Just one Line.

[yowser]

I had known for over half a year that Hector Ramos had been literally after my ass.

 

[MillieDynamite]

From my new Novella.

“Mha’néhe Hotóáso na Eše’he Ôhvo’komaestse,” Mankiller Woman says.

Straddling him, she pulls her knife and finds the hair at his crown. One quick jerk, the way her mother taught her to take a trophy from a fallen enemy. The man’s screams die in the rage of the thunder. She tucks the scalp into her belt beside the medicine bundle—not for display, but for the counting. For White Moon.

 

[NoTalentHack]

From a story I'm working on now, Joy, Real and Imagined:

So, I worked on the assumption that if there was anything to find, I’d find it on the laptop. That, or maybe in her emails, possibly as a result of a breadcrumb trail that led me from some random account verification email to a secret life lived on AshleyMadison or FetLife or InsatiableFerrets4U or whatever.

 

[anthrodisiac]

So, I worked on the assumption that if there was anything to find, I’d find it on the laptop. That, or maybe in her emails, possibly as a result of a breadcrumb trail that led me from some random account verification email to a secret life lived on AshleyMadison or FetLife or InsatiableFerrets4U or whatever.

Hey, don't knock InsatiableFerrets4U until you try it! Lanky-ass fuzzy anthros, ain't nothin' like 'em.

 

[sirhugs]

Hey, don't knock InsatiableFerrets4U until you try it! Lanky-ass fuzzy anthros, ain't nothin' like 'em.

why would we want to try a lanky ass?

 

[anthrodisiac]

why would we want to try a lanky ass?

I'm sorry, I can't even comprehend that sentence. You're saying someone... would NOT want to try a lanky ass?

.....nope, that combination of words just doesn't make any sense.

 

[sirhugs]

I'm sorry, I can't even comprehend that sentence. You're saying someone... would NOT want to try a lanky ass?

.....nope, that combination of words just doesn't make any sense.

Plump and luscious is the cuddles, and all the better for spanking

 

[anthrodisiac]

Plump and luscious is the cuddles, and all the better for spanking

Yeah, but a slinky anthro with a long body that is super flexible isn't at least piquing your interest? I thought most guys loved a contortionist

Ferret would be great with a snake actually, two long, sinuous bodies wrapped and contorted around each other...

Oh damn, more puddles to clean up.

 

[sirhugs]

Yeah, but a slinky anthro with a long body that is super flexible isn't at least piquing your interest? I thought most guys loved a contortionist

Ferret would be great with a snake actually, two long, sinuous bodies wrapped and contorted around each other...

Oh damn, more puddles to clean up.

sounds like a Story Idea...

 

[anthrodisiac]

sounds like a Story Idea...

Something like this miiiiight already be sitting in my drawer

 

[sirhugs]

Something like this miiiiight already be sitting in my drawer

nestling amongst the sexy lingerie?

 

[anthrodisiac]

nestling amongst the sexy lingerie?

I think actually next to one of my strap-ons. No, wait, uh... sorry, it's next an old bottle of lube in the back of my drawer that expired about 94 million years ago. Totally forgot I had that Probably still good though, right? I mean, does lube ever really go bad?

 

[sirhugs]

I think actually next to one of my strap-ons. No, wait, uh... sorry, it's next an old bottle of lube in the back of my drawer that expired about 94 million years ago. Totally forgot I had that Probably still good though, right? I mean, does lube ever really go bad?

"Lube gone bad"... coming soon to the Terrible PB thread near here...

 

[anthrodisiac]

"Lube gone bad"... coming soon to the Terrible PB thread near here...

Finding a bottle of 98-million-year-old lube does feel like the start to some horror story where the lube has evolved sentience and has just been waiting for someone to open the bottle, and the damn foolheaded scientists and their big ambitions are what allow it to wreck havoc.

