Key to Getting a Woman! ...I think?

[crazyboy2006]

Okay, so I heard that women like men who make them feel good about themselves. Is this the key to getting a woman?

So.... after reading books about pick-up artists, body language, and being an alpha-male, is the key really not to be a douche afterall?

The last time I posted on these forums, I didn't have a gf and I still don't... That really blows. I've been told that I'm that guy that's "the good friend." I've been told that I'm hilarious and that I'm very easy to talk to.

...but I made the mistake of going for a girl who had a bf and that did NOT turn out well at all. I ended up just having to tell her that we couldn't hang out anymore because I had made a mistake. Lesson learned.

But anyway, all that is off-topic!

 

[LaRocha]

cool story bro

 

[crazyboy2006]

Glad you enjoyed it.

 

[SweetErika]

The key to getting women is being likable. And, yes, that includes being a quality person who makes her feel good about herself, not seeming creepy or desperate, being intelligent and interesting, having a good sense of humor, putting effort into yourself, etc.

It sounds like you might be going for the wrong type of woman, trying too hard and perhaps not being assertive enough (thus landing you in the "friend zone"). If any of those things ring true, I'd suggest trying to figure out why and fixing it. For instance, if you tend to go after a certain type of woman, give other types a fair shot.

 

[darkbeast]

Truth is... be yourself, but to do that you have to know who you are. If you are 'faking it' with some girl, she may not be able to put her finger on it, but she will know something isn't right and keep you at arms distance.

You have to be confident in who you are so you don't end up with a woman who just walks all over you (unless that is what you want but that should be discussed before hand with safety words and all).

Being a 'nice guy' won't get you a woman. The world is filled with 'nice guys' and most 'nice guys' are creeps who think a woman should give it up to them because he held her purse while they went shopping. Believe me, I used to be that guy. It is creepy behavior and at the very most will get you a pity fuck but not a girlfriend.

Guys have it a bit easier than women since 80% of them find 80% of us attractive while it seems 80% of men find only 20% of women attractive... which brings us to the next point... check your standards. I've learned the hard way that a woman with a killer personality is way hotter in the long run than a woman with just a killer body. Bodies change, personalities rarely do. Now I'm not saying 'any woman will do'. I'm just saying to check your standards and make sure you aren't passing over opportunities because you have other hangups over body types, hair color, ethnicity, etc.

I guess if there is truth in the statement hunger is the best seasoning, then horniness is the best equalizer.

So... be yourself, don't be a doormat, look for all opportunities.

 

[Chicago Ken]

First, there are some things that you just can't learn from books. If you want to get better at talking to/hitting on girls, you have to actually go out there and do it. Don't be afraid to fail because every time you do, you'll at least have something to think about and get some experience for the future.

Second, spending time poring over the latest issue of Maxim and thinking that there's a certain way you have to act to impress women is going to have you doing just that: acting. The problem with acting for most guys is that they're damn transparent doing it. Instead of acting, just be yourself. You don't want to look too desparate or too needy or too clingy, but you also don't want to have to put on a facade every time you hang out with a chick you call your girlfriend.

Third, don't be too obsessed about finding "a girlfriend". If you get to a point where you're happy with the direction of your life, the girls will find you. That's not a cliche. If you set and accomplish challenging, but attainable goals in other areas of your life, your confidence will grow. If you have a lot of confidence in yourself, it will radiate from you with everything you do, including talking to and dating girls. This radiating confidence is more important than how many days you wait to call a girl or whether your compliment her new haircut.

So, pick up a sport over the summer or lose weight or take a class or write a book or start a small business. Set goals, achieve goals, get balls, repeat. Don't focus on getting a woman, focus on becoming the man who women want to get. After that, everything else falls into place.

 

[darkbeast]

Don't focus on getting a woman, focus on becoming the man who women want to get. After that, everything else falls into place.

I actually think that is the only advice you need.

 

[infinity706]

Truth is... be yourself, but to do that you have to know who you are. If you are 'faking it' with some girl, she may not be able to put her finger on it, but she will know something isn't right and keep you at arms distance.

You have to be confident in who you are so you don't end up with a woman who just walks all over you (unless that is what you want but that should be discussed before hand with safety words and all).

