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I have a conundrum.

TheLateNightFantasy said:
I find it interesting to find we each have different ideas on what @Jada59 is looking for. Our interpretations slightly diffrent. Would it be inpolite to hold a vote?

The advise is unanimous.
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I’m looking for a guy who likes sex but also wants a long term relationship. I tell people that if I only wanted sex, I’d go to Bert’s tavern. I do joke though. I’ve never actually been there. It might not even be that kind of place. But I don’t drink so I guess I’ll never know.

I also know that a lot of men will tell you whatever they think you want to hear so they can get sex. It’s often obvious but sometimes not.

Ah well. Things seem to be getting better but rather not make a public comment that’s any more specific.

Thanks for your input!
 
TheLateNightFantasy said:
Your welcome.

Although Im in the UK, let's say I've only been to Burt's Tavern once. I soon decided its not my idea of intimacy.
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I know they used to have good nachos. But they have a new owner now. Heard the food isn’t as good.
 
Wrong side of the continent. But I agree with the sentiment, that you clearly understand, and say you're best to stay away from them. I do hope you find someone. A quick glance suggests there are a fair number of lit-izens in your neck of the woods!
 
Jada59 said:
In a nutshell: My divorce wss final not quite 8 years ago.

I’m not really actively looking for a new man. But if I did find one, it would be great!

What I seem to have is 3 different guys who keep trying to come back.

I got a message from one earlier. HE broke up with ME 3 times. He was one that I gave a second chance to. But… 2nd time around, things got bad. I won’t get into that unless you specifically ask me to. I don’t like to bad mouth people. I will just say that I caught him in a series of lies. I even gave him a chance to come clean. But he continued to lie. So now I feel like not only can I not trust him, but I never really knew him.

The other two are almost interchangeable in terms of what they do. They come on hot and heavy. But then after I see them, they kind of disappear. Then they at some future time, expect me to take them back as if nothing had happened!

The one guy texted me pretty much every day for like 7-8 months! But it seemed he was always busy or sick or his dad needed him or…. Mind you we’ve been together off and on for probably 6-7 years.

We had long talks. I flat out told him what I wanted. And if he couldn’t give me that, then to find someone else. He promised me he had changed. Um… Apparently not.

Same with the other guy. Together off and on for 6-7 years. The last time I saw him, he wanted me to marry him. I don’t know that I want marriage. But we had made some future plans.

And then? He disappeared. I got one half hearted message since. I just told him I didn’t believe he wanted to see me.

So I guess where I’m going with all of this is: I want a man. A local (Seattle area) man who isn’t going to keep disappearing or lying. Preferably long term. And someone who likes sex. I don’t want a relationship that is sex based only. But for some reason, I keep finding men who either hate sex or have no interest in it. They are not for me.

I will add that the second man I mentioned, does have some sex issues. I can deal with that! But maybe he can’t. And maybe that’s why he disappears. Idk. I would talk about it with him but I don’t want to be the one to bring it up. That might be awkward.

Anyhoo… I realize that I probably won’t find my guy here on Lit. I don’t think there are very many local to me. I have spoken to some and have met two IRL. We just didn’t have much in common but they seemed like great guys.

I’m to the point now that if any of these guys contact me again, I will tell them that I won’t see them. I did block the guy who contacted me earlier. But I doubt that will be his last attempt.

So… What can I do? Any suggestions? My trust level is down. I feel I am grasping at straws.

You can PM me if you want.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.
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My simple opinion is it’s fresh start time, be clear about expectations and have fun…
 
Phew ! I’m not part of the conundrum

Forget the old losers!!

You can find far better ! Until you do, get close to a whole stable of willing guys online to keep you feeling wanted !!
 
Jada59 said:
Oooh. I was born in the Midwest. Would you believe I found a sort of relative on here? Quite by accident. Lit is a wonderful thing!

Popcorn for all! With some sunflowers on the side.
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Oh no kidding, of all places! lol
 
So, my only real advice would be to do whatever makes you happy. Put yourself first, and do some real living, maybe?
 
Jada59 said:
In a nutshell: My divorce wss final not quite 8 years ago.

I’m not really actively looking for a new man. But if I did find one, it would be great!

What I seem to have is 3 different guys who keep trying to come back.

I got a message from one earlier. HE broke up with ME 3 times. He was one that I gave a second chance to. But… 2nd time around, things got bad. I won’t get into that unless you specifically ask me to. I don’t like to bad mouth people. I will just say that I caught him in a series of lies. I even gave him a chance to come clean. But he continued to lie. So now I feel like not only can I not trust him, but I never really knew him.

