I'm A Switch, Not Your Effin' Practice Dummy

[BiBunny]

Lately, almost all the messages I get from places like CollarMe are from inexperienced dominants. Ok, fine, I don't have a problem with inexperienced folks. We all had to start somewhere, right? If I meet said doms and like them, I don't mind volunteering my services to help them with their technique. My Toppy side can show them how to do it, and my bottomy side can let them practice on me while I give them feedback.

Today took the cake, though. There's a guy in my town who wants me as a practice dummy before he meets a sub to play with tomorrow because I'm a switch, and I'll supposedly make a good practice dummy. First of all, I don't play on the first meeting (except on the very rare occasions that chemistry overwhelms me), and secondly, everything I tell the guy about safety or whatever, he acts like I don't know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I'm not super-experienced, but I've had more experience than your three scenes, asshole. I got really freaked out when he told me about the metal rod he bought that'll "work well as a cane." When I asked why a cane instead of something lighter like a flogger or a crop, he said, "Well, I've gotta start somewhere." Ick. Poor girl. I hope she's just a 'Net phony, so she doesn't end up with some broken bones tomorrow or something. I tried to guide him toward some safe things, but it doesn't look like it's helping. Oh, well, I tried.

Now that that little rant's over, I'd like to hear some of the stupid things you've heard lately, BDSM related or not. I need to laugh at dumbasses, and I've already read through the asshat thread again today. Fire away!

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, it takes all sorts I'm afraid. I actually saw one of the metal canes advertised on a site this week....might have been Stockroom....one of those online shopping places.

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

... Now that that little rant's over, I'd like to hear some of the stupid things you've heard lately, BDSM related or not. I need to laugh at dumbasses, and I've already read through the asshat thread again today. Fire away!

Not really stupid, but pretty funny...

Dis-functional. (for about a dozen times now.)

Dicks-functional. (that one's marvelous!!!)

 

[BiBunny]

Not really stupid, but pretty funny...

Dis-functional. (for about a dozen times now.)

Dicks-functional. (that one's marvelous!!!)

LOL, there's a reason I Kitty. I'm an English major, and she's dyslexic with an occasional pronunciation problem. You can imagine the fun I have at her expense sometimes. Thank God she's a good sport.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, well I'm watching/listening to something fairly vacant right now....some Norwegian blonde with huge tits being interviewed about her song she has released about her tits. She is super intelligent....not. Is good at giggling, that must also ba some sort of accomplishment!! ROFLMAO, she says her goal in life is to conquer the world with her boobs.

Catalina

 

[BiBunny]

LOL, well I'm watching/listening to something fairly vacant right now....some Norwegian blonde with huge tits being interviewed about her song she has released about her tits. She is super intelligent....not. Is good at giggling, that must also ba some sort of accomplishment!! ROFLMAO, she says her goal in life is to conquer the world with her boobs.

Catalina

LOL, maybe I should try that sometime.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, maybe I should try that sometime.

LOL, at least you have a brain to go with yours so you could make double the money....pin up girl for the brainiacs and the lust bunnies!!

Catalina

 

[Sir_Winston54]

... I got really freaked out when he told me about the metal rod he bought that'll "work well as a cane." When I asked why a cane instead of something lighter like a flogger or a crop, he said, "Well, I've gotta start somewhere." Ick. Poor girl. I hope she's just a 'Net phony, so she doesn't end up with some broken bones tomorrow or something. I tried to guide him toward some safe things, but it doesn't look like it's helping. Oh, well, I tried.

Too bad you don't know how to get in touch with her, to warn her that he's a pluperfect asshole who doesn't know wtf he's doing... I feel sorry for anyone who unknowingly stumbles into that kind of situation. I'd hope that he was just pulling your leg, but first of all, I don't think you'd fall for it - you're *much* smarter than that; and second, there are too many out there like him. <SIGH>

 

[neonflux]

Lately, almost all the messages I get from places like CollarMe are from inexperienced dominants. Ok, fine, I don't have a problem with inexperienced folks. We all had to start somewhere, right? If I meet said doms and like them, I don't mind volunteering my services to help them with their technique. My Toppy side can show them how to do it, and my bottomy side can let them practice on me while I give them feedback.

Today took the cake, though. There's a guy in my town who wants me as a practice dummy before he meets a sub to play with tomorrow because I'm a switch, and I'll supposedly make a good practice dummy. First of all, I don't play on the first meeting (except on the very rare occasions that chemistry overwhelms me), and secondly, everything I tell the guy about safety or whatever, he acts like I don't know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I'm not super-experienced, but I've had more experience than your three scenes, asshole. I got really freaked out when he told me about the metal rod he bought that'll "work well as a cane." When I asked why a cane instead of something lighter like a flogger or a crop, he said, "Well, I've gotta start somewhere." Ick. Poor girl. I hope she's just a 'Net phony, so she doesn't end up with some broken bones tomorrow or something. I tried to guide him toward some safe things, but it doesn't look like it's helping. Oh, well, I tried.