Being a 'nice guy' won't get you a woman. The world is filled with 'nice guys' and most 'nice guys' are creeps who think a woman should give it up to them because he held her purse while they went shopping. Believe me, I used to be that guy. It is creepy behavior and at the very most will get you a pity fuck but not a girlfriend.

Guys have it a bit easier than women since 80% of them find 80% of us attractive while it seems 80% of men find only 20% of women attractive... which brings us to the next point... check your standards. I've learned the hard way that a woman with a killer personality is way hotter in the long run than a woman with just a killer body. Bodies change, personalities rarely do. Now I'm not saying 'any woman will do'. I'm just saying to check your standards and make sure you aren't passing over opportunities because you have other hangups over body types, hair color, ethnicity, etc.

I guess if there is truth in the statement hunger is the best seasoning, then horniness is the best equalizer.

So... be yourself, don't be a doormat, look for all opportunities.

Hey, now, I'm one of those "nice guys" and I've fucked more women (and men) than most guys ever will. I don't exactly get pity fucked, either. I get references for the quality of sex that I offer as well as my "niceness." Of course, I haven't gotten any girlfriends out of it, but that's not really a high priority, being polyamoruous. My actual turnover rate for long term partners is almost nonexistant, though, since my partners and I don't rely on one another exclusively. Since I can have double digits of long term partners at once, I'm actually going to rack up far more years of LTR success than a couple married for 50 years. If you add them all together, I'll hit 50 years of experience within the next 2 years. I do agree about the personality thing, though.

Oh, and as for being nice, part of winning women over is being a good friend. If she can talk to you about anything and rely on you to have her back, that tends to win you a hell of a lot of points. Things like holding her purse for her when she goes shopping, though, aren't really that helpful unless she gets to the point of realizing that you're not just doing it to get into her pants.

 

[darkbeast]

Hey, now, I'm one of those "nice guys" and I've fucked more women (and men) than most guys ever will.

Wait, so you are saying that you let people treat you like a doormat in hopes they give you sex? Because that is what I said in terms of 'nice guy'.

Being nice is a given trait... you want to be part of society and have people like you, be nice. If 'niceness' is the only thing you are bringing to the table, you chances of it turning out sexual are slim. You may have a perfect formula of nice, but I think if you are having success, you are offering more than being a doormat.

I'm really referencing essays like this:
http://themodernsavage.com/2007/07/31/why-the-ode-to-the-nice-guys-is-complete-crap/

 

[Up4FunTonite]

Better take advise from the lady.

 

[infinity706]

Well, very few people have ever described me as a doormat. I just go a bit further than most to reward people that have been good to me. Of course, that doesn't always mean doing what the person wants, but what they really need. If that means I'm going to piss the person off, then so be it.

 

[fuckmeat]

Hi crazyboy

I think one of the troubles nice guys can have is that they try getting to know a girl before they feel confident enough to ask her out. The more assertive, alpha types will ask a girl out based on her looks and then hope that they connect on a deeper level when they spend time alone together. It's a shallow way of operating and requires a rhino-hide when it comes to knockbacks but what it does mean, is that you never get stuck in the friend zone.

Now, I'm not suggesting you should act like a shallow, lecherous douche. What I mean to say is that nice guys are often so shy of letting their real feelings show that women simply don't pick up on them. They mistakenly think that friendship is all you want from them. If you start holding her purse on shopping trips and acting like an honorary girlfriend, you head straight to the friend zone without passing 'Go' or collecting a date. Girls have plenty of girlfriends, so acting like one will usually avail you nothing... except possibly, for her to wonder if you're actually gay.

A real turn off in nice guys is neediness and/or desperation. If a girl gets the notion that a guy just wants a girlfriend and that he's so desperate that pretty much anyone with a pulse and two X chromosomes will do, it's the hugest turn off. Some young guys are so desperate to find a gf that they gaze puppy-dog-eyed at anything in a skirt and that's as unattractive to women as whooping, hollering and whistling like an asshole.

Women are just people. They have as many insecurities and hang-ups as any guy and usually, they have the same desire for companionship and intimacy. If you treat women as incomprehensible alien life forms or unattainable goddesses, that is what they will become for you. You need to remind yourself that a girl is just a girl and that there are lots of them. The less needy, desperate and over-awed you are, the more attractive it will make you.

