If you could.....would you?

[eatinggrapes]

haven't been able to log on in a while.....very interested in these responses.

Actually Warrior Queen, the reprucussions I was referring to were external ones.....internal ones would still have to be contended with. Does that chance your thoughts?

 

[warrior queen]

haven't been able to log on in a while.....very interested in these responses.

Actually Warrior Queen, the reprucussions I was referring to were external ones.....internal ones would still have to be contended with. Does that chance your thoughts?

ok, but that really doesn't change the way i think.

i have this total belief that this life is it.
there isn't another one for me, i have no 'security blanket' called heaven or hell, or reincarnation.
this is it.

so, given that, i absolutely know that if i don't do something, if i miss the chance to do everything i can while i'm here, then i am going to be lying on my deathbed one day regretting things.

i want to be able to lay there knowing i have done all the things i want to......
i have sailed all the seas of the world,
i have achieved almost all the personal things i set for myself as a teen,
i have experienced many cultures, and many socio-economic levels,
and i have had relationships with several people who i consider to have been influential in my life.

so YES....... i would if i could.

because the internal ramifications for me would be worse if i didn't.

 

[pw27]

I've fantasized about men or women that walk by on the street but wouldn't act on it because I don't cheat on my dh. We all look at attractive people.

 

[Bobmi357]

I may wonder about some of the women I meet. But when I fantasize, its 99.99% my wife in my mind.

There is a lot of difference between fantasy and reality. I remember back during my first marriage, my ex was often out of the home in the evenings attending bible study (or so she says).

Our babysitter was 17, an italian raven haired beauty with a body built for loving. She was also the daughter of a friend of mine. When she one night mentioned that she thought I had beautiful children, and then started coming on to me, I hustled her gently from the apartment. Why? 2 reasons, she was underage and even though at that point I hadn't had sex in nearly 18 months, I felt it just wasn't worth the risk. I wouldn't cheat, even on my worthless ex, not because of any respect for her, but because of my own self respect. I had promised to be faithful when we were wed.

Even when I met my second wife, I was well on the way to divorcing my first wife and living in another town by then.

So would I? No, when I give a promise, I'll keep it or die trying.

 

[James G 5]

I fantasize about plenty of people
Luckily, I am in an open/polyamorous relationship and I have the opportunity to act on them without the aegis of cheating or betrayl that's been raised here
Altho I HAVE turned some things down because it would have been engaging the other person in betrayl

Much as WarriorQueen and I often agree on some things, I'd rather have a regret over leaving something undone than misery over having hurt others

So not only do I respect others' boundaries, but with those who I DO have the opportunity to satisfy my fantasies I treat with honesty & respect

BTW, for all the people saying they don't fantasize, or don't fantasize about strangers (or anyone other than their SO's) or celebrities etc, that may be the case for you but that's ODD...
Have you ALWAYS been that way?

 

[warrior queen]

this thread has gone from being a hypothetical, to a 'would you, even if?' sort of thing.

'IF' there were major internal and external repurcussions, and 'IF' i thought they'd negatively affect my life, then no, i would not.

i do actually have a moral or ethic or two, you know!

but, i stick by my answers.

i should add here, that never have i participated in a scenario that wasn't consensual, and never have i caused a couple to break up as a result of my involvment.
i also have never [yet] been in a situation where a person who i thought was single, was actually part of a couple.
(perhaps the fact that i am so up-front has got something to do with people being honest with me? i don't know.)

could that ever happen?
yes, maybe.

and IF it does, i will be sure to come back here and let you all know about it!

 

[ReadyOne]

this thread has gone from being a hypothetical, to a 'would you, even if?' sort of thing.

'IF' there were major internal and external repurcussions, and 'IF' i thought they'd negatively affect my life, then no, i would not.

i do actually have a moral or ethic or two, you know!

but, i stick by my answers.

Frustrating. People sometime read too quick and flame on.

I made one of the original replies, based on my reading of the question as hypotheticaly no repurcussions. I was immediatly charged with being unmoral, which the poster is certainly entitled to say about me.

But.... I stand by warrior queen and James G 5. If it can be done without causing pain (other than the neat kind ) to anyone connected to the participants, then go for it.

Like WQ and J, I've had and taken and given opportunities where no one was injured. Unfortunatly, I've also screwed up (once too often ) and hurt some people very badly, which I deeply regret.

But still, if I could, I would. And I'd never try and hide it -- that's what got me into trouble.

 

[homunculus]

But, even if the other person's partner doesn't find out, haven't you, in this hypothetical situation, participated in breaking of trust, maybe breaking of vows, and so brought consequences to you and your lover? If everything is open and consensual, fine, but if not, I think cheating just adds a bit of trouble and darkness to the world.

