I Wake Up Married.

[ChristopherMaxwell]

OOC:

Me- Clive Richardson. Rhodesian expat. Age 33. Editor of a local newspaper in Delaware. Lifelong bachelor....until now. A bit of a swinging single on a drunken night in Atlantic City.

You- make up the details. Then we'll see if Clive falls for your character and decides not to annul or get a quickie divorce.

IC:

I awoke up with a serious hangover, not quite sure where I was. The rain beating outside the hotel window indicated that I likely wasn't in the desert. After heaving up the contents of the rather mediocre shrimp buffet I had the night before, I took a shower, dried off, and brushed my teeth.

I remembered by now that I was on holiday in Atlantic City, New Jersey....the resort mecca of the Northeast. I felt like grabbing a little hair of the dog, so I walked toward to mini-bar and saw her lying there naked.....and drop dead gorgeous.

Holy smokes, I said, as I saw the cheap ring on her finger. My first thought was that I had screwed another man's wife or fiancee, something I'm not inclined to do. I'm a lecherous prick, but adultery isn't usually my scene.

That was when I noticed a matching ring on the nightstand next to my side of the bed. And then I knew.....it all came back to me. I'd tied the knot. This blushing bride wasn't another man's wife. She was mine. I was married. I had gotten so drunk that I married a stranger, who could be a heartless ice queen for all I knew. Mind you, sleeping beauty seemed like a real darling right then, but she hadn't awakened, so I didn't know her true nature.

Besides, did I really want to be married? In vino veritas aside, no one could really trust decisions made when one is three sheets to the wind. This would be the end of my single life and the swinging bachelor lifestyle I enjoyed for so long. Did I want to get it annulled? What if the other side of the fence was better than I thought? Evidently, millions thought so, even after prior failures. On the other hand, failure was such an expensive consequence for so many.

And was I really cut out to be faithful? Not in my experience. What happened if I stuck with her and then cheated? That would make no better than my mum and dad, both of whom cheated, and who were why I had a lifelong abhorrence of infidelity and a conviction that the best way to handle my innate weakness was not to impose it on a wife. Despite my best intentions, I already cheated on three girlfriends and been cheated on by two of those three. I was a serial philanderer. It wasn't fair to the girl.

But what if it was just a matter of whom? Silly, I told myself. You're being a romantic fool. A leopard doesn't change his bloody spots. Neither does a tomcat and that's what you are. Make it quick and painless for this poor dame. Besides, she could turn out to be a hypocritical bitch like the last two who cheated and then got upset that you did as well. Was I really ready to swear off the right to ball any lass who caught my eye? I hated saying no to a woman when it came to sex, hated turning down their advances. I loved just going with it.

What the bloody hell would I do now?

 

[SweetAsSuga]

Me - Emma Caswell...now Richardson. Age 25. Fashion photographer for Vogue. Very sensible, always looks before she leaps...if she leaps at all. Never known for throwing caution to the wind. In Atlantic City for a girl's weekend with her best friends.


IC

My head is pounding. How many drinks did I have last night? Jenna kept buying shots and we kept drinking them. I think I had at least eight...oh god, no wonder my tongue feels like a giant cotton ball.

Light seeps through my closed eyelids. What time is it? Oh who cares. I groan and roll over onto my back, throwing an arm over eyes to block the light. A wave of nausea rolls through my stomach and I fight to keep the bile down. If I move even an inch I know that I'm going to vomit, and I really don't want that to happen. So, I lay still, breathing slowly, trying to get control of my stomach.

Last night was such a blur. We had come down to Atlantic City to celebrate Melanie's last week as a single woman before that trip down the aisle. After day at the spa, then dinner on the boardwalk, we had headed for the clubs and begun the Night of Epic Drinking. I think, somewhere admist the drinking, there had been a strip club with men thrusting and gyrating in our faces. I vaguely remember stuffing a twenty down some guy's pants after...oh god did I really lick his abs? Note to self: never let Jenna talk me into doing shots ever again.

