I can't be alone in this

[Trash_Panda_1994]

Just a little rant/vent

I've been married since 2016 and I'm currently 31 with 2 kids.

Sadly my marriage is not where it use to be. Both of us have a healthy and in my case over active sex drive but I don't want to have sex with him.

Years of having to fake my orgasms and not enjoying sex with him has made me just not want to even bother. For a moment I thought the problem was just me and I think it might still be as other partners haven't been able to get me off either. Even when I have no problem doing it for myself.

No amount of instructions or added kink seems to help either.

Recently my husband had a girlfriend that I would sometime join in with when I felt up to it. He was able to get her off no problems so I might just be me.

I might not want to but I still have sex with him because he is my husband and the father of my kids. Just a bit at my wits end here.

 

[diavolo2025]

Sorry to hear that. Hope you find a way through this.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I was about 25 before I had my first orgasm with someone other than myself. And I had been with quite a few guys sexually. Now one tried to get me to orgasm.

I was almost married to my late husband, I believe when I first orgasmed with him.

I think with me, it was a comfort issue to be able to fully relax, feel secure and safe with him in order for me to orgasm.

 

[Trash_Panda_1994]

I was about 25 before I had my first orgasm with someone other than myself. And I had been with quite a few guys sexually. Now one tried to get me to orgasm.

I was almost married to my late husband, I believe when I first orgasmed with him.

I think with me, it was a comfort issue to be able to fully relax, feel secure and safe with him in order for me to orgasm.

That might be it because I just cant seem to let go and be in the moment.

For most of our relationship it felt like I was raising him a bit since we married so young and I was his first serious girlfriend. He's also and only kid that wasn't use to doing certain thing. Add in children and demanding jobs my mind is just always going no matter what I do.

So it seems like it is just me then...

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Do you masturbate in front of him, that could be fun?
I found that my toys felt even better when he used them on me, or I used them in front of him...(I don't orgasm from just playing with my hands)

That might help you feel more intimate with him sexually.

 

[diavolo2025]

Have you guys tried playing outside your house and the usual environments?

 

[Trash_Panda_1994]

Do you masturbate in front of him, that could be fun?
I found that my toys felt even better when he used them on me, or I used them in front of him...(I don't orgasm from just playing with my hands)

That might help you feel more intimate with him sexually.

Definitely tried that and still the same. I either start thinking about things I could be doing or he's getting impatient that it's taking me too long which doesn't help

 

[Trash_Panda_1994]

Have you guys tried playing outside your house and the usual environments?

Tried that too. I think I'll just keep finishing myself off when he goes to bed

 

[diavolo2025]

Ok, that don't sound like entirely a 'you' problem to me.

 

[Trash_Panda_1994]

Ok, that don't sound like entirely a 'you' problem to me.

Who knows, I just had to vent for a bit

 

[diavolo2025]

Who knows, I just had to vent for a bit

I know. that was my awkward way of reassuring you a bit, i guess

 

[Trash_Panda_1994]

I know. that was my awkward way of reassuring you a bit, i guess

Haha, thank you for the effort though

 

[Not Normal]

That might be it because I just cant seem to let go and be in the moment.

For most of our relationship it felt like I was raising him a bit since we married so young and I was his first serious girlfriend. He's also and only kid that wasn't use to doing certain thing. Add in children and demanding jobs my mind is just always going no matter what I do.

So it seems like it is just me then...

I think that you're on to something here. You have a lot of things potentially jamming you up. Possibly not just the things you mention. Is there someone you could explore this with? A close friend or a counselor. More insurance these days has counseling options than ever before. Maybe they could help you in your journey.

You mention he's had a girlfriend. Do you also have an additional partner? Do they make you cum?

 

[EyeLuvBBC]

It's hard to reignite a fire that was never really burning to begin with. I've had partners that I loved but didn't "desire". It's not an easy road to navigate. You mentioned that he has a gf. If he's open to it, maybe the solution is for you to have a sexual partner outside of the relationship, too.

Again, that brings its own problems and risks, but it's at least worth discussing IMO. Either way, I wish you luck w/this.

 

[Trash_Panda_1994]

I've done the therapy and I took the advice of talking to him and trying to work things out. However he mainly got caught in the part of me faking it and not the other things I mentioned so it just ended in a fight.



His thing is he doesn't share unless its with other women and even then he has to be involved at all times.



Which mean no other partners for me and even when I've tried it still didn't work.