 

[_Milky_Whites_]

I fantasize about alot of men. Ive been married since I was 18 and he's the only man Ive been with. So naturally Im very curious about other men. Especially now, as I get older and my libido has kicked into overdrive.
I wonder about my supervisor at work. He's very cute and loves to flirt.
I think about a coworker. He's a little younger than me, beautiful eyes and a helluva body.
I wonder about a teacher at my childrens school. Ive known him for years, he's cute, married to a prudish woman, and we occasionally have very good talks away from everyone.
There are lots more that I fantasize about.
Now, would I do it?? In reality, no. Ive never cheated and would have a hard time lying about it for the rest of my life if I did. BUT...if, hypothetically, I could fuck each of these men, or even all of these men, and no one ever know, no chance of me getting caught, etc...thats a whole different story. IF I KNEW Id never be found out, if I knew it was completely safe, if I had a magic spell to insure all this...then YES, Id fuck every one of them. To hell with my moral grounds. Id deal with the guilt later. But Id deal with it with a new glow on my cheeks and a hot new memory to pull out late at night!!

 

[Carnus]

I would I think and just to add a side comment,that AV of your tongue stud (you know who you are) is killing me, I can just imagine kissing you, feeling it brush my teeth as your tongue explores my mouth, feeling you drag it across my nipple as you kiss down my chest. I can only dream of the sensation of the warm steel as you take me in your mouth, feeling it against the end of my aching cock, the touch of it as you lick the precum leaking from me as it glides across the opening.

and yes, I would do you,, so if you ever want an older man to ummmm play with and to play with you add me to your lust fillled admirers list.

Carnus

 

[warrior queen]

I would I think and just to add a side comment,that AV of your tongue stud (you know who you are) is killing me, I can just imagine kissing you, feeling it brush my teeth as your tongue explores my mouth, feeling you drag it across my nipple as you kiss down my chest. I can only dream of the sensation of the warm steel as you take me in your mouth, feeling it against the end of my aching cock, the touch of it as you lick the precum leaking from me as it glides across the opening.

and yes, I would do you,, so if you ever want an older man to ummmm play with and to play with you add me to your lust fillled admirers list.

Carnus

damn shame tassie is so far away from texas!

coz if your body does the same as your mind, i'm in!

 

[warrior queen]

reading through some of the responses has got me thinking....

IF there was a situation where i ended up playing around with a person who professed to be single, but then afterwards i found out they were part of a couple...

why should i be the one to bear the burden of guilt?
why should it all be my error?

it isn't, and i would refuse to feel any guilt for someone elses betrayal.

after all, at the end of the day, we are each of us responsible for our own actions.
and to date, my actions have NOT caused hurt, pain or anything even remotely close to that.

 

[James G 5]

reading through some of the responses has got me thinking....

IF there was a situation where i ended up playing around with a person who professed to be single, but then afterwards i found out they were part of a couple...

why should i be the one to bear the burden of guilt?
why should it all be my error?

it isn't, and i would refuse to feel any guilt for someone elses betrayal.

after all, at the end of the day, we are each of us responsible for our own actions.
and to date, my actions have NOT caused hurt, pain or anything even remotely close to that.

Yup...if someone lied to me & I went in to it with healthy intent and no knowledge of that person's deception, I don't bear the burden of her wrong doing
Altho concern about this is one reason I generally don't leap on someone I don't know well

 

[ReadyOne]

But, even if the other person's partner doesn't find out, haven't you, in this hypothetical situation, participated in breaking of trust, maybe breaking of vows, and so brought consequences to you and your lover? If everything is open and consensual, fine, but if not, I think cheating just adds a bit of trouble and darkness to the world.

There's a kind of person, personality, ego, whatever you call it, who's core is a moral code. By moral, I'm say some consistent code, which could be very different than another moral code defined by some philosopher.

For them, it's more than a code of conduct. It's a generator of actions, a provider of motives. In one sense, it IS who they are.

There is nothing bad about this. Some of the greatest like Ghandi and Mother Teresa are that kind of person. I think homunculus may be a lot like this, based on postings.

It can be hard for a moral driven person to get past the idea that there are people who aren't driven by a moral core -- it just seems so right and natural to them that everyone should see the obvious that they see. This is often the reason they speak up in righteous indignation over what to them are self evident truths.

 

[Carnus]

damn shame tassie is so far away from texas!

coz if your body does the same as your mind, i'm in!

Well I do travel a lot ,, How far from Tx are you? I am not sure if my body keeps pace with my mind, but I can say that it tries to. And one thing about growing older I have noticed as a good thing. What I lack in youth and exhuberance I have now doubled in age and experience. Or is it that it now takes all night to do what I used to do all night.

Carnus

 

[homunculus]

Concerning this and the rest of your message:

"It can be hard for a moral driven person to get past the idea that there are people who aren't driven by a moral core -- it just seems so right and natural to them that everyone should see the obvious that they see. This is often the reason they speak up in righteous indignation over what to them are self evident truths."

It was a very thoughtful reply, and I'm grateful for it. You put the matter in an interesting perspective, and I'll think about what you wrote.

 

[warrior queen]

Well I do travel a lot ,, How far from Tx are you? I am not sure if my body keeps pace with my mind, but I can say that it tries to. And one thing about growing older I have noticed as a good thing. What I lack in youth and exhuberance I have now doubled in age and experience. Or is it that it now takes all night to do what I used to do all night.

