Husband watching gay porn - advice please

[liberatedslave]

Thankyou all for such well thought out advice. I agree there are trust issues going on separate to anything else and hopefully that's something that can be resolved. I don't think the fact it was gay porn he watched shocked A as much as the absence of heterosexual porn. That's what led her to worry that it was a compulsive thing or that M was genuinely uncertain about his sexuality. They're trying to work through it & if there is no threat to their marriage A will accept & work with this i'm sure.

 

[M's girl]

..... My short advice would be the guy should dump the woman and find someone male or female who won't blab about his personal business to a friend who will post it on the internet! Someone who will sneak into your computer account, to spy on you isn't great SO material. Rule one for any woman should be don't go into your man's smut pile unless you share all his kinks or willing to learn.

And this coming from someone who preaches to not judge if you don't know the (whole) situation.

OK, snooping is bad but if you feel like you 'have' to it means you feel you're being lied to. I confronted a boyfriend once because my gut feeling said something was wrong, plus he started acting strange. Now, I know I have almost like this extra-sense for things like this, so I asked him flat out.

His reaction was disbelief and playing Mr. Hurt Feelings. How, how could I even ask him? Then he turned things around suggesting I would be the one to be unfaithfull if I reasoned like I did! He started accusing me.

It was only a distraction. It did not work. Yes, I started to check him out. And yes, I found the evidence. He then accused me of being untrue for not trusting him. Well, turned out there was a good reason for that but of course that did not matter anymore.

Of course it's bad when people check each other out all the time. But on the other hand I always ask myself what people who are sooooo worried about this have to hide...

My M can check my mail, read my SMS messages and go through my bags. If it makes him feel good (better)? I don't care. He will never find anything I have not told him yet, nothing he does not know already.

 

[aplus35]

I myself was in a similar position as M. My wife found that ID been trading male porn online through emails. Being more computer savvy than her I lied and said that I was on a porn e-mail list and that i couldn't control what came through. I then learned to cover my tracks better, and continued viewing it.

This was in 95, before then i never even imagined looking at gay porn. But with my new Internet connection I was amazed at what i could view. I found that gay porn turned me on the most. My favorite types of porn are gay porn, lesbian porn, bi porn and then straight porn in that order.

Although i masturbated allot I would have never cheated on my wife in real life, with a guy or girl. My wife turned ultra religious 3 years into our marriage, although our sex life was still good she would have no part of fantasies and kinky sex, especially porn. She would never had understood my strange fascination with the gay porn. Hell I don't even understand it. But time after time i return to it.

I believe if M is strong he can view the porn, masturbate and get it out of his system without ruining the marriage. But he has to take his vows seriously as I did.Some will see masturbation as cheating but I do not. The question is can A handle knowing that he has these desires? If not it will eat her up for years until something gives and she will use this as an excuse to get out of the marriage.

As happened to us. The divorce was over money matters but you can better believe I heard the porn story in court. She considered that cheating. I don't, i would have been pleased to come home and see her masturbating at the computer over another woman. Guess that is how guys and girls see things different.

Well after the divorce I said the hell with it and went out and tried it for real with a couple guys. Got head a few times and jacked off a few guys. I liked it, but I still like the porn better. Would luv to find an open woman who is into this stuff but so far no luck.

I don't think that I am gay although I have had a cock in my mouth and luv gay porn. I would never dream of kissing a guy or living with one but I will play with one every once and awhile. I still love women, But the truth is I love the gay porn, and don't know what to do about it.

Go ahead tell me how messed up I am....... lol

 

[Missouribiguy]

I myself was in a similar position as M. My wife found that ID been trading male porn online through emails. Being more computer savvy than her I lied and said that I was on a porn e-mail list and that i couldn't control what came through. I then learned to cover my tracks better, and continued viewing it.

This was in 95, before then i never even imagined looking at gay porn. But with my new Internet connection I was amazed at what i could view. I found that gay porn turned me on the most. My favorite types of porn are gay porn, lesbian porn, bi porn and then straight porn in that order.

