Snuggy-Wuggy: request for feedback and author notes

[TheWritingGroup]

Snuggy-Wuggy: Commentary
By Rocco of The Writing Group

EDIT: Story link is https://literotica.com/s/snuggy-wuggy
I sat down to write this, planning to use third-person past tense. It just came out in first person present. I don't know why. This story taught me that I'm a discovery writer when I do fiction.

The original draft was very similar to the final. In editing, I mostly removed unneeded details about things like cloth getting twisted out of position. That added nothing to the story. It did waste half a page.

I walk into the living room. Renee looks up from her sewing and smiles at me. I feel better already. She's the picture of domesticity, sitting on the couch and sewing. I walk over and lean in for a kiss.

I hoped that the reader would read to here and think the narrator was a man. Did anyone?

"You're in luck, Chris!" She has more to say, but I love a good straight line.

"Yes, I am. I have you."

That just came to me as I was writing the dialog. I write mostly non-fiction. That never happens to me when I'm writing an article. It was fun.

She should have been an inventor. She's always improving stuff. The double-thickness blanket sounds really good to me. I am very cold.

I tried to make this serve two purposes. One, show how much Chris admires and loves her wife. Two, remind the reader about the cold and how Chris hates it. This justifies her not catching on quicker.

Right now, I'm just talking to my gorgeous, wonderful, cooperative wife …

This sets the tone, I hope. They joke around, and they also are desperately, helplessly in love.

"Let me make a couple of adjustments," says Renee, and she puts her hip against my butt and pulls hard at some kind of handle or something on the back of the thing, and my arms are pulled into a hugging-myself position. There's a tight band running around my back, behind my shoulders. I can distinctly hear a click! as some kind of buckle is secured.

"Renee, what is—" That's as far as I can get before I feel another yank as something tightens the Snuggy-Wuggy around my waist. Another click.

It might be impossible to actually make the Snuggy-Wuggy. It's real for story purposes, though.

Renee walks around in front of me and carefully examines my face.

I needed it to be clear that Renee would never harm Chris, or make her unhappy. If she saw any distress here, she'd be frantically unbuckling things.

She smiles back. What's going on? I'm in … "A strait jacket, Renee? I'm honored you went to so much trouble for me."

I do this a couple of times, having someone finish their thought out loud. Once, Renee finishes Chris's thought. I just enjoy it.

She's building me up slowly, and I can't even caress her back.

This is something I actually thought about. Renee gets no sexual contact in this story except kisses. She's being totally unselfish. It isn't something you see that often on Literotica, but I think it's realistic, especially for this kind of bondage-and-stimulation scene. Having to unwrap Catcher and have them immediately do Pitcher just seemed odd.

I can feel little crepitations in my feet, anticipating the tickles.

I was very proud of that word.

"I want to train you to like tickling, and I want to train you to be turned on by it. I like having another way to pleasure you." That's devious and sneaky and intended to be mutually joyous. Sounds like Renee. She won't really be that extreme. I know her. She'll back off the second she thinks I'm not enjoying things. She's Renee.

One more time, before the tickling takes away her speech. Chris is reminding the reader (it's you she's talking to) that she's 100% into this.

"Renee, I'm begging you, I'm desperate. Please, please …" My voice is strained and high-pitched.

"Do you need me to stop this now?" She's worried, but—

And again. I think I was really afraid people would read this as nonconsent. I don't object to noncon fic, but this isn't that.

I can see her teeth glint like a cartoon wolf. Or maybe I'm losing my mind.

Saying it again: I like that image.

"Tomorrow, after we wash it and my ribs stop being sore, I'm putting you in the Snuggy-Wuggy."

"It's a date."

Just because Renee is unselfish, doesn't mean has no needs. She's just willing to wait until tomorrow to be reduced to happy, panting exhaustion.

So, we post these stories partly for feedback. Any suggestions to improve? Mistakes I made? Commenting is 100% free. Thank you.

And thanks to @ElectricBlue for suggesting feedback threads go here.

 

[ElectricBlue]

So, we post these stories partly for feedback. Any suggestions to improve? Mistakes I made? Commenting is 100% free. Thank you.

And thanks to @ElectricBlue for suggesting feedback threads go here.

If the story's published, you should put a link up the top. Otherwise, this only means something to your group.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

You are certainly correct. I'm new, I made a beginner mistake. Links aren't allowed in Literotica proper. I didn't think about the forum being different. I'll correct that now. Thanks again.

 

[ElectricBlue]

You are certainly correct. I'm new, I made a beginner mistake. Links aren't allowed in Literotica proper. I didn't think about the forum being different. I'll correct that now. Thanks again.

You can link within a published story to another Lit published story. What you can't do story-side is link off-site.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Quirky fun little story. BDSM Isn't my thing, but this was so sweet and affectionate, it hardly counts.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Quirky fun little story. BDSM Isn't my thing, but this was so sweet and affectionate, it hardly counts.

Thanks! That's exactly what I was trying for. It's technically BDSM. I mean, someone gets tied up, right? The actual things that happen are BDSM, but the mood is different from most BDSM stories I've seen, here or elsewhere.

-Rocco

 

[Yarglenurp]

I commented on the story, but I liked it. I’m no high handed critic though. I just think, “did I get a good feeling reading this, or was it different from what I’ve read before?”

It wasn’t too different from certain dommy mommy stories, but it was still an enjoyable read. I’d read more of this kind of story.