If fictional characters could write personal ads.....

[Loxarchos]

Guess the fictional characters writing the personal ad

.... And post one of your own! Starting off:

Athletic, acrobatic, man in black (mask included), master swordsman, former cabin boy and current holder of the Dread Pirate Roberts title seeks:

Beautiful, romantically inclined princess-to-be, preferably engaged to a real douchebag of a prince for:

A romantic getaway in the Fire Swamps. Must enjoy hiking, running, rock climbing, moonlight cruises in shrieking eel-infested waters, swordplay and life-or-death showdowns. Said showdowns may include run-ins with enigmatic Spanish swordsmen, friendly giants and Sicilian criminal masterminds. Experience with lightning sand, flame spurts and rodents of unusual size preferred.

Tongue in cheek inquiries only. Write "As you wish" in subject line or at top of parchment message, depending on your preferred method of communication.


Hope to see other ads here!

 

[Iceprincess12]

Quiet, thoughtful girl seeks a date for the prom. I can be shy, but get me out of my shell and my passions will burn like you can't imagine.

Needs a gentleman who looks good in pictures and knows how to keep those whites clean. Want a man with a strong constitution who won't just run when the doors start closing. Been in a fight or two? Great, you won't mind a little blood. Don't worry, it isn't mine. I love a great laugh, as long as it's not at my expense and no funny business. My mom loves to say she told me so. True love, Mr. Right, Soulmate, first crush...last crush...

Prom dates only. It will be a scream.

 

[KalIsBack]

Well-bred, older lady. Interests include sculpting, archery, reptiles, and cosmetics. Can be rather shy, often avoids eye contact. Patient and well-mannered, but intolerant of bourgeois attitudes.

Seeks a male pet with whic- whom she may occupy her spare time. Is curious about the state of the male psyche, and would like a willing companion with whic- with whom she may carry out her experiments.

Must love animals, snakes in particular. Must not have any outstanding physical deformities, as these may interfere with her sculpture work. Must also not wear glasses of any sort.

 

[KalIsBack]

Also. Are we guessing who these characters might be? Because, frankly, I have no clue who the above two are.

 

[Loxarchos]

Also. Are we guessing who these characters might be? Because, frankly, I have no clue who the above two are.

Haha! I was wondering about that. I would say, feel free to ask or guess. I don't know who yours is, and can't even guess!

Mine is Wesley from the Princess Bride, IcePrincess put in Carrie from ah, Carrie, but you'll have to reveal yours

 

[KalIsBack]

Haha! I was wondering about that. I would say, feel free to ask or guess. I don't know who yours is, and can't even guess!

Mine is Wesley from the Princess Bride, IcePrincess put in Carrie from ah, Carrie, but you'll have to reveal yours

Hint: the most famous of the Gorgon sisters.

The answer is (don't look too hard if you don't want to see the answer)




(hopefully you can piece this together from my post): Medusa.

Quote to see the answer. Don't want to spoil for others.

 

[Loxarchos]

Oh yes! Haha!!! Awesome.

Maybe the thread should be entitled "Guess the fictional character placing this personal ad" lol

 

[KalIsBack]

Oh yes! Haha!!! Awesome.

Maybe the thread should be entitled "Guess the fictional character placing this personal ad" lol

That's what I figured you were going for lol. Otherwise, not knowing who they were intended to be would eat me up inside.

 

[Iceprincess12]

That's what I figured you were going for lol. Otherwise, not knowing who they were intended to be would eat me up inside.

Your sister gives great head



Searching for that special man or woman who won't put me in a box. Delights of the flesh are my specialty and I have such sights to show you. Looks are only skin deep and neither will last long, it's the inside of you I care about.

Prefer someone curious, adventurous and with strong vocal cords. Nimble fingers are a must. I also need a self-starter, but not to worry, I will always finish strong.

I'll be on pins & needles awaiting your reply.

 

[curvyangel1969]

Oh yes! Haha!!! Awesome.

Maybe the thread should be entitled "Guess the fictional character placing this personal ad" lol

It would be nothing but baseless lies.

