, and being a sucker for kittens i couldn't say no. (i still have taki). the male cat already living in the house at the time took an instant dislike to baby jasper and leapt on him, fastening his jaws around the top of jasper's fuzzy fat head. the husband whacked the older cat on his head, serving to splatt poor jasper against the wooden floorboards whilst max (the older cat, growled and scarpered. jasper was traumatised, but when he recovered he was just as placid and easy going as the mildest pup. never had another cat as lovely as him. his sister's a little cow.

this one was written a few years back now.

 

[HarryHill]

working out with Jasper

oh fuzzy-faced, contented cat
preferring cushions to the mat;
rotund, we both need exercise
I touch my toes - you roll your eyes;
you stretch, I jog till oh so hot;
I sweat - you scratch an awkward spot.

determined to burn calories
I twist and lunge, bend at the knees;
you flick your tail and preen a whisker,
lick a paw and deign to risk a
little shake, and then you drop
down cushionwards just as I flop
exhausted, wondering if I'm thinner;
you eye your empty bowl - where's dinner?

Thought I'd seen this before, looked in your vault n it's not there. *big smiles* saw it play out.

 

[butters]

Thought I'd seen this before, looked in your vault n it's not there. *big smiles* saw it play out.

glad you enjoyed it, harry (bottom page 13, post 260 on my set-up, not sure if your page numbers are the same though)



p.s i so do not jog

 

[twelveoone]

Please give whomever chastised you a hearty 'fuck you' from me. I wouldn't qualify ALL rap as poetry--some of it is too reactionary to the music to have merit on that level when divorced from it--but I think it's just snobbery to go the other way on it.

Take Eminem, for example. His songs that deal with persona have been favorably compared to Robert Browning's work, which I actually think is fair, and his mastery of diction and the rhythms of modern usage in English is undeniable. (If you listen to interviews with him, he also speaks about the mechanics of language in terms that rival respected poets in the literary world, if he gets an interviewer who will go in that kind of direction.)

Given that, I think saying what he does cannot be considered poetry is as wrong-headed as ruling Bob Dylan or Stephen Sondheim out as a poet on the basis that their work appears somewhere other than literary journals and books.

it was me, do it yourself

 

[Angeline]

Just a friendly moderator reminder to everyone here to please respect the thread starter's topic and remember that this forum is for poetry feedback and discussion, not poetry grenade throwing and other acts of war. Everyone here will appreciate the civility that results.

 

[twelveoone]

Give the Dung Beetle another airing

Ode to a Dung Beetle

Higgledy piggledy everso squiggerdly
rolls the dung beetle all over the land
picking up masses and even morasses
making the most of whatever's at hand.
Little dung beetle, oh little dung beetle
why does your heart sing for buckets of it
life rolling onwards backwards and forwards
shoveling up elephants bit after bit.

this is good, funnier, and if you don't mind a bit if crit, omit's the obvious rhyme, which is er, good

 

[Angeline]

this is good, funnier, and if you don't mind a bit if crit, omit's the obvious rhyme, which is er, good

Did you notice what she did in the last line? First and last two letters of the line? It's brilliant, really.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the gutter
nothing was heard
not even a mutter.

A drunk Santa was slumped
on a bench fast asleep
his hands on his tackle
dreaming of sheep.

Then out in the street
there arose such a clunk
the crashing of bottles
had awaken the drunk.

He sprang to his feet
but his legs were like lead
so he fell on his ass
and broke wind instead.

As he staggered away
somebody stammered
he's nice enough sober
but not when he's hammered.

 

[Angeline]

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the gutter
nothing was heard
not even a mutter.

A drunk Santa was slumped
on a bench fast asleep
his hands on his tackle
dreaming of sheep.

Then out in the street
there arose such a clunk
the crashing of bottles
had awaken the drunk.

He sprang to his feet
but his legs were like lead
so he fell on his ass
and broke wind instead.

As he staggered away
somebody stammered
he's nice enough sober
but not when he's hammered.