Now that that little rant's over, I'd like to hear some of the stupid things you've heard lately, BDSM related or not. I need to laugh at dumbasses, and I've already read through the asshat thread again today. Fire away!

OK, this guy just plum scares the pee outta' me (and NOT in a good, golden shower kinda way, lol)! I keep imagining teeny broken bones everywhere. I am greatly wishing that HE was the net phony.

I am not the kind to get lots of PMs (although lately...) but I can identify a little with your frustration. I haven't been on Alt.com for almost a year - all I got there when looking for a switch woman lover were bi-curious gals who were submissive and were contacting me at the instruction of their Doms. Not saying anything bad about their search, just that I was very specific about what I wanted, arggghhhh...

Let me rummage around in my responses from my latest CL ad to see if I can come up with something really humorous...

Neon

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have a male switch friend who is in effect my "practice dummy". I say I use him for target practice. We both look at it as a win-win situation.

I can't imagine asking a total stranger to allow me to use them for practice. IN fact, I can't imagine wanting to use a stranger for anything. I do not dominate men I do not know.

But that is just me. YMMV.

Eb

 

[BiBunny]

I have a male switch friend who is in effect my "practice dummy". I say I use him for target practice. We both look at it as a win-win situation.

I can't imagine asking a total stranger to allow me to use them for practice. IN fact, I can't imagine wanting to use a stranger for anything. I do not dominate men I do not know.

But that is just me. YMMV.

Eb

Exactly. I don't mind being a "practice dummy" for dominants I know and respect. I have a practice dummy or two myself, but I certainly wouldn't ask someone I don't know to let me tie him/her up and use a METAL cane on said person when I've never held a cane in my hands before in my life. Idiot.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Rofl ...

I'd like to hear some of the stupid things you've heard lately, BDSM related or not. I need to laugh at dumbasses, and I've already read through the asshat thread again today. Fire away!

A Nancy Pelosi impersonator on Saturday Night Live, on the Democrats' 2006 victory:

"You sent this White House a message: ... that so-called rough sex can be a necessary and fulfilling adjunct to a healthy sex life, particularly when it involves fantasy role-play scenarios, such as kidnapping or forced interrogation -- provided, of course, that both participants are willing and disease- free, and have agreed on what we call a safe word." ~ Saturday Night Live

 

[TooTiredToLive]

A Nancy Pelosi impersonator on Saturday Night Live, on the Democrats' 2006 victory:

"You sent this White House a message: ... that so-called rough sex can be a necessary and fulfilling adjunct to a healthy sex life, particularly when it involves fantasy role-play scenarios, such as kidnapping or forced interrogation -- provided, of course, that both participants are willing and disease- free, and have agreed on what we call a safe word." ~ Saturday Night Live

That's beautiful <sniff, sniff>. I want to get Barbara Bush to needlepoint that for me so I can frame it under glass and hang it on my wall to inspire me every day.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Exactly. I don't mind being a "practice dummy" for dominants I know and respect...

I should be so lucky someday!

 

[neonflux]

Well, since I don't seem to be so good at words today...

http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q91/cleasf/harveyPeter.jpg

p.s., this is only meant to cheer up a certain bunny, not to poke fun at any religion...

 

[BiBunny]

Well, since I don't seem to be so good at words today...

http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q91/cleasf/harveyPeter.jpg

p.s., this is only meant to cheer up a certain bunny, not to poke fun at any religion...

Bwahahaha! Awesome. AA, your contribution cracked me up, too. And, EG, I hope I shall someday be so lucky 'cause you're on my short list.

 

[myinnerslut]

guys like that scare the sh*t out of me!

 

[BiBunny]

As a side note to my first post, the guy had to come brag to me again about his "exploits," and from what I can glean, he apparently didn't kill the poor girl.

I still feel bad for her, though.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I should be so lucky someday!

Like I always say, practice makes perfect! Lord knows I try!!!

 

[neonflux]

As a side note to my first post, the guy had to come brag to me again about his "exploits," and from what I can glean, he apparently didn't kill the poor girl.

I still feel bad for her, though.

Maybe you had an impact after all and he was just too arrogant to tell you that he decided against actually using a metal pipe in place of a cane (shees, they're only $20 for Goddess' sake)!

Neon

P.S., glad you liked my little contribution