Conclusion, it's just me.

 

[diavolo2025]

Not an expert at all but your observations and analysis seem to be spot on. Not the conclusion, though.

 

[johnpaulj]

Sounds like you just cant relax and enjoy it with him. I get it that your mind starts wandering and after having to "fake" it, you are merely going thru the motions. I too, wonder if you might consider looking outside your marriage. Something even a little flirting or emailing discretely. Maybe a site like aff

 

[Trash_Panda_1994]

Sounds like you just cant relax and enjoy it with him. I get it that your mind starts wandering and after having to "fake" it, you are merely going thru the motions. I too, wonder if you might consider looking outside your marriage. Something even a little flirting or emailing discretely. Maybe a site like aff

I have to know, what is aff?

 

[UtilityCurve]

I have to know, what is aff?

Adult Friend Finder.

 

[curioustxn]

I've done the therapy and I took the advice of talking to him and trying to work things out. However he mainly got caught in the part of me faking it and not the other things I mentioned so it just ended in a fight.



His thing is he doesn't share unless its with other women and even then he has to be involved at all times.



Which mean no other partners for me and even when I've tried it still didn't work.



Conclusion, it's just me.

Sounds like your husband needs to grow up - - perhaps *both* of you need to grow up!!! You have a kids now - - don't fuck their life up like you did yours..... ("yours" being both of you)

 

[Trash_Panda_1994]

Sounds like your husband needs to grow up - - perhaps *both* of you need to grow up!!! You have a kids now - - don't fuck their life up like you did yours..... ("yours" being both of you)

That feels like a whole lot of assumptions from someone I don't know. Considering that I have done my best to handle things with him in a polite manner even before kids.

Also considering I have mentioned divorce or at the least separation since I didn't see a solution only to be told our kids would lose their father in a permanent way if I did.

As I said before, I am venting here. Since I know none of you IRL and telling my friends or family would create further rifts.

 

[johnpaulj]

I have to know, what is aff?

adult friend finder.com Take a look. Have made a couple of friends on there. Used to be a lot more free. Now they charge, but might try it for a month.

 

[Ballsy8]

Sometimes it's just chemistry, either physical or emotional. I've had partners who have been multi-orgasmic with me. I could make those women cum repeatedly. Yet, others take a long time to orgasm and they only have a single climax.

I won't say, "It's me". I will say "It's us". Maybe those women who have a more difficult time cumming with me? Maybe they always have a difficult time cumming?

For a long time, I thought I was a mediocre lay. It turned out, my ex-wife was rather frigid. After I moved on, I was MUCH more successful making women orgasm.

Without a larger sample population, you'll never know the answer.

 

[Luci_nerdy_kink]

Just a little rant/vent

I've been married since 2016 and I'm currently 31 with 2 kids.

Sadly my marriage is not where it use to be. Both of us have a healthy and in my case over active sex drive but I don't want to have sex with him.

Years of having to fake my orgasms and not enjoying sex with him has made me just not want to even bother. For a moment I thought the problem was just me and I think it might still be as other partners haven't been able to get me off either. Even when I have no problem doing it for myself.

No amount of instructions or added kink seems to help either.

Recently my husband had a girlfriend that I would sometime join in with when I felt up to it. He was able to get her off no problems so I might just be me.

I might not want to but I still have sex with him because he is my husband and the father of my kids. Just a bit at my wits end here.

I can talk to you safely if you need… because this isn’t that complicated of a situation for somebody like me…

I wish I would’ve seen this sooner though I’ll message you.

 

[Str8One]

Just a little rant/vent

I've been married since 2016 and I'm currently 31 with 2 kids.

Sadly my marriage is not where it use to be. Both of us have a healthy and in my case over active sex drive but I don't want to have sex with him.

Years of having to fake my orgasms and not enjoying sex with him has made me just not want to even bother. For a moment I thought the problem was just me and I think it might still be as other partners haven't been able to get me off either. Even when I have no problem doing it for myself.

No amount of instructions or added kink seems to help either.

Recently my husband had a girlfriend that I would sometime join in with when I felt up to it. He was able to get her off no problems so I might just be me.

I might not want to but I still have sex with him because he is my husband and the father of my kids. Just a bit at my wits end here.

Sometimes things click with one and not another. Connection is an important piece of sex and loving someone doesn't necessarily mean that the natural physical connection, rhythm and sexual comradery are present in two people's love for one another.