Also, have a think about your body language. I'm not saying you should start swaggering around like an asshole but sometimes shy people have closed body language. It can give the impression that they don't want to socialise and can make people seem aloof rather than shy. Do you have trouble with eye contact with girls or with chatting comfortably? If so, practise on girls you will only spend a few minutes with, who are being paid to be nice and polite to you; store clerks, bank tellers, bar staff, people you see frequently like that. Make a point of initiating a brief chat. You can talk about the weather, ask her how she is that day, enquire about something just to get her talking, like a storecard or whatever. You have the confidence of knowing she'll be nice to you and knowing you'll be able to thank her, say goodbye and leave inside of just a few minutes.

Then work on initiating little chats with women who aren't duty-bound to be nice to you. Think about appearing amiable and approachable rather than furtive and awkward (not saying you do, but you see what I mean), hold eye contact for a moment if a girl looks at you, smile. Not a psycho-killer grin, just the kind of small, welcoming smile you'd give a little old lady. The happier and more content you are, or appear to be, the more attractive it makes you.

Damn, I am writing an essay here! I hope you see what I mean here. I don't know you. If any of this rambling post is relevant or helpful, then that's just great.

I'm gonna stop typing now.



Honest

 

[sallythescorpian]

I think you need a delicate balancing act. Women are attracted to confident guys, guys who are sure of themselves, but not arrogant. Women appreciate consideration, manners and all that too, but that is secondary to confident bit.

Women want the guy that all the other women want, so if you come across as being too eager to please, then the attraction dissapates a little, and women lose interest.

What I'm trying to say, is that I agree with Fuckmeat in that you need to avoid being too nice and friendly, as women will, at best think of you forever as a friend, or will assume you are gay. You need to be confident / pushy/ determined enough to get the date, and then you can show her what a nice guy you are, while still oozing confidence.

We all know plenty of arrogant assholes who have strings of dates, and the nices guys who never get any, but the key is that the arrogant guys get the dates, but cant keep them, and the nice guys just dont get them in the first place.

It might be an idea to take some time and have a good look at yourself - write out all your good qualities, all the nice things about your appearance etc, and remind youself of those!! Remind yourself of what a catch you are, and how lucky some girl is gonna be to get you! Then go get her!

Oh, and by the way, being funny and easy to talk to are great qualities!! It means when you bring her out she'll enjoy herself, and want to go out with you again. Try to avoid girls who are already in a relationship - firstly you making an uphill battle for yourself, and secondly she either break up with him, in which case youre the rebound guy (or worse, maybe she 'll go back with him) or she's gonna cheat on him, and if she's happy to cheat, where will that leave you in six months time?!

Good luck!

 

[Lady Reiha]

I like it up the butt.

 

[infinity706]

Hi crazyboy

I think one of the troubles nice guys can have is that they try getting to know a girl before they feel confident enough to ask her out. The more assertive, alpha types will ask a girl out based on her looks and then hope that they connect on a deeper level when they spend time alone together. It's a shallow way of operating and requires a rhino-hide when it comes to knockbacks but what it does mean, is that you never get stuck in the friend zone.

Now, I'm not suggesting you should act like a shallow, lecherous douche. What I mean to say is that nice guys are often so shy of letting their real feelings show that women simply don't pick up on them. They mistakenly think that friendship is all you want from them. If you start holding her purse on shopping trips and acting like an honorary girlfriend, you head straight to the friend zone without passing 'Go' or collecting a date. Girls have plenty of girlfriends, so acting like one will usually avail you nothing... except possibly, for her to wonder if you're actually gay.

A real turn off in nice guys is neediness and/or desperation. If a girl gets the notion that a guy just wants a girlfriend and that he's so desperate that pretty much anyone with a pulse and two X chromosomes will do, it's the hugest turn off. Some young guys are so desperate to find a gf that they gaze puppy-dog-eyed at anything in a skirt and that's as unattractive to women as whooping, hollering and whistling like an asshole.

Women are just people. They have as many insecurities and hang-ups as any guy and usually, they have the same desire for companionship and intimacy. If you treat women as incomprehensible alien life forms or unattainable goddesses, that is what they will become for you. You need to remind yourself that a girl is just a girl and that there are lots of them. The less needy, desperate and over-awed you are, the more attractive it will make you.

