Just curious about how many married women turned sub during or after affair?

[Islander55]

If the husband is unaware, its just the woman.
Difficult to find a Sub couple

I would expect so. I would assume that with a couple one is a Dom or at least a switch unless it is just one of them and their partner does not know. I wonder how many women are subs without their husband knowing.

 

[Yarglenurp]

I would expect so. I would assume that with a couple one is a Dom or at least a switch unless it is just one of them and their partner does not know. I wonder how many women are subs without their husband knowing.

Probably not many assuming that (1) the marriage is a healthy one where the partners don’t fear talking with each other and (2) the woman knows she’s a sub. Of course, neither of those assumptions are safe ones. However, in marriages of people 20-40, I’m assuming that there’s generally recognition that kink exists and that there’s nothing wrong or weird with having one.

 

[Islander55]

Probably not many assuming that (1) the marriage is a healthy one where the partners don’t fear talking with each other and (2) the woman knows she’s a sub. Of course, neither of those assumptions are safe ones. However, in marriages of people 20-40, I’m assuming that there’s generally recognition that kink exists and that there’s nothing wrong or weird with having one.

As you say, number 1 is a big assumption. That is the ideal but I don't think that is true in many marriages.

 

[Yarglenurp]

As you say, number 1 is a big assumption. That is the ideal but I don't think that is true in many marriages.

And damn that’s a sad statement on marriages.

I choose to be optimistic though and think that healthy communication exists in most marriages, but that happy people don’t announce that their marriages don’t have problems. It’s when there is a problem that a person might complain, and by the nature of them seeking help, the public discourse is shifted.

For example, if a guy told me, “I love my wife and trust her,” I’m not going to say “oh, you should go see a couples therapist.” Honestly, I would think he’s weird for announcing something I’d have assumed to be true. Whereas if he said, “I don’t trust my wife and don’t think I can talk to her,” I might suggest a therapist.

 

[Islander55]

And damn that’s a sad statement on marriages.

I choose to be optimistic though and think that healthy communication exists in most marriages, but that happy people don’t announce that their marriages don’t have problems. It’s when there is a problem that a person might complain, and by the nature of them seeking help, the public discourse is shifted.

For example, if a guy told me, “I love my wife and trust her,” I’m not going to say “oh, you should go see a couples therapist.” Honestly, I would think he’s weird for announcing something I’d have assumed to be true. Whereas if he said, “I don’t trust my wife and don’t think I can talk to her,” I might suggest a therapist.

I suspect that a lot of marital problems stem from a lack of communication and not just about sex.

 

[Bunnyseason]

Hmmm this is an interesting thought, now that you’ve brought it up….

Me personally? I’ve always been submissive. Always known what I am too. But part of my nature is to serve and take care of others…which led me to two rather docile partners. They needed me and I need to be needed. I was the de facto boss of both relationships. But never because I wanted to be, but because I had to be.

I also have a very high-pressure, professional career and have a lot of people that count on me each day. And I’m really damn good at it too. But not because I enjoy being a rule-enforcing, calculating bitch. But because I ultimately have such a strong sense of duty and dedication to my field and my patients. Which at the core, is my submission and need to please and take care of others.

I think at least in my case, I’ve always known my nature. And when you’re otherwise happy with your station outside of just wanting to shut the fuck up and take orders for once instead of always being the one to give them, it’s easy to compartmentalize. Since most of us are self-sacrificing at the core, we aren’t not be willing to jeopardize what we have built in our normal lives, so we seek out lovers who can provide what we crave as a reprieve from the daily monotony.

 

[Luv2bnaked4u]

I had an affair with a sales rep that visited my work. He flirted with me and flirted back. Then one time I ended up in his hotel room. The sex was awesome!
Over the course of many getaways which covered many months he slowly became dominant. And I gladly participated.
At first it was just raw sex. He was always in control and I liked that. Then he would have me do little things, he made our love making go on for over a hour or so. Bringing me to the edge of climax then backing down. I was sooo ready, I would do anything for him.


A

 

[Yarglenurp]

Hmmm this is an interesting thought, now that you’ve brought it up….