Although i masturbated allot I would have never cheated on my wife in real life, with a guy or girl. My wife turned ultra religious 3 years into our marriage, although our sex life was still good she would have no part of fantasies and kinky sex, especially porn. She would never had understood my strange fascination with the gay porn. Hell I don't even understand it. But time after time i return to it.

I believe if M is strong he can view the porn, masturbate and get it out of his system without ruining the marriage. But he has to take his vows seriously as I did.Some will see masturbation as cheating but I do not. The question is can A handle knowing that he has these desires? If not it will eat her up for years until something gives and she will use this as an excuse to get out of the marriage.

As happened to us. The divorce was over money matters but you can better believe I heard the porn story in court. She considered that cheating. I don't, i would have been pleased to come home and see her masturbating at the computer over another woman. Guess that is how guys and girls see things different.

Well after the divorce I said the hell with it and went out and tried it for real with a couple guys. Got head a few times and jacked off a few guys. I liked it, but I still like the porn better. Would luv to find an open woman who is into this stuff but so far no luck.

I don't think that I am gay although I have had a cock in my mouth and luv gay porn. I would never dream of kissing a guy or living with one but I will play with one every once and awhile. I still love women, But the truth is I love the gay porn, and don't know what to do about it.

Go ahead tell me how messed up I am....... lol

Sounds like you are bisexual, my friend. Or at least, curious.

 

[human_male]

I myself was in a similar position as M. My wife found that ID been trading male porn online through emails. Being more computer savvy than her I lied and said that I was on a porn e-mail list and that i couldn't control what came through. I then learned to cover my tracks better, and continued viewing it.

This was in 95, before then i never even imagined looking at gay porn. But with my new Internet connection I was amazed at what i could view. I found that gay porn turned me on the most. My favorite types of porn are gay porn, lesbian porn, bi porn and then straight porn in that order.

Although i masturbated allot I would have never cheated on my wife in real life, with a guy or girl. My wife turned ultra religious 3 years into our marriage, although our sex life was still good she would have no part of fantasies and kinky sex, especially porn. She would never had understood my strange fascination with the gay porn. Hell I don't even understand it. But time after time i return to it.

I believe if M is strong he can view the porn, masturbate and get it out of his system without ruining the marriage. But he has to take his vows seriously as I did.Some will see masturbation as cheating but I do not. The question is can A handle knowing that he has these desires? If not it will eat her up for years until something gives and she will use this as an excuse to get out of the marriage.

As happened to us. The divorce was over money matters but you can better believe I heard the porn story in court. She considered that cheating. I don't, i would have been pleased to come home and see her masturbating at the computer over another woman. Guess that is how guys and girls see things different.

Well after the divorce I said the hell with it and went out and tried it for real with a couple guys. Got head a few times and jacked off a few guys. I liked it, but I still like the porn better. Would luv to find an open woman who is into this stuff but so far no luck.

I don't think that I am gay although I have had a cock in my mouth and luv gay porn. I would never dream of kissing a guy or living with one but I will play with one every once and awhile. I still love women, But the truth is I love the gay porn, and don't know what to do about it.

Go ahead tell me how messed up I am....... lol

The only thing messed up in your story is having your private sex life coming out in court. That must have sucked, seeing someone you loved and trusted using something like that as ammunition. I could never ever be with anyone, especially marry them, unless they absolutely accepted me, and everything about me. You're probably better off if you don't mind me saying.

As for the gay thing, you only have to spend a bit of time on this board to see all the threads like "I'm not gay, I like women but I want to suck a cock." It seems it's very common. I'm similarly confused. I just came to the conclusion that I didn't care if I was bi, or bi curious or whatever (although I don't think I am). I'm just me and that's it. If I met someone and she had a problem with it, that would be her problem, as there's no way I'd ever cheat.

And I don't think many resonable people would actually see masturbation as cheating. I hope to hell the court didn't. I'd be interested to hear how it went if you feel like sharing.

 

[none2_none2]

...
Go ahead tell me how messed up I am....... lol

Well what exactly would be an example the perfect male sexuality? One where a guy only j/o's thinking only of his wife, his god and his country? I don't think there is one example of "correct" sexuality.