Also, have a think about your body language. I'm not saying you should start swaggering around like an asshole but sometimes shy people have closed body language. It can give the impression that they don't want to socialise and can make people seem aloof rather than shy. Do you have trouble with eye contact with girls or with chatting comfortably? If so, practise on girls you will only spend a few minutes with, who are being paid to be nice and polite to you; store clerks, bank tellers, bar staff, people you see frequently like that. Make a point of initiating a brief chat. You can talk about the weather, ask her how she is that day, enquire about something just to get her talking, like a storecard or whatever. You have the confidence of knowing she'll be nice to you and knowing you'll be able to thank her, say goodbye and leave inside of just a few minutes.

Then work on initiating little chats with women who aren't duty-bound to be nice to you. Think about appearing amiable and approachable rather than furtive and awkward (not saying you do, but you see what I mean), hold eye contact for a moment if a girl looks at you, smile. Not a psycho-killer grin, just the kind of small, welcoming smile you'd give a little old lady. The happier and more content you are, or appear to be, the more attractive it makes you.

Damn, I am writing an essay here! I hope you see what I mean here. I don't know you. If any of this rambling post is relevant or helpful, then that's just great.

I'm gonna stop typing now.



Honest

Yes, but there's lots of women that wondered if I was gay. Quite a few of them were very pleased by the whole bi thing, considering they were, for the most part, closet bisexuals themselves. There's a ton of women out there that would like to watch a guys suck cock and get fucked in the ass. It also tends to score quite a few points toward getting her to bring home another woman, when two guys is also a good possiblity. It also tends to help her open up to anal if your own ass is fair game.

Being a girlfriend to her is also quite popular if she's fucking you anyway. Women do have girlfriends for a reason, afterall. They do tend to like guys that will treat them like an equal and not get intimidated if she can fix a car better than you can. Women also like the whole girltalk thing where they can talk to you about anything. Being the guy she can discuss her period, her other girlfriends, her insecurities, and anything else she likes discussing is a big plus. Of course, if you like guys, she'll certainly be more comfortable discussing that guy in the checkout line with the nice ass and she'll probably even discreetly point him out to you. She'll probably also be a lot more understanding when you point out women (or guys) to her. Yes, believe it or not, gay guys are chick magnets. It's even more awesome when they can find the one that lusts after them as well, though.

 

[crazyboy2006]

I appreciate the responses, guys. I read each and every one.

All of this is just too complicated. Today, I was doing some "mandatory" volunteer work for school, and I was with two of my classmates. Both being guys who can easily pick up chicks, I had a good talk with them.

Actually, one of the other guys brought it up. He asked how my "crush" was going with that girl I was talking about. I told him that I had to cut that shit short because of the mistake I had made. He looked at me like I was crazy... and then proceeded to tell me that he would have at least fucked her first...

So, then after talking with them for about an hour about different problems, I have come to the conclusion that this shit is just so confusing... haha They both told me to just go for getting laid at this point and see if anything happens from there....

They pointed out several girls to go for in class (because our class is together for four total years, because we're a program not just undergrad core classes). And looking at it from the standpoint that I wouldn't be committed, yeah the girls seems attractive.

So... go for a girl just to get laid... or go for a girl to be a potential "the one."

And let me just point out that it's MUCH easier to talk to the girls in class because I'm around them so much already... so they already know me pretty well. I could easily go talk to anyone of them for whatever reason.

I dont' know what to do... It's all very very complicated. I'm a normal guy... I'm not just some typical ugly loser who sits in his parent's basement. Why does this have to be so difficult?

 

[infinity706]

Honestly, I probably would have fucked that chick, too. I know a lot of the How To regulars disagree with me, but if she's ok with cheating on her boyfriend, you may as well have at least pounded her into the matress a time or two. She'll probably go after some other guy (or woman anyway), so you may as well give her some dick for the effort she put into it.

Now, as for getting laid or looking for the one, that really depends on how much time you're willing to wait to get fucked. Considering you do find "the one," it'll probably still take you quite a bit of time, probably even years.

 

[SweetErika]

I appreciate the responses, guys. I read each and every one.

All of this is just too complicated. Today, I was doing some "mandatory" volunteer work for school, and I was with two of my classmates. Both being guys who can easily pick up chicks, I had a good talk with them.

Actually, one of the other guys brought it up. He asked how my "crush" was going with that girl I was talking about. I told him that I had to cut that shit short because of the mistake I had made. He looked at me like I was crazy... and then proceeded to tell me that he would have at least fucked her first...