Me personally? I’ve always been submissive. Always known what I am too. But part of my nature is to serve and take care of others…which led me to two rather docile partners. They needed me and I need to be needed. I was the de facto boss of both relationships. But never because I wanted to be, but because I had to be.

I also have a very high-pressure, professional career and have a lot of people that count on me each day. And I’m really damn good at it too. But not because I enjoy being a rule-enforcing, calculating bitch. But because I ultimately have such a strong sense of duty and dedication to my field and my patients. Which at the core, is my submission and need to please and take care of others.

I think at least in my case, I’ve always known my nature. And when you’re otherwise happy with your station outside of just wanting to shut the fuck up and take orders for once instead of always being the one to give them, it’s easy to compartmentalize. Since most of us are self-sacrificing at the core, we aren’t not be willing to jeopardize what we have built in our normal lives, so we seek out lovers who can provide what we crave as a reprieve from the daily monotony.

lol, you are describing a lot of my life. Get out of my head.

But no, it seriously resonates with me about how I feel like I have to be in charge, not because I want to, but because I know I’m the only one who can get shit done.

The only advantage age has brought is the knowledge that sometimes, it’s ok to let shit get fucked up. If I don’t have to deal with the mess, it’s not my problem.

 

[Polranny]

Hmmm this is an interesting thought, now that you’ve brought it up….

Me personally? I’ve always been submissive. Always known what I am too. But part of my nature is to serve and take care of others…which led me to two rather docile partners. They needed me and I need to be needed. I was the de facto boss of both relationships. But never because I wanted to be, but because I had to be.

I also have a very high-pressure, professional career and have a lot of people that count on me each day. And I’m really damn good at it too. But not because I enjoy being a rule-enforcing, calculating bitch. But because I ultimately have such a strong sense of duty and dedication to my field and my patients. Which at the core, is my submission and need to please and take care of others.

I think at least in my case, I’ve always known my nature. And when you’re otherwise happy with your station outside of just wanting to shut the fuck up and take orders for once instead of always being the one to give them, it’s easy to compartmentalize. Since most of us are self-sacrificing at the core, we aren’t not be willing to jeopardize what we have built in our normal lives, so we seek out lovers who can provide what we crave as a reprieve from the daily monotony.

I think you have got it in one, very perceptive

 

[Bigboobbabe]

Me! Me! Me!

I met my Master on this site.
After a few months of chatting and him beginning to control me, I went to a hotel to meet him.

He was fresh from the shower in a robe.

Ordered me to strip and get on my knees.

3 hours later, I had fully submitted.

He is my best friend!

 

[Yarglenurp]

Me! Me! Me!

I met my Master on this site.
After a few months of chatting and him beginning to control me, I went to a hotel to meet him.

He was fresh from the shower in a robe.

Ordered me to strip and get on my knees.

3 hours later, I had fully submitted.

He is my best friend!

Wait, this is in the context of an affair as a married woman, or just as the start of a new relationship?

 

[Bigboobbabe]

We were both married. It was the affair.

 

[Yarglenurp]

We were both married. It was the affair.

wow… did both of you being married increase the erotic tension because it was doubly forbidden? What kind of things did he do to you to make you “fully submit?”

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I married young. 34 yrs, one cock.

I cheated with a younger guy
Master was the third cock I enjoyed and I was 55.

He has been a Dom for years.

I was tied to bed posts and blindfolded. He was edging me.

Then he went balls deep while I didn't know.

My orgasm, moan, and shootout were so intense, I was waiting for security.

 

[tallman60a]

I suspect that a lot of marital problems stem from a lack of communication and not just about sex.

Good sex is fostered by communication, particularly heartfelt and open communication. And lack of communication kills sex. So yeah, it's most often not really about sex, even though that's how it manifests.

 

[Islander55]

Good sex is fostered by communication, particularly heartfelt and open communication. And lack of communication kills sex. So yeah, it's most often not really about sex, even though that's how it manifests.

I agree. Too many couples do not communicate well and it often reflects in their sex life even though sex is not the real problem.

 

[doctorukwife]

Good sex is fostered by communication, particularly heartfelt and open communication. And lack of communication kills sex. So yeah, it's most often not really about sex, even though that's how it manifests.