 

[Loxarchos]

That's what I figured you were going for lol. Otherwise, not knowing who they were intended to be would eat me up inside.

I tried to change the thread title, but it won't appear in the main list.

A more obvious one for some people:


Big, big, big deal with the Resistance, in actuality former soldier on the run with a made-up name recently bestowed by a hot shot pilot seeks:

Smart, strong-willed scavenger with an unhealthy interest in staying on the planet Jakku and a multitude of hidden skills, including piloting piece of garbage space freighters and Force empathy for:

Death-defying adventures planetside and in space, leading to bonding, friendship, and gradually increasing sexual tension which.... wait a minute...

....Don't put me in the friend zone, don't put me in the friend zone, please don't put me in the friend zone...

Place "I am not a MarySue" in subject heading.

 

[Loxarchos]

It would be nothing but baseless lies.

Shhhhh!!

*whispers* we agreed that was the point of the whole exercise....

 

[Loxarchos]

Your sister gives great head



Searching for that special man or woman who won't put me in a box. Delights of the flesh are my specialty and I have such sights to show you. Looks are only skin deep and neither will last long, it's the inside of you I care about.

Prefer someone curious, adventurous and with strong vocal cords. Nimble fingers are a must. I also need a self-starter, but not to worry, I will always finish strong.

I'll be on pins & needles awaiting your reply.

Arggggh!!! I'm dying. Who is this??

 

[KalIsBack]

Your sister gives great head

I have a sister so I was like... Wait what? Took me a minute to figure it out. Lol.

@your character: pinhead?

Big, big, big deal with the Resistance, in actuality former soldier on the run with a made-up name recently bestowed by a hot shot pilot seeks:

Smart, strong-willed scavenger with an unhealthy interest in staying on the planet Jakku and a multitude of hidden skills, including piloting piece of garbage space freighters and Force empathy for:

Death-defying adventures planetside and in space, leading to bonding, friendship, and gradually increasing sexual tension which.... wait a minute...

....Don't put me in the friend zone, don't put me in the friend zone, please don't put me in the friend zone...

Place "I am not a MarySue" in subject heading.

'I love you.'
'I know.'

But the newest incarnation. I don't even remember his name tbh.

 

[Iceprincess12]

Arggggh!!! I'm dying. Who is this??

I thought I gave too much away. Pinhead from Hellraiser.

I didn't see any of the new Star Wars movies, but some character from it

Eeks, sorry Kal, I wasn't talking about your sister, lol.


Girl scout cookies made with real girl scouts and lemonade made from fresh squeezed lemons. If authenticity is important to you, you might be the man for me. Not content with just any day of the week, one day will always be special. Must love to tango, fluent in the romance languages, enjoy large family gatherings and don't frighten easily. Wearing all black and enjoy digging graves is a guaranteed 2nd date.

 

[Loxarchos]

I thought I gave too much away. Pinhead from Hellraiser.

I didn't see any of the new Star Wars movies, but some character from it

Eeks, sorry Kal, I wasn't talking about your sister, lol.


Girl scout cookies made with real girl scouts and lemonade made from fresh squeezed lemons. If authenticity is important to you, you might be the man for me. Not content with just any day of the week, one day will always be special. Must love to tango, fluent in the romance languages, enjoy large family gatherings and don't frighten easily. Wearing all black and enjoy digging graves is a guaranteed 2nd date.

Yeah, Finn from The Force Awakens

And Wednesday will always be special.

Honorable lord from high-ranking noble house seeks honorable lady from high-ranking noble house for marriage in an epic, but brutal, high-stakes fantasy adventure. Must enjoy whelping kids, dealing with my very public sheltering of an apparent bastard son, and high court intrigue. Must be able to deal with my inevitable ignominious end and eventual brutal death herself, or quasi-zombification, depending on which medium of the story you are following.

You know what? You're better off marrying someone else. Seriously, find a rich merchant. Life will be dull but longer.

Please put "Winter came and bit off my ass" in the topic line.

 

[LostGirlTink]

Brunette in scarlet outerwear seeks escort through crops of alders, pine and other foliage on her adventure.
Must be willing to meet a relative.