 

[sirhugs]

Finding a bottle of 98-million-year-old lube does feel like the start to some horror story where the lube has evolved sentience and has just been waiting for someone to open the bottle, and the damn foolheaded scientists and their big ambitions are what allow it to wreck havoc.

are you saying that the idea isn't terrible enough to appease the Goddess of Dread?

 

[anthrodisiac]

are you saying that the idea isn't terrible enough to appease the Goddess of Dread?

No, it probably is. I might toss it in there. It's like D-grade Jurassic Park meets The Blob vibes.

 

[sirhugs]

No, it probably is. I might toss it in there. It's like D-grade Jurassic Park meets The Blob vibes.

Like a Mad Magzine parody, if Mad did smut...

 

[Emma_O]

First time stripper, lapdancing, at a bachelor party...

“His approving smile gave me a flicker of confidence I hadn't expected, and it began to feel more like desire, rather than just performance.”

This rookie writer wannabe, wouldn't mind your thoughts, good or bad.

 

[DTales]

In the latest in my Long Pull series, where futa make drinks out of their ejaculate. This one is set in Salt Lake City.

"We’ve done all sorts of things to each other, just to make some drinks? That WE are drinking? Gorging ourselves on caffeine and artifical sugar to blame our boners on those, rather than our obvious lust? We even trade places, from the domineering top to the quavering bottom, just so we can pretend this isn’t exactlyy what we want to do. This is the sort of loophole seeking that the same society that invented ‘soaking’ would bring us, isn’t it? Have you heard about the Lego consignment shop thing? And the actual cops and judges were somehow on the take? GOD, we suck in Utah.”

 

[Smuttyandfun]

First time stripper, lapdancing, at a bachelor party...

“His approving smile gave me a flicker of confidence I hadn't expected, and it began to feel more like desire, rather than just performance.”

This rookie writer wannabe, wouldn't mind your thoughts, good or bad.

Very nicely done!

 

[anthrodisiac]

First time stripper, lapdancing, at a bachelor party...

“His approving smile gave me a flicker of confidence I hadn't expected, and it began to feel more like desire, rather than just performance.”

This rookie writer wannabe, wouldn't mind your thoughts, good or bad.

Hard to really give anything substantive without knowing a lot of the other context around it: who the character is, the story vibe, narrative voice (which in this case would be the character), scene, the surrounding sentences, etc. Single lines in isolation are some of the hardest to give feedback on beyond just if it's good or not.

That said, it has a nice flow to it, it's well constructed, and the thought is clear and coherent, while providing insight into the character's feelings in that moment. It feels like a solid emotional/plot pivot point where she's probably a bit nervous, this being her first time and all, and this likely serves as an impetus to help her make the performance more lively, passionate.

The bit about "began to feel more like desire," could refer to her feeling like she wants to do it, or is doing it for him out of some sexual compatibility, rather than a simple "someone is paying me to move my body and show off my bits." Those two things are slightly different, but the context surrounding it likely clarifies which one it is, because while the difference between the two is somewhat subtle, it is important and will inform the scene.

It reads like it can from someone with some writing experience, or at least some understand of how to write, rather than a purely amateurish tone and construction. It's possible it might be telling a bit much with the inclusion of "I hadn't expected" depending on the surrounding context, and I'd probably consider seeing if you need it, or if the surrounding prose doesn't have the context needed to convey that she wasn't expecting to have confidence. If that's the case, you should probably look at expanding that feeling of nervousness and lack of confidence, probably overthinking things and focusing too much on the movements and feeling self-conscious about that, which would then make "I hadn't expected" potentially redundant. But this is just nitpicking and trying to give you things to think about based on what little there is here to analyze.

"His approving smile gave me a flicker of confidence, and it began to feel more like desire, rather than just performance."

There's also the option to contrast more, give it a little symmetry, so you have "more desire" and "less like" performance, which gives a nice balance of "more/less":

"His approving smile gave me a flicker of confidence, and it began to feel more like desire, and less like performance."

