Is doomer misery erotic (enough)?

[Rexxxist]

Not sure where to post this because it's half a request for feedback and half "is this ok?"

You know that purple hair far right girl from that game the UK gov made? Not super important that you do, but seeing everyone fall in love with her and the whole point of the game backfiring gave me a rough idea that's formed into something more defined.

Basically, the story is about a guy who's dating a girl he's slowing falling out of love with, but he's terrified of being alone, so he just lives miserably. He hates the smell of cigarettes, but she smokes all the time so he's constantly surrounded by it- that kind of vibe.

I had a good idea for a scene where he's fucking her, and he thinks about how good it feels to fuck her, but there's nothing beyond that. His body is rewarding him for completing it's biological mission, but that reward doesn't make him feel better.

He doesn't have friends, really. He works first shift at a warehouse and gets along with his coworkers, but he's not close to anyone else. He sometimes goes out with her friends to concerts and stuff, but that's rare because of how late they stay out. At home, she's constantly seeking attention and pretty much keeps him next to her, and rewards him with tons of physical affection. She loves him, but mostly because of how submissive he is. She thinks that he feels what she feels and doesn't look any deeper. Super toxic stuff.

She's receiving unemployment and hoping job to job (not a bad thing- I was there too) and leans on him for money for her spending habits. They live in a shoebox full of empty beer cans, cigarettes, trash, and some sort of collectibles (what's a realistic hobby?). He's tired all the time and is essentially isolated from the world. He has no real hobbies, is forced to do things he hates, and lives in poverty. I wish this was pure fiction, but I know that these kinds of relationships are real, which is why I want to try and be respectful and not glorify it.

I'm working on something that's turning out to be longer than I planned (I'm looking at 30k+ words to get the full story down), and I have classes and two other non-erotic works I'm working on for a club, so I wanted it to be something short-mid length (maybe 20k words?) I know emotionless/apathetic sex is a fetish, but what about loveless? She's loving it, but he's faced with his dependency issues. Hot or not? Is there a way to make it better?

Tl;dr Guy is in a miserable relationship with great sex. If it's too depressing, can/should I post it?

 

[Rob_Royale]

It would never occur to me to post something that did not have an ending that is satisfying for the main character. My stories lean toward a happy ending and readers seem to approve.

Everything you've got there sounds great, but how do you plan to wrap it up? If he just soldiers on, I'd expect low scores. If he finds a way to improve his situation and smile at the end, readers will be appreciative.

 

[Rexxxist]

It would never occur to me to post something that did not have an ending that is satisfying for the main character. My stories lean toward a happy ending and readers seem to approve.

Everything you've got there sounds great, but how do you plan to wrap it up? If he just soldiers on, I'd expect low scores. If he finds a way to improve his situation and smile at the end, readers will be appreciative.

That's a good question. I'm not sure what kind of ending would feel right. I guess I'd go with something unsatisfying for the sake of art. A cliffhanger, but one where you can imagine your own ending. Do things change? Does he confront her? There's a good number of challenges to this piece for me, so it's all still loose. Really, though, I can't really think of a happy ending. What would you suggest?

 

[Rob_Royale]

Doing things for the sake of art is for other mediums. In my opinion. In writing, especially here, you want people to want to read your next one. An unsatisfying ending is the perfect way to make sure no one reads your next story.

What would I do? I would have another woman see how poorly he's been treated and give him an alternative. Someone they both know.

I do mostly MILF stories of one form or another, so it could be her mother! Or her best friend.

 

[Britva415]

You'd have to make the sex hella good. Like, good enough that other people besides just the doom fetishists can enjoy it.

That's what makes the story erotic, right? The sex being so goddamn good that the guy will eat any shit to maintain access to it?

So that's the mission for the writer to achieve. That's how good the sex writing would have to be. If you half-ass or handwave that, I don't think there would be much of an audience for it.