Carnus

you'd have to travel a fair way!
i think tassie is about 12,000km's away!
that teensy little spot of land below the eastern side of australia!



oh, and i gotta tell ya -
TT tells me that when he feels my tongue stud running up the underside of his cock, gently tickling his head, and just flicking over his slit - the contrast between warm lips and tongue, and cold metal...... *wicked grin*
and he becomes incoherent when i run it round his extremely sensitive ass..........

 

[warrior queen]

It can be hard for a moral driven person to get past the idea that there are people who aren't driven by a moral core -- it just seems so right and natural to them that everyone should see the obvious that they see. This is often the reason they speak up in righteous indignation over what to them are self evident truths.

these kinds of people are the same ones that call me 'amoral' - without making any effort to understand me as a person.

surprise, surprise - i also have a code that i live by, and yes, it even includes a few morals and ethics!!

but because i don't practice my morality with a fanaticism that makes me want to preach to everyone else -
somehow this makes me a lesser person?

what i do with my sexuality is nobody's business but my own, and the person/people i'm with.
if we're happy with it, if we're comfortable with it - i don't see why others can feel they have the right to make judgements.

i absolutely understand that there are many people in this world who are perfectly happy and content with their monogomous relationships.
i also understand that these same people could never consider going outside of their relationships for any reason.
i respect their rights to be that way.
and i would never force my views onto them.

what i don't understand, is why those people can't practice the same level of tolerance when confronted with someone who lives a different way?!

 

[homunculus]

Tolerance doesn't mean one has to agree with you. I disagree with most of the points you've made, but I can certainly tolerate you and them. Some people agree with you, some don't. Ok. It might be interesting to discuss all this, but maybe it won't be.
I thought ReadyOne's understanding was quite moving. She wasn't being tolerant, though. She was thinking through a mindset that, it seems, is different from her own. That's sexy...

 

[warrior queen]

Tolerance doesn't mean one has to agree with you. I disagree with most of the points you've made, but I can certainly tolerate you and them. Some people agree with you, some don't. Ok. It might be interesting to discuss all this, but maybe it won't be.
I thought ReadyOne's understanding was quite moving. She wasn't being tolerant, though. She was thinking through a mindset that, it seems, is different from her own. That's sexy...

i'm not asking for everyone to agree with me.
far from it actually!

what i am asking for, is for people who don't agree with me to stop feeling that they have the right to try and change me.

so far this discussion has managed to stay clean and healthy - what i was referring to were particular instances in my life, where someone has found out how i am, and has taken it upon themselves to try and 'reform' me.
what is with that?


if it's not hurting others and it's ok with us, then what's the issue?

 

[Gods_Favorite]

This is a very good question, there is a cute Mexican woman I have fantasized about for a while, I've had about 5 or 6 dreams about her. We flirted every once in a while when we used to work together, and I saw her last week at a flag football game and we talked for half an hour, then I went home and had a dream about her that night. I'm married so thats why I never pursued her seriously. If I had a chance to be with her and no one would find out I would definently take it, even though I would feel major guilt after I did it.

 

[eatinggrapes]

babblings

I think one of the reasons this thread intrigues me is because I believe that what ends up as realities started first as an idea that grew into a fantasy.......and into a desire........into a need........and sometimes a justification or a sense of "I have a right to this". The whole process is connected and like a spiral.

In my life I try to live by a pretty high standard or morality. But that is not necessarily the truest reflection on who I am. Perhaps it is more duty over authentic desire. This is why I asked the question in terms of your "real self, who you are when no one is looking, rather than the self you want to be or hope others think you are".

Yesterday I developed this fantastic fantasy around going to a hotel about an hour away and fucking a complete stranger.... okay, actually it was more of the gangbang kinda thing. Right now I'm convinced that I won't......but, in the depths of my mind I can't be certain......because while fantasies are safe....the longer they are indulged the further they spiral towards reality.

There are some fantasies I have that I believe will come true someday.......and other I think I'm smart enough to stay away from....

BTW, 38% of people who look into online dating things are married. What does that suggest about how committed folks are to moral codes?

 

[cricketbug]

Ohboy.... This has gotten me thinking....

Yes, I have fantisized about numerous people. A few in particular have been co-workers or good friends that I'm comfortable with.

Would I ever act on them? At this point in my life - no. Catch me a few years ago when I was ...um.... "sowing my wild oats" and not caring who or what I did or what happened, HELL YEAH.

But they're just fantasies....

 

[James G 5]

what i am asking for, is for people who don't agree with me to stop feeling that they have the right to try and change me.

I agree with you there...If I disagre with someone I might try & show them a diferent point of view (like the way I keep banging my head against monogamy ) but they have the right to live the way they want

I run in to alll too many who want to fix me, despite my lack of being broken

 

[homunculus]

Continue the spiral--'I have a right to do this'--and so does my wife, my daughter, my father, my mother, etc.... At some point, someone might want to hold off on impulses, pleasurable as they are, and put some of that energy into doing something that might do a bit of good. But fantasy is wonderful--the more the better (that's why I read Lit.), just so long, in my opinion, as it stays in the head.