These are just options and things to think about though, not necessarily better or worse than what you have, because it would depend on voice, vibe, and what you're telling to tell the reader on a more subconscious level with your word choice and construction.

And I said it would be hard to give anything substantive

Which to be fair, this isn't nearly as substantive or specifically useful to the story at large because, like I said, missing that additional context makes it hard to evaluate. But these are more things you could take a look at it and see how you feel about them, or to at least give you some frameworks with which to view and evaluate the sentence on your own.

 

[Emma_O]

Hard to really give anything substantive without knowing a lot of the other context around it: who the character is, the story vibe, narrative voice (which in this case would be the character), scene, the surrounding sentences, etc. Single lines in isolation are some of the hardest to give feedback on beyond just if it's good or not.

That said, it has a nice flow to it, it's well constructed, and the thought is clear and coherent, while providing insight into the character's feelings in that moment. It feels like a solid emotional/plot pivot point where she's probably a bit nervous, this being her first time and all, and this likely serves as an impetus to help her make the performance more lively, passionate.

The bit about "began to feel more like desire," could refer to her feeling like she wants to do it, or is doing it for him out of some sexual compatibility, rather than a simple "someone is paying me to move my body and show off my bits." Those two things are slightly different, but the context surrounding it likely clarifies which one it is, because while the difference between the two is somewhat subtle, it is important and will inform the scene.

It reads like it can from someone with some writing experience, or at least some understand of how to write, rather than a purely amateurish tone and construction. It's possible it might be telling a bit much with the inclusion of "I hadn't expected" depending on the surrounding context, and I'd probably consider seeing if you need it, or if the surrounding prose doesn't have the context needed to convey that she wasn't expecting to have confidence. If that's the case, you should probably look at expanding that feeling of nervousness and lack of confidence, probably overthinking things and focusing too much on the movements and feeling self-conscious about that, which would then make "I hadn't expected" potentially redundant. But this is just nitpicking and trying to give you things to think about based on what little there is here to analyze.

"His approving smile gave me a flicker of confidence, and it began to feel more like desire, rather than just performance."

There's also the option to contrast more, give it a little symmetry, so you have "more desire" and "less like" performance, which gives a nice balance of "more/less":

"His approving smile gave me a flicker of confidence, and it began to feel more like desire, and less like performance."

These are just options and things to think about though, not necessarily better or worse than what you have, because it would depend on voice, vibe, and what you're telling to tell the reader on a more subconscious level with your word choice and construction.

And I said it would be hard to give anything substantive

Which to be fair, this isn't nearly as substantive or specifically useful to the story at large because, like I said, missing that additional context makes it hard to evaluate. But these are more things you could take a look at it and see how you feel about them, or to at least give you some frameworks with which to view and evaluate the sentence on your own.

Thank you! Thank you for your time. Valuable insights on adjustments to be made.

 

[ChuckWolf]

This is for a story that may not be publishable because of Lit's no religion rule.

Televangelist, Holly Hallelujah, tearfully addresses her flock and worldwide audience.

"In my past, I have committed MANY sins, sins that were immoral, illicit and even interracial..."

 

[anthrodisiac]

From the shockingly-not-up-for-an-Oscar in-universe film Hurricane Force 11 in my WIP Slippery When Wet. This is right after the brave German shepherd sacrifices himself by detonating CERN's secret anti-matter bomb in the middle of a category-11 hypercane to stop is from destroying 'Murica, the general consoles the hero's wife:

“I’m sorry, Merry. Pippin was the best of us. He stopped those terrorists when they unleashed the last few hurricanes. But luck, well, luck can be your lady, but eventually, every lady will run out on you. Just as my ex-wife… But don’t you worry, miss, he’s with God now.”

 

[yowser]

I always liked the very idea embodied by the word “promiscuous,” even more the sound when someone spoke it, but not until college was I able to become a practitioner.