That's very deep. I am totally agree. But sometimes it's hard to communicate such things due to cultural aspects. Also you can not exactly tell your husband what exactly you want him to do. Rather spontaneity is big aspect of this.

 

[Roughscrewu]

I would expect so. I would assume that with a couple one is a Dom or at least a switch unless it is just one of them and their partner does not know. I wonder how many women are subs without their husband knowing.

I've found that some wives don't like to show their Submissive side too their husbands .

 

[Yarglenurp]

That's very deep. I am totally agree. But sometimes it's hard to communicate such things due to cultural aspects. Also you can not exactly tell your husband what exactly you want him to do. Rather spontaneity is big aspect of this.

So… I have to disagree with both parts of this. I firmly believe that a freely chosen romantic bond between two people should prevail over one-sided attachments like culture, religion, etc. A culture cannot love you back, it just takes and demands obedience. If culture is inhibiting free communication between husband and wife, then culture needs to take a back seat ASAP.

I also think that it is critically important to tell my partner what I want and how I want it. Because it’s not really fair for them to guess at what I like and don’t like. If someone wants to makes me a delicious meal, and they’re still trying to learn how to cook, I don’t think it’s fair to say “figure it out and then make me a five course dinner.” Everyone starts from a place of inexperience and, if given the chance, get better with practice. Good spontaneity does not come like magic, but from years of experience.

 

[KatieDoes]

I think that a lot of women/wives/moms end up managing everything at home. Not just doing most of the labor involved in running the household, but being the default project manager for every fucking thing. Parenting kids, parenting a manbaby husband, keeping track of everyone and everything for everyone. Add in a demanding job, and you end up never ever getting to turn off and just…. Be.

So an affair partner who makes decisions, takes charge, and lets you just exist and feel safe and cared for is pretty intoxicating. Being able to turn my brain off and just obey allowed me to let go enough for some rocking orgasms.


**Disclaimer**

I’m good. Don’t creep into my inbox offering to ‘dominate’ me. I don’t submit to random dumbasses.

 

[dkak001]

So… I have to disagree with both parts of this. I firmly believe that a freely chosen romantic bond between two people should prevail over one-sided attachments like culture, religion, etc. A culture cannot love you back, it just takes and demands obedience. If culture is inhibiting free communication between husband and wife, then culture needs to take a back seat ASAP.

Yes, you would hope so. But it can be very hard for some people to let go of what culture or religion taught them. Some things are extremely ingrained, and often that starts very early. If you are taught something is 'wrong' your whole life, undoing that is not easy. Then there's the whole 'tribe' mentality, where you conform for the good of others in your group.

I agree that it needs to take a back seat, but often that is WAY easier said than done.

 

[Yarglenurp]

Yes, you would hope so. But it can be very hard for some people to let go of what culture or religion taught them. Some things are extremely ingrained, and often that starts very early. If you are taught something is 'wrong' your whole life, undoing that is not easy. Then there's the whole 'tribe' mentality, where you conform for the good of others in your group.

I agree that it needs to take a back seat, but often that is WAY easier said than done.

I agree with you, about the difficulty. However, I think that’s part of what it means to be a fully actualized man or woman. Eventually, we must free ourselves from out past and judge our beliefs on their own merits, instead of just what culture, tradition, and history demand. Otherwise, we’re never fully human, just cattle that can talk.

 

[DoctorC]

My wife and I figured out our expression of D/s in the early 2000's, and that was mind expanding at the time. Both of us have regular online experiences and this has proven to be a teacher as well. I don't really feel these extramarital experiences have made my wife more submissive nor me more dominant. I do, however, feel these extramarital experiences brought to light what was already there. Practicing BDSM is an exercise in "know thyself"

 

[Islander55]

That's very deep. I am totally agree. But sometimes it's hard to communicate such things due to cultural aspects. Also you can not exactly tell your husband what exactly you want him to do. Rather spontaneity is big aspect of this.

I agree that it may be tough to communicate your desires especially for younger couples.

 

[Islander55]

I've found that some wives don't like to show their Submissive side too their husbands .

You are probably right about that.