Dee-lightful!

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the gutter
nothing was heard
not even a mutter.

A drunk Santa was slumped
on a bench fast asleep
his hands on his tackle
dreaming of sheep.

Then out in the street
there arose such a clunk
the crashing of bottles
had awaken the drunk.

He sprang to his feet
but his legs were like lead
so he fell on his ass
and broke wind instead.

As he staggered away
somebody stammered
he's nice enough sober
but not when he's hammered.

Rock-solid rhythm and immaculate rhyming, BRAVO!!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thank you that goes a lot to easing my poor soul at just having been partially plagiarized!

 

[twelveoone]

Did you notice what she did in the last line? First and last two letters of the line? It's brilliant, really.

didn't see that
shoveling up elephants bit after bit.
it's a nice intersection with the invisible (omitted) rhyme, soundwise it should force it, the invisible (omitted) rhyme is rather common but most often relies on more than two rhymes, the intersection probably forced it on me. I hate to say, but it's the focal point

 

[greenmountaineer]

Give the Dung Beetle another airing

Ode to a Dung Beetle

Higgledy piggledy everso squiggerdly
rolls the dung beetle all over the land
picking up masses and even morasses
making the most of whatever's at hand.
Little dung beetle, oh little dung beetle
why does your heart sing for buckets of it
life rolling onwards backwards and forwards
shoveling up elephants bit after bit.

Five Lines on an Ode to a Dung Beetle

Your ode has me under its spell,
no bullshit or dung beetle shit as well,
or for that matter no dung beetle piss,
I laugh every time that I read it,
and it's still on my Favorites List.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

didn't see that
shoveling up elephants bit after bit.
it's a nice intersection with the invisible (omitted) rhyme, soundwise it should force it, the invisible (omitted) rhyme is rather common but most often relies on more than two rhymes, the intersection probably forced it on me. I hate to say, but it's the focal point

Does that mean you approve?!!!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Five Lines on an Ode to a Dung Beetle

Your ode has me under its spell,
no bullshit or dung beetle shit as well,
or for that matter no dung beetle piss,
I laugh every time that I read it,
and it's still on my Favorites List.

Awwwww bless you, but I must say you are the only one that realised it was there which makes you one hell of a clever guy

 

[twelveoone]

I have just written a humorous Poem which I intended to submit in the usual way (and perhaps I still will) but to tell you the truth I was put off doing so by certain members who come over all high falutin' about what is and what isn't poetry, and I wasn't sure if I was in the right state of mind to be torn to shreds for what after all is a bit of nonsense.
I'm all for writing a bit of humour now and then and it never did Edward Lear or Lewis Carroll any harm!

Duh-uh, commented on in NP, as I said.
your poem is nothing like Lewis Carroll
and to tell you the truth
I'm all for leaving comments and to tell you the truth I always put off doing so by certain members who don't, eh?
excuse?

 

[Handley_Page]

I have just written a humorous Poem which I intended to submit in the usual way (and perhaps I still will) but to tell you the truth I was put off doing so by certain members who come over all high falutin' about what is and what isn't poetry, and I wasn't sure if I was in the right state of mind to be torn to shreds for what after all is a bit of nonsense.
I'm all for writing a bit of humour now and then and it never did Edward Lear or Lewis Carroll any harm!

Tongue aided tittilations

Old age isn't for sissies
when it comes to the marital bed,
what once swung from the chandeliers
now cowers in fright in your head.
Raising her expectations
is never a good idea
although tongue aided tittilations
without false teeth raise a cheer.
Anything Kama Sutra
is definitely chancing your arm,
not to mention rheumatic joints
bound to come to great harm.
So although you're no longer twenty
but the urges are still just as deep
make sure your actions are gentler
and your athletic frolics less steep.

Please would you put this into the AH; even the "Humor" thread.
It's damned good; it made I larf,

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Please would you put this into the AH; even the "Humor" thread.
It's damned good; it made I larf,

Thanks I will if I can find said place, it's been a long time since I ventured over there