"Insomnia", a brief request for feedback

[TheWritingGroup]

"Insomnia", a tale of love and care and having to change the sheets because they have fluids on them.

This won't be one of Annie's epic analyses.

Chris and Renee return.

I tried to make the narrator's voice different, since it's Renee this time, not Chris. She's less exuberant, more centered and calm. I think they complement each other.

This isn't an explicitly BDSM story like "Snuggy-Wuggy". There's definitely one partner in charge in each, but it isn't "domination" here. It's one person needing the other to take care of her in that moment.

We see how Chris makes love when she can actually move and stuff. The answer is: methodically, with a plan.

So: I would really appreciate any thoughts. Too short? Too vanilla? You want some food porn at the end to go with the sex porn? Please let me know.

-Rocco

 

[THBGato]

Gorgeous, beautiful, loving.

5 stars and added to a list (short, hot, sexy scenes).

I think the title is probably going to be a bit too plain to attract a lot of attention. I also loved it because I'm invested in those characters, but of course they started in a different category.

 

[liftmykilt]

So... Not too short. You told what story you wanted to tell, and used as many words as you needed to. Too vanilla? Life can't always be chocolate sprinkles and whipped cream. I appreciate vanilla (I'm also a cis het male, so the lesbian factor alone makes it "not vanilla" to me, lol). I thought it was very sweet and appreciated Renee's thoughts during the entire thing. Really, Chris could have been a guy, or they both could, and I'm not sure it would have changed much for me other than mechanics (which could be a failing on my part).

But yes for the love of God, next time I want detailed descriptions of ligonberry jam being smeared... somewhere. I'm sure you'll get creative with the biscuits too.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Gorgeous, beautiful, loving.

5 stars and added to a list (short, hot, sexy scenes).

I think the title is probably going to be a bit too plain to attract a lot of attention. I also loved it because I'm invested in those characters, but of course they started in a different category.

In your comment on the story you mentioned reading the story about Renee and Chris meeting.

I haven't written that yet. Can you tell me how I'll eventually do that, and whether other people like it? Or do you mean this story, where I just barely sketch it?

But yes for the love of God, next time I want detailed descriptions of ligonberry jam being smeared... somewhere. I'm sure you'll get creative with the biscuits too.

I did offer to write food porn, didn't I? I'll have to give that some thought.

As for Chris being a guy, my current idea for a third story would involve her wearing a strap-on. See, Renee is a Lesbian who has never been with a man, and she's curious, but also monogamous ....

Thanks, both of you.

-Rocco

 

[liftmykilt]

In your comment on the story you mentioned reading the story about Renee and Chris meeting.

I haven't written that yet. Can you tell me how I'll eventually do that, and whether other people like it? Or do you mean this story, where I just barely sketch it?

Damn Time Travelers forgetting rule number 1.

 

[THBGato]

In your comment on the story you mentioned reading the story about Renee and Chris meeting.

I haven't written that yet. Can you tell me how I'll eventually do that, and whether other people like it? Or do you mean this story, where I just barely sketch it?

Wishful thinking on my part, clearly!

No, what happened was I got snuggly wuggly confused with this story https://www.literotica.com/s/a-friend-in-need-pt-01 (kind of similar, as both involve limbs being restrained, so you can see how I got them muddled).