So, then after talking with them for about an hour about different problems, I have come to the conclusion that this shit is just so confusing... haha They both told me to just go for getting laid at this point and see if anything happens from there....

They pointed out several girls to go for in class (because our class is together for four total years, because we're a program not just undergrad core classes). And looking at it from the standpoint that I wouldn't be committed, yeah the girls seems attractive.

So... go for a girl just to get laid... or go for a girl to be a potential "the one."

And let me just point out that it's MUCH easier to talk to the girls in class because I'm around them so much already... so they already know me pretty well. I could easily go talk to anyone of them for whatever reason.

I dont' know what to do... It's all very very complicated. I'm a normal guy... I'm not just some typical ugly loser who sits in his parent's basement. Why does this have to be so difficult?

It sounds like you're making it far more complicated than it has to be.

You're in college; you should be having fun (whatever that is to you, whether it's having sex with a lot of people, dating a ton, or something else) and meeting people to find out what your ideal match may be. Stop worrying about whether you should fuck a lot of women or find "the one" (there probably is no such thing, BTW - we all have many great matches, and each one has its pros and cons) and start making a concerted effort to meet lots of different people who might fulfill your needs and help you learn about yourself. Talk to and go out with many different women. When you find one you think you're compatible with, try a relationship. If you're into one-nighters or whatever, try that when the opportunity presents itself.

Basically, relax and stop making it so difficult for yourself. If you stay on your current path, you're probably going to miss out on some great opportunities because you were busy lamenting how "complicated" everything was.

 

[crazyboy2006]

Infinity, do you mind if I see a picture of you? I just want to see who has this kind of confidence.

In all honesty, this girl would never sleep with me. All she does is play these head games with me... She complains about her boyfriend, but she loves him. She knows I like her, but she shows sensitivity when I joke with her only to not really care in the end and gets over it quickly. She's just wanting my attention, but she's not going to give me anything back. And I want something to precipitate from it. And yeah, me and her still talk. I hate being "that" friend.

 

[infinity706]

I actually used to have a picture in my signature until I was politely PMed and asked to remove it. (apparently, there are people out there that don't want to look at me naked 5 times a thread)

http://img215.imagevenue.com/loc1187/th_45572_me_122_1187lo.jpg

Honestly, that says nothing to convince me that you couldn't fuck her, though. I don't think she would dump her boyfriend for you or anything, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't spread her legs. I don't encourage cheating, but if they're going to do it anyway, I may as well make it good for them.

 

[Epmd607]

Most women can't tell the difference between arrogance and confidence until they've been with a guy for a while. The type of 'confidence' that will help you in a pick up a woman scenario is artificial, aka arrogance.

 

[irishwoody]

Don't rush it, most guys find opposite sex partners very straight forward - very often you will be sought !! If you try too hard you might not succeed, so relax - just be in a circle where you meet women - ie dont play playstation at home for endless hours - go out, join a club, mix and it will more likely than happen for you.

 

[crazyboy2006]

Well, I have awesome news! I was eating lunch with a friend of mine who is in the class above me, and he said that this girl he knows was coming to eat with us.

Well, I had never met this girl, and she turned out to be a stone cold fox. Your typical hot blonde... and I immediately thought "oh shit... this is about to be embarrassing."

(Wait: The friend that I was eating lunch with was more of an aquantance from school who I had asked advice from a time or two. And he turned out to be a cool guy and asked if I wanted to go grab something from the mall.)

So anyway, I didn't want to look like a loser in front of either of the two and I just tried as hard as I could to point my body in her direction (she was sitting next to me) and I tried to talk with overexaggerating hand gestures because that's a good way of not crossing them and showing that you're shut off from the world (I read that).

Well, at the end, the girl liked me so much that I joked with her and she hit me like people do when they're joking. And then she told me that she was having a party and asked if I wanted to come.

Pimpin' it. Haha jk

I still don't have a chance with this chick b/c she has a hot boyfriend, but hey, great start! Just got to keep trying...

 

[infinity706]

Yeah, believe it or not, I've been shot down more times than you probably will in your life. Just keep trying and you'll have plenty of women that are at least friends.

 

[fuckmeat]

That's really good news. I hope there are other girls around for you to practise chatting to before the party. If it's legal where you are, a couple of beers will loosen you up some too. Don't get drunk because you'll make a fool of yourself but just one or two drinks to take the edge off could really help you with your social inhibitions.