There's a rustling somewhere to my right...wait, is it my right? I feel so turned around. This bed feels too nice to be the pull out sofa in the suite we've rented. And there's a strong smell of cologne in the air, not the Chanel that Anne wears so heavily it's like a cloud that engulfs her and everyone within a ten foot radius. Shit, did I just have some drunken one night stand? I've never had a one night stand. I'm a strictly monogamous, sex only in a relationship type girl.

I slowly lower my arm and lift my heavy eyelids. There's a man standing not far from the bed. And he's not wearing anything but a towel around his waist. Hmm...he's not half bad looking. Wait, what am I doing? I should be getting out of here and fast.

I move to get up, and there it is...a gold ring on my finger. Holy shit...what have I done?

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

Clive Richardson

"Rainy morning, isn't it? I'd say that you got rather pissed last night, just like me. I'd offer you a hair of the dog, but you look ready to spew. Need a waste basket?" I offered my new wife.

"I'd also apologize for being half-naked around you, but you're in your birthday suit from what I can tell. Also, it seems that we're married now, I'm afraid. Clive Richardson. You are, love?" I did my best to sound friendly and not scare the girl.

She didn't know me from Adam, after all. I just wanted to make her feel at ease, if I could. She struck me as being a little panicky. I didn't blame her, since I had own share of worries.

I had to admit to myself that she was a stunning woman. Classy, too, from what I could tell. A Yank, presumably, but so were all of my exes.

 

[SweetAsSuga]

"Rainy morning, isn't it? I'd say that you got rather pissed last night, just like me. I'd offer you a hair of the dog, but you look ready to spew. Need a waste basket?"

His voice broke through the silence. I recognized his accent but couldn't place it.

"No, I think I'm alright." I respond to his offer for a trash can. I sat up slowly, the sheets falling off to reveal my naked breasts. Fuck, I thought, quickly clutching at the blankets and covering myself once more.

"I'd also apologize for being half-naked around you, but you're in your birthday suit from what I can tell. Also, it seems that we're married now, I'm afraid. Clive Richardson. You are, love?"

"Um..." Why was he talking so damn fast? My poor alcohol soaked brain couldn't keep up. "Emma, I'm Emma Caswell."

I was trying to keep calm, trying to figure out what the hell was going on and how we had ended up in this situation. I ran a finger over the wedding band on my left hand. Oh god I hoped he was willing to get a divorce. I wasn't anywhere near ready to be married, let alone married to a perfect stranger.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" I asked him, "And any lawyers who know how to do a quick annulment, because I have to meet up with my friends soon and I wasn't really planning on telling them I got married last night."

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

Clive Richardson

"Sorry, love. I'm not local, I'm afraid. I go up here now and then, but this situation is a pickle for me, too. I don't exactly have the reputation for being monogamous.

"I have vague memories of both of us flirting and getting busy, then for some reason deciding that it would be fun to get married. A curiosity, I guess, to see what it would be like. After that, well, it gets even fuzzier....whether or not we actually consummated said nuptials.....that's much harder to say for sure. The sauce hit us both pretty hard by then. You know how things make sense to you when drunk that in the cold light of dawn seem rather buggered up.

"I shan't lie and tell you that we did something for sure if I don't know either way. I only know that we're naked, married, and hungover. I can appreciate that this is literally a rude awakening for you, as well as for me. I must say, however, if that I had to commit to a woman, a bloke could a lot worse from a purely aesthetic and superficial angle.

"I'd say something about your other traits, but I don't know them at all. Well, other than that you seemed to be rather gregarious last night, which was a rather pleasing quality. I hope that I don't seem touched for saying those things. In vito veritas and all that.

"Want to get room service while we're here and figure out how we're to get ourselves out of this predicament? We can also get to know each other better, while we're at it. If you're to be my wife, or even my ex-wife, I should know a few things about you and vice versa, I'd think. I've never had a wife, or ex-wife, before.

"I'm 33 years old. I hail from Rhodesia, which the fools these days call Zimbabwe. I live in Wilmington, Delaware and edit a local weekly, the Wilmington Gazette. I'm not a citizen and have no plans to be. What about you, Emma?" Clive admitted, hoping that his opening up would make Emma feel more comfortable than he wasn't too weird or creepy.

Suddenly, he needed a fag.