Here is kind of an example of the opposite of what you like... A f-buddy of mine from years ago, once told me that he used to regularly get fucked by a friend of his. This friend didn't mind fucking guys, but he preferred women & str8 porn. So this guy would fuck my f-buddy doggy style, but during the fuck he had to have a str8 porn magazine opened up on top of his back. He would flip the pages while he was fucking my f-buddy. My f-buddy didn't mind it because he enjoyed getting fucked. However, if I were a bottom, I would have felt insulted -- like the story guys used to tell of the hot woman except the guy would want a bag over her face so he didn't have to look at who he was fucking.

At the same time, I sometimes fucked my f-buddy while he was watching football on TV. I suppose I should have felt insulted because I didn't have his undivided attention.

As for my own porn, I get off on any porn where a handsome, masculine, muscular, hairy guy is pleasing others with his ass and to a lesser extent with his mouth. I don't care if the other person is male, female (with strap-on), robot, etc. So you can imagine that someone who didn't know me and found my stash might think i was going straight (kinky str8) if they saw some of my porn that has women fucking guys. However, I have no desire to cheat on my guy. Plus if I j/o to those pics it isn't because I'm wishing I was the guy getting it from the girl. Rather, I just like watching the guy getting off on having his ass used. (I really don't have much of that porn though because a lot of it focuses on the domination by the woman instead of the strapon going in and out of the guy's ass.)

 

[aplus35]

The only thing messed up in your story is having your private sex life coming out in court. That must have sucked, seeing someone you loved and trusted using something like that as ammunition. I could never ever be with anyone, especially marry them, unless they absolutely accepted me, and everything about me. You're probably better off if you don't mind me saying.

As for the gay thing, you only have to spend a bit of time on this board to see all the threads like "I'm not gay, I like women but I want to suck a cock." It seems it's very common. I'm similarly confused. I just came to the conclusion that I didn't care if I was bi, or bi curious or whatever (although I don't think I am). I'm just me and that's it. If I met someone and she had a problem with it, that would be her problem, as there's no way I'd ever cheat.

And I don't think many resonable people would actually see masturbation as cheating. I hope to hell the court didn't. I'd be interested to hear how it went if you feel like sharing.

Well Ohio is a no fault state so it didn't have much effect in court other than being embarrassing. She got more than half as expected. But in the end she will be laughing at me from heaven while I'm burning in hell for acting out my fantasies. LOL

Thanks for everyone that replied. I'm liking this forum stuff more and more too. Anyone have some other forums they think I would like?

 

[liberatedslave]

Of course it's bad when people check each other out all the time. But on the other hand I always ask myself what people who are sooooo worried about this have to hide...

I agree. A is not generally suspicious or insecure. She would never have looked at M's user account if he hadn't left the porn sites on the history in hers. It's partly because of this that M could get into a habit of watching the porn without her knowledge in the first place. She didn't feel able to confront him straight away and wanted to be sure she wasn't over-reacting. I concede that snooping can never be wholly justified but she did sit down with him face to face as soon as she had checked her facts. I think this could have been handled a lot worse.

My short advice would be the guy should dump the woman and find someone male or female who won't blab about his personal business to a friend who will post it on the internet!

It's highly unlikely that my query is going to get back to A & M and because nobody on Lit even knows who I am, I see this as no breach of trust. I know that discussions about an unknown third party are largely pointless but A has been talking to me about this a lot and I just wanted to post here and get some fresh feedback. This is something outside my experience and I wanted to be a useful a friend as possible.

 

[liberatedslave]

The divorce was over money matters but you can better believe I heard the porn story in court. She considered that cheating.

That is completely unreasonable. I am amazed she was able to cite masturbation as adultery in a court of law! I have never understood religous people who think that masturbation can possibly be cheating or that good, imaginative, fulfilling sex is a sin.

Who's idea do they think sex was in the first place?

 

[human_male]

I have never understood religous people who think that masturbation can possibly be cheating or that good, imaginative, fulfilling sex is a sin.

Who's idea do they think sex was in the first place?

It is not a thing of reason.