 

[KalIsBack]

Finn. I didn't like that name.

And I KNEW it was Wednesday, but I couldn't remember her name to save my life. I was just thinking of Christina Ricci and couldn't be arsed to google the name. That was a really good personal.

Answer to Lox: Lady Stark.
Answer to Tink: Little Red Riding Hood

I'll think up one later on today

 

[Loxarchos]

Finn. I didn't like that name.

And I KNEW it was Wednesday, but I couldn't remember her name to save my life. I was just thinking of Christina Ricci and couldn't be arsed to google the name. That was a really good personal.

Answer to Lox: Lady Stark.
Answer to Tink: Little Red Riding Hood

I'll think up one later on today

The point at issue is that you are unlikely to marry well. Your lack of a substantive dowry, your want of proper connections, and the lack of propriety shown by your sisters, your mother and even on occasion your father do not recommend you as a good marriage match.

And yet, I am utterly drawn to your fine eyes and spirited wit. Against my better judgment I have struggled, and yet I cannot help but offer you my hand in marriage. It would be one of the most reprehensible matches ever made, given our differences in station and situation. Yet I cannot help myself.

Please put: "Best. Proposal. Ever." in subject heading.

 

[Iceprincess12]

The point at issue is that you are unlikely to marry well. Your lack of a substantive dowry, your want of proper connections, and the lack of propriety shown by your sisters, your mother and even on occasion your father do not recommend you as a good marriage match.

And yet, I am utterly drawn to your fine eyes and spirited wit. Against my better judgment I have struggled, and yet I cannot help but offer you my hand in marriage. It would be one of the most reprehensible matches ever made, given our differences in station and situation. Yet I cannot help myself.

Please put: "Best. Proposal. Ever." in subject heading.

Hello Mr. D
(Colin Firth was the best)


I'm thinking of a new one too.

Edit:

I saw you in the club one night and am completely devoted to you. No other woman will ever catch my eye. I've seen others who seem the same but they are not the one. I will spend the rest of my days searching and seeking you. I look soft on the outside but inside my core, I cannot be broken. Your face is etched in my brain and I will never stop...ever.

I am visiting friends, neighbors and even the local police station to try and find you. I'm on my way to pick up some new clothes and a bike, but...I'll be back.

 

[KalIsBack]

The point at issue is that you are unlikely to marry well. Your lack of a substantive dowry, your want of proper connections, and the lack of propriety shown by your sisters, your mother and even on occasion your father do not recommend you as a good marriage match.

And yet, I am utterly drawn to your fine eyes and spirited wit. Against my better judgment I have struggled, and yet I cannot help but offer you my hand in marriage. It would be one of the most reprehensible matches ever made, given our differences in station and situation. Yet I cannot help myself.

Please put: "Best. Proposal. Ever." in subject heading.

Can't place that one This is actually sort of difficult for me since I don't watch television or movies regularly. lol.

I'm thinking of a new one too.

Edit:

I saw you in the club one night and am completely devoted to you. No other woman will ever catch my eye. I've seen others who seem the same but they are not the one. I will spend the rest of my days searching and seeking you. I look soft on the outside but inside my core, I cannot be broken. Your face is etched in my brain and I will never stop...ever.

I am visiting friends, neighbors and even the local police station to try and find you. I'm on my way to pick up some new clothes and a bike, but...I'll be back.

Yeah, uh. Colour me clueless.

My turn:

Soft on the outside, steely on the inside. I wear a thin facade to get along with the rest of the world, but it's really only skin deep. I'm not here to make friends. Some people have even called me robotic, with a soul far ahead of my time. Looking for that one special girl with the potential to change my world. Last I heard, she was a single mother, with a young son. You could almost call say finding her is my life's mission. Very athletic, I spent many years as a professional bodybuilder. Proficient with many different types of weapons, and not too hesitant about using them either. I'll do whatever needs doing for said girl.

I've placed this advert many times already, and will place it many more. I'll keep going until I catch her eye. Many of my adverts have been removed, and my online subscription to many matchmaking sites has been terminated, but I worry not. I'll find a way. The newspaper editors and website administrators seem to know I'll always be back, and my false names and alternate accounts are quickly detected and deleted. But as long as I find that one special girl, it'll all have been worth it.

