I'm Looking For Some Feedback on a First Story

[JohnBJohn]

Hey, I recently published my first story here on Lit. It seems to have been well received so far, but I haven't really had any good, constructive criticism. I'd like to hear from you all so that I can get better going forward.

An Unexpected Game of Cards

Synopsis: (Group Sex) A group of friends gets together, reminiscing about wilder times. A game of Dare cards is brought out and the evening evolves into a night of exploration.

Thanks!
JohnBJohn

 

[Buffy47]

Firstly well done on your first story I'm sure it's a nervous time to decide you ready to not only post it but openly ask for feedback.


Decent length story but the beginning was very rushed for what I personally like. The introduction of people was very short and getting into the sex which then was rather long. But this is a personal feeling because some people want the sex and don't care about the characters too much.

 

[JohnBJohn]

Firstly well done on your first story I'm sure it's a nervous time to decide you ready to not only post it but openly ask for feedback.


Decent length story but the beginning was very rushed for what I personally like. The introduction of people was very short and getting into the sex which then was rather long. But this is a personal feeling because some people want the sex and don't care about the characters too much.

Thank you! Yes, there wasn't much plot with this story, I'm working on something else that is more story oriented and isn't just an excuse to string a bunch of 'scenes' together.

Thank you again, I appreciate it!

 

[Buffy47]

Thank you! Yes, there wasn't much plot with this story, I'm working on something else that is more story oriented and isn't just an excuse to string a bunch of 'scenes' together.

Thank you again, I appreciate it!

It's hard sometimes to give feedback because the story is personal to the writer but also like all stories the reader needs to like that style otherwise never will say ita great.

the actual story plot of silly adults having a dinner party and ends up getting out of hand while all the little ones are away at a camp is a very good plot idea. Maybe too many people in the story might make it less plausible because 8 people I'd always expect one to say no.

 

[JohnBJohn]

Great points! It was a rather silly and implausible story, but fun to write.

It can be very hard to take criticism without getting defensive, particularly when it's something you wrote or created. I'll do my best!

Thank you again!
JBJ

 

[Buffy47]

I wish I didn't Say anything now because I know so many will enjoy the story. The plot idea i loved