The other two are almost interchangeable in terms of what they do. They come on hot and heavy. But then after I see them, they kind of disappear. Then they at some future time, expect me to take them back as if nothing had happened!

The one guy texted me pretty much every day for like 7-8 months! But it seemed he was always busy or sick or his dad needed him or…. Mind you we’ve been together off and on for probably 6-7 years.

We had long talks. I flat out told him what I wanted. And if he couldn’t give me that, then to find someone else. He promised me he had changed. Um… Apparently not.

Same with the other guy. Together off and on for 6-7 years. The last time I saw him, he wanted me to marry him. I don’t know that I want marriage. But we had made some future plans.

And then? He disappeared. I got one half hearted message since. I just told him I didn’t believe he wanted to see me.

So I guess where I’m going with all of this is: I want a man. A local (Seattle area) man who isn’t going to keep disappearing or lying. Preferably long term. And someone who likes sex. I don’t want a relationship that is sex based only. But for some reason, I keep finding men who either hate sex or have no interest in it. They are not for me.

I will add that the second man I mentioned, does have some sex issues. I can deal with that! But maybe he can’t. And maybe that’s why he disappears. Idk. I would talk about it with him but I don’t want to be the one to bring it up. That might be awkward.

Anyhoo… I realize that I probably won’t find my guy here on Lit. I don’t think there are very many local to me. I have spoken to some and have met two IRL. We just didn’t have much in common but they seemed like great guys.

I’m to the point now that if any of these guys contact me again, I will tell them that I won’t see them. I did block the guy who contacted me earlier. But I doubt that will be his last attempt.

So… What can I do? Any suggestions? My trust level is down. I feel I am grasping at straws.

You can PM me if you want.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Click to expand...
Don’t rush into anything sweetie.
 
Little update here:

Apparently the first guy contacted me again last night around 8 pm. He used an app. But the weird thing is that I didn’t get the message until this morning.

Actually it wasn’t even a messsge. Just a cooking video. Idk if it was him in the video or not. I could just barely see the hands. They did look like his hands. He does like to make cooking videos. The man is an excellent cook and quite a show off in the kitchen.

He does have a habit of sending things like this to multiple people at once. Idk if he intended to send me this video or not.

I responded with one word. “Interesting”

Got an immediate response back.

I won’t get into all of it but basically he was begging me to take him back.

I began to feel unwell. Hot, sweaty, shaky. The world was swirling up around me. At this point we were talking on the phone.

I explained to him that I needed check my blood sugar. It was low.

He kept talking at me the entire time I was eating candy. His words went in one ear, tangled in my brain, then went right out the other ear.

By this point I was imploring him to give the candy time to kick in because my brain wasn’t processing.

But he pressed on. Talking at me. Wanted me to make a decision right then and there.

The decision was already made. I had already told him at least three times in this conversation.

You lie. I caught you in lies. I proved it to you. Two other people can back me up on this. They helped me research things. We all saw the evidence. And yet? You continue to lie. Therefore I can’t believe a word you say. I don’t need that in my life!

Of course there was more to it. I’m not going to give particulars.

At this point, my annoyance level was severe. He was focused on his wants and not my needs.

He too is diabetic. But when it comes to himself, he has hypo unawareness. Some people just do. It means that they can’t tell that they have low blood sugar. And they might behave oddly.

For him, he would start sweating profusely, wonder why he was so weak and then turn surly. He is normally quite cheerful. I would have to get him to stop whatever he was doing and give him food.

But he never learned from this. Again, some people don’t. I’m not going to fault him there. I’m not inside his body. I only know how it is for me.

But, he was showing total lack of concern for me. Beautiful words came from his mouth. But his actions did not align.

I told him I would contact him later when I was feeling better. I hung up. But he kept messaging me for several minutes.

I went back to bed to rest.

When I awoke, I had a feeling that the Tarotverse guy (YouTube) had a reading for me. And yep, he did.

In a nutshell, he described this man. Said it was time to take out the trash. But to do it in a gentle fashion.

He also said that someone new was entering my life. It was about a 20 minute reading so I can’t get into all of that.

Anyway…. I messaged him. Said I was releasing him from my life. Did not give a reason because I felt there was no need to beat a dead horse. I had already said why multiple times. Then I said, “Namaste. Peace be with you”.

End of story. But if he does contact me again, the message will be the same.

Oh and…. This is freaky deaky! I had to correct this post repeatedly. Why? My words kept switching over to German. I’m not German. Neither is he but he does speak it fluently.
 
Last edited:
Very odd about the German! Good for you for holding to your needs! It can be very difficult, but you recognized what you needed and that he wasn't even thinking about that! *Congratulatory hugs!*
 
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