"Mind if I smoke?" he prepared to light up.

 

[SweetAsSuga]

He was talking so fast, Emma was having a difficult time keeping up.

"Um...no, go ahead. I don't mind." She said in response to him needing a cigarette. She tried to process everything as he took a long drag. "Room service would be great, too, thanks. I could really use some food."

She wrapped the sheet tightly around her, and stood up to pace the room. Emma always thought better when she paced. The night's events were still a mystery to her, but she didn't doubt that she had gotten a bit...what had he called her...gregarious. Drinking tended to bring out her more social side.

Clive finished introducing himself to her, and Emma struggled to organize her thoughts into what she should tell him about herself.

"I'm...I'm uh from New York. Manhattan, actually. I work for Vogue as a fashion photographer. I'm 25 and I have never been so drunk before in my life." She tried to laugh, but it just hurt her head. She turned and looked at the rumpled bed she had crawled out of. "Do you think we really...you know...last night? Because I've never jumped into bed with a guy I don't even know because I've always thought that to be really slutty and...oh god did we even use protection and what if I get pregnant..." Emma shut her mouth tightly. "Sorry," she said after a few moments. "I tend to ramble when I'm nervous." She threw Clive a shy smile. "Let's start over, shall we." She held her hand out to him, still clutching the sheet tight around herself. "Hi, I'm Emma. Very pleased to meet you."

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

Clive Richardson

"And I'm Clive, as I said. Pleased to meet you, too. Very well, I'll get you breakfast from room service. If you want to get dressed, I can look away and pretend that I never saw you naked. By the way, I really don't know honestly know if we shagged or not. As pissed as we were, I might have gone limp from the booze. Happens to a lot of fellows. The best way to know is something that you might best be able to check in the loo. Assuming that I didn't use a rubber, but I don't see a used one around, so that's a safe assumption," Clive observed nervously.

He had never met this woman until last night and she might have a social disease or even HIV, for all he knew. He doubted, but such things didn't come with obvious signs. If he slept with her and didn't use protection, that was really dumb mistake. He always used protection....except apparently last night.

"I'm a journalist. It pays in my vocation to notice details of that sort," he added.

 

[SweetAsSuga]

While Clive ordered room service, Emma grabbed her red halter dress and black lace panties off the floor. Still clutching the sheet around her, she went into the bathroom to get dressed. After a quick check...down there she was relieved to find no trace of any sexual activity.

Thank god, she thought as she pulled her dress on. A quick glance in the mirror had her running a brush through her hair. After finding a toothbrush provided by the hotel, she quickly brushed her teeth and checked, one last time, to make sure she was presentable.

"I've got good news." She said as she walked back into the room. "From what I can tell, we did not have sex." Sitting down on the bed, feeling a bit more calm and in her right mind, Emma surveyed her new "husband." He was an attractive man, and the towel tied around his waist didn't leave too much to the imagination. She found herself watching him, the self-assured way he held his body, the subtle look of his muscles, the patch of hair that traveled down from his navel and beneath the towel. Maybe if they hadn't been so drunk, and if she had gotten to know him, maybe they would have ended up in bed together.

A knock on the door signaled the food had arrived.

"I got it," Emma said, moving towards the door, her hips swaying ever so slightly.

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

Clive Richardson

While Emma got the food, I dressed properly and thought about to do about this marriage. The fact that we hadn't screwed was a relief in a way, since it meant that I hadn't had unprotected sex with a stranger and we could get this annulled a lot more easily.

Some small, primal part of me was secretly disappointed, but I wouldn't let that cat out of the bag. After all, I'd missed what was likely to be my only chance with this girl. She struck me as the "relationship sex only" kind of woman and this technical marriage probably wasn't the kind of relationship that qualified to her. I'd likely never get that opportunity again.

Still, it was for the best overall. My brain reminded me that sleeping with that kind of woman carried emotional complications on the rare occasion that she broke the rules and did it. Oxytocin and all of that would have more effect that way and it could be a mess. I liked things clean, forthright, logical, practical, sensible, and neat. There was a reason that I avoided traditional dating and romantic entanglements. I didn't have time for a wife and children, the whole domesticated life. I had things just the way I wanted them. Single, free, hard at work, and rough at play.