 

[Loxarchos]

Can't place that one This is actually sort of difficult for me since I don't watch television or movies regularly. lol.



Yeah, uh. Colour me clueless.

My turn:

Soft on the outside, steely on the inside. I wear a thin facade to get along with the rest of the world, but it's really only skin deep. I'm not here to make friends. Some people have even called me robotic, with a soul far ahead of my time. Looking for that one special girl with the potential to change my world. Last I heard, she was a single mother, with a young son. You could almost call say finding her is my life's mission. Very athletic, I spent many years as a professional bodybuilder. Proficient with many different types of weapons, and not too hesitant about using them either. I'll do whatever needs doing for said girl.

I've placed this advert many times already, and will place it many more. I'll keep going until I catch her eye. Many of my adverts have been removed, and my online subscription to many matchmaking sites has been terminated, but I worry not. I'll find a way. The newspaper editors and website administrators seem to know I'll always be back, and my false names and alternate accounts are quickly detected and deleted. But as long as I find that one special girl, it'll all have been worth it.

Can't do multi-quote for some reason, but I think Kal and Princess are tallking about the same characters, albeit from different movies: The Terminator/ Sarah Connor

So, a literary reference, although this has been made into movies too!

I've returned from a war, but almost wish I could go back to one. After, all a merry, but no less fierce, war awaits me in Italy. And while I do appreciate the fairer sex I have no desire to marry. Much less spend any time with her.

Have you no errand for me? Some fresh conquest I could undertake? Some impossible quest that would take me to the ends of the earth. No? Then I suppose I shall endure her presence. But I won't be happy about it.

 

[Iceprincess12]

Can't do multi-quote for some reason, but I think Kal and Princess are tallking about the same characters, albeit from different movies: The Terminator/ Sarah Connor

So, a literary reference, although this has been made into movies too!

I've returned from a war, but almost wish I could go back to one. After, all a merry, but no less fierce, war awaits me in Italy. And while I do appreciate the fairer sex I have no desire to marry. Much less spend any time with her.

Have you no errand for me? Some fresh conquest I could undertake? Some impossible quest that would take me to the ends of the earth. No? Then I suppose I shall endure her presence. But I won't be happy about it.

I thought for sure "I'll be back" gave it away, lol.

Yours, no clue. I'll just guess. The Taming of the Shrew? Labors of Hercules? I don't know.

Desperately seeking a swimming buddy. Prefer someone with lifeguard and resuscitation skills. Needs to be hyper vigilant and not easily distracted by the opposite sex. Willingness to admit mistakes and take any punishment due is appreciated. This is a short term position over the summer. You have only one job at the lake. I hope I have made myself crystal clear. Please send all inquiries to Mom.

 

[Loxarchos]

I thought for sure "I'll be back" gave it away, lol.

Yours, no clue. I'll just guess. The Taming of the Shrew? Labors of Hercules? I don't know.

Desperately seeking a swimming buddy. Prefer someone with lifeguard and resuscitation skills. Needs to be hyper vigilant and not easily distracted by the opposite sex. Willingness to admit mistakes and take any punishment due is appreciated. This is a short term position over the summer. You have only one job at the lake. I hope I have made myself crystal clear. Please send all inquiries to Mom.

Ah, yeah might have given a few more clues lol: Benedick from Much Ado about Nothing.

Wow. I think is goes way back in time. I'm hoping it's a move reference: Sam Elliot's Lifeguard?

Will come up with a new one soon!

 

[Loxarchos]

Haven't been at this thread for a bit. Here's another fictional character

....no matter the pain he ought to be unwinceable (I'm making that into a word). Impossible deeds should be his daily fare. But where in the world is there in the world, a man so extraodinaire? (also making that into a word)>

Well, me of course. I'm the best in the world. Writers all over the map about me. Most call me handsome, a few call me ugly. Some say I'm French, some say I'm Sarmatian. But they all agree I'm the best.

We shouldn't get involved. We'll topple a kingdom. But we're going to anyway.