When I got out, the breakfast was ready.

"So, don't worry about the bill. The room is booked in my name, of course, and it shall be covered by the charge on my card. I trust that you gave the lad a gratuity, however. Shall we talk as we eat, or would you prefer to do that on a full stomach?" I offered her whichever choice would be easier on her appetite.

"I hope that I remembered your order correctly," I added.

 

[SweetAsSuga]

"Yes, thank you. Pancakes and eggs are the best hang over food in my opinion. Of course if tacos had been on the menu I think I would have ordered ten of them." I laughed nervously. "We can talk while we eat. I mean, I know we probably have a lot to discuss about this whole situation."

I sat down and placed a napkin in my lap before digging into the food. The smell was so delicious that my stomach didn't bother to revolt as I ate.

Clive sat opposite me and a silence fell over us.

Okay, Emma, say something, I thought as I chewed on an unladylike-sized bite of pancake. Normally I am a whiz with small talk, but that morning my gift of gab was alluding me.

"You must do pretty well for yourself, this room is very nice." I said.

You idiot! My mind screamed. Why the hell are you bringing up money? He's going to think you're some kind of two-bit gold digger.

"Oh god," I said quickly, "I hope that's not rude to say. Sometimes I have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth."

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

Clive Richardson

"I do tolerably well. There's no shame in making observations. My house is paid off and I've invested well enough between stocks, bonds, and securities, plus my salary is decent. I gather that you're doing reasonably well yourself. I generally don't worry about that kind of thing, but I'm simply noting my first impressions.

"If this feels strange to you, I can assure you that it is no less to me. I doubt that I am really conventional husband material, though I could surprise myself. As for 'unconventional' husband material, well that depends on the nature of the unorthodoxy.

"My current schedule and lifestyle wouldn't suit marriage at present, even of that sort. I work very long hours and this is my first holiday in a good long while. Furthermore, I tend to assume that most women prefer the traditional marriage model unless told otherwise directly by the woman in question. As a result, I put thoughts of marriage behind me and focused on work instead.

"What are your thoughts on all of this? I suspect that you're rather tense and nervous, not to mention scared. I'm glad that you still have an appetite, since this breakfast would be a bloody shame to waste otherwise.

"So, in a nutshell, barring a miracle where we cherish tender feelings for each other all of the sudden, annulment or divorce are very real prospects. Mind you, as wives go, so far you're not bad," I commented.

I naturally wondered what she would say in response to those words. I kept thinking of that while I smeared marmalade and real butter on my pancakes. Let others use syrup. Orange marmalade was much better.

 

[SweetAsSuga]

"You're right," I tell him, "this is extremely strange for me and I would be lying if I didn't admit that I am a bit nervous. I mean, I never do things like this. I'm a very by-the-book type girl and the word 'impulsive' is not in my vocabulary."

I take a slow sip of the champagne that had come with our room service.

"I guess my thoughts on this are that we should see what we can do about finding a lawyer or judge who will help grant us a quick anullment and then go our separate ways. If that's alright with you."

I laugh when he tells me that I'm not bad as far as wives go. "I guess you're not half bad as a husband...for the time being."

Reaching for the bottle of champagne so as to re-fill my glass, my hand brushes his as we both go for the bottle. A jolt of electricity shoots up my arm and I blush slightly. "You first." I tell him, quickly moving my hand away, "I've still got a bit left in my glass."

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

Clive Richardson

"I'll go for a hair of the dog, even if a different dog. I confess to mixed feelings. On the one hand, it's handy that we never consummated our marriage, due to the ease of annulment. However, I'll always wonder what might have occurred. Call it idle curiosity. In any case, a toast to our very short-lived marriage and to my lovely wife," I toasted her with a fresh glass of champagne, being at my most charming self.

It was honest, too. In vino veritas and all.

Maybe it was a desire to see what drew me to her in the first place, enough to marry the damn girl, albeit it as a gag.

Tomorrow, I'd go back to my normal bachelor as such. This was a nice experiment with the other side....